How the Apocalypse Can Make You Lose Your Job

[uc pseudonym]

After the third segment, it still makes me want to beat my head against a wall.

That is one of the strangest comments I have ever received, but thank you none the less.

Starting Issue #4, a friend and I will be writing "Pro/Con" columns about various issues and I intend to include them here. Lest you think these have no place in this thread, allow me to inform you that the first subject of debate is waffles.

[Maledicte]

Lest you think these have no place in this thread, allow me to inform you that the first subject of debate is waffles.

8D Waffles.

[Raiden no Kishi]

Waffles = yes.

Well. I am pleasantly surprised by this newly visible side of you (at least your writing), UC-sama. Mind you, after your previous work, I expect great things. ^_^

.rai//

[uc pseudonym]

Behold.

Segment 4: Actually Getting Around to Moving

“So, after that… interesting incident,â€

[meboeck]

Bad Bartholomew! No biscuit!

ROFL! This keeps getting better and better! As a sci-fi comedy lover, I'm really getting into this.

[Maledicte]

[quote]“A brother? What manner of lipid is he?â€

[Swordguy]

who needs waffes when you have polution

[uc pseudonym]

Thank you yet again for your kind words.

who needs waffes when you have polution

Out of context, that is an incredible quote.

[bigsleepj]

Excellent as always - I'll be waiting for the Cliff Hanger with great anticipation. I like the Douglas Adams-esque tone of the story.

[TurkishMonky]

good good! i love the style of the story and am looking forward to more!

[kryptech]

Just found this yesterday. I can't really add to what's already been posted, but I enjoy this kind of bizzare tale. I'll be following this one.

[Kanerou]

This is awesome. ^_^ Can't wait for the next one.

[RefractedAhav]

Thank you yet again for your kind words.

who needs waffes when you have polution

Out of context, that is an incredible quote.

I agree. I just had to put that in my sig.

[uc pseudonym]

I've sent off the fifth segment now that the periodical is back in business and it will be out sometime much later next month. As soon as my schedule is less busy I'll get the other portion of the waffles article. We'll have another "Opposing Viewpoints" article in this issue, but I may not post it because it it potentially controversial. Completely silly, but rather pointed.

[RefractedAhav]

I can't wait!

[Ratrace]

What kind of site won't let us have a slightly heated dissgusion(sp, I know) about waffles? Also I'm surprised cliffhanger wasn't a characture in that one.
Next one soon, I hope

[uc pseudonym]

Oh, bicker away about waffles if you like. It is the column following the waffles one that is controversial and rather politically pointed.

In other news, I'm really not sure why the paper isn't out yet. At least it has held off until a more relaxed part of my week.

Also I'm surprised cliffhanger wasn't a characture in that one.

Heh. That's a very good idea. This set is more or less full, but I'll consider that if I ever write more than these eight.

[uc pseudonym]

This has been too long in coming. Sorry about this; things have been hectic.

-

Segment 5: Of Elves and Elfs and Tiddledinks

“You’ve been following us, haven’t you?â€

[meboeck]

ROFL!!!

Bartholomew was aware that he had put enough sarcasm into his response to drown small rodents, but at this point he didn’t care. He expected Grease to wince, he expected Kai to show up, and he expected to get a lecture.

He didn’t expect the elf to explode.

I don't know why, but thar really made me crack up. I'm glad this is back! It's always a great read.

[TurkishMonky]

o.O explode? rotflol!
awesome!

[uc pseudonym]

Thanks. That was added pretty randomly.

Meanwhile, I'm going to post my side of the waffles article now, because I don't think I'll ever get the other side unless I retype it.

-

The very moral fiber of our nation is being threatened each and every day. This affront to everything we stand for is a threat that has “slipped beneath the radarâ€

[Raiden no Kishi]

So . . . sarcasm kills elfs? I guess I'm safe, then. I'm as sarcastic as Bartholomew (aka Matthew?) is. I applaud the new segment.

.rai//

[Maledicte]

*munches delightfully on waffles....the frozen kind.*

[kryptech]

When will we stop staring at that accursed waffle light? It is blinking our destruction, my friends… blinking, blinking, blinking.

It seems to me as though "blinking, blinking, blinking" here ought to be accompanied by the speaker driving his fist into the top of the podium with each word.

You may be right about the whole waffle subject starting controversy. I'm actually a member in good standing of GNAW, Gnaw Needs Another Waffle, as well as CWIA, Canadian Waffle Ironners Eh (the "A" does not stand for "Association" but rather "eh" since this is a Canadian group). So I am very passionate when it comes to preparing and devouring waffles, especially the beloved Canadian variety.

.
.
.

OK, well maybe not. But I do like them. Particularily with hot fruit sauce and whipped cream!

Anyway, I look forward to the elf explosion aftermath and the search for idiocy.

[Ratrace]

I never realised that my attempt to cut down on my sarcasm was leaving me vunerable to elf attacks, thanks for the warning. I have to wonder though, is the spatula of any particular importance?
Whats wrong with waffles*Chortles maliciously while eating breakfast* unless you have them for pudding? I'm a pancake man myself, but I'm not picky.

[uc pseudonym]

You may be right about the whole waffle subject starting controversy. I'm actually a member in good standing of GNAW, Gnaw Needs Another Waffle, as well as CWIA, Canadian Waffle Ironners Eh (the "A" does not stand for "Association" but rather "eh" since this is a Canadian group). So I am very passionate when it comes to preparing and devouring waffles, especially the beloved Canadian variety.

Artfully done.

My friend who wrote the other parts said that he's recovered his files, so he intends to send them my way. I'll post the waffles one when I receive it, and we've already turned in the next set of articles, so it shouldn't be too long before another update.

I have to wonder though, is the spatula of any particular importance?

No, it has absolutely no importance whatsoever.
*nearby elf explodes*

[Magekind]

Two words: Weapon. Batthew's weapon, to be precise. The magical kind that make burgers and fries all in one swipe. Actually, his skill with the spatula has just topped 18, giving him a critical with a measley 2.

UC, we loves it. All of me. Can faund no filt with rat you have whitten. Keep up the good work.

[Kanerou]

No, it has absolutely no importance whatsoever.
*nearby elf explodes*

That'd make a good continuing joke. Not to mention the pictures. >.>

[Myoti]

It's like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, only better and without all the atheism controversy. And waffles.

I look foward to more, Uncreative-sama.

[uc pseudonym]

This is late for no legitimate reason. Also, I've finished the 7th and 8th segments, so I should be able to have them up as soon as those editions come out. I may also have some opposing viewpoints columns as well.

-

Segment 6: The Good, the Depressing, and the Stupid

“Well, I can’t say I’ve ever seen an elf explode before,â€