A friend is pregnant

[Bobtheduck]

You know, I knew things were going wrong with her for a long time... I had a feeling she was sleeping with her BF, but I didn't say anything... Didn't want to intrude...

Well, she's pregnant now... At least she's not going to have an abortion, but she CAN'T raise a kid... Her and her BF are in college, with terrible jobs. She says she doesnt know if she likes the idea of someone else raising her kid, and I said the thought has to be about what's best for the kid, but she got really angry and said she didn't want advice on this issue. I told her I wasn't advising her. I was warning her, but she accuses me of thinking she's just being flippant about it all... I mean, when she's living like that to end up pregnant, as a Christian she knows that's wrong and raising a kid when you're that screwed up isn't right... But, she got really mad at me and got really defensive...

I feel so incredibly useless... Like I can never really help anyone, because the ones that need my advice or help won't accept it, and those that would accept my help are in a situation I can't help...

I know, this isn't about me... This is about her and her baby... I just wish she'd realize that trying to take care of a baby like she is now is not a loving thing to do...

[meboeck]

I will pray for her and her boyfriend that they will be able to make the right choices. As for you, I know it's hard not to let this be personal, but you need to try to remember it's not about you. You may feel like you can't help, but there is a very important way that you can help: praying. You are asking others to pray, but that is also your greatest tool right now too. And don't assume that you won't have another chance to talk to her. Give it time.

[Syreth]

I will pray for her. That sounds like a really rough situation, but people can and do turn around from things like that. I know how you feel about not being able to help, it's so frustrating, but we just gotta remember that giving advice is only "a" way to help someone.

[Android raptor]

Hmm, could she put the baby up for adoption? That's always good.

[Doe Johnson]

I'll be praying.

hmm...does she have reliable family members? I've never been one to like the idea of adoption*, but one of my classmates had a kid her Junior year and I swear that kid will be closer to her grandparent, aunts, and uncles than any kid I've seen before in my entire life. It's like the entire family adopted her - more like the entire town actually. My classmate went through high school with high grades, was active in extracurricular activities and was still active in her child's life even though she wouldn't usually have been able to take care of it.

EDIT: *putting a child up for adoption unneccesarily

[Bobtheduck]

I'll be praying.

hmm...does she have reliable family members? I've never been one to like the idea of adoption*, but one of my classmates had a kid her Junior year and I swear that kid will be closer to her grandparent, aunts, and uncles than any kid I've seen before in my entire life. It's like the entire family adopted her - more like the entire town actually. My classmate went through high school with high grades, was active in extracurricular activities and was still active in her child's life even though she wouldn't usually have been able to take care of it.

EDIT: *putting a child up for adoption unneccesarily

She lives far away from her family... She is living half the country away from her family, with a very low paying job that barely keeps her fed, in a tiny appartment with a full time school load in addition to that job... She has no time for a life right now, let alone a kid... No time, no money, no family nearby, and problems that need to be fixed before she should be forming what that child is going to become when he or she becomes an adult...

She said she's bothered by someone else raising her kid... I mean, maybe I can't understand that since I'm not a woman, but speaking from pure logic, an open adoption (one where she can have contact with the kid as he or she grows up) is much better than trying to raise that child in her current state...

So, yeah, I can't do anything but pray... Her reservations are stronger than logic, and the decision is hers to make, eventually...

[Rambo]

I will be praying for them and you just keep trying to help your friend and i just want to say if that was me I wouldnt put them up for addotion I would keep my child.

[Bobtheduck]

Why would you keep the child? I'm guessing you live at home right now, at age 17. If I'm wrong, then sorry, but living on your own in CA going to school full time is hard enough. Taking care of a kid on top of that is just absurd. Cost of living is high in california, and she barely makes enough money to pay for herself, let alone a kid.

Honestly, I mean I understand wanting something that came from you to stay with you, I do, but there is also looking out for the kid's best interest. Can you honestly say taht if you're barely keeping yourself alive that you should take on another life to take care of? That's just pure selfishness... This is the argument for abortion, but that is also selfishness... Adoption is scary because it is a reminder that you made a mistake, but it is the least selfish route to take. It gives longing couples the chance to have what they may not be able to otherwise, and it gives that kid a chance in life. You know, if you're affraid of your kid being there but you not having a place in their life, make it an OPEN adoption... Play a role in the kid's life. Take part in birthdays and big moments, but let someone who would have a better chance of taking care of the child than you have that chance... Most of all, let the child have a chance. Balancing school, more than one job, and a kid... Why on earth would you put the KID through that if you didn't have to?

EDIT: Just talked to her... She accused me of being condemning because I don't think she should be taking care of the baby when she can't take care of herself... Well, we're not talking now... She got all pissy and I spent the last 5 minutes or so crying really hard... I am... Devestated is the word, I think... I can't believe the conversation I just had... I said the reality of the situation needs to be taken care of, and all she could say was that she wanted to bring the baby into the world with optimism... I said optimism has to give way to reality someday, and with a baby coming, that day is rather close... She says she wants support, but I can't support her thinking she can take care of a baby when she can barely take care of herself... That will be forefront in my mind with any conversation I would have with her... How do you shut something like that down? This isn't like taking a hard career or attempting a challenging puzzle... This is another life she's taking this stand on. "I'm going to be strong and survive" is just plain selfish when you have another life to think about...

[Syreth]

Well, the fact of the matter is that if she's set her mind to do something, she will do it. Nobody can make this decision but her. This is a time where she really does need the support. Also, as far as I understand, pregnancy can affect your emotions a lot... so emotional support would be a big way anyone could support her. I'll continue to pray. Thanks for sharing and I hope everything works out okay for her and that the child would grow up to follow the Lord.

[Ryupower]

I will pray thaqt they will truly become saved, also praying for G-d to give you favor, and ehave people listen to you.
I'll be praying now