Please, Don't get upset with me for this

[EireWolf]

Naga, I know that "trust God" is easy to say but sometimes very hard to do. But God is the only One who is truly trustworthy. He made you, and He knows you better than anyone in this world, even yourself. You are worried that you may never find a guy to love you -- but God already knows who that person is. If you trust God and follow Him, He will lead you where you need to go. If you follow the ways of the world, you will find only heartache and deception.

I'm glad you're deciding to take the good advice and throw away the bad. It sounds like you recognize bad advice (from your guidance counselor) for what it is, even though it was saying that what you were doing is okay. Sin may feel good at the time, but has horrible aftereffects -- such as the guilt and separation that you are feeling.

As for the romance novels -- It really depends on what effect they have on you, as others have said. However, I would definitely say that if they are the kind that are written for adults (i.e. the kind with Fabio on the cover and sex scenes in the text), then you should not be reading them. If they're the kind that are written for the younger crowd, then ... it depends on where they take your mind, but I would even say that they're a bad idea anyway. Most of them give a false view of romance that will give you unrealistic expectations for a future relationship.

Naga, I hope this doesn't sound patronizing, but you are still very young. You have many years ahead of you before you get married anyway, so you don't need to worry if guys don't seem interested yet. I'll tell you this; I was a rather unattractive girl in high school, but I'm thankful for that now. I think it helped me avoid the temptation to do things with guys that I would certainly regret later. Today, I am happily married to a wonderful guy, and I'm thankful that he doesn't have to share my heart with anyone else.

[Puritan]

I agree with FadedOne, romance type stuff is something to be careful with as it can definately be a trigger for problems. Far better to find other things to occupy your time. Take your anime script, for example, I'm not surprised that you have had trouble working on it because sin can occupy such a big place in your mind it's hard to think of other things. And I hope I didn't sound harsh earlier, I know sin is extremely difficult to deal with and it isn't something you can just throw off in a day. It will likely be a struggle for you for years to some, but I am confident that God will use this experience for your good in the end. He is amazingly able to turn evil into great good.

And I wanted to mention something else you said earlier. I can't speak to your personal appearance as I don't know you, but I have to say that most women I've known well think the same thing about themselves as you do. You're not pretty enough, no one will be interested, and so on. Please, don't believe a word of it. The only path I have seen to being truly ugly comes from within, not your body without, and the only path to true beauty is through a beautiful life. Growing in your relationship to God, trusting Him and getting to know Him, these things will be what makes you beautiful to the type of man you would want to marry, and I know that these things will make the plainest of people beautiful. I mean this most sincerely, I'm not trying to be cliched or just saying this to make you feel better, I'm saying it because it's true. I hope and pray that you can come to see this as well. At the end, if God wishes you to not marry He will make you happier in that than you could ever be married, and if He has set marriage in your future He will ensure that you will marry the person He has selected for you, and He will make you happy through that as well. As the Bible says: "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28).

[FadedOne]

The only path I have seen to being truly ugly comes from within, not your body without, and the only path to true beauty is through a beautiful life. Growing in your relationship to God, trusting Him and getting to know Him, these things will be what makes you beautiful to the type of man you would want to marry, and I know that these things will make the plainest of people beautiful.

this reminded me of one of my fav passages.

1 Peter 3

our beauty should not come from outward adornment....Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

right now that's one of my two life verses...i recommend you take it to heart. it's Gospel truth. ^_^

[Silent Hunter]

Well, I had a big ol' long post written up, but I feel that the others have summed up pretty well what I was going to say. So I deleted it all. prettymuch i just want to say that God should always be the fulfillmenta and the satisfaction for our desires. God loves you, and that's more important than any love you could ever get from some guy. But if you're still concerned about your looks, ... you're only 14. I've seen many girls have changed in how they look in just a few years. Besides, like they said, it's really not what's on the outside that matters. And any man worth dating will be able to recognize that, rather than pass by b/c of a lack of skin deep beauty.

You're more special and beautiful to God than you could imagine possible, don't destroy that beauty by poisoning it with hentai and worldy lusts. God has SO much more in store for your life. Please, I beg of you, talk to someone about this , and I don't mean someone who you only know as a user-name, and develop some kind of accountablity with someone.

When you are back to walking hand in hand with God, without this issue and others that follow with it, you will see your life grow and flourish in ways you didn't think were possible. Your concerns about appearances and other stuff will diminish, and God will be a part of your intimate life. When He is, I must say, it is so much more difficult to try to justify/get away with looking and lusting at pictures. Your anime will probably improve so much more, and your writing will grow so much better when you are using it to the fullest to please God. besides, if you aren't trying to please God on the inside, how can you expect your Christian anime/ writing to turn out pleasing to God.

anyway, i'll pray for you, PM me if you'd like to talk about any of it

[Tringard]

Thanks, but no, Romance novels haven't ever done anything bad. All they do is provide romantic daydreams once in a while. ::)

While they may not now do anything bad, you may find them to be a problem as you fight off the temptation of hentai. I believe it was in a book by Joshua Harris that he emphasized that while recovering, compromising on seemingly small things could set you down the path to another failure.

I know for me some movies that I used to think didn't affect me at all now do, making temptation stronger than it needs to be.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Update:

Now I'm really confused, I told my guidence counciler about my problem, and she said that not only was it normal, it was all right to do. She said that if Hentai doesn't affect the way I treat or see people, and if It's not hurting aanyone, then it's fine for me to be into. She said it could also be a healthy way for me to exsplore sexuality.


????? Is that right?

I advise not to listen to her, yes she is a counseluar and such. However there is atruth about pornography/hentai addiction which not many people bear in mind. Please trust me on this >_> I myself have dug myself into this mess.

You see, ponography, hentai, whatever. They all start out small. A little peek here an little peek there. It will develop into something larger. You grow a tolerance for it, and somethings that "made you feel excited" no longer will do so. You will continue to grow a desensitaztion and toleration for such images, your hunger for satisfaction will grow. The problem is it will never be fully satisfied. The more you indulge, the more you hunger, the more you want, the less happier you will be. Then you will read the max point where there will be nothing to satisfy you, no matter how hard you look.

That is the darn absolute truth. Maybe hentai is not affecting anybody else. But it is most certaintly affecting yourself.

You are in my prayers, I know exactally what you're going through, I'm in the same predicament as you >_>

[Naga Kisaki]

Well, this is odd. Yesterday I was having a tough day and gave in, but when I saw the images I didn't feel anything at all. They were just pictures. I didn't feel any different then if I had looked at a rock. Just numb. What's that mean?

[Syreth]

Well, that doesn't really mean anything, to tell you the truth. Sometimes I feel like eating pizza, sometimes I don't, but it doesn't change the fact that pizza is good (okay, bad analogy I know). The point is, feelings come and go, but the word of God is unchanging. Feelings have their place in some things, but have no place when it comes to defining what sin is and what it isn't.

[Sweet Mercury]

Update:

Now I'm really confused, I told my guidence counciler about my problem, and she said that not only was it normal, it was all right to do. She said that if Hentai doesn't affect the way I treat or see people, and if It's not hurting aanyone, then it's fine for me to be into. She said it could also be a healthy way for me to exsplore sexuality.


????? Is that right?

Hmmm, your guidence counselor touched on a few important issues, but explained them in a pretty poor way; especially if what you were looking for was Christian advice. She was correct in this sense: what you are feeling, sexual desire and the desire for acceptance and love is, in fact, normal. Most of the posts in this thread can at least attest to that.

And while I do believe that certain individuals react to things like hentai in different ways, ask yourself this: is your counselor correct? Are you, in fact, feeling happy about all this? The answer here is no! You sound to me like you have a large, wanting space in your heart that is looking for fulfillment, and you have to examine what you have been using to fulfill that want. Hentai, in this case.

Now, you say you don't want to give this up, because it makes you "happy." Again you have to ask yourself, is this Hentai giving you any sort of real happiness? Or is it a temporary feeling, one that is fleeting, and as a result of this impermanence one that has a terrible hold on you? I would be inclined to guess the latter. It's the same trap that many lonely, confused young people get into, and there is really no difference in trying to feel better with hentai or with drugs. Both are truly lame sources of happiness, and both are generally damaging. Drugs just happen to be physically damaging, so we see the effects directly. The effect that hentai is having on you is: temperary, false "happiness," but real, permanent misery and lonliness.

The best advice I can give: Find something more substantial on which to base your happiness. You will be all the better for it.

Good luck, a lot of people here have you in their thoughts.

[Naga Kisaki]

I gave in to day and looked, and this time I didn't feel numb, I felt like I used to feel. What's worse is, I feel like I didn't even risist, like I should be ashamed more, but I just can't seem to feel ashamed, guilty, maybe, but I can't exsplain what else I feel at the moment, it's something wierd. I was able to be clean for a week or so. I don't know why I gave in, It just was there, that website, and I didn't try to resist enough.

[Nate]

Don't worry, Naga...we all fall, but God doesn't hold it against us, okay? Just ask for forgiveness, and don't dwell on it too much, okay?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

:sniffle:
I gave in to day and looked, and this time I didn't feel numb, I felt like I used to feel. What's worse is, I feel like I didn't even risist, like I should be ashamed more, but I just can't seem to feel ashamed, guilty, maybe, but I can't exsplain what else I feel at the moment, it's something wierd. I was able to be clean for a week or so. I don't know why I gave in, It just was there, that website, and I didn't try to resist enough.

That isn't something that is exclusive to you. For it's something that pretty much everybody whos hooked on pornography struggles with.

[Syreth]

Don't worry about it, it feels terrible, but don't let the feelings get you down. When we feel guilty or ashamed or terrible for what we've done, we have to make sure it drives us to the Lord and not deeper into the darkness. This is a battle that can be won. Hang in there!

2 Corinthians 7:10
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.

[freerock1]

A little honesty here... I actually gave into something this week that I occasionally struggle with. I was already in sort of a state of confusion, and of course Satan was there to start talking his condemning crap to me, saying that merely asking for forgiveness wasn't enough. But I came across this Scripture:

- 1 John 2:16-17 - For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.

But there's good news:

- 1 John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

-1 John 2:1 (NIV) - My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.

As children of God, we still struggle with the flesh, and occasionally we may stumble. Even the apostle Paul struggled with it. But he took assurance in knowing that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. (There's a great passage about Paul's struggles and his assurance of no condemnation in Romans 7:14-8:16.) The thing we have to remember is that there is grace and forgiveness through Christ. We all make mistakes, but God is there to forgive us and get us back on the right path. That's not an excuse to say that sin is ok; if it were, Christ wouldn't have had to die for it. Rather, it's to say that we can't live for God on our own.

I think Satan's attack is often twofold. First he tries to get us to commit a sin, knowing that it grieves God. If he can succeed there, he then tries to throw doubt into our minds, making us feel like we can't confess our sins, or that asking for God's forgiveness isn't good enough.

That's why we need to rest our hope on nothing but the grace God gives, not on our own works. Sometimes that's hard to do. But trust in the Lord with all your heart, not in your own understanding and how good you can be (Proverbs 3:5). Like the Scripture Syreth pointed out from 2 Corinthians 7, if we sin we need to repent. But the true repentance that is God's will doesn't produce condemnation; it produces life and freedom in Christ.

Anyway, hopefully this is of encouragement. I know when I start talking about this stuff I tend to get wordy. But it's something I've gone through (I still battle with it), and it's close to my heart. I'm lifting you up in prayer, my sister. Be encouraged!

[Silent Hunter]

keep up with reading your bible every day, i'll keep praying for you

[Ryupower]

you got my last reply, and I shall say it again!
When I was in my pre-teens I was desperate for hentai, and YAOI! I dug for doujinshis, I dug for anything you could think of. I even printed them out and hid them. I myself was a mess before I was saved. But thanks to G-d WHO FORGAVE ME I got over it, please, pray to G-d yourself, believe it or not, He already knows! He knows you better than you do yourself.
So please pray to Him.
Also I put these points one might think of in a different thread:
1. You're part of Christ's body, do you want to DAFILE the Body of Christ, the HOLY body of Christ?
2. Say you have a crush on someone, how would YOU feel if your crush ( if you have one ) would be addicted to stuff like that?
3. Do you think your future husband would be happy about this?

Not condemning, only doing my best to help. And I got delivered, completely ( OK, I admit, I do lust every now and then...and think about it, but as soon as I notice it's slippng, I PRAY! AND REPANT BEFORE IT EVEN GETS THERE!!! I'm doing better now. ), my addiction's gone, so I know how I overcame this issue and I want to pass this on. I'm glad it's gone, such FREEDOM!!!
I pray that it'll soon leave you alone too ( stinkin devil...).

Now, thisis good that we finally have a female come out and admit this. Pornography is not strictly a men's issue, however extreme that stareotype ( I hate stareotypes ) may be. It's just society that made it more 'acceptable' for men to talk about such things, while females usually keep this in secret, because of fear of not being as well 'accepted' as guys admitting it. It's disgusting, people of both genders can get this addiction. Pretty quick too...

With this said, I SHALL CONTINUALLY PRAY!!!

[Naga Kisaki]

Okay, Here's a question that I'm cautious about.

If looking at pornography is wrong, and holding onto my virginity is a definite must-have, then, what should I do to exsplore, like the guidence councilor said? ??? I want to know because some of the things I remember from the pornography disturbs me now, realizing how it made me feel.

[mai]

Talk to someone you trust! a christian ask me or one of the older members. You don't need to explore it, you need to learn from somone trustworthy.
My mom started teaching about the body and sex when I was very young, but she taought me from a christiam perspective, that is what is most important.

Also, you continue to be in my prayres, I wish I could help you more with this.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

What you need is a good trustworthy friend, a mentor or something to hold accountable too. Don't listen to that counsellor when she says that. It's not a Christian attitude, its a humanistic 'anything goes' attitude and is not healthy.
Like Mai said you don't need to explore your sexuality. If you want God's perspective read your Bible and reading some Christian authors on the subject wouldn't hurt either. But the best thing is to discuss it with someone you trust who is prefarably a Christian also. But being honest to God is the way to go and repenting and asking for forgiveness.
Just keep on the straight and narrow mate.

God Bless, I'll be praying for you

[Naga Kisaki]

TALK to someone? I have about two good female friends, neither of which I feel comfortable enough with talking to about that, and I certainly cna't talk to my parents (my mom stated she isn't comfortable.)

ANd, for one thing, i cna't read the old testement.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Why can't you read the Old Testemant?

Hmm... Difficult situation. Maybe your parents are uncomfortable talking about it (but so were mine). They should realise that they are their to educate you about that sort of thing. It's not easy but it is a parent's role I think.
They need to break through that comfort zone and help you. Each time I confess my sins to God or talk through some heavy stuff with people I trust its very hard, but ultimately it frees you from the burden because you are sharing it. And God told us to support and encourage each other so we can grow in our faith and become the People of God He want's us to be.
Hang in there matie!
God's got it under control.

[freerock1]

On the issue of exploring... It kind of depends on what you mean by "explore." It is normal at your age to want to discover who you are, even sexually. But that doesn't mean you have to give in to what's wrong. As someone who's committed to staying a virgin until marriage, much of the "exploring" will be saved for your husband. Like previous posters have said, a lot of it you don't need to explore until that time.

As far as talking to someone... I know it can be hard to do, but you may need to open yourself and be vulnerable and honest with one of your Christian friends that you trust. It may not be comfortable, and that's why you need to make sure it's someone you trust.

I also agree with Warrior... she may not feel comfortable about it (and meaning no disrespect to her), but part of your mother's role is to talk to you about this kind of thing. You may need to respectfully and lovingly confront her about it. She should be willing to have this kind of talk with you, partly so that you get the perspective your parents want you to have about it.

But if you absolutely can't bring yourself to do these things, I'd recommend asking a respected female member of your church (you don't have to give her all the details) to maybe recommend someone to talk to. I can almost guarantee you, you aren't the only one in your church who's struggling with this kind of thing.

As far as the Old Testament, I'm curious what you meant, too, about not being able to read it. If it's a thing of being hard to understand or getting bored with parts of it (which is totally understandable), maybe you need to try a different translation.

I think most of the verses that have been posted in this thread, though, were from the New Testament. And since we're living in the time since Jesus died, that's the covenant we're living under. We don't have to live as if we're still under the system where we had to sacrifice bulls and sheep and all that. We can have a personal relationship with God and talk to Him anytime, and Jesus died to take away all our sins. There are still some things that we can learn from the Old Testament, but we shouldn't live as if our salvation comes from following the Old Testament laws; it can only come through Jesus and trusting Him to forgive our sins.

Anyway, we're continuing to lift you up in prayer. Keep us posted if there's anything we can do to help you out.

[Naga Kisaki]

I get angry when I read the old testement, sometimes to the point that I fear god (NOT in the biblical sence). Reading the old testement to me is looking at a side of God I don't want to know.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Testement means Agreement. Old Testement - A God not to be messed with, but still loving. New Testement - A God not to be messed with, but loving and Jesus grace bridges the gap between us and God. All we need to do is accept his sacrifice and him.

I can understand your not liking the Old Testement but really it was a time leading up to Jesus time on earth, his death and resurrection and tells of how it was before God's New (more loving) Agreement. Some parts are boring (Levitcus is a contender) I agree, but ultimately he has a humble, tame side and also a wild side. Forgetting either is watering down his Word.
Hope this helps.

[freerock1]

I get angry when I read the old testement, sometimes to the point that I fear god (NOT in the biblical sence). Reading the old testement to me is looking at a side of God I don't want to know.

That's understandable. But like I said in my previous post (and as Warrior alluded to), the way we relate to God now is through Jesus and under His grace. Hebrews talks about how God took the form of man (Jesus) so that He could relate to us. He's been through the same kinds of things we go through (He was tempted in the same ways we are, yet He never sinned), so now we can come to Him and find grace and mercy in our time of need. The people in the Old Testament couldn't say that.

I don't know why it had to be that way; I guess it's one of those mysteries about God that we won't understand until we get to heaven. But God is holy and just, and in His infinite wisdom had a reason for allowing it to be set up that way. And we can certainly thankful that we are under God's grace, and that we can rest our hope on Jesus' sacrifice!

EDIT: I was writing this as Warrior was writing his, so a lot of these points will overlap. I think we're on the same page with this; I just didn't want you to think I was trying to steal your thunder, bro!

[Naga Kisaki]

I still can't read the old testement, and I don't plan on it. The New testement is all right, and has all I need to know. I know, how it says the things leading up to Jesus's birth and death, but the thing tht scares me is that it's the SAME God. Godd is perfect in his way (though I don't understand it.) God doesn't change, the God in the Old Testement is that same as the God in the new, I don't want to read about something that'll weaken my bond with God, It's fragile enough as it is.


The best way to exsplain it, I think is like this, say your Father is a cop. He's a loving father, strict, but forgiving. You've heard of him yelling at other people, and know he can yell at you, but that's okay, iit's not a pleasent exseriance, but it's not something that'll change the way you feel.

Now, imagine, one day, seeing a file describing in detail a time when your father shot a criminal. It was justified, and It was the right thing, but still, would you feel the same about him? Would you feel the same knowing your father could actually kill someone? IMO, the Old Testement is that file, and as long as I stay away from it, I don't have to be afraid of my father, and I can love and respect him.


I mena, some of the things that happpens in the old testement, it's scary, When I was younger, I couldn't even skim it without finding something that made me burst into tears. The other day, I was reading it in church and I actually had to exscuse myself out of the room because I was so shaken.

[freerock1]

I think God's cool with that. You may come to a point where you decide to read the OT; you may not. And (my personal opinion) I don't think it's going to be a major deal to Him either way. The important thing with this is that you keep seeking God for yourself, stay rooted especially the New Testament, and stay grounded in knowing Christ as your Savior.

[Naga Kisaki]

Yeah. Now all I need to do is find someone in my church I feel comfortable with. There isn't anyone, really. I'm supposed to be a wholsom person, I don't know anyone in the church enough to talk to them.

I'm positive that if I tell them, someone else will find out, and then no one will ever look at them the same again.

[Syreth]

I don't wish to beat a dead horse, but I do feel the need to mention that the New Testament would mean nearly nothing without the Old. Going with your analogy, if you choose not to read the Old Testament, it would be like never knowing what your father did for a living. The Old Testament God is the same God as in the New, (like you and others have said) and if we have to struggle with issues that are hard to swallow for us to know Him better, it will be worth it, even if it makes us upset or uncomfortable. The more you understand the Old Testament, the more that bond that you have with God will be strengthened because you understand a part of God that you didn't before.

Psalm 138:2
I will worship toward Your holy temple,And praise Your name For Your lovingkindness and Your truth; For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.

Knowing God is one of the hugest tasks we face as Christians. One way we do this is to know what God's word says, because God reveals Himself to us through His word. That said, do whatever you like, but if you can push through these tough issues, you faith WILL be increased becase of this promise:

Romans 10:17
So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

I used to feel that way about the Old Testament, come to think of it. I wanted to avoid scriptures that made me feel convicted or condemned, so I just searched for the "feel-goods." I'm not saying this is you, of course. I'm just saying that I can relate somewhat.

Sorry to be so wordy. I hope I was some help and I'm still praying for you.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

No offense, but I think its wise to also read the Old Testement. Like Syreth said, some make us feel convicted and condemned, and I know myself that I've avoided some, but it doesn't change God. He is the same as he was, is and is to come. If it convicts you than God is trying to speak through it to you and wanting you to change your ways. It is scary, but I'm sorry God isn't just a feel good God, conviction and honesty come into it. No one ever said follow Jesus was easy, but if you put your faith in him you'll go far!