Issues with trust

[NekoChan_C]

I'm sorry to keep posting in the Prayer Room, but it's really the only place I can go right now to get some feedback... Has anyone here had a situation where they were "burned" in the past, and then after that, have a hard time moving on and trusting that person again? This can be with anything, I am open to hearing any situations... Whether it be backstabbing, or being let down, or lying or cheating... just something that made you hesistant to trust again...

How did you finally get over it? What are the right words to pray to have God give you a renewed sense of trust??

I am desperate here... any advice would be appreciated...

thank you all,
Nekochan

[fairyprincess90]

Just pray that God can help you. I'm praying for you too. I trust pretty easy...but over time you will learn to trust them again. It doesn't happen overnight.
I'm not really sure what advice to give other than be patient and ask the Lord to help you and guide you. You can do everything with His strength.

God bless.

[Tsukuyomi]

I'll pray as well, Neko-C ^^

Sometimes.. it doesn't always go away. The "Not letting your guard down" thing o.o I've been going through that as well ^^ Not totally trusting someone, that is. I know I should just let it go and trust them, but can I really when it has happened.. more then.. 5 times o.o;?

It's a tough call to make at times. It's like if you give in and trust them ALL the way.. they're just take advantage of you. Thinking,"Oh, I can do no wrong. She'll forgive me and I'll just do it again later." o.O Not very helpful.

What urks me about that.. is that, they use that to fire back at me for not trusting them.

"It's only gonna happen again, because you think it will." Yeah, that's their excuse to do it again o.O

Does that make any sense at all?
__________________
I'd say that it's kinda alright to not "totally" trust in someone who has hurt you (or w/e) in the past. Especially, if they have offended more then once. It's like a way to safe guard yourself. I'm sure you can as time goes by, but it would help if they helped by not running game.. you know ^ ^?

[NekoChan_C]

What urks me about that.. is that, they use that to fire back at me for not trusting them.

that's exactly where I am right now... I am blamed and hated for not trusting... for not believing what I am being told, when my heart has been damaged so many times in the past for believing the lies... I have found out something today, though... In trying to protect my heart from being hurt by this one again, I have also been keeping my heart from God. Like an injured animal, I am growling at the Great Physician, who wants only to clean and bandage my wounds... Not knowing the difference between the master who hit me and the Doctor who loves me... I retreat into a corner to lick my own wounds, even if they become infected and gangrenous in the process.

I have been listening over and over to Undo, by Rush of Fools. I posted the video on my livejournal, and the lyrics in the jam session thread... it is a great balm to my weary and wounded spirit...

[Tsukuyomi]

that's exactly where I am right now... I am blamed and hated for not trusting... for not believing what I am being told, when my heart has been damaged so many times in the past for believing the lies...

That right there is so wrong :| Telling you that you're wrong for guarding your heart like that.. isn't any help :| That's not going to make you trust them any quicker.. IF EVER D:<

You shouldn't feel bad, Neko-C ^^ Regaining anybody's trust will take time Don't let anyone make you feel bad

Don't forget, forgiving doesn't necessarily mean forgetting.

I know that made it sound like I'm saying it's ok to hold grudges, but... I don't know. I guess it does sound like I'm saying that huh :|?

It all kinda goes back to safe guarding yourself. Rather the situation is big or small.

Your wounds will heal, though. It's just going to take some time ^ ^

(I can be so confusing sometimes.. even to myself >_>.. XD)

[SailorDove]

Forgiveness and Trust aren't the same thing. Forgiveness is to love and not hold a grudge. But Trust must be built over time with patience.

Hope this helps a little.

[Tsukuyomi]

Forgiveness and Trust aren't the same thing. Forgiveness is to love and not hold a grudge. But Trust must be built over time with patience.

Hee hee, very true ^^

So, if anyone gives you a hard time.. Let them know what's up ^ ^ I'm sure you forgive this person right? It's just that they have hurt you in the past, so of course you're going to be wary of giving your trust to them when they have broken it down ^ ^

I really hope they're not ignoring the fact that they have caused it. Not trying to play the blame game, but they were the one who did you wrong to make you mistrust them in the first place. Not the other way around.

Ok, now I'm blabbering ^ ^;

[Htom Sirveaux]

I honestly don't know what I can say, except that he needs to be completely honest with you and tell you everything that's really on his heart and mind. Maybe some of your fears will be dispelled. Maybe between the two of you, the situation can be worked out.
I love you, Neko nee-san. I'm praying for the both of you, I don't know what else I can do.

[NekoChan_C]

I honestly don't know what I can say, except that he needs to be completely honest with you and tell you everything that's really on his heart and mind. Maybe some of your fears will be dispelled. Maybe between the two of you, the situation can be worked out.
I love you, Neko nee-san. I'm praying for the both of you, I don't know what else I can do.

...thank you, J. I would surely appreciate your prayers.

[K. Ayato]

I'm (once again) in the group of those who have been burned by the person they loved, and who they believed loved them in return. It's normal to feel anger and disappointment towards the person you had love and affection for, and also towards yourself. The key is forgiveness, as has already been said. It's one big thing to forgive the person who burned you and to move on; it's a lot bigger for you to forgive yourself.

As for trust, well, there's no one-size-fits-all approach to that. If this person has done it once, there's a chance that over a period of time and maturity, you may be able to trust this person again. However, if it's more than once, it's much more difficult to regain trust in that person.

Take my recent situation. I thought I could trust Aaron, but just as we were getting closer in the relationship, in came the deception and the avoidant behavior. Something that I should've picked up on right away, 'cause it happened before, but this was more subtle. Unless things change, if in the future he finds me again and says he's ready for a serious relationship, I'll have to turn him down. I've currently lost trust in him.

That would be my best advice, hon. If it's already been proven you can't trust the person, you should do your best to move on. It's not always healthy to try and trust a person again who's wronged you in the past and is asking for your trust once more. The risks can be too high, especially if it's your heart at stake.

[Tsukuyomi]

It's really hard to say sometimes. Because, what if the person really did change? With time, said person may have matured and changed, but it's still hard to say u_u

Just try to keep an open mind, but keep your guard up.. There's nothing wrong with that

[Gabriel 9.0]

I know these feeling about distrust towards somebody all to well....

I'll be praying for you.