Christian Parenting Techniques

[Gala]

OK, usually I wouldn't ask something like this on here but every site and book I have come to only really talks about children 5 years and up.

I know my daughter is just testing her limits and learning (she is almost 13 months) but she does know some things that mommy and daddy don't want her doing and she'll smile and continue doing it anyway. Today she ended up hurting two of her fingers (possibly breaking one of them) and then tried to do the same thing again only five minutes later. I want what is best for her and I know we can't just let her run amuck.

Most people I've talked to say discipline later (like 2 or 3) but I know she will have learned that she can get away with things by then. I feel like I should already know the answers but I don't so here goes my question:

How did you get your kids to behave when they were really young?

[Atria35]

THe thing is, when they're under 1 1/2 years old, they don't have the mental abilities to really understand punishment.

When I was young, my parents used time-out a lot. The key is being consistant with it. And that should be fine once she reaches about 1 1/2 years old.

[FllMtl Novelist]

I personally don't remember what my parents did with my siblings and I. I'll have to ask them.

Whatever you do, though, you should make sure your husband and you are in agreement, and when necessary back each other up. I'm pretty sure kids as young as your daughter won't go from one parent to the other, but it's something to be aware of, I guess.

[ShiroiHikari]

Does anyone that posts regularly here actually have kids?

I would recommend seeking advice from those who have parented young children before. Maybe a Christian parenting website or forum?

[Atria35]

Does anyone that posts regularly here actually have kids?

No, but I baby-sat a ton when I was in my teens.

And I've taken about 3 child-development courses So boring, but occasionally come in handy.

[That Dude]

I echo the consistency. I don't have any kids, but I'm from a big family and have been around and worked with kids pretty much my whole life. One of the things that helped my parents with us when we were that age was making us face the consequences of our actions, like if we bit somebody when we were one or two, the other person would bite us back just hard enough to let us realize that if we didn't want it to happen to us we shouldn't do it.

I don't know if that will help in your specific situation, but it may be worth praying about and thinking over.

Also, ShiHi said something along these lines, but you should try and find a christian family that has good kids and ask them for some tips, don't be afraid to ask for tips or advice from anybody who's doing something well.

[Ante Bellum]

When I was young, my parents would spank me or my mom, when things really were bad, would pinch the back of our arms. Let's just say that it only took one of those, ever, to fix things. But it just hurts, it doesn't leave a mark if you do it right. You don't even use your nails.
I guess we haven't had much experience with time outs. I mean, sure, we got grounded when we were younger...
Okay, I know nothing about raising kids.

[Atria35]

Spanking and corporal punishment should be used with careful judgement- I know that I have a temper and if I were punishing by spanking or pinching, I would go overboard and do it too hard/too much. So I stuck to time-out, and it seemed to work well.

[TWWK]

I have a daughter right about your age. I don't think there's an easy answer, unfortunately. The thing is, every child responds differently - sometimes WILDLY differently - our son is almost a complete opposite to our daughter. He didn't respond to any punishment well. I wish we hadn't punished him much when he was around the age your daughter is, and just bit our tongue and let him do as he wished. I don't think the punishments helped.

With our daughter, time outs DO work. She becomes an angel afterward. However, we limit the timeouts -they say one minute per year of life, so it would be literally one minute for your daughter. You could try that. And we do it very seldom - usually only occurs once a week or two.

We've had friends that smack their children's hands when they do something with them that they're not supposed to. Sounds like that won't work with your child, but you could consider it.

Another friend does some punishment in relation to the incident - if a child cries over wanting a toy, take it away. Stuff like that...

In the end, I was just try a variety of things and see what works. I think your child is a bit young for spankings, so I would avoid that no matter what. Otherwise, just see what works. But don't stress too much - be loving, and your child will grow up wanting to do what pleases you (I think). Be patient. She's' testing her boundaries right now, and you might just need to wait her out before you can discipline her better.

[shooraijin]

Shiroi is right. I think advice in this thread should be limited to those actually with children; there is no substitute.

[Furen]

And I've taken about 3 child-development courses So boring, but occasionally come in handy.

Agreed, though I do get an upper hand for when I am a choice in babysitting, so it's nice in that respect.