I don't get it

[Kala13]

Ok, here's the thing. There's a guy at school that I've known since kindergarten-13 years! We were even friends in elementary school. Well, the past couple years he's done something that kinda confuses me. When we're talking one-on-one, he'll call me by my name. But, when he's talking to someone else about me, he refers to me as "what's her name", "that girl", "her.":shady: How hard can it be to remember my name? We've known each other forever! What's his deal? Anyone know? I just don't get it.

[K. Ayato]

I can't say for sure why he would pass you off as a nobody, but I'm certain he hasn't forgotten your name at all. Both of you are clearly in high school, and he's at the age where male image is pretty important with his peers, especially if this guy is among the "cool ones". I've not been to public school, mind you, so the rest of this is just speculation. Seems when a teen guy refers to a girl by her name, it tells his buddies that there is something serious going on between him and said girl (even if that's not the case), while keeping her anonymous tells them he's still one of the cool guys.

Maybe in a way he's trying to protect both your reputation as well as his own, especially when those hormones are raging. He doesn't want gossip going on between his buddies and anyone else who's into the latest high school dating rumor.

So, just take a deep breath for now and let it go. I'd also suggest letting him know it makes you feel unimportant when he refers to you as no one special and finding out why he does that. Don't corner or confront him, though. Instead bring it up in a way that doesn't put the blame on him personally. Like this. "Hey. How are you? Um, there's something that's been bothering me for a while. When it's just you and me in a conversation, I notice your use of my name, but during times when I'm being referred to in a conversation with someone else, instead it feels like I'm being treated like a nobody when I hear the use of 'what's-her-name'. Maybe I'm taking this too personally, but it's confusing me. Can you explain it?"

Bottom line, let him know you're not upset with HIM, but with this HABIT.

[SilverToast]

I might have an idea. It might be a high school thing. There is a lot of confusion during that time.

It could be that he is confused about who he is right now. He might be one person with his guy friends and be another person with you. When he is with someone else he feels strange or awkward or embarrassed and confused about what person to be when you are there too.

It might not be you but him. I know I was confused like that in high school and had a somewhat similar situation like yours but was on the other end.

That is just my experience though and might not apply to him.

You might want to do what K-chan suggested about talking to him about it. Make sure you do it carefully though in a passive calming tone that doesn't put blame on him. It is important that you do mention it is what he does that bothers you not him.

[Xeno]

Seems when a teen guy refers to a girl by her name, it tells his buddies that there is something serious going on between him and said girl (even if that's not the case), while keeping her anonymous tells them he's still one of the cool guys.

It's more than likely something like this. It even happens in the adult world where if someone is typically referred to by their last name and one person starts to call them by their first it keys people off that something might be going on there. More than likely this guy is just doing this to make it seem like he has no interest in you.

[ABlipinTime]

Going along the lines of what K. Ayato said, he hasn't forgotten your name. I think he's actually embarrassed to mention your name. i.e. He likes you and feels like if he doesn't say your name directly, it creates an imaginary longer distance between you two so that his peers won't recognize he likes you. I know I've felt this way and employed the tactic, at least hoping no one would recognize. Seemed to work effectively.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Why don't you just ask him?

[Kala13]

Thanks for all that advice. Now I don't feel so weird about it.

[Furen]

Going along the lines of what K. Ayato said, he hasn't forgotten your name. I think he's actually embarrassed to mention your name. i.e. He likes you and feels like if he doesn't say your name directly, it creates an imaginary longer distance between you two so that his peers won't recognize he likes you. I know I've felt this way and employed the tactic, at least hoping no one would recognize. Seemed to work effectively.

Agreed, I mean I don't say stuff like "what's her name" or stuff like that, but I do tend to not say the names of those I like.

[Kaligraphic]

He's probably not embarrassed, just communicating social distance like K. Ayato said. High School environments tend to be very rumor-driven, so it's only prudent to avoid communicating anything likely to feed the rumor mill.