Healing

[acgifford]

Forget about what you were told and taught. You can be anything you want to be through Christ who stregnthens you.^^ Chemical imbalance or not...I know you are smart and can do anything you put your mind to.^^ *hugs* I'm praying for ya. Hang in there.

[TGJesusfreak]

Don't look at the things that are holding you back. Think like there's nothing holding you back. Because, ultimately, only you are holding yourself back. Some choices are hard to make, but have trust in God and I know you'll make the right decisions Aedin. =)
Have faith in yourself.

[Roy Mustang]

Well, there is many people that have learning disabilities that are this board. I have learning disabilities and I never like it, when someone has told me that I need to learn how to spell, when they didn't know that I had LD. I have been very blunt, when people do that to me or when they view everything in life a bad way.

If I had a bad view about stuff, then I would be a bitter person for having HIV/AIDS and for having a bad heart and losing my hearing at 14. But if I did have that view, then I would have let everything taking a toll on me and I know for a fact that I wouldn't be here today.

The thing about having a bad outlook on life is this,

You can over come these disabilities, as not letting them take control of your life. But having a I can't outlook, then that person is going to let those faults, weakness and disabilities take control of that person and they will in the end, let eat them alive.

Everyone has weakness and faults, but remember that God is always there to talk to and ask for help in trying to be stronger in those area.


[font="Book Antiqua"][color="Red"]Col. Roy Mustang[/color][/font]

[I will rise]

Hii Aedin,,

Firstly , I know how you're feeling and I know how much you need friends surround you and support you.. Actually we all need friends and supporting power to lead our life..

Aedin it's not your fault how you feel so but maybe the people surround you in your circle are to blame , maybe you couldn't express your personality properly or just you didn't have enough time with them

Well Aedin I'll tell a slice of my experience and hope you benefit from it , I was so shy and polite student in my school , I respect all my colleagues but in return they don't!! My Male colleagues were so rough with me playing pranks with me and really treated me badly , why? Because I am not like them!!
I don't curse , I don't play pranks I don't discuss inappropriate stuff and I hate their interests.
I really felt depressed and felt the hunger to find friends , I relied on the internet I found arabic anime forums , I met some new people and befriended them but all these friendships were broken up because I am a Christian and they are Muslims.
I felt depressed , so tired so empty
I tried to solve this problem , I found the solution in the Church especially in Christ , I went to meet youth ministers and religious people they learnt that I am not wrong , it's not wrong to be Christian in your actions , Even great Prophets and Saints were lonely and rejected from people surrounding them
they found their happiness in God , believe me I've been fallen into many sins to quench my thirst but God only quenched it

I recommend you to go meet a youth minister as I felt they are so beneficial and pm if u like

God's bless

[Aedin]

I'm pretty sure she's leaving me. And if she does, it might be for another guy. I want to kill myself. I can't stop thinking about killing myself. She was everything to me. I wanted to marry her. She was gonna get a laptop this weekend, we were gonna play games together. I don't know what to do now. I really thought she was the one. I've never met someone like her before.

[Furen]

I'm pretty sure she's leaving me. And if she does, it might be for another guy. I want to kill myself. I can't stop thinking about killing myself. She was everything to me. I wanted to marry her. She was gonna get a laptop this weekend, we were gonna play games together. I don't know what to do now. I really thought she was the one. I've never met someone like her before.

That's where I say we love you here but you should get medical help as well because as much as we try we aren't psychiatrists or counselors, we just know that you can't keep feeling this way it's not good, we know God will use you for the best and will help you overcome this tribulation time in your life, hang in there don't give up! I know I've said this before but Jeremiah 29:11 seriously look it up and rejoice in what God has given to you instead of dwelling on the negative.

[Aedin]

I know. You're right. I'm on medsl, but they're not helping. I just can't stop crying. I can't stop feeling like I'm gonna be alone forever. So many people have hated me, or abandoned me, because I have problems, that it feels like noone can deal with me, and now since she's gone, I picture my whole life, living in a house by myself, and I hate it, I don't want to be alone. I just want to talk to her and clear it all up. She was my best friend. I can't believe I'm losing my best friend. God, please help me. I hate this so much. I hate it. I feel so alone. I keep praying, but I don't feel better. God, please help me. It feels like if even she can hurt me so bad, that I can't trust anyone. And that terrifies me.

[K. Ayato]

*Hugs* I know how it feels to lose someone you care about like that. I've gone through it. Back when I was dating, there came a time where he had to break up with me because things were starting to spin out of control in the relationship. Mind you, I never thought of taking my life, but for weeks, even months, I just wanted to disappear. Find a place free of pain. I kept asking God why. Why did this happen? Why couldn't we stay together? Don't You realize how much I love him? I withdrew inwardly from my friends, in that while I still tried to be among them, I wouldn't let them know how much pain I was dealing with. I soon realized that in not sharing my pain with people I knew who cared about me, I was letting it fester inside and grow worse, to the point where I almost didn't recognize who I was becoming. It wasn't easy, but through prayers and support I got through it.

Skip down to a little over 2 years ago. I'll spare details on how, but eventually he and I got back together. Even better was the fact he expressed how much he loved me and had actually proposed. But then, we had to call it off 'cause of personal stuff we still had to sort through. Again, I was devastated and angry. Why did this happen? I thought this was in Your plan, God. You wouldn't bring us back together only to tear us apart again. Once again, I had prayer and support from people who cared about me. It wasn't all that pretty. I had to make a few adjustments to my attitude and train of thought, because for quite some time I bristled at what they were trying to tell me. That can happen a lot in life. But just because you don't like what someone is telling you, it doesn't always mean that person is wrong. I had to learn to just let them say what needed to be said, go my way, and think back on their words later.

Now I'm happily married to my first love . I don't mean to sugarcoat what you're dealing with in sharing this with you. I just wanted to give you a chance to see that I can relate to how you feel in your particular situation and that things will get better. I didn't always put my full trust in the Lord during those times in my life, but I do know I trust Him now much more than I ever did back then.

Keep your head up. He knows what you're going through, to the point that He experienced exactly what you're feeling now. Jesus can help you through this because He himself was rejected by the people He loved. His own family. I know it sounds weird to make that kind of connection but it's true. He can help you, me, or anyone who's hurting in any way because He experienced it Himself.

Just hold onto Him. He's got you safe in His arms and He'll never let you fall out of them.

[Aedin]

Thank you K.Ayato. If you don't mind is it ok if we talk on yahoo or something? I really don't mean to bother you, but I really just need to have some kind of real-time chat with someone about this.

[K. Ayato]

Sure. I'll PM you the info.

[Roy Mustang]

I'm going to say this as what I'm reading in Pre marriage counseling.

You need to remember that there is illusion and reality to expectations out of people.

Even if you have a lot of friends or in a relationship, it still doesn't mean that feeling alone is going to go away.

Like this story about unrealistic expectations,

A famous musician appeared on a TV talk show and was asked about his disastrous marriage several years earlier. He said, he married because he was not willing to confront his addiction of drugs and alcohol. "I got married because I thought I would be happy," he said. "But I still did drugs and and drank alcohol every day.

That is a problem that people with having friends as well as being in a relationship. They thought of a common illusion that having all this would solve all their problems.

Like the story, this guy thought that his relationship of being married would give much happiness, peace and strength that his difficulties with his problems would just melt away.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't go out and have friends, but having great expectations that having them or a relationship will just melt away all the problems and that is not going to happen.

The only way to change that is working them out yourself and taking small steps. If you can over come those, then there will not be great expectations out of people. This will help in friendship and other things.

In closing, I will share Philippians 2:2,4 that provides a principle that should govern our attitudes:

"Do nothing form selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

[font="Book Antiqua"][color="Red"]Col. Roy Mustang[/color][/font]

[Aedin]

Yeah, you're right. I'm trying to work on all that stuff too. And I thought I was doing well. Then she got too close, and now my emotions are going all over the place. I hate it.

[TGJesusfreak]

It's not something that can be made instantly better. It takes time and hard work.

For example:
very rarely can a drug addict instantly quit drugs on the first day and have an awesome high paying job the very next. It will take time to get clean and start acting responsible.

Like Roy quoted from Philippians 2:2-4
"Do nothing form selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others."

Try and live to please others Aedin. It sounds like it wont make you feel any better, but it will. Trust me. If you live in the mindset of helping others then you can live with great happiness, even in poverty. It's in the bible in many many places, and it's so very true

[Aedin]

Yeah, you're right. I'm just afraid of setbacks. I'm afraid of things happenieng to make me feel worse. Like, for example, one thing I've always been afraid of, is abandonment, or not being able to meet people I really click with who end up being good friends with me. So I'm afraid of like, finding a church, or a website, where there seems like there's a lot of people my age or something, and then it turns out none of them talk to me, or they think I'm weird cause of my problems, or we don't connect at all, or they leave. It's happened a lot before, it makes an emotional wound. I don't really know what I can do to help others. I'm too screwed up to minister, and I just don't know what I could do.

I'm trying to keep hope, and trust in God, but it's so hard. So many places that haven't worked out, friendships that haven't worked out, it gets to be really hard to believe anything will work out.

[Ella Edric]

I know. You're right. I'm on medsl, but they're not helping. I just can't stop crying. I can't stop feeling like I'm gonna be alone forever. So many people have hated me, or abandoned me, because I have problems, that it feels like noone can deal with me, and now since she's gone, I picture my whole life, living in a house by myself, and I hate it, I don't want to be alone. I just want to talk to her and clear it all up. She was my best friend. I can't believe I'm losing my best friend. God, please help me. I hate this so much. I hate it. I feel so alone. I keep praying, but I don't feel better. God, please help me. It feels like if even she can hurt me so bad, that I can't trust anyone. And that terrifies me.

Aedin. Youre not alone if you have ALL OF US speaking to you silly. Do you see how many have replied to your thread? That means we care! So technically you dont have no one. In fact, you have ALOT of people to talk to and listen to you! So dont be so down! We love ya and care for ya! Or else we wouldnt be taking up our time to post on your thread! So, you do have people who care. Dont forget it.
:hug::hug::hug::hug:

[Furen]

Ella speaks truth there!

Not only that but by even reading the whole thing proves we care, not everyone knows what to say but even just knowing there are people (Posting or not) that care would be more than enough for me to be happy.

[TGJesusfreak]

Only God can peice together a broken heart. and the truth is Aedin, all of us have a broken heart. Including me. Jesus just peices us together again. Trust in him. Live you life wide open for Christ and for no one else.

God should be your first love. You can do it Aedin. I can already see you getting better even since you posted in this thread. Keep working at it dude. You WILL overcome this if you trust God fully.

[Htom Sirveaux]

I remember your name Aedin, but I guess it's been quite a while indeed since I last saw you around here. And with the surprisingly large amount of CAA regulars, I'm often out of touch as far as people's interactions with one another. It pains me to learn that people on CAA have hurt you; I honestly can't even imagine it, but if you say they did I believe you.
I only hope you can look beyond the past and focus on the here and now and how much we're all pulling for you.

As to the rest, I agree with Furen. Your local hospital should have a Crisis Intervention line. You might very well benefit from a call or visit to them, more than we could ever help you simply with our kind words and encouragement.

You'll be in my prayers, brother. God bless you and be well.

[Okami]

My least favorite response is, "I know how you feel." Because typically, it isn't adequate, or it simply isn't true. In this case, I guess I can best say, I understand how you feel.

If you go back far enough into my time at CAA, you will see that I was the leader of a lust prayer group, and as I focused on that, my own spiritual life slowly diminished as I refused to talk about my own ongoing struggle with depression...I became suicidal, threatening to take my life. God broke me down, and using my own shattered state, called me out of the dark to take on ministry in psychology. Every time He has specified me to something big, I have doubted. My own calling is ongoing.

Today, I am finally working to get over things I have dealt with in the past that have been continuous for years, lust, depression...my roommate works in a form of tough love as my accountability partner. She's gone so far as to write me over 80 sticky notes detailing Christ's love, her love, tasks for me to do to keep my mind off from temptation, verses to remember. <<<This past week alone

She's forced me to talk about the ugly, embarassing truths that I have kept hidden for so long - and if I can't express it verbally, I am to type it out in a personal journal. Recently I've gone into the depths of my brokenness, and how badly all of this hurts. She tells me this is good, because if it didn't hurt me, she would be wondering if God were actually working in my life.

Friend, the pain is worth it. It seems so unsure at times, most times, actually...but going through these trials will always make us the better person in the end. We need to go through the fire to be purified.

This past week, I lost someone I knew in high school to suicide. He came to a point where he believed no one cared. Just days later, eight hundred people have come together on a memorial page on facebook. All of them broken, crushed...not understanding why this would happen to a boy who had so much ahead of him. In his place, we're called to believe that hope is real, and we need to hold on to that.

Know tonight that you are not alone. The God who created this universe watches you and lavishes His love upon you, and cries with you in these uncertain times. But one thing is sure - He has not given up on you yet. He's going to take the broken pieces and mend them. It's not going to be easy, it's going to hurt, but in that pain is when you know He's there, working in you.

I'm here for you- Shoot me a PM anytime!

[TGJesusfreak]

[quoteHtom]It pains me to learn that people on CAA have hurt you; I honestly can't even imagine it, but if you say they did I believe you.
[/QUOTE] To add onto this Aedin I think a lot of people didn't actually directly mean to hurt you... they were just expressing their opinions or beleifs that they thought would help you.

But either way I apologize if I hurt you directly or indirectly. You know me well enough to know that I really hate to hurt anyone, in any way. So if you're mad at me or upset at me then I'm sorry. I've only ever wanted to help you. I hope from the bottom of my heart you can beleive that.

[Twila27]

Will also pray as best able. Hoping for you to have strength and intimacy with Jesus, Aedin.

[Beau Soir]

I will pray for you, Aedin. It breaks my heart to read your messages, and also to know that I really can't help (as you know.) But God can take all the brokenness, however helpless it may seem or you feel, and make everything whole again. He is perfect and He absolutely loves you with a love that cannot be swayed or diminished in any way. He wants you to succeed and grow strong for Him! Rely on Him, the Mightiest Rock... I will be praying.

[Aedin]

I'm gonna ahve to respond to the rest of this later. Every day I wake up, it's the hardest thing for me to not just break down into tears.

Kaede, I know we've had issues, and I'm sorry. But if you're willing to, you can help. Maybe not as much as you'd like, but you can help.

She updated her facebook last night, but didn't e-mail me. I'm trying to remember all the positive she told me. How I changed her life, how I made her not feel lonely, for the first time in years. How great I am, and how important I am to her. I'm trying to remember all the positive stuff she told me, and to try to kee hope, but it's so hard.

She says she's confused, and needs time to know wht to do. That she needs time to know what God wants her to do. Please pray for her.

[acgifford]

I will Aedin. Hang in there.^^ *hugs* You seem to be starting to do better...though you may not see it yet. We all love you and wish you the best.^^

[Aedin]

She was on today. She didn't post here.

I don't really feel like going into details, but I'm starting to feel despondent and hopeless about it all.

There's been some new stuff going on. Can't post about it here, but I was wondering if I could talk to someone. Real-time chat would be preferable, but I guess PMs would be ok too.

[Aedin]

I know I'm not supposed to double-post, but I didn't want to make a new thread, and some people asked me to keep this updated, so I figured a new post would be the best way to make sure those people r ead it.

Honestly, I'm not sure what to say. I just knew I needed to get one last rant. I wasn't completely honest with my feelings before. To be completely honest, I've felt like she dumped me a few weeks ago. She didn't officially dump me then (I'm not sure if she's officially dumped me now) but for a few weeks now I've felt single, and like she dumped me. I just remember when she was my best friend, when I wanted to tell her everything, when I felt like I finally found my soulmate, like everything was gonna be ok, even if we had some problems sometimes (cause every couple has problems). I felt like the most important person in the world, I looked forward to talking to her every single day, it made me happy to talk to her every day, to know she was there. The only problem, was I never felt like I knew her enough, I always wanted to know her more, I could tell she was kindof holding abck, and I always wanted her to be herself more around me. When I left CAA last time, she was the only one who stood up for me, the only one who, throughout the next few months, I really believed was there for me. Basically, almost everything seemed so great and so full of hope then.

Cut to about six months later. Now I feel like everything I do bothers her and annoys her, I feel like everything I do and say pushes her further towards another guy. I feel like she hates talking to me, like I'm losing my best friend and girlfriend, and I can't do anything about it. Everything I try just makes things worse. I won't give out details, because that gets too personal, but ceasing communication with her, isn't gonna help as much as one may think. I feel completely meaningless and alone. I'm struggling to not once again lose all hope and faith in people, the thought I'll make real friends, and that some relationship will work for me someday. I'm seriously considering just staying single the rest of my life now. To put it simply, every relationship I've had goes terrible for me, and almost every girl I've dated, ended up leaving me for another guy. I just don't see the point of trying anymore. I just wish I knew what I did wrong, I wish I could apologize, fix things, make them right. But right now, and I hope this changes, all I see is a girl who won't tell me anything, who won't let me fix things. I know I've been bothering her and bugging her for a long time, but I had no idea I was doing those things, while I was doing them. I only found out a few days ago. Just reminds me how noone can stand me. I just thought everything was gonna be great, and now everything kinda sucks. Just hurts to lose out on so many plans. I feel so helpless. And I'm not making a blanket statement, but I tried PMing some people I used to talk to, and they won't respond back, and I don't know why, and that just reminds me how so many people just can't stand me. It hurts. I try to be more positive, and people either ignore me, or put me down. I act more like myself, and people get sick of me. I feel like I'm screwed no matter what I do.

Please pray God helps me cope with all this, and helps me know what to do.

And it's kinda stupid, but I also now have all these songs on my ipod that I can't listen to, because they remind me of her.

[goldenspines]

And it's kinda stupid, but I also now have all these songs on my ipod that I can't listen to, because they remind me of her.

This is not stupid.

I will be praying that God will be your strength and help you through all this.

[Aedin]

thanks GS. I don't know anyone else's relationship history, but it hurts when a bunch of stuff changes, in a big way, with no notice.

and I just remembered how she was gonna help me with my story, we were gonna play games together, go on webcam together. all this stuff that's just gone now, as far as I know.

I'm really not doing ok. I feel like everything I do and say is gonna be used against me, and anything that isn't used against me, will just be ignored.

[ABlipinTime]

Trust in God and He'll be there for you, Aedin. He is with you right now. What you have to do is pay attention to His presence. Be aware that He is there for you, and center you life around Him.

[Atria35]

HopeLine- 1(800)784-2433 offers confidential help 24/7. It sounds like you need to speak with someone right now- we aren't couselors and aren't trained to help you through times like this. The only thing we can offer is encouragement and hope. Hopefully the people at the HopeLine center can do more for you- they're willing to listen if you make the call.