I had wanted to see if my ex had a myspace for a long time, so the thought just came to me "I'll just try one of her email addresses in the search, even though I know it has changed since then"
Well, I did that... I almost wish I hadn't.
Among the things I find out about her:
1. She's now a porn star on a rather well known porn site... No joke... I won't say the site, but anyone familiar with it should know it's the one with the goth girls... The most well known one, I mean...
2. She is apparently wiccan again... I say again because she was Christian when I was with her. She had gotten out of Wicca, and did all the Good Christian youth group things then... You know, against premarital sex, read her Bible, looked like she was trying to have a relationship with God, etc...
3. She's apparently Bisexual... Of course, that's sort of a given on a site like that.... I'm pretty sure everyone there is either bi or just lesbian...
For those who haven't been here for long, the girl i'm talking about is the origin of my screen name... She was the first one to call me that.
I read over some of her blogs... One comment seemed like it was directed at me, actually. She said "I cheated on you because I was scared to break up with you." In reality, if she did it to me, she could have done it to her husband, too.... Or other boyfriends before she got married.
She had no hope, and her greatest point of gratitude was that *this site* wasn't about skinny girls, but was fine with her body type... She hated so much... So many people... So much anger... So much despair...
I remember her roomate in the summer program told me "You better take care of her. Protect her."
Someone just shoot me now...
I wouldn't believe this if one of you had posted it
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I wouldn't believe this if one of you had posted it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evcNPfZlrZs Watch this movie なう。 It's legal, free... And it's more than its premise. It's not saying Fast Food is good food. Just watch it.
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
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Bobtheduck - Posts: 5867
- Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2003 9:00 am
- Location: Japan, currently. Gonna be Idaho, soon.
Oh my... it's a shock enough just reading that! I'll for sure be praying...
神 は、 その 独り 子 を お与え に なった ほど に 世 お愛 された。
独り 子 を 信じる 者 が 一人 も滅 ひない で, 永遠 の 命 お得る ため で ある。
ヨハネ 3:16
独り 子 を 信じる 者 が 一人 も滅 ひない で, 永遠 の 命 お得る ため で ある。
ヨハネ 3:16
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Tenshi no Ai - Posts: 4789
- Joined: Fri Jul 02, 2004 11:01 am
- Location: l
What're you waiting for? Send her a message but do it sensitively. From what you're describing, its likely she does not have a single friend left in this wolrd who cares about her as herself. Also, if she has gone gothic (kind of the vibes I've been getting or something), this sort of thing is why I founded Seraphim Radio.
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GhostontheNet - Posts: 1963
- Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: Aurora, CO
You have my thoughts.
With your doubt, all is comfort
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
We are all as we appear
No more questions left unanswered
No more wonder, no more fear
Nothing is beauty, nothing's feeling
Blood where there once was a soul
So I ask you, prove yourself
Make me believe that you are whole
- Zarn Ishtare
- Posts: 1295
- Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2004 4:23 am
- Location: HELL HATH NO FURY, AT ALL.
Wow, that's awful. I'll be praying.
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Radical Dreamer - Posts: 7950
- Joined: Sat May 28, 2005 9:00 am
- Location: Some place where I can think up witty things to say under the "Location" category.
I also think contact is in order here. Especially if you still care for her. At least get the full details of the situation and make sure she is not doing this out of some sort of desperation.
"Those who believe will be saved...so they say. Get it?"
Sister Rosette Christopher
Sorry ladies, already married to HitomiYuriko , but it took both our efforts to come up with daughter Althaia
Please use the Haibane Renmei Lesson Plan
MOES: Can't scroll this.
Sister Rosette Christopher
Sorry ladies, already married to HitomiYuriko , but it took both our efforts to come up with daughter Althaia
Please use the Haibane Renmei Lesson Plan
MOES: Can't scroll this.
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SP1 - Posts: 861
- Joined: Wed Aug 17, 2005 6:30 am
- Location: Kentucky
My prayers go out to you man.
Follow and suggest movies.
Lightscameracritics.wordpress.com
Now running the 15 days of halloween.
Lightscameracritics.wordpress.com
Now running the 15 days of halloween.
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GrubbTheFragger - Posts: 3940
- Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: Colorado Springs , CO
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Ichigo_89 - Posts: 1365
- Joined: Wed May 05, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: KY
wow...that's so terrible!! I have friends like this too.. (Sans the porn star thing) but yeah... I know sorta how you feel..
Be praying for you!
Be praying for you!
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ChristianKitsune - Posts: 5420
- Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: In my sketchbook of wonderment and puffy pink clouds! *\^o^/*
NEVER lose hope. Remember the prodigal son. As long as she is still alive, there is always hope for a turnaround.
Pray for her. Pray as hard as you can, as often as you think of her. Realize that she is making these mistakes because she is searching for something. Probably attention of some sort. (Negative attention is STILL attention.) Earnestly seek God's will in this. He might not want you to contact her yet. Or maybe He does. That's why you need to ask Him. If contacting her could drag you down somehow further (the thought of you somehow getting sucked into watching her porn or something kills me), then God would not have you do it, until you are strong enough.
Pray first. Before you do anything, pray. And know that you (and she) are in my prayers. Just don't lose hope.
Pray for her. Pray as hard as you can, as often as you think of her. Realize that she is making these mistakes because she is searching for something. Probably attention of some sort. (Negative attention is STILL attention.) Earnestly seek God's will in this. He might not want you to contact her yet. Or maybe He does. That's why you need to ask Him. If contacting her could drag you down somehow further (the thought of you somehow getting sucked into watching her porn or something kills me), then God would not have you do it, until you are strong enough.
Pray first. Before you do anything, pray. And know that you (and she) are in my prayers. Just don't lose hope.
In Christ,
Dyzzi
Also on Smackjeeves
"Work In Progress" Facebook Fan Page
My DeviantART
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." - Colossians 3:23 NIV
Dyzzi
Also on Smackjeeves
"Work In Progress" Facebook Fan Page
My DeviantART
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." - Colossians 3:23 NIV
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dyzzispell - Posts: 296
- Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 3:00 pm
- Location: NJ
dyzzispell wrote: If contacting her could drag you down somehow further (the thought of you somehow getting sucked into watching her porn or something kills me), then God would not have you do it, until you are strong enough.
Pray first. Before you do anything, pray. And know that you (and she) are in my prayers. Just don't lose hope.
Yeah... Actually, that thought did cross my mind... I'm like "I wonder what her shoots were like" I was very tempted to go to the site to see if I could find her on there...
I... really don't know how to feel right now... I sorta feel light headed from the whole thing...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evcNPfZlrZs Watch this movie なう。 It's legal, free... And it's more than its premise. It's not saying Fast Food is good food. Just watch it.
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
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Bobtheduck - Posts: 5867
- Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2003 9:00 am
- Location: Japan, currently. Gonna be Idaho, soon.
Bobtheduck wrote:Yeah... Actually, that thought did cross my mind... I'm like "I wonder what her shoots were like" I was very tempted to go to the site to see if I could find her on there...
I... really don't know how to feel right now... I sorta feel light headed from the whole thing...
Just hang in there, pray, ask for strength, read some Psalms... whatever you need to do to keep from looking at and getting into things that will really end up destroying you (much worse than this already has).
Like I said before, there is ALWAYS hope. Sometimes people have to travel some really dark paths before they can really learn to appreciate what Jesus did for us. Sometimes it takes stuff like this, just to get through to them, to show them just what they really are missing. Just pray.
Again, I will be praying for you, and for her.
In Christ,
Dyzzi
Also on Smackjeeves
"Work In Progress" Facebook Fan Page
My DeviantART
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." - Colossians 3:23 NIV
Dyzzi
Also on Smackjeeves
"Work In Progress" Facebook Fan Page
My DeviantART
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..." - Colossians 3:23 NIV
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dyzzispell - Posts: 296
- Joined: Sun Jul 09, 2006 3:00 pm
- Location: NJ
That's awful. Sounds like she's really lost and searching. I'll pray for her. Don't blame yourself though, BTD. All you can do is be their for her, E-mail her and try to talk as just friends if you can. What she does with her life is her own mistake, not yours.
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USSRGirl - Posts: 1266
- Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2006 11:14 am
- Location: In The Place Where There Is No Darkness...
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Jingo Jaden - Posts: 2175
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 2:26 pm
- Location: Norway
Watching someone you're close to go astray is very hard. I'll pray for her. just remember, if she can go from God, she can go back. ^_^ Most in my prayers. And as stated before. it was her choice. Don't blame yourself. and yeah, pray before you do anything
'listen to me, Grel, these constant failures have been causing me to lose face, and if you keep it up i shan't spare yours!" -Khyron the Destroyer
"why throw away your life so recklessly!"
"that's a question you should be asking yourself, megatron." -transformers the movie
http://starfoxman.deviantart.com/
^ My Manga!!! Check it out!
"why throw away your life so recklessly!"
"that's a question you should be asking yourself, megatron." -transformers the movie
http://starfoxman.deviantart.com/
^ My Manga!!! Check it out!
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heero yuy 95 - Posts: 567
- Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2004 1:20 pm
- Location: at the silver stallion chillin' with my crew
Its not your fault,She knows the Law written on Her Heart,Just keep prayin I'll pray.
[SIZE="1"]A blue, black shade of love.
Sent from above.
[align=center]My hands are tied to worlds
alone,
And this I know.
Your breath's like wine,
And just like clouds, my skin crawls.
It's so divine, the sky it glows with fields of light.
Did you know that I love you?
Come and lay with me.
I love you.
And all this day, I will love you.
You make me feel alive,
and I'll love you
Until the end of time.[/SIZE][/align]
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Reba - Posts: 390
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:00 pm
- Location: California
i'm sorry to hear this. well, just hang in there and trust that God has all things worked out for the best.
[SIZE="4"]*FASTING FROM CAA (9/25/08 - ???)*[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]
"Sometimes we don't present the Gospel well enough for the non-elect to reject it."
- John MacArthur
"In the total expanse of the human life, there is not a single square inch of which Christ, who alone is sovereign, does not declare, 'That is mine'."
- Abraham Kuyper
"God the great Creator of all things doth uphold, direct, dispose, and govern all creatures, actions, and things, from the greatest even to the least, by His most wise and holy providence, according to His infallible foreknowledge and the free and immutable counsel of His own will, to the praise of the glory of His wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and mercy."
- Westminister Confession of Faith (Chapter 5, Section 1)
"The wisdom of God has found a way for the love of God to deliver sinners from the wrath of God all the while upholding the righteousness of God!!"
- John Piper
"Grace is the pleasure of God to magnify the worth of God by giving sinners the right and power to delight in God without obscuring the glory of God!"
-John Piper
"The very One from Whom we need to be saved, is the One Who has saved us."
- R.C. Sproul
"All of Christian life is ceaseless worship of God the Father, through the mediatorship of God the Son, by the indwelling power of God the Spirit, doing what God commands in Scripture, not doing what God forbids in Scripture, in culturally contextualized ways, for the furtherance of the Gospel, when both gathered for adoration, and scattered for action, in joyous response to God's glorious grace."
- Mark Driscoll
"Believers do not pray with the view of informing God about things unknown to Him, or of exciting Him to do His duty, or of urging Him as though He were reluctant. On the contrary, they pray in order that they may arouse themselves to seek Him, that they may exercise their faith in meditating on His promises, that they may relieve themselves from their anxieties by pouring them into His bosom; in a word, that they may declare that from Him alone they hope and expect, both for themselves and for others, all good things."
- Martin Luther
"I have to tell you first that I am ready to die. I have put my affairs in order. Your supreme weapon is killing. My supreme weapon is dying, because when you kill me, people all over Romania will read my books and believe on the God that I preach - even more than they do now."
- Dr. Joseph Ton, the exiled Romanian pastor (quoted by James Montgomery Boice)
"The best prayer I ever prayed had enough sin in it to condemn the whole world."
- John Bunyan
"If the Christian has lost sight of Calvary, that shows that he has lost his way."
- J.I. Packer[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]
"Sometimes we don't present the Gospel well enough for the non-elect to reject it."
- John MacArthur
"In the total expanse of the human life, there is not a single square inch of which Christ, who alone is sovereign, does not declare, 'That is mine'."
- Abraham Kuyper
"God the great Creator of all things doth uphold, direct, dispose, and govern all creatures, actions, and things, from the greatest even to the least, by His most wise and holy providence, according to His infallible foreknowledge and the free and immutable counsel of His own will, to the praise of the glory of His wisdom, power, justice, goodness, and mercy."
- Westminister Confession of Faith (Chapter 5, Section 1)
"The wisdom of God has found a way for the love of God to deliver sinners from the wrath of God all the while upholding the righteousness of God!!"
- John Piper
"Grace is the pleasure of God to magnify the worth of God by giving sinners the right and power to delight in God without obscuring the glory of God!"
-John Piper
"The very One from Whom we need to be saved, is the One Who has saved us."
- R.C. Sproul
"All of Christian life is ceaseless worship of God the Father, through the mediatorship of God the Son, by the indwelling power of God the Spirit, doing what God commands in Scripture, not doing what God forbids in Scripture, in culturally contextualized ways, for the furtherance of the Gospel, when both gathered for adoration, and scattered for action, in joyous response to God's glorious grace."
- Mark Driscoll
"Believers do not pray with the view of informing God about things unknown to Him, or of exciting Him to do His duty, or of urging Him as though He were reluctant. On the contrary, they pray in order that they may arouse themselves to seek Him, that they may exercise their faith in meditating on His promises, that they may relieve themselves from their anxieties by pouring them into His bosom; in a word, that they may declare that from Him alone they hope and expect, both for themselves and for others, all good things."
- Martin Luther
"I have to tell you first that I am ready to die. I have put my affairs in order. Your supreme weapon is killing. My supreme weapon is dying, because when you kill me, people all over Romania will read my books and believe on the God that I preach - even more than they do now."
- Dr. Joseph Ton, the exiled Romanian pastor (quoted by James Montgomery Boice)
"The best prayer I ever prayed had enough sin in it to condemn the whole world."
- John Bunyan
"If the Christian has lost sight of Calvary, that shows that he has lost his way."
- J.I. Packer[/SIZE]
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jon_jinn - Posts: 3261
- Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2006 5:49 pm
- Location: California
Well, I haven't written her yet... Not sure if I'm going to, but I keep going back to her blog... her roomate's words keep ringing in my ears...
There are like 3 different part of me fighting... The logical one, the guilty one, and the scumbag one...
Part of me knows I couldn't have really done anything
Part of me knows it was her decisions that lead her that way
Part of me knows we were split up for a reason, if only to protect me because of what she was choosing for herself...
Then there's the part of me that thinks I should have been more forcefull in getting her on her feet when she ended up homeless
Part of me that says I should have kept her from going back home at the end of the summer program.
Part of me that says I should have been a voice to speak truth to her, instead of the demonic voices she was getting from every other direction
Then there's even part of me that's saying I wish I had gone for more... I should get a free show, If she's that kind of girl, then... Yeah... The scumbag part of me... At least the easy part is I know the scumbag part of me is wrong so that makes it easier to shut off, but it's those other two parts that I can't decide as easily between...
There are like 3 different part of me fighting... The logical one, the guilty one, and the scumbag one...
Part of me knows I couldn't have really done anything
Part of me knows it was her decisions that lead her that way
Part of me knows we were split up for a reason, if only to protect me because of what she was choosing for herself...
Then there's the part of me that thinks I should have been more forcefull in getting her on her feet when she ended up homeless
Part of me that says I should have kept her from going back home at the end of the summer program.
Part of me that says I should have been a voice to speak truth to her, instead of the demonic voices she was getting from every other direction
Then there's even part of me that's saying I wish I had gone for more... I should get a free show, If she's that kind of girl, then... Yeah... The scumbag part of me... At least the easy part is I know the scumbag part of me is wrong so that makes it easier to shut off, but it's those other two parts that I can't decide as easily between...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evcNPfZlrZs Watch this movie なう。 It's legal, free... And it's more than its premise. It's not saying Fast Food is good food. Just watch it.
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
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Bobtheduck - Posts: 5867
- Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2003 9:00 am
- Location: Japan, currently. Gonna be Idaho, soon.
You have my sympathies and my prayers.
Whatever you decide to do, remember that she is not your responsibility and ultimately never was. She was and is a pot being shaped in God's hands. There is no sense regretting the past or wondering what might have been, because what happened was God's plan and you couldn't change it if you wanted to. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to reach out to her, but don't put a burden on yourself that isn't yours to take.
Whatever you decide to do, remember that she is not your responsibility and ultimately never was. She was and is a pot being shaped in God's hands. There is no sense regretting the past or wondering what might have been, because what happened was God's plan and you couldn't change it if you wanted to. I'm not saying you shouldn't try to reach out to her, but don't put a burden on yourself that isn't yours to take.
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RedMage - Posts: 863
- Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2005 10:34 am
- Location: Under the shed
since yesterday I do prayer lists. I'm praying for her now an I'll make sure I'l pray for her AGIAN this evening. That's horrible, you poor thing, I'm also praying for you bro.
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Ryupower - Posts: 1056
- Joined: Sat May 14, 2005 8:55 pm
- Location: Germany, currently
Ouch... I'll be praying. Take care, dude.
~Ridley [color="Green"] 
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Even when lurking, I am with you in spirit...
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Even when lurking, I am with you in spirit...
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RidleyofZebes - Posts: 627
- Joined: Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:18 pm
- Location: Redneck Country, USA
You're in my prayers, dude. as for what you call the "scumbag part" that's just our sin nature and i respect that you're honest about it. And good call on dismissing it. ^__^ God has chosen people to work Him from bigger ruts. just keep prayin.
'listen to me, Grel, these constant failures have been causing me to lose face, and if you keep it up i shan't spare yours!" -Khyron the Destroyer
"why throw away your life so recklessly!"
"that's a question you should be asking yourself, megatron." -transformers the movie
http://starfoxman.deviantart.com/
^ My Manga!!! Check it out!
"why throw away your life so recklessly!"
"that's a question you should be asking yourself, megatron." -transformers the movie
http://starfoxman.deviantart.com/
^ My Manga!!! Check it out!
-
heero yuy 95 - Posts: 567
- Joined: Thu Dec 30, 2004 1:20 pm
- Location: at the silver stallion chillin' with my crew
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