Help for a Broken Heart.

[Spector]

I hope you could take a moment to listen to what I have to say.....ok...read what I have to say.


For nearly all of the time that have liked girls..they have'nt liked me. I have been really lonelywhen I should have been dating....I guess.
However, about half a year ago, when I was deep in depression, I met a girl like I've never seen before. She had looks out the door, the brightest smile, golden hair..and more importantly, a deeplove for God.
I've seen nice girls before...been there, done that. What was different about her?...She saw ME.
A catch you say? OF COURSE!.....she was 14...and when I met her, I was 17. (Im now 18).

However, this didnt stop me..and can you blame me? This wa a VERY Godly girl, and the only one I had yet to see....talking to me..
Well, as time went on we became closer...well, if you cal IMing close..haha. But, we would talk for hours...and I guess you could say we really came to like eachother...but, there was still that..age thing that would loom in the background...watching in any way to stop it.
Thing is, I didnt care how long I would have had to wait to even go on ANY form of a date. It would always give me somthing to look forward to.

One time we were talking..and somhow my birthday got brought up...and she knew when it was...I asked her how she knew that, and she said "I had one of my friends look you up".......O_O I was shocked! Not because she did that...but becasue..she did that! I mean, you only really have someone do that when you LIKE them.....I WAS SO HAPPY!...and I wasnt jumping to conclusions this tme!
SHE LIKED ME!



Alright, the happy part of the story is over now.

My parents were a major part of the "age thing" that was looming in the background. They knew she was 14, but they trusted me...but they have also heard some bad things that have happene in this kind of situation..
where OTHER people arent so trusting, and so when they see the slightest thing, like even holding hands, they call the police, it ends right there, and no questions asked.
The sad thing, is that her parents actually did like me....cept for one thing..

See, before I met her..I was going through the whole depression thing, "IMA GOTH" included. While I didnt show THAT much on he outside, when they saw all the other stuff, like my OLD MySpace....it didnt leave
a very good impression....yeah.

Obviously, they were saying someting to her about it all...and, being that close to the Lord and all, she putsher walk with God before her emotions...like we all should. Soo..I got a meseage from somone we were both friends with, acting as a messager for her, cause she couldnt say it herself.
To be short, it said straighten up or break up.

To be honest, I put on the whole goth thing just to try and be invisible. I was so heartbroken about how no girl EVER payed attention to me, I just didnt want to be looked at. I actually didnt "like" most of the things a gothic person would....cept Invader Zim.....cause it's funny.....and "different"....
So, when I got the letter, I had really no problem changing back . I mean, she was the solution for it anyways.


However...later, she had sent me a letter, saying that she couldnt be in a relationship with me, because of the "age thing"....and all. Said people would always give bad looks when they found out how old I was.
BUT WHY IS THAT?!? Why is it that just because Iam 18, and shes younger means that its a bad thing?
Does me being 18 mean that Im going to rape her?...I mean COME ON!!

After that..we would always seem to talk about it all...as well as how we really felt about eachother. That's when I found out that I really WASNT jumping to conclusions about if she liked me.
However...I was actaully still holding on to her..HOPING that something would happen, and it would all be ok.
I had also read in my school liturature book, about how one of the authors in his COLLEGE YEARS, had met this 13 YER OLD girl....how actually admired her in the SAME ways I had admired her, mainly because of her strong walk with god. Jonathan Edwards, if you want to know.

Anyways, I was praying that God would give me a "definant" sign if I should still try be with her, if he could.
That sign came.
...Later on, my parents unaware of the letter she sent, and still seeing how I liked her...eventually had one of those "talks"...you know, the kind that you think would never end, and when they do, you wanna die?
Well, they made me remove her from my IM list, told me not send "so many" E-mails, and stop calling her.

I was so crushed about it all, that I didnt E-mail her for 3 weeks...and reallly, I wasnt supposed to..cept for the occasional E-mail. During the first week, she thought that maybe somthing happened to me..and then on the second week, she thought I hated her...which I though was a stupid thought....she then sent me an E-mail, asking what happened. Since I was still very hurt from what happened, I didnt respond for another week.
Then....the worst part for me..

She then explained...that on the first week..she had met this really wonderful guy...whos a strong Christian, really likes her eyes........I really somtimes dont want to think about it, though.
I mean...deep down inside, Im actually happy for her....but, most of the time I just cant stop thinking about what all happened...


It's been REALLY hard for me...theres some things I wish I could tell her...but, she seems so happy with him... Other times I just feel like I was the guy she used to kill some time waiting for the next guy....but, that's actually not true...just the way it happened....theres so many things that CONSTANTLY go throught my head...ALL THE TIME. I just CANT stop thinking about her.

I guess my prayer request is that I would finally move on, like she did....since its finally obvious to me how Im just not going to get back together with her..now.


Thnx for the many hours you probably spent reading this.

[Zilch]

Dude. Scary thing is, I just went through something just like that. Moving on is one of the hardest processes humans have to do, but we become stronger for it. Yeah, I know, you've heard that a millioin times before. Well, suck it up, cuz so have I. ;p

Anyway, I've been in your shoes. Dang uncomfortable things.

[Syreth]

I'm sorry man, I'll be praying for you. It's hard to move on, but I'll pray that you would and that the Lord will heal your heart. Don't worry, He has a good plan in mind -- just put your trust in Him.

[VashTheStampede]

I'll be praying for you, letting go hurts a LOT, I know from painful personal experience. But only when we are broken and give everything up to God can we see how wonderfully He can put us back together. [†]

[heero yuy 95]

i'll be praying, man. just take comfort in knowing that this is a lesson most of us learn in life, it may hurt, but it's for the better. and also that god has a woman out there just for you. ^__^ sometimes ya just need to wait. well, i'll be prayin', and i know your pain.

[GhostontheNet]

The entire thing is rather like walking on thin ice, even in consensual sex and not the usual conception of rape, you are over the age and she is under the age, and if you do it and if her parents press charges you will end up with the bad rap or statutory rape. Whether you like it or not, a lot of people in our culture engage in premarital sex, and you had looked like Mr. Lolita Complex in the process even if you weren't. This is probably for the best, although difficult I know. If you aren't gothic, fair enough, though what you describe seems to be more the so-called Mallgoth, influenced more by Hot Topic and Nu-Metal, than the subculture held by the musical tradition began by bands like the Bauhaus or the Sisters of Mercy at any rate.

[Alice]

I'm really sorry it's like this for you, man.

I'm praying for you.

[Puritan]

The entire thing is rather like walking on thin ice, even in consensual sex and not the usual conception of rape, you are over the age and she is under the age, and if you do it and if her parents press charges you will end up with the bad rap or statutory rape.

It sounds to me like he was simply wanting to date, not have sex, so I don't know how much this applies. If that was something you were considering, Spector, you have a number of things to work through as even sex with someone who is of-age is forbidden by scripture. However, it sounds to me like you were being pretty reasonable about the whole thing, so I expect that you simply wanted to date the girl, not bed her.

I had also read in my school liturature book, about how one of the authors in his COLLEGE YEARS, had met this 13 YER OLD girl....how actually admired her in the SAME ways I had admired her, mainly because of her strong walk with god. Jonathan Edwards, if you want to know.

Yes, Jonathan Edwards did greatly admire his future wife, Sarah Pierrepont, when he was 20 and she was 13, and he married her when he was 24 and she was 17. This type of this is pretty unusual in today's society, but a four year age difference (or perhaps three in your case) isn't unheard of or even unusual. However, at this point, I think you are doing the right thing in letting this go. If her parents were uncomfortable about the situation, you did the right thing in allowing the relationship to end. While I do not really have dating experience, from my understanding it is perfectly normal for you to be having trouble letting go of the relationship, but I also understand that things will get better with time. I will pray for you, and hope that things improve for you.

[Spector]

If that was something you were considering, Spector, you have a number of things to work through

O_O..Why would I be considering to do that? Of COURSE I wasnt, I know that it is against God to do that before marriage, wether she's the right age or not, wether I just met her, or have known her all my life.

I just wish people would have seen past my age, and know that I just wanted to finally have somone that made me feel special.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

It is one thing to look past the age differences. However it is another thing for someone to be 15 when you yourself are an adult. If you add a few years to both parties (Example: 21 and 24) Then that isn't so bad. You must also take into account that she is 15. And whether or not she likes you, does not mean the relationship will grow and prosper for the better. She is 15, although she is a Godly woman, she is young, and still not fully developed mentally. Those young years are full of hormones and stuff. And rampant feelings feelings of love flying around left and right. It is quite possible this happened (Divine Intervention perhaps) on purpose for a reason. That reason being she wasn't one you were told to be in a relationship with. In essence: Was it the woman whom God willed you to be with? Having feelings for someone and having that someone having feelings for you does not guarantee a bountiful relationship. If this seems harsh, I'm sorry. But It's something you got to consider.

[Pan Chan]

I'm sorry about that buddy but I think you should be thanking God at the momment.
You see God showed you she's not the one (maybe she is though I don't know) but I know what that's like sorta...
I'll be praying for ya but just remember God has someone for everyone and sometimes you never see who it is until she looks at you like that and you know you know then.....

[holysoldier5000]

Hey Spector,
I’m going to say a few things that you need to hear and I don’t blame you for getting angry with me for what I am about to say. The Devil in society likes to tempt or emotions and thoughts into some really strange things. One of the biggest temptations is thinking your life is over when you lose a girl. Guess what? It isn’t! In fact the only time it is too late to fall in love with the right one is when you’re dead. But even that isn’t a bad thing. Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:1 “It is good for a man not to marry.â€

[holysoldier5000]

HUSBANDS, LOVE YOUR WIVES, AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH.
Ephesians 5:25

What a golden example Christ gives to His disciples! Few masters could venture to say, "If you would practice my teaching, imitate my life." But as the life of Jesus is the exact transcript of perfect virtue, He can point to Himself as the paragon of holiness, as well as the teacher of it. The Christian should take nothing less than Christ for his model. Under no circumstances should we be content unless we reflect the grace that was in Him. As a husband, the Christian is to look upon the portrait of Christ Jesus, and he is to paint according to that copy. The true Christian is to be such a husband as Christ was to His church. The love of a husband is special. The Lord Jesus cherishes for the church a peculiar affection, which is set upon her above the rest of mankind: "I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world."2 The elect church is the favorite of heaven, the treasure of Christ, the crown of His head, the bracelet of His arm, the breastplate of His heart, the very center and core of His love. A husband should love his wife with a constant love, for in this way Jesus loves His church. He does not vary in His affection. He may change in His display of affection, but the affection itself is still the same. A husband should love his wife with an enduring love, for nothing shall "separate us from the love of . . . Christ."3 A true husband loves his wife with a hearty love, fervent and intense. It is not mere lip service. What more could Christ have done in proof of His love than He has done? Jesus has a delighted love toward His spouse: He prizes her affection and delights in her with sweet satisfaction. Believer, you wonder at Jesus' love; you admire it--are you imitating it? In your domestic relationships, is the rule and measure of your love "even as Christ loved the church"?
1 Romans 8:37 2 John 17:9 3 Romans 8:39

[Silent Hunter]

While I didn't read all of what Hs5k wrote, i fully agreed with what I did skim over. hey, I'm no expert, I've never had a girlfriend and I'm 17 right now. um, hey, all i can say is wait. I'm in no rush to need to have a girlfriend. My life is confusing enough as it is, just doing the highschool stuff and preparing for college and whatnot. don't give in to thinking that you have to have a girlfriend to be up to par with the rest of society.

I'll pray for ya, bro

-SH-

[Shadowchild]

Love is love, and that is what it may always be.
You may always feel as though that special place in your heart can never be filled by anyone but the perfect girl. In reality, you will never be able to really fill that gap. The only one who can ever truly make you whole is God. So even if you may never get the right girl (or in my case the right boyfriend), God will always be there for you to love him and he to forever love you.
His love for you is greater that that of anyone else you may find, and no matter what, he will always be there.

I will pray in hopes that you still may find that person just-for-you. But you remember, He will ALWAYS be there.

[GhostontheNet]

It sounds to me like he was simply wanting to date, not have sex, so I don't know how much this applies. If that was something you were considering, Spector, you have a number of things to work through as even sex with someone who is of-age is forbidden by scripture. However, it sounds to me like you were being pretty reasonable about the whole thing, so I expect that you simply wanted to date the girl, not bed her.

I know that, but I also know that that would not necessarily be how others would percieve things, resulting in the reactions listed in his post of people calling the cops for him holding hands and such. Frankly, in agrarian Biblical society her parents would probably already be looking for a good partner in an arranged marriage, but in our industrial society the conditions resulting in adulthood and all that it involves takes longer, and our purity and marriage customs reflect this social condition.

[K. Ayato]

I'll be praying, bro. I know you might not like what I'm gonna say, but I have to try. You're still young. There's no rule in society stating you need to have a girlfriend RIGHT NOW. There's only preferences. One way you know you're ready to date is if you have accomplished all the education you need, and you have a stable means of supporting yourself. Seeing you're 18, you still have quite a ways to go.

I know I'm older than you and to be honest, I myself would like to be in a relationship again, but you know something? It doesn't matter to me as much as it might've before.

I'm not dismissing your feelings at the moment. Yes, it hurts and it's frustrating right now, but when you do finally start concentrating on the more important things in your life--number 1 being your relationship with God--everything else will fall into place.

Hang in there, bro. You'll make it.

[dragonshimmer]

I'll be praying for you. I know it's easier said than done (trust me, I know), but the best thing in the world to do is to set it before God, pray for Him to take it from you and to help you let it go and move on.

I know this is a prayer thread, but I do feel moved to give a little advice. I think God can use our scars to help others, so I'm going to use mine to maybe help you, hopefully.

I'm going to skip over what everyone else has said about the sexual aspect about the age difference, because that's not the only concern people have about a guy dating a girl so much younger. Yes, it was fairly common in the past, but that still doesn't dismiss the fact that there is a BIG emotional difference between an 18 year old guy and a 14 year old girl. It might be true that 14 year old girls mature OVERALL maybe a LITTLE more quickly than guys, but she's still barely out of being a little girl. You're starting to get older and might soon be looking for a wife, even though it will be subconsciously. I'm not dismissing her maturity, but I'm fairly certain that she's probably at the age where it's easy to like as many as four or five people just in a month. Now, I'm not stereotyping 14 year old young ladies, but I remember being that age. I remember how I was, and I remember how my friends were. What you would probably expect (emotionally) from a relationship and what she would expect are probably very different. I know this is something I would be concerned if I had a daughter her age and a young man your age were interested in her.

The first person I was crazy about was the first person to ever really pay attention to me when I was 16. That probably complicates things for you emotionally. It's like "OH FINALLY! Someone's paying attention to me!" I'm not saying that to downplay your feelings, but it probably does have an effect in how bad you're feeling right now.

Off topic---I'd like to urge you to never, ever look for "signs" from God. Our hearts and emotions can make signs that don't exist, but not only that, looking for "fleeces God has thrown out" can just flat out fool you. Ask instead for wisdom when going into a situation such as this. I'm guilty of asking for signs. I have asked for all the "signs" in the world before, and I got them (or maybe my heart just saw them...I don't know anymore), but they were misleading and not in line with what wound up happening. If I had asked for wisdom from God instead, I would have saved myself and someone else a lot of time and trouble.

I mean...deep down inside, Im actually happy for her....but, most of the time I just cant stop thinking about what all happened...

Good for you for being happy for her. Whether or not you realize it, this says a lot about you. Good things. That's also a very mature way to approach it. It doesn't mean it won't hurt, though...

Like I said, I'll be praying for you. Spend lots of time with God, actually talk to Him about it. About everything about it...how happy you were at the beginning, how the end made you feel. Speak with your heart. God wants us to tell Him all about it. I find that if I take time to do this, no matter how long it takes, it helps the healing process a lot.

[Ryupower]

well, I guess looks can deceive. And yes, it is important to always have G-d first. Whether male or female. Anyways, I agree with many things the above posters said.
I prayed for the LORD's will to be done.
I hope you'll feel better...

[animegirl1]

well i really hope you got the advice you needed from these awsome people
i know i dont know as much as them but i gave you what i felt god wanted me to say in that pm
i really hope you take it all to heart
so that you dont have to go through all that anymore
i will be praying each night ok ^_^