Becoming increasingly disillusioned with social networking

[Xeno]

Okay, so since I started using these here intarwebs, I've used a number of social networking systems. Whether it be IRC, MSN Messenger, AIM, web forums, MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, blogging sites, etc. Now with most of these, I don't have much of a problem as my real life intersects very minimally with them. MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter, however, are very well ancored into the real lives of the people who use them. They're friended/followed by people they know outside of the internet, and that can lead to problems. A few months ago I deleted my Facebook account (which was used actively and heavily) and my MySpace account (which was logged into only about once a month). My real life was starting to bleed too much into my "internet life" and vice versa. I don't mind people knowing my name, address, phone number, etc if I trust them on here, but it's entirely different when my real world friends, family, and coworkers have access to everything I do.

Jump forward to tonight. I'm bored out of my skull, so I text my friend and ask if he's doing anything tonight. He states he's going on a "man date" with another friend of ours (we use this term basically when it's just two guys hanging out). So I head up to the mall to wander about a bit and kill some time. In the process I start text messaging back and forth with another friend of mine, who happens to be the first friend's girlfriend whom I've known longer than he has. We decide to meet up and watch a movie since she is equally bored. Afterward I post a message on Twitter, a joke mind you, about how while my friend and the other guy were on their man date, I was at the movies with his girlfriend. Ouch, burn, yadda-yadda-yadda.

A few minutes later I get an angry call from the friend I went to the movies with because she's apparently getting called out on, GASP!, going to the movies with some boy other than her boyfriend.

Now in retrospect, should I have weighed the possible results of me posting such a thing a little more? The answer is yes. Yes I should have considered that since I am followed on Twitter by mutual friends who feel the incessant need to tell everyone else how to live a proper and holy life that there might be some repercussions to what I posted. Fact still stands though, if my real life didn't so heavily intersect with my internet life then those people would have never found out. As it stands now I'm trying to make a decision on if I want to deactivate my Twitter account or not. I'm sick and tired of little comments here and there getting thrown out of proportion and/or context and it causing people to get hurt when the original intention would good-natured fun.

When the internet finally dies, it'll be funny to watch all the people who need these websites fall apart.

[Nate]

When the internet finally dies, it'll be funny to watch all the people who need these websites fall apart.

I'm glad my depression and suffering will be enjoyable to you, I suppose then my life has served some purpose, even if it is just so you can enjoy schaudenfreude at my misery.

[Xeno]

Don't think I won't have my withdrawals also. What I'm talking about are the ones who have so closely integrated Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace into their lives that it's part of how they function. I'll deeply miss forums and IRC channels when they eventually fade into non-existence, which will most likely happen regardless if the internet dies or not.

And a quick update, I've deleted my Twitter account.

[Nate]

What I'm talking about are the ones who have so closely integrated Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace into their lives that it's part of how they function.

Yes. People like me. Which is why I posted what I did. Because you were talking about people like me.

Not all of us have the luxury of having real-life friends. Some of us only can find solace and companionship through a keyboard and monitor. I need sites like this, as well as Facebook and other such sites, because without them, I am literally, literally alone. It would destroy me emotionally. It would send me into a depression deeper than any I have probably ever experienced.

If you think it'll be funny to watch that, then hey, your prerogative I suppose. Like I said, that at least means I served a purpose.

[ADXC]

I kinda understand what you mean. Often times on FB I'll post stuff about anime or other random things and most of my friends don't give a crud. Sometimes I may even make a clever comment about something obscure that my internet friends will get, and a RL friend will be like "Well, what is that supposed to mean?"

I may soon get rid of my FB account but for the fact that it keeps me in semi-touch with people of the outside world, I'll be hesitant to do so.


Also, on FB, it's HARD to be sarcastic sometimes. Quite often I will get into arguments with RL friends over FB because I may have been a little harsh in commenting on the link they posted and they flip out and say "What in the world? Dude?!?" I reeeeeeallly want to say, "Oh, and now you actually talk to me."

[Xeno]

Yes. People like me. Which is why I posted what I did. Because you were talking about people like me.

Not all of us have the luxury of having real-life friends. Some of us only can find solace and companionship through a keyboard and monitor. I need sites like this, as well as Facebook and other such sites, because without them, I am literally, literally alone. It would destroy me emotionally. It would send me into a depression deeper than any I have probably ever experienced.

If you think it'll be funny to watch that, then hey, your prerogative I suppose. Like I said, that at least means I served a purpose.

I would be very sorry for your situation in that case. Most people don't have that problem though. They use the internet to connect and talk with people they already know in the real world. You basically having online friends (which most of us have those) and using the internet to connect with them is different from me and my buddy from church using Facebook to communicate. Those are the people I'm talking about. The ones who have integrated this stuff into how they interact with those that are already around them. Who need Twitter so they can tell their coworkers and regular in-real-life friends the kind of sandwich they're eating for lunch. It's a different set of people I'm talking about.

[ADXC]

I would be very sorry for your situation in that case. Most people don't have that problem though.

I'm not so sure. I for one mostly live online nowadays and I know Nate and I aren't the only ones.

[Xeno]

I didn't say he was the only one. I know there are many who are like that. But you can't persuade me to think that the majority of people in the overall grand scheme of things are like that. Most people have people in real life they connect and involve themselves with. The internet has changed things, but not to that extent.

[Radical Dreamer]

The thing about social networking is that you have to make it work for you. I'm a fairly private person, and if there are people who I think will take something I say the wrong way, I either don't add them (I'm also one of those people who only keeps a few close friends, not a ton of acquaintances), or I block them from seeing the post in question. If I somehow fail to do either of those, then I just suggest they deal with it, because I'm the same person online as I am off, and I'm pretty okay with that. XD In your case, from the way you've described, it sounds like the person who got angry with your friend is nosy and probably needs to back out of other people's lives. So either set up a boundary by removing her from your Facebook (or Twitter), or tactfully explain to her that what you did was completely innocent and that she needs to mind her own business. XD

Not that I have any problem with you deleting your Twitter. XD I still don't even have one. XD I'm very much a fan of The Internet (to a point--sometimes it sucks pretty hard when you have close friends that live hundreds to thousands of miles away), but I agree that social networking websites certainly have their downsides. XD I'm typically only on Facebook and Tumblr these days, but even there I trim down my Facebook "friends" list on a regular basis. XD It's just a matter of keeping privacy up and the amount of people you don't actually know down to a lower number. XD

[shooraijin]

I just treat Twitter as a massive group text service. If I texted something like that to all my acquaintances and friends (of which I have far more of the former than the latter), then I could well expect the reaction to be similar.

Is that hard to deal with on Twitter? It is for some people. A lot of people don't "get" Twitter and that's cool; no one taught me how to use it, and it just fits very well with the way I lead my life. By the same token, I despise Facebook and won't use it anymore because I distrust the shifting privacy goalposts and I don't like dealing in the "semi-private," but for other people this is less of an issue to them.

I don't think this is a flaw of social networking in general. Some sites work well with some people's personalities and lifestyles, some don't. I don't primarily live my life "online," however, so I couldn't say if it's some signal of a larger problem.

[ClosetOtaku]

I don't see anything in your narrative that really condemns social networking per se. If you had been seen by another person who spread the word about you being with someone else's girlfriend... if you had been overheard in a conversation where you made the same comment you had tweeted... the result would have eventually been the same.

All social networking does is accelerate the natural gossip process to the speed of light rather than the speed of sound...

I think the more relevant question is: why did you tweet what you tweeted? Should you have expected a different outcome had you said it to the same people face to face?

Perhaps it is not social networking that is to blame here, but rather your personal communication "filters" that allow such messages to go through. In that case, yes, getting rid of the social networking outlets may be beneficial, but there may be a more significant underlying problem that you cannot escape that simply.

Only you can know for sure. Your comments offered in "good-natured fun", regardless of the method, are always open to misinterpretation. If that seems to be a recurring problem, it's the message, not the medium (with apologies to Marshall Mcluhan). Perhaps that is where some of your struggle lies...

[ShiroiHikari]

Rather than using the internet to keep in touch with local folks I know, I use the internet to meet and talk to new people whom I share some common interests with. I live in Oklahoma, and meeting people here who are into the same things as I am is kind of difficult. Also, I'm shy. I don't like "putting myself out there". It's somewhat easier to do online, where you can think about what you say before you say it (even though a lot of people online still don't think before they type).

I do have some real life friends and family on Facebook, but they don't seem to pay much mind to what I post, and most of them seem to only be on there for the games anyway. I also select the people I add very carefully; if I know they're going to irritate me or I'm going to irritate them, I either don't add them or I delete them. In some cases, I just hide their posts.

Also, sarcasm doesn't always work very well in text, unless you accompany it with sarcasm tags or winky emoticon faces or something.

[Xeno]

Rather than using the internet to keep in touch with local folks I know, I use the internet to meet and talk to new people whom I share some common interests with. I live in Oklahoma, and meeting people here who are into the same things as I am is kind of difficult.

I'm in the same state, so trust me, I know. With getting rid of everything that connects the "internet" me with my real life friends and family I'm trying to put myself into the pre-social networking "revolution" timeframe. My online friends are just that, my real life friends are just that. It eliminates the blur.