The weight of life may be the end to me the tension break me

[Never thirsty!]

I just quoted a line from an older Demon Hunter song that is ringing very true for me I have no reason to keep going nor do I have the will I'm about to break tried counseling no help I feel like no one needs me and everyone in my life takes me for granted I just got back from being a water boy at a football game because the doctor says I can't play I'm the only water boy I'm doing the best I can being the only one and 95% of the team towers over me so I can't see when water is needed so the coach yells at me because I can't be in 3 places at once physically impossible unless I'm naruto which I am not. It's just that I could be at home watching UFC but instead I spend my Friday night giving these players water and without me the team would be crap and they yell at me for something I can't do. If my best friend wasn't playing and if next week wasn't his last game I'd say"screw you I wanted to play so badly so I do the next best thing and your treat me like crap I'm one of the most vital components this team needs the eleven guys are worthless without me!" I try to help people but they never want my help I just want to help someone and they ignore me like I don't exist and I thrive on helping people as if God made me to help people I try to serve wherever I can but they "don't have anything for me to do" and they let the guy right behind me help them WHY?!!!?! If no one needs me or wants me here why do I still need to be here? Who would miss me if I just snapped my neck right now? Sorry if that sounded like a rant but I just poured out everything on my heart that's making me feel this way. Please I don't want to die but I can't take this weight on my shoulders it's extremely heavy and unbearable I don't know how to lift it I'm running out of stamina and the load is going to make me collapse please pray I find hope.Please don't tell me that what I have said is no reason to end myself that would just make me feel worse.

[AndrewinIce]

I offer this, humor and a little piece of advice. The advice really starts at 5;30

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_gBhbRmoXc

[Xeno]

You seriously need to take a step back and look at your situation. You're getting really worked up, and subsequently depressed, over something that really isn't that big of a deal. I get that to you it is a big deal, but in the grand scheme of things it is not, and you're taking a victims mentality because you feel that you're being either intentionally excluded or ignored. The truth is that you aren't and you have to understand the dynamics of the situation you're in. Firstly that you're being a water boy for a high school football team. Water boys are never considered to be important parts of the team (they're not even considered part of the "team"). You're getting yelled at by the coach because the coach is interacting with you in the same way he interacts with the players, by demanding things.

You're also getting upset that you're not being given other things to do, but it sounds like you've got enough on your plate providing water to the team, so it only makes sense that other people would be given tasks to complete instead of you. This is how proper delegation works, you don't overload assets, you spread work around to those who can handle it the best so there is a relatively equal load. You might end up with one person doing one job and another doing four, but the guy doing the one job typically is doing something more important than the four things that the other person is doing. You don't want to detract that major role, so you utilize other persons to complete other goals.

I understand that you're in high school, and you've got a really crappy home life, and being a teenager sucks. I've been there in some ways. I remember being in high school and hating it and myself and everything around me and just wishing it was over. I know what that is like; but that's high school, and high school sucks. You'll graduate and then either go to college or get a job and move on with your life and things change. Things aren't a complete 180, but they change and you begin to realize that all the high school drama and petty crap that goes on there doesn't mean anything. You grow up. Life becomes both easier and harder at the same time and if you adopt the perspective now of "none of this really matters", then you'll be a lot better off when you move on to the next stage of your life.

I've spent a large part of my life stressing about things. Minor details of numerous things, the actions of others and how they directly impact my work load, money constraints, the opinions of my peers and superiors, the opinions of complete strangers, trying to overload myself with as much job knowledge and skill as quickly as possible to get to the head of the pack, and I've finally given out. A couple weeks ago my body finally had enough and my hypertension, which has been an issue for a while, triggered what I thought was a heart attack. I had to be taken from work to the emergency room by ambulance. Luckily the doctors found that I was not having an issue with my heart, but my stress levels were so high that it was triggering physiological responses that are causing me pain. Since then, in the last few weeks, I've just given up on caring about most of those things I was stressed about. I still care about them some, because they're important, but I have to quit letting the actions and opinions of other people control my life.

Don't stress yourself into the same situation I got myself into, just chill out and let life happen. Bad times are just times that are bad and they'll pass.

[AndrewinIce]

Bad times are just times that are bad and they'll pass.

[anlptgtsg]

Living is hard. Problems are going to be around the next corner. Sometimes a specific problem will last for years. And it is not pleasant. But there will also be times when you will be happy. They do come together. . One good thing that comes from pain and sadness is that you can appreciate happiness more. Imagine being happy all the time. You most probably won't be able appreciate it and might find it boring. Feeling sad is okay and part of life. Someone told me a story, not sure if it or to prove a point but there is a sickness that you don't feel any physical pain, a guy can't feel any physical pain. Imagine if you can't feel any physical pain. What do you think it is good? Well this guy was in a machinery and one of his hand is caught in the gear of the machinery. And he even don't know it. Pain is good sometimes it can make us stronger. While it is not easy, we must handle it. How to handle it is the main problem. Maybe picture your life and write down all the good and bad things in life. See if good out weighs the bad.

You mentioned you have gone to the counselor and it didn't help but go back to a counselor. And ask questions that are bothering you and why you can't believe what the counselor is saying. Counseling is not a fast answer thing. It will take time for it to work. Don't give up on it. You really sound like in a all time low. And I assume it being seen when people talk to you. Try to find out the root of the problem and what solution you can do.

Forgiving is important. Well to be frank I found it very very hard to do this. But once you do forgive someone, it will take a huge load off of you. Probably when you see a person who have done you wrong, it will make you angry and ruin your day. I think it is normal. But once you totally forgive them, it most certainly not make you angry or ruin your day. But to be clear, let me give an example a thief broke into your house and injure you and escape. Time past and the thief got caught and you already forgiven him. That doesn't mean you will let him off the hook of the bad things he did. Let the authority handle it. And even if the thief is found not guilty, you won't feel as bad as when you have not forgiven him.

Will pray for you.

[ClaecElric4God]

I'll be praying for you, NT. I don't have any words of wisdom to offer that haven't already been said. The only thing I know to say is, turn to God. Don't just know He's there and be content with that. Actually get to know Him, and trust Him with your life. Because that is what will make all the difference. He can carry the weight that you can't. Trust me, I've been there. In times like these, He's really the only one who can fix things. I can't lay out a detailed explanation, it's just something you know when you really give God a chance to be a part of your life. But anyways, I'll be praying for you.

[seaglass27]

Please don't tell me that what I have said is no reason to end myself that would just make me feel worse.

So, you want me to confirm you in your idea that it's justifiable to kill yourself because you have a rough job on the local high school's football team? I suggest you get to your school counselor and tell him/her that you need psychiatric help. Honestly, if you deem this to be worth killing yourself over then you have some deep-seated issues that are going to ruin your life or cause you to end it. You need to get help, and soon.

[Never thirsty!]

That as well as the fact that I just got the crap beaten out of me at school for no reason, today I found out my
uncle who I barely knew is gone forever, and to finish the list I get bullied almost everywhere I go what I stated was the part that was about to throw me over the cliff litterally I'm seriously considering it but I have been praying and reading my bible more but I can't seem to find anything in life's handbook to help me

[goldenspines]

Clearly you are quite overwhelmed by, well, everything. Because of this, you might be having trouble to even know where to start and thus things keep piling up and up, higher and higher.
Something you can try is physically writing all the issues/problems you are facing down on a piece of paper (obviously, you have typed a lot of them out, but hand writing is different and a lot more helpful, I think), and write them out in list format.

[example]
(using examples you have given in this thread as issues you are facing)

1. Getting bullied by everyone wherever I go (any particulars here? Do people just hate me?)
2. My uncle who I barely knew passed away recently.
3. My father hitting me.
4....

etc. [/example]

Do that and then evaluate which ones you can deal with yourself and which ones you can't. Obviously, the trouble with your father you can't face on your own (since you tried already and got into a bigger mess, or so you infer), so try seeking help for it. That would be the most important issue. Separate the issues on your list by order of importance and priority. Then after you get the first one sorted with help, or at least to a place where you are no longer in danger, then you can see how the bullying can be dealt with. I suggest finding help for this one as well.

Don't try to take on all of these issues by yourself and certainly not all at once (as you seem to be doing right now). Writing them all down on a physical piece of paper may help you organize your thoughts and not feel as overwhelmed and panicked. Even if you don't think it will work, at least try it out, please.

I'll be praying.

[Never thirsty!]

Thanks goldenspines I will try that it's at least a little comforting to know I have people who will pray for me and don't act like everyone else who would say "Shut up, you just want my sympathy" when really I am hurting and I am trying to reach out I thank you for that. Also thanks forthe advice you gave to try to help me. It feels really weird not being able to listen to Demon Hunter because 50% of their music would only worsen my mood (ex. Collapsing, Carry Me Down, I Play Dead, incision, Dead flowers, Tie This Around Your Neck, Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck I'm just getting started Seriously do they think about the negative effect their songs can have on people?) I don't really have any uplifting music to listen to right now I feel like no music could make me feel better only worse. Sometimes I can treat people like they're horrible people for being in my prescence and they say "Aren't you a Christian Jesus told you to love others like yourself I go above and beyond that(my extremely low self-esteem probably isn't helping my being suicidal is it?

[Xeno]

Speaking towards the music you mentioned, music has different effects on different people. It is true that the majority of people understand certain kinds of music a "sad" or "happy" or what have you, but when you're in an emotional slump, listening to certain kinds of music will work for you one way whereas the same music will work completely differently for someone else. Music is just weird that way. If I were you I'd try to find something that doesn't contain lyrics. I personally find ambient, downtempo lounge, and even chillstep to be nice, but I don't know what you're into.

[Never thirsty!]

No longer having suicidal thoughts or emotions thanks for your prayers

[anlptgtsg]

I'm happy for you .