Please, Don't get upset with me for this

[Naga Kisaki]

I feel sick with myself. Please, Don't get upset with me for posting about this topic, I'm so mixed up, I didn't know where else to turn to.


I have an addiction (or a forming addiction, I'm not sure.) to hentai. This is Japanese Anime pornography, for those who don't know.

I don't know why I like it, or why I want it so badly. Maybe it's because I'm a very plain person who likes to feel sexy when I'm alone (that's what looking at hentai does to me, As ashamed as I am, to admit it, it does make me feel that way) Maybe I'm just fishing for exscuses.

I know it's wrong, or at least, I'm pretty sure it's wrong, if it wasn't, I wouldn't feel so horrible, would I? I'm only 14 years old, I know I shouldn't even think about hentai until I'm 18 and old enough to understand it, but I still do think about it, and I do a lot more then that. I look at what little snippets I can get over the internet without alerting my parents, and I sleep with a sheet of hentai images beneath my pillow so I can look at it whenever I want.

I really don't want to stop, I want to keep feeling good, but something in me keeps telling me that I should tell someone, but I don't know who. That's why I'm posting this.


I can't tell any of my online friends at the other anime websites, I'm afraid they'll all stop talking to me if I tell them I look at Hentai.

I can't tell my grandparents, there very religious, but they're always talking about how much garbage there is online, I think they'll be ashamed of me, and have an 'I-told-you-so' attitude. and I don't want them to stop being proud of me.


I can't tell any of my teachers, or my phsychaitrist, They'll all see me as the 'good kid' the one who's polite, the one who's fun and mature, the one who is different. I don't want them to know about my problem, because they won't like me anymore and won't admire the fact that I'm 'not like the other teens.'

And I can't tell my parents, because I know if I tell them they'll take the computer away from me, and that will cut me off from the only friends I have. They're good friends, none of them have anything to do with my addiction, neither does their website, even though it ha an adult area, it's password protected andnot even they can go to it. Not that they'd want to. Also, If they take away the computer, I won't be able to write my stories, I can't write them down on paper, and writing stories is my passion, it's my escape when the world get's to be too much. I don't think I can live without writing and talking to my friends, so that's why I can't tell my parents, and I can't bear to think what my parents would think of me.

Also, I'm having a bad religious withdrawl. I haven't felt God's presence for a while,even the series I'm writing for him is suffering because I can't think, and it's my fault. I haven't gone to church and I haven't prayed to him about this, I feel to messed up to, I mean, how can I, a teenage girl, talk to god about a Pornography addiction that I know I shouldn't be into but don't really want to get rid of it.

I'm very confused about my feelings, as I said, I don't want to stop looking at pornography for four more years, but I know I should, I'm so confused and unhappy, please, if any of you have any advice of all to give, then please give it to me. And God bless.

[Nate]

Well, hmm...first of all, you shouldn't be looking at it at ALL...not in four years, you should never look at it again. Seriously.

By the way, this is a problem I have too, so it's not like I don't know how hard it is to beat this addiction, because God knows, I do. But anyway, hentai (the proper term for it) is just as bad as real pornography, in that it desensitizes you into viewing women (or men, in your case) as nothing but sex objects, something merely to bring you pleasure, and that's not what they are.

I don't know what your plans are for the future (you're only 14, so it's difficult to see at this point), but if you ever get married...I can guarantee you that your husband is not going to be accepting of this. I mean, if I had a wife that looked at hentai, I'd feel like I wasn't good enough, that she didn't really care about me, and it would make me feel horrible. Honestly, that's why you should stop looking at it. Also, remember the words of Jesus:

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. - Matthew 5:28

Okay, so like, reverse the genders in what He said, and you get the idea. You're looking at dudes lustfully, even if they ARE cartoon dudes, and as such you are guilty of adultery.

Again, it's a problem I have, so don't feel like I'm berating you or anything, but keep in mind we're called to purity.

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. - 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

At any rate, don't say "I want to wait four years." Say, "I never want to look at it again for so long as I live." And I will pray that that is what you will say, and what will happen. ^^

[Slater]

Don't feel bad for posting this. You are most certainly NOT the first one to post here about this kind of thing. Yes, Hentai is bad, and yes, minors viewing porn is bad (espeially considering that statistics show that the average age of those who intentionally view porn is <18) too. It is a sin, and as such it must be treated just as any sin is... with prayer. Prayer availeth much in these matters, and since you asked for prayer, you got it.

[Naga Kisaki]

That's even harder. I don't see how I can do this without help. BUt I posted the reasons I'm afraid to ask for help.

[Syreth]

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

God always hears the prayer of confession and repentance. To become on good terms with God, we all had to come to Him in our filthiness and say "Help me." It's the same way when we mess up after we believe. God wants you so bad to come to Him right now, probably more than anybody wants anything else. So before you think about talking to anyone else, have some time with God about this. God is the first and most important Person to deal with right now. Don't be afraid at all to talk to Him about this. He's your loving heavenly Father.

Also, being involved in pornography is sinful no matter how old you are. In fact, the greek word for "adultery," is "pornos." So you see the connection. It's sinful for me, you and everybody. But rest assured that God will bless you SO much for repenting. I'll be praying.

[mai]

I'll pray for you


<>I can't tell any of my teachers, or my phsychaitrist, They'll all see me as the 'good kid' the one who's polite, the one who's fun and mature, the one who is different. I don't want them to know about my problem, because they won't like me anymore and won't admire the fact that I'm 'not like the other teens.'<>

This is how a lot of people see me. When my parents found out that for the past 5 years that I have felt depressed, have gone into the basement and cried in the dark and have gotten the F word stuck in my head for a week along with violent/sexual images. They saw me differently, but thy also wanted to help me and I feel so much better that I have told someone though it was the hardest thing I ever did I'm stronger now the I ever could have imagined.

I know you have probably heard this before, but God loves you so much. You might not feel him but just try talking to him silently or out load about everything you want, fear and have done.

According to bible looking at pornography is bad, we are supposed to meditate on what is good and beautiful, not that we can't think about anything sad but it should [as much as possible] glorify God. if you want I can look up some verses.

[Puritan]

It might be extremely difficult for you (and I know it has been for me) but you really should find a trusted Christian mentor to discuss this with, preferrable someone older than you and female as well. I would suggest talking to your parents, but if that's too much for you right now talk to someone else you trust, like a youth leader at your church or a similar trusted person. But you will need to talk to your parents about this eventually, and you shouldn't hide it from everyone except people online. It is hard, but the best way to deal with any addiction is to confront it and begin to deal with it as best you can with people you trust. And most importantly, remember that this sin is no better or worse than any other. A huge stigma is attached to sexual sin in our society, but in reality God is just as willing to forgive you for this sin as He is willing to forgive any other. God knows your pain and the difficulty of dealing with this type of thing, He can and will help you deal with this burden and turn from this sin. I shall be praying for you.

May the Lord grant you the strength to turn from this sin, may He turn your heart and eyes from this addiction, and may He give you peace with Him, your family, and yourself. Amen.

[Rogie]

Everyone has posted good advice thus far, but one thing that jumped out at me is something that I think all Christians struggle with, regardless of the sin. You feel ashamed to talk to God about it. That's actually a good, normal feeling. It means that that "connection" isn't completely gone. As humans, we think that a particular sin we engage in - in your case, hentai - is worse than all other sins we could possibly commit and we feel too ashamed to talk to God about it candidly.

The thing is, God looks at differently, because HE ISN'T HUMAN. Let that sink in. Very simple, yet very true. He sees each sin as equal; they're all bad to him. Telling a white lie is just as bad as hentai/pornography to Him. We see big sins and little sins, but God just sees sin.

So go to Him in prayer as if you're confessing a "mere white lie." I know it's hard, because your shame will still be there, but God is beyond that. He's willing to wipe away the sin and help you move beyond the shame. The shame is there to help you understand that you're sinning and doing wrong. If there was no shame, then we'd be sinning like crazy and never looking back.

Hope this helps. And don't worry about posting requests about this. Many Christians, including many members here, struggle with this kind of sin. We're all here to pray with you and for you about it.

[Yumie]

It might be extremely difficult for you (and I know it has been for me) but you really should find a trusted Christian mentor to discuss this with, preferrable someone older than you and female as well.

This is really helpful advice. The Bible tells us that we are to confess our sins to one another-- I think that part of the reason why it says to do this is that sin grows in the dark. When we hide it away and no one knows about it, we tend to lack motivation to get rid of it, and it just gets worse and worse. But when we bring it to light, when we reveal it to another person, they can help to motivate us to be done with it. I know it's extremely difficult, but once you get past the initial trial of telling someone, the rest will be much, much easier for you. Also, I cannot stress enough that this person should be another female. Issues like these are really too intimate to be discussed between a male and female, and could easily become a stumbling block for that person. I would suggest you go to your pastors wife or another prominent female that you trust and talk about it.

Also, don't be afraid to talk to God about it. Tell Him how you feel, tell him that it's such an addiction that you don't want to give it up, even though it is damaging to you. Tell Him that you know it's in the way of your relationship with Him, so much that you don't even feel His presence anymore. And then, ask Him to change how you feel about it all together-- ask Him to help you to want to get rid of it. Until you want to get rid of it, you will have a really hard time fighting it. You might be strong for a while, but if an extremely intense temptation comes over you and you lack the willpower, it'll get'cha.

Obviously, the most practical way to start is to getting over the addiction is to get rid of it. Take the pictures out from under your pillow and burn them. Gather up any hentai you own and trash it. I realize the computer is an essential part of your life and that you don't feel like you can exactly quit using it, but maybe try to set up a parental block against those websites. Remember that if you don't deal with it now, it'll only be worse later.

Finally, I suggest you find some sort of accountability. Someone who will regularly ask you how the battle is going, and to encourage you to keep going. If you don't have anyone who you feel can help you with that now, I would be glad to PM you about it and check up on you, if you'd like. Telling us was a good first step, but you're gonna have to take it farther. If there's anything I can do to help you, just let me know!

[EireWolf]

Hi Naga Kisaki. It's good that you posted about this; it shows that you know it should be out of your life.

Lots of people have already posted some good advice; I just want to talk about one thing in particular:

I haven't gone to church and I haven't prayed to him about this, I feel to messed up to, I mean, how can I, a teenage girl, talk to god about a Pornography addiction that I know I shouldn't be into but don't really want to get rid of it.

This was my biggest struggle when I was your age -- I thought I couldn't talk to God about my sins. But the worst thing you can do is stop talking to God. He loves you so much... and He already knows about all your darkest thoughts. He knows, and He loves you.

Now, Satan's main goal here is not just to make you stay addicted to pornography -- that's just a means to an end. Satan's main goal is to keep you away from God, and he often uses our sins against us this way. Satan loves to say to us, "You did this horrible thing! You are dirty! How can you go to God now?" Don't listen to that. Jesus died to pay for your sins and make you clean. God stands with open arms, ready to forgive you, waiting for you to come to Him. You're His child, and He loves you no matter what you've done.

God does hate sin -- partly because of what it does to us. It's tearing you apart, and you need to be rid of it. But you're right; you can't do it all by yourself. You said that you don't really want to get rid of it. Well then, the first step for you will be to go to God and confess -- remember that He already knows anyway, so you won't shock Him -- and ask Him to help you want to get rid of it. Yes, you can ask for the desire to quit sinning.

I can't say this enough: God loves you more than you can imagine, and He will not turn you away when you come to Him. No matter what kind of sin you're involved in, the blood of Christ is more than sufficient to cleanse you. God will forgive you; you just need to go to Him. You can tell Him anything; nothing shocks the God of all things. He knows all about it, and He wants to help you, not condemn you.

Know that I and many others are praying for you, and we don't condemn you either.

[Fionn Fael]

The previous posters mentioned just about everything I was going to say, so please take their advice. Let God lead you through this issue and you'll be just fine.

[Naga Kisaki]

Update:

Now I'm really confused, I told my guidence counciler about my problem, and she said that not only was it normal, it was all right to do. She said that if Hentai doesn't affect the way I treat or see people, and if It's not hurting aanyone, then it's fine for me to be into. She said it could also be a healthy way for me to exsplore sexuality.


????? Is that right?

[Tringard]

It sounds as though your guidance counselor is not a Christian, as unfortunately her answer agrees with the perspective of the world.
But as has been posted so far, this is not God's perspective (Kae gave some great reference verses for that). I remember when I was deep in this addiction trying to seek out viewpoints that would justify what I was doing, but deep down I knew that since I was ashamed and hiding it from parents and trying to hide it from God; I would never find real justification.

While it was difficult at first, it is so worth it to be free from the weight of that addiction. The joy of drawing closer to God is a welcome relief - replacement - to the guilt and depression that comes from living in sin separating myself from Him.

[Naga Kisaki]

In henati, no one is real, so no one is really defiled or hurt, and nothing i see will ever make me consider another human being a sex toy or thing.

If I only look to vent any feelings, is it really harmful? Even God sai it's better to be married then to live with lust, but I'm too youg to get married, so should I have something to vent with?

[Puritan]

Ahh, the guile of the world. Why then is pornography wrong if the people involved actually want that as a career? The answer is deeper than the matter of dehumanizing someone. The whole arena of love and sex involves your emotions extremely heavily. By exposing yourself to such material you are becoming emotionally entangled with inanimate objects and lustful thoughts. Your emotions are being tempered, slowly but surely, in fires of illicit lust for the non-existant. That's not a good thing. And remember, God doesn't forbid only adultery and fornication, He forbids looking at someone lustfully, be that someone real or otherwise. The Greek and Roman world had many sexually explicit statues and pictures (many artifacts from Pompeii are not shown publically because they are so explicit), but the Church still fought against this evil even though no-one was being exploited. The person involved in looking at the material, however, could become emotionally hurt and emotionally entangled with the inanimate, which is what is happening to you with hentai.

In addition, you are given a twisted view of the world from that stuff, one where emotional highs don't involve commitment or work, but only lust. Marrage, where such things can be expressed correctly, is a great deal of work and involves a lifetime commitment to someone else. This short-circuits the process, letting physical love be decoupled from commitment, which is a societal and spiritual disaster.

My advice would be to talk to a trusted female member of your church, one older than you, and talk about this stuff. In addition, give your feelings to God. Simply giving them free reign with hentai allows them to rule your life. God can and will give you the ability to deal with these emotions until it is appropriate to give them voice in marrage, although the path will be hard, letting them run rampant now is just opening you up for trouble.

[Steeltemplar]

In henati, no one is real, so no one is really defiled or hurt, and nothing i see will ever make me consider another human being a sex toy or thing.

If I only look to vent any feelings, is it really harmful? Even God sai it's better to be married then to live with lust, but I'm too youg to get married, so should I have something to vent with?

Pornography, even if it doesn't defile or hurt the person portrayed (as in hentai), definitely defiles and hurts you, the viewer. You are bringing into your mind images which are a corruption of the way God desires sexuality to be.

The real truth is that "venting" these feelings does not get rid of them. It just causes them to proliferate and grow in a way that is not healthy for you or for future relationships. And like a drug, pornography is something you build up resistances to so that eventually you have to move on to yet more hardcore images in order to get the feeling.

The way sexuality is supposed to be is an act shared between the husband and the wife. Always together. To remove that unitive aspect from sexual enjoyment is what makes pornography and other such abuses so empty and so hollow. The only true sexual satisfaction is that of a healthy marital relationship. Do not seek anything else. Until you do get to the age where you are old enough to marry and you find that one whom you truly wish to spend the rest of your life with, fight away your urges. At first it will be hard, but it becomes easier once you stop giving in.

[ssj2gohan61]

well i cant say what else has already been said so i will be praying for God to give you strength and wisdom.

[Syreth]

God also said:

27 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28

I already alluded to this verse. It's safe to say it applies to the reverse situation too. God says it's sinful, but your school counselor says it's not. Who should you listen to?

It's not a real human, but it looks somewhat like a human. Which is worse, to lust after a human or a non-human?

I really hope you make the right decision on this. I'll be praying that God would give you the insight and the strength that you need to do what is truly the right thing to do.

[Rambo]

Well hello you know it would help you find god if you told your parents ya you would loose your computer privilege but you could spend that time looking for god I personally think guilt is the best way god reaches people I ve had guilt's that are that brought me closer to god I love him for making me feel guilty but the one way god can help you is for you to tell your parents for they love you and want to help you I will pray for you and let Christ shine in you. your family might be I told you so but they still love you. and again I will pray for you.

[Naga Kisaki]

You all make it sound so easy, like that if God says something, that's all their is. One thing, none of you know what I look like, or the kind of person I am, I dont get any attention from guys, What if I never get married or find a guy willing toadmit I'm worth more then one date then being set aside? What then? It sounds like your all so sure I'll find someone. My parents are divorced. What If I end up like my dad; with no one. What then?

[Syreth]

First of all, I want to apologize to you if I sounded too harsh in my post. I understand your concern and I have thought that way many times myself. I thought, "Hey, I'm single, so I need to get some sort of fulfillment, right?" Actually, it was awfully faithless of me to think so. There is no fulfillment in looking at pornography (as you will soon find if you continue). The more you look, the more you might find that you want it and the more dissatisfied you become with your situation. I, for one, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you can live a full and abundant (and single) life without looking at pornography. The Lord is completely able to fulfill all needed desires (as well as help you to resist the sinful ones). I also have faith that if you turn to the Lord, He will give you the comfort that you need during this time. God did tell us about all this, and I'm so glad that He did, because it means that we don't have to live in dependency upon something so empty, thinking that it might satisfy our needs. I'm not trying to minimize your situation at all. I know it's hard, but I also can't minimize how much the Lord will bless you if you obey Him.

[Nate]

You all make it sound so easy, like that if God says something, that's all their is.

Well, He IS God, after all. ]One thing, none of you know what I look like, or the kind of person I am, I dont get any attention from guys, What if I never get married or find a guy willing toadmit I'm worth more then one date then being set aside? What then? It sounds like your all so sure I'll find someone. My parents are divorced. What If I end up like my dad; with no one. What then?[/QUOTE]
Then God has a reason for such things. But His reasons do not justify sin. First, I don't know what you look like. I don't care. The man meant for you will find you beautiful, regardless of what you look like. Trust me, my dad's brother is NOT what you would consider a handsome man, nor would his wife be considered attractive to most people. But to each other, they are the most beautiful people they've ever laid eyes on.

Again, your body is a temple to God. All other sins are committed outside the body, but sexual sins are committed AGAINST the body. You were purchased at a price, therefore honor God with your body. Not being married is not justification for breaking His commandments. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, far from it, this is something I struggle with myself. But we can't just give in and justify our sin...we need to fight against it.

QUICK EDIT:

The Lord is completely able to fulfill all needed desires

Actually, I personally would say God does not fulfill sexual desires, but rather represses them. But, to-may-to, to-mah-to, I suppose.

[Naga Kisaki]

I think I understand. Well, Going to the guidence councilor was a big help. Not. : P I can't really think of any other peers I can talk with this about. ((The people at my church are friendly, but I don't know anyone there I can talk to about this. At least no one who's a woman. But I think I'm starting to get it.

I can't Think of anymore excuses. You all have answers to whatever I think up. I guess the only thing left is to take the good advice I'm given and run with it.


Do I have to give up my romance novels?

[Nate]

Do I have to give up my romance novels?

You don't HAVE to. I think the question is, would reading them make you want to look at the stuff again? If the answer is yes, you probably shouldn't...if it doesn't, then go ahead and keep them.

And if you can't find a person at your church to talk about it to, then pray that God will help you find someone that you can talk to about it, and I'll pray for the same thing. ^^

[Syreth]

Yay! That's awesome! You made a really good decision. Now, yeah, run with it!

1 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:1-2

[Tringard]

Edit: I see I was a bit late, but I'll leave up my answer

Well what God says, is - there is nothing to be added to what He says, it is final - for He is GOD, perfectly good and right. If He says something is sin; then it is, and it cannot exist with Him.

But that certainly doesn't make it any easier. Dealing with addiction is a difficult trial, but with time and prayer (lots of prayer), it can be overcome! Right now, the feeling of happiness gained from viewing hentai feels like a good thing, but it is only a temporary feeling. When considering giving this up, there is the worry that you are sacrificing something good just because of "some rule", that your life will be less happy for it, but at least you'll be in the right. But that's not what we're saying, we're saying to give up this lifestyle AND turn to God who offers His love for us. The feelings you're experiencing now are such a poor imitation (substitute) for feeling the love of the God of the universe caring about little me. Others may not care for me or you (we do care btw), but the God that created all and keeps it all in motion does. THAT is a feeling that can never be replaced by the brief feeling of happiness offered by those images.

[Naga Kisaki]

Well, one thing I did notice while I was looking at Hentai, I couldn't work on the anime series I'm writing. ((I'm working on scripts for a series I'm working on, it's dedicated to God, and It's perpous is spreading Christain values ina way that won't turn people off. It's also meant to clear up a lot of Misconceptions about Angels.)) Thinking about hentai DID occupy my thoughts. I'm still a little (writer's)blocked and my stories lagging, I've been neglecting it, maybe.

[Doubleshadow]

Do I have to give up my romance novels?

Depends. Is it making you stumble in anyway? If so, then they have to go. I'll pray for you. As humiliating as it might be, you may need to find an accountability partner off-line. Coming from someone who has struggled, not with this, but with something similiar, finding someone Godly you trust and sharing the burden as we are admonished to do is so helpful. Toss all the hentai you have in the trash can, where it belongs. xxxchurch.com has software you can download that will let someone know where you have been on-line so they'll know if you are sucumbing to temptation. Again, praying for you.

[Naga Kisaki]

Thanks, but no, Romance novels haven't ever done anything bad. All they do is provide romantic daydreams once in a while. ::)

[FadedOne]

I recommend giving away the romance novels to the library or something(unless they're particular trashy, in which case they have one place..the trash).

You might think that's overkill, but if you're struggling with lust and truly desire to beat it you DONT want any triggers that make you crave the hentai all over again. And yea, take my word for it...that's exactly what romance novels(that overemphasize the emotional and physical thrill of a relationship) will do.

Personally my temptation lies in what people would call literary porn....not so much images as erotic writings and such. And oddly enough, that's just as damaging to a person. Not only will focusing on lust harm you NOW, but it will continue to affect your relationships years down the road if you hang onto it. Without realizing it, your focus in life will begin to narrow onto the sexual and physical aspects of life....there wont be any room for love and goodness and focus on Christ. sex will become your pagan god, and you'll have to fight yourself to return your gaze back onto truth.

Your guidance counselor had a point that this is normal....you're 14, that's a prime age when such temptations occur. You're not some kind of freak. However, the error is in claiming that such lust is alright to indulge in, as well as normal. Maybe it sounds like many of those giving advice are making it sound 'easy', but the truth of the matter is that it's really much easier to stop now while your addiction is young. You haven't developed a long-time dependence on hentai yet and you're going to have an easier time beating it for that reason. i wish you luck. go for it!

anyways....two more cents to add to the mix. i'm not sure what they're worth 'cause i feel like i'm giving barren advice as one who has yet to master her own problems. and yet, i really do hope you go for it and tackle this. it's the best thing to do. no doubts.