Women pursuing men

[Nami]

Ah! Yes, I did miss that word. Sorry.

Its alright. ^_^; it was a small word. I even missed it on re-reading it. So no worries. ^^

[Nate]

Wouldn't it be logical to model our earthly marriages after the ultimate Marriage?

I mean this in all seriousness, even though it will seem to be a sarcastic comment. But does this mean no earthly marriage should have sex? Because if our earthly marriages are modeled after the "ultimate Marriage" this either implies some sort of weird sexual relationship between God and Church, or that sex shouldn't happen at all.

Since neither of those situations seems likely, I think it's wrong to base our human relationships, especially marriage, on the relationship between God and Church, because it doesn't make any sense when you bring sex into it.

Can you imagine the Church dominating of Christ?

Church is made of humans. Christ is divine. Men and women are human. Since both men and women are human, it shouldn't (and as far as I'm concerned, doesn't) matter who "dominates" in a relationship. But actually, neither should dominate. Marriage is a partnership. Both sides should work equally in this partnership. If one is dominating the other, it's no longer a partnership, but a master/servant relationship.

Why do people get all in a frenzy when women are called to be submissive?

Because the way the Bible means it and the way it has been interpreted by men historically (and even occasionally in the present day) is completely different.

I want to be able to look my husband in the eye one day and tell him I saved all of me for him, not just bits and pieces of a broken heart shattered through meaningless relationships.

Not to sound rude, but that is kind of insulting to people who have had multiple relationships before finding their wife/husband. I know I personally dated a girl for a few months, and it ended bitterly and painfully. It was far from meaningless, though. I learned a lot of things about myself, things I never knew. Things I needed to change before I got into a serious relationship. While my heart was broken and shattered, it was to teach me a lesson, and help me to know parts of my personality I never knew existed before I dated her.

If you think you know enough about yourself that you don't need to be hurt to learn about your personality, that's fine. But there are some of us who don't know enough about ourselves, and need to be tempered...and tempering is painful, but it's to make us stronger. My relationship was painful, but I like to think I learned from it, and won't make the same mistakes again should I ever be in another relationship. In other words, it was God's will that I be hurt in that way, to become better.

Also, if I really loved a girl, what would it matter "how much" of herself she "saved" for me? I don't love those parts of her. I love her. So what if she isn't a virgin? I didn't fall in love with her virginity, I fell in love with her. So what if she was in fifty other relationships before she met me? I didn't fall in love with her "purity" (whatever that even MEANS), I fell in love with HER.

A true gentleman, and a true man, would love a woman regardless. It would be horrible if a woman said "I have to be honest, I was with a few other men before I met you" and the guy was like "Oh well pssh forget you then, it's over between us." That's not a real man.

If God lined up a group of guys in front of me and said, "Go ahead and pick", I'd fall to my knees and say, "Lord, YOU pick!"

I don't buy that. We should seek God for guidance, yes, but seeking God for guidance and telling God to live our lives for us are completely different things. God gave us the ability to reason and make decisions for ourselves for a reason, and I can think of no better way to honor God's gift to us than to use it, rather than asking Him to make every single decision of our lives for us.

[Mouse2010]

Not to mention the countless successful marriages that started with the girl pursuing the guy...like my grandparents, for example.

My grandparents, too. My grandfather was much older than my grandmother and was a confirmed bachelor in everyone else's eyes. She looked at him and saw a good potential husband, despite his shyness. If she hadn't been willing to take some initiative, I wouldn't exist.

I also took the initiative in pursuing my husband, although I probably don't count as a real example, since he did ask me out first. I just had to make it really really obvious that I was interested in him before he got to that point. Until then, I wasn't even on his radar. But his failing to initially notice me (when I noticed him) didn't mean he was incapable of loving me.

[K. Ayato]

We should seek God for guidance, yes, but seeking God for guidance and telling God to live our lives for us are completely different things. God gave us the ability to reason and make decisions for ourselves for a reason, and I can think of no better way to honor God's gift to us than to use it, rather than asking Him to make every single decision of our lives for us.

Hooah, Nate! There is nothing wrong with making plans in regards to your life. Plans are good. We should still be ready and willing to take another route if God says no about Plan A or B.

Take Nehemiah. He heard about how the city of Jerusalem was in rubble and vulnerable to outside attack because its defenses were destroyed. First thing he did was pray. Soon after he prayed, he began outlining a plan to go back to Jerusalem and make repairs to the city. God wants us to pray, but as Nate pointed out, He wants us to take action after that and be open to when He decides our plans aren't in sync with His.

[broly146]

My mom pursued my dad.

[Sheenar]

[quote="PatrickEklektos (post: 1476313)"]I'm so sorry that you've gone through this. I do want to encourage you that there are men out there who are indeed "a saint of a guy" or else gentlemen, as I'd call them. They meybe few but they are there.
So I want to encourage you that the only one to love unconditionally is infact Christ Jesus. Though hard to learn, I have discovered that if Christ is truly my love and He loves me, then if never I find a spouse He will be all I ever need. I've heard this from others and I know how little encouraging it can be sometimes. But really and truly it has brought me so much peace. What else can I say? Wait? Its hard to wait, I know. I guess I want to leave you with this]

I don't really subscribe to the whole "Jesus is your boyfriend" thing. But thanks for the thought. I can no longer live alone. If it wasn't for my roommate, I'd probably have to be in an assisted living environment --I struggle to prepare meals, clean, bathe, etc. I need someone with skin on around to help me or I'm sol. (Roomie doesn't help me bathe --I have grab bars and can do that myself --just is exhausting.)

My life experiences have left me very skeptical. I'd like to believe that there is a guy out there who would love me for me and not run away b/c of my illness --I just find it highly doubtful that one really exists.My own family isn't there for me. After my roommate gets married, I'll have to find another roommate that's willing to help me, get married myself, or go into assisted living.

Sorry to derail the thread with my sob story. I just find the whole "Jesus is your boyfriend", "Jesus is your husband" thing irritating --and like a consolation prize to single women. Jesus is my Lord, yes, but not my husband.

[broly146]

I can see your point there, but Jesus will help you find a guy that will love you for who you are and not what you can or can't do.

[Nate]

I just find the whole "Jesus is your boyfriend", "Jesus is your husband" thing irritating --and like a consolation prize to single women.

Not to mention sexist. How come girls get to have Jesus as their boyfriend/husband but us guys get nothing?

WHY CAN'T JESUS BE MAI WAIFU? T.T

[broly146]

I don't think Jesus is supposed to be a "boyfriend" or "husband"

[ShiroiHikari]

Why is this thread back again?

[broly146]

Don't know...didn't know it was an old one

[Atria35]

I can see your point there, but Jesus will help you find a guy that will love you for who you are and not what you can or can't do.

Not true. There are women and men that go their whole lives and never find a husband/wife, even if they pray that Jesus will help them find one, and do go out and attempt to find one. I wish this were true, but it's just not.

[broly146]

Not true. There are women and men that go their whole lives and never find a husband/wife, even if they pray that Jesus will help them find one, and do go out and attempt to find one. I wish this were true, but it's just not.

Remember that Jesus doesn't run on our time, he runs on his time. So something may take years to happen. I have prayed for many years about this and I finally found some one (other way around actually). It is a friend of mine that was a neighbor for a long time. She says she has waited a long time for me.

[Nate]

Remember that Jesus doesn't run on our time, he runs on his time. So something may take years to happen.

You didn't read Atria's post. She said some men/women got THEIR WHOLE LIVES without finding a husband or wife, despite praying for one. In other words, she means that in the past, men and women have died, and never found a husband or wife in their entire life, even though they prayed for one.

Unless you're saying there's some sort of "second life" after this one, and they'll be reincarnated into another person in the future, "Jesus running on his own time" doesn't factor into it. People die single, and don't want to. It happens, so saying that if you just really love God and pray hard, He'll find you a spouse, isn't true in the least.

[broly146]

Oh yeah, sorry. I don't believe in reincarnation either. You are right about some people staying single their whole lives. I am sorry if I offended anyone.

[Yamamaya]

There seems to be quite a lot of passive aggression in this thread. I think I understand why. It all revolves what the issue of what the ideal male/female romantic relationship is. Some here believe that the man should be the MAN and pursue the lady like an old fashioned gentleman. Others, me included, are offended by this notion either because we are shy or we feel that is a wrong standard to apply to everyone.

One of the problems here might be a misinterpretation of what the word, "pursuit" means. Some girls feel like they need to be the princess who just waits for the man to come for her. Pursuit does not necessarily represent that situation. It is as simple as taking the initiative to show interest. However, this tends to be transformed into a much larger burden than it should be, to where one gender has to take the full responsibility for trying to start the relationship. For guys, this can be difficult. Because quite a few of us aren't good at picking up the "signs" from girls, we feel like we're putting ourselves at risk when we pursue the girl. We're at risk of seeming too pushy or "stalkerish." We're at risk of getting our egos and emotions crushed. Hence why we have a few guys here like broly who don't feel like pursuing women anymore. We're sick of getting hurt. We're the ones putting everything on the line.

If a girl did show some initiative, I would definitely appreciate that. For example, there was a girl I didn't like(she was a bit too young) ask me out. Yes it was awkward, but I appreciated the gesture even though I did turn her down kindly.

LOL THIRD EDIT: That rebelution list had some good things and a few horrible ones.

Not to mention sexist. How come girls get to have Jesus as their boyfriend/husband but us guys get nothing?

WHY CAN'T JESUS BE MAI WAIFU? T.T

This is probably the post of the year right here.

Well you do have Madoka.

[broly146]

There seems to be quite a lot of passive aggression in this thread. I think I understand why. It all revolves what the issue of what the ideal male/female romantic relationship is. Some here believe that the man should be the MAN and pursue the lady like an old fashioned gentleman. Others, me included, are offended by this notion either because we are shy or we feel that is a wrong standard to apply to everyone.

One of the problems here might be a misinterpretation of what the word, "pursuit" means. Some girls feel like they need to be the princess who just waits for the man to come for her. Pursuit does not necessarily represent that situation. It is as simple as taking the initiative to show interest. However, this tends to be transformed into a much larger burden than it should be, to where one gender has to take the full responsibility for trying to start the relationship. For guys, this can be difficult. Because quite a few of us aren't good at picking up the "signs" from girls, we feel like we're putting ourselves at risk when we pursue the girl. We're at risk of seeming too pushy or "stalkerish." We're at risk of getting our egos and emotions crushed. Hence why we have a few guys here like broly who don't feel like pursuing women anymore. We're sick of getting hurt. We're the ones putting everything on the line.

If a girl did show some initiative, I would definitely appreciate that. For example, there was a girl I didn't like(she was a bit too young) ask me out. Yes it was awkward, but I appreciated the gesture even though I did turn her down kindly.

LOL THIRD EDIT: That rebelution list had some good things and a few horrible ones.




This is probably the post of the year right here.

Well you do have Madoka.

Took the words right out of my mouth...

[Thunder Caya]

there was a girl I didn't like(she was a bit too young) ask me out. Yes it was awkward, but I appreciated the gesture even though I did turn her down kindly.

That happened to me. The guy thanked me for telling him and called me brave (or something, it was like ten years ago). Best rejection ever, really.

[Yamamaya]

You know who was the video game character who pursued his love interest the most?

Tim from Braid.

Do you really want to be Tim? If you've played Braid, I hope not.

[Nate]

But I thought Tim was the scientist who invented the atomic bomb and the girl was world peace or something and like...man I don't know.

[Yamamaya]

But I thought Tim was the scientist who invented the atomic bomb and the girl was world peace or something and like...man I don't know.

I thought the girl was the atomic bomb.

Or that it's all a metaphor for the impossible perfect relationship.

Or that Tim was the knight from the future, and the entire game is older Tim fighting himself to save his love from himself.

I actually like the last theory the best.

But this thread isn't about Braid.

[mechana2015]

This is not the [s]Gamecast[/s] Gaming Forum guys, lets keep on track and not get too far afield on the rabbit trails, and thanks for self correct there Yama.

[That Dude]

After reading all this I must say...

We need more arranged marriages. :p

I've heard good arguments from both sides, I've also seen both sides go into attack mode because their feelings were hurt by some misinterpretation on their part.

Anyway I'll go ahead and post MY PERSONAL beliefs on this now.

I'm not a shy guy, but I'm not really that outgoing either...Being so, I appreciate it when girls give hints and make their interest pretty clear. That being said I do think that it's usually more appropriate for the guy to do the actual pursuing, not that it can't be started because of a girl showing an obvious interest. Once again this is my opinion only.

Now on to a fact that I think might cause some hurt feelings and I apologize beforehand if I hurt any of you by saying this...Men, stop being boys! Grow a pair! Many of these problems that have been discussed is because many men aren't really men any more, they are "boys who can shave." We need to start looking to the scriptures to who we should be.

Now before the venom starts flowing, let me say this. I do believe that there's a place for all personality types, there's nothing wrong with being really shy, there's nothing wrong with being the take charge type. There's nothing wrong with the thought of asking a girl out scaring the crap out of you...What is wrong is when you know what role God has called you to play and you avoid it and justify your inaction.

I AM PREACHING TO THE CHOIR HERE! I need this as much as any other guy here.

Anyway, I'm done with my short rant. Again I apologize if I hurt anybody with how I said what I said, but please realize I say this with all love (doing what's best for the other regardless of the good it does you.)

Anyway, I personally want to be the pursuer, but I don't mind if the girl makes it an easier chase .

[broly146]

[quote="That Dude (post: 1476429)"]After reading all this I must say...

We need more arranged marriages. :p

I've heard good arguments from both sides, I've also seen both sides go into attack mode because their feelings were hurt by some misinterpretation on their part.

Anyway I'll go ahead and post MY PERSONAL beliefs on this now.

I'm not a shy guy, but I'm not really that outgoing either...Being so, I appreciate it when girls give hints and make their interest pretty clear. That being said I do think that it's usually more appropriate for the guy to do the actual pursuing, not that it can't be started because of a girl showing an obvious interest. Once again this is my opinion only.

Now on to a fact that I think might cause some hurt feelings and I apologize beforehand if I hurt any of you by saying this...Men, stop being boys! Grow a pair! Many of these problems that have been discussed is because many men aren't really men any more, they are "boys who can shave." We need to start looking to the scriptures to who we should be.

Now before the venom starts flowing, let me say this. I do believe that there's a place for all personality types, there's nothing wrong with being really shy, there's nothing wrong with being the take charge type. There's nothing wrong with the thought of asking a girl out scaring the crap out of you...What is wrong is when you know what role God has called you to play and you avoid it and justify your inaction.

I AM PREACHING TO THE CHOIR HERE! I need this as much as any other guy here.

Anyway, I'm done with my short rant. Again I apologize if I hurt anybody with how I said what I said, but please realize I say this with all love (doing what's best for the other regardless of the good it does you.)

Anyway, I personally want to be the pursuer, but I don't mind if the girl makes it an easier chase ]

You have some really good points in there, but it has become increasingly hard for me to open up my emotions which in turn makes me back off very quickly (I am not trying to shoot down your opinion at all, I am just stating a problem I have in my own life)

[ShiroiHikari]

I'm not a shy guy, but I'm not really that outgoing either...Being so, I appreciate it when girls give hints and make their interest pretty clear. That being said I do think that it's usually more appropriate for the guy to do the actual pursuing, not that it can't be started because of a girl showing an obvious interest. Once again this is my opinion only.

Now on to a fact that I think might cause some hurt feelings and I apologize beforehand if I hurt any of you by saying this...Men, stop being boys! Grow a pair! Many of these problems that have been discussed is because many men aren't really men any more, they are "boys who can shave." We need to start looking to the scriptures to who we should be.

Now before the venom starts flowing, let me say this. I do believe that there's a place for all personality types, there's nothing wrong with being really shy, there's nothing wrong with being the take charge type. There's nothing wrong with the thought of asking a girl out scaring the crap out of you...What is wrong is when you know what role God has called you to play and you avoid it and justify your inaction.

whatamireading.jpg

The role God has called you to play? Men aren't really men? What does that even mean? Are you really trying to say that it's ungodly for a man not to pursue a woman? Well, it is my opinion that that's BS.

You say it's your personal belief and your opinion only, and then you try to play the "do it because God says so" card? Way to force your own beliefs on other people. You say it's okay to be shy and then you turn around and say it's wrong. Which is it?

[broly146]

-_- too many conflicting opinions...I think that because each person has a different personality we can't say they are not men or women...

[Cognitive Gear]

Now on to a fact that I think might cause some hurt feelings and I apologize beforehand if I hurt any of you by saying this...Men, stop being boys! Grow a pair! Many of these problems that have been discussed is because many men aren't really men any more, they are "boys who can shave." We need to start looking to the scriptures to who we should be.

When speaking in love, it's best not to use phrases that are specifically used to tear down and flame. You knew, going into it, that your words were going to be hurtful, yet you used them anyways.

Now before the venom starts flowing, let me say this.

It seems that you assumed the worst in those that have a differing opinion. I, for one, don't appreciate that. It's clear that this issue is dear to your own heart, but please don't let that cause you to see those that disagree with your position in a poor light.

Again I apologize if I hurt anybody with how I said what I said, but please realize I say this with all love (doing what's best for the other regardless of the good it does you.)

If you feel the need to apologize for what you say, then it's probably best to phrase it differently. It's fine to disagree, and to have divergent opinions, but it is not okay to be disrespectful to one another.

[broly146]

At first those phrases didn't phase me, but now that you mention it those phrases are pretty harsh...

[Mouse2010]

...What is wrong is when you know what role God has called you to play and you avoid it and justify your inaction.

As other people have pointed out, the problem is that you are assuming that God calls men to be the pursuers, without providing any evidence to support that. I'm not asking you to pull out a bunch of Scripture verses to prove that --I don't think this is the place for that, and I don't think those kinds of arguments really convince anyone anyway-- but I want to make sure you realize the hole in your argument.

[ChristianKitsune]

Okay guys please remember to be cordial in this thread. I know we all have a lot of different views and such but if things continue to be nasty we will close this thread. It's not worth it.

Consider this a warning.