I have made a mistake...

[Yojimbo]

This guy is 20 and he needs to start acting like it. Showing once again that maturity does not come with age. Us men tend to take things way out of proportion especially in the initial "high" of a relationship. This guy sounds like he's taking it a little too far and needs to seriously back off some. Since you seem pretty convinced now that you're not gonna date him at least for now anyway I'd deffinetly let him know. Be straightforward and make it stick so there's no confusion and no mix ups. This guy is an adult by societal standards and he needs a reality check so don't be too soft on him just because you're confused and don't want to hurt him.

The "I only plan to date my future husband/wife" issue has been discussed a million times here before. The fact is very very few of us will actually do that. We can't limit God by making empty promises like that. The fact is God knew you would probably break that promise anyway. God may have some awesome wonderful Christian men later in your life that you may date. It's much better if we just leave things like that up to God and not try to micromanage it.

[Artist4Jesus89]

It is super hard >_< the person who gave me the idea is my pastors wife and i talked to her about it but it seemed it was easier for her than it is for me then again she could have been more mature physically, spiritually, and mentaly than i am...


[EDIT:] Oh yeah umm also since my dad is not answering the phone i talked to my youth pastor about the guy and well i am going to have him call him for me do you think that will work?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Well, it may be a bit weird for your pastor because he isnt your parent/guardian. But I suppose it can have some effect.

[Puritan]

It is super hard >_< the person who gave me the idea is my pastors wife and i talked to her about it but it seemed it was easier for her than it is for me then again she could have been more mature physically, spiritually, and mentaly than i am...

Different people go about things in different ways and have different problems. Just because your pastor's wife was able to commit to not dating anyone she didn't intend to marry doesn't mean that she was more mature at your age than you are, it just means that she was in a different situation. Please don't think less of yourself if you have trouble keeping your promise or even decide that you made a mistake due to immaturity and decide to start dating when you are mature enough, have prayed about it, and discussed the situation with your parents. Not wanting to get involved in the dating methidology wars, but remember that while some people think that making a comittment not to date someone until you know who you are going to marry is very important, others think that dating in a God-centered and careful fashion is not only normal but a good thing to do when you are mature enough to do so. I have known good, Godly people say both things, and have seen many God-centered, loving marriages come from people who dated in the typical fashion.

And I think that having your youth pastor talk to the guy would be a good thing as long as he is willing to play the "enforcer" role and make it known to this guy that he WILL leave you alone. And I bet your youth pastor would be more than happy to help protect you in this way. I find that most men who have been either fathers or elder brothers have no problem warning guys away from girls when they make pests of themselves, so he would likely be a fine person to call the guy who won't leave you alone. And remember, a man should leave you alone as soon as you ask him too, there is no excuse for pestering a girl once she asks you to stop, and actually scaring one means that he needs to be set straight.

[yukinon]

As far as dating methodology goes, I personally have come to the conclusion that there are definitely specific and unshakable principles that are absolute, but that those principles can be applied in different ways for different people and situations.

[Ryupower]

I will pray.
It's important to keep promises made to G-d.
I didn't make this promise. I think a 4 year difference is also a big gap...wow..

wait...you said date right?
Well, you don't need to date in order to be together...
But that's just something I came up with, wait for G-d...I'm praying..

[Artist4Jesus89]

wait...you said date right?
Well, you don't need to date in order to be together...
But that's just something I came up with, wait for G-d...I'm praying..

No i dont even want to be with him since he is talking marrige i had my sister call him (she acctually did it volentarily) i get a bad feeling when im talking to him so...

EDIT:
Oh yeah and i had my sister call him and he will now hopefully leave me alone haha...

[yukinon]

wait...you said date right?
Well, you don't need to date in order to be together...
But that's just something I came up with, wait for G-d...I'm praying..

Isn't that kind of a technicality? I doubt that God really works through loopholes.

[dragonshimmer]

This guy is 20 and he needs to start acting like it. Showing once again that maturity does not come with age. Us men tend to take things way out of proportion especially in the initial "high" of a relationship.

Hm. Yes, very true. However, so it doesn't sound like I'm "man bashing", I'd like to point out that women are guilty of the same at times. Moving on so I don't get myself into trouble...

Manga, since you feel uncomfortable around him and since he's pushing the issue (never let a guy "talk" you into being with him...it's just a bad sign from the start) and since his ideas of dating and where it leads and yours are VERY different, I think you've made a very sound decision. Hopefully, he should leave you alone eventually and if he doesn't....like others have suggested, call out daddy. Fathers tend to wield surprising power over possible suitors.

I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Heart of Sword]

Listen, if its a 4 year difference, hes 20 and your 16. I'm sorry but no 16 year old knows how to date. I don't care what anybody has to say. Having feelings is one thing, acting upon is another. I hope I don't sound antagonizing, but please please please don't take anything too far or fast. Feelings for people come and go.

Sorry, but this isn't true. In Bible times, don't forget, a 16 year old would already be getting married. The reason MOST modern 16-year-olds don't know how to date/court is because they've been heavily influenced by media and peers.

[Puritan]

Sorry, but this isn't true. In Bible times, don't forget, a 16 year old would already be getting married. The reason MOST modern 16-year-olds don't know how to date/court is because they've been heavily influenced by media and peers.

I agree with you completely, Heart of Sword. In fact, it was common for 14 to 16 year olds to marry less than 100 years ago. The common US dating culture is, in fact, cultural, so it isn't necessarily true that 16 year olds aren't ready to date. That determination should be made by a person's parents until they go off on their own, and then made by the person themselves.

[Nate]

True, but there wasn't much going on in the way of dating in the Bible. It was basically a dude going to someone and saying, "Hey, your daughter is hot. I'll give you five goats if you let me marry her." And the father would say "Throw in an ram and you got yourself a deal." The woman apparently had little say in who she was going to marry, it was an agreement between the father and the husband to be. This wasn't ALWAYS the case, but it was true for the majority of the time. So I would say the Bible isn't good support for "16 year olds might be mature enough to marry."