Okay, first off, I've been trying to apply for jobs recently in a few places.
Now, I do want to get a job somewhere (hopefully at Chik-fil-A, one of the places I applied). However, I'm really worried about it. I don't know what something like this will be like even if I do get in, and if I do, I'm not sure if I'll be able to do as well as I'd like in school (especially next semester: Chem, Trig, AP Eng., and Spanish II; yikes).
Because of how I am, it makes me especially wonder what it will be like when I move it, namely if I manage to get into the college I want (more on that later).
Now, my second worry.
School. Next semester. As posted. I'm scared out of my mind.
Actually, I dropped Chemistry down to intermediate in hopes it will help with the other classes. I have to take both Span II and AP English, the former because it's a school requirement (even though I have no wanting to take it or French; I prefer Japanese or Latin), but my biggest fear is Trig.
If you read my thread in the General thread, you'll know what I'm talking about. To get into the school I want (namely, Digipen Institute of Technology), I must get a B average in Alg II, Geometry, Trig, and at least Pre-Calculus. I don't much like math, so I decided to skipp Alg III just to get into it. However, a got a C in Geometry last year (mostly my own fault for not paying attention), and now I'm downright freaking other this.
Now the worst part. Remember how I said I needed at least Pre-Calculus? Our school no longer offers it. My only choice is to take the SAT and get into joint-enrollement at our college our taking an online course (the latter is probably not a good idea for me). And yes, I must get a high B in both this and Trig to save my previous grade.
Another problem deals with all of this: what exactly is it I want to do, and how do I do it?
Like I said, I want to get into Digipen and become a game designer, but I've been thinking, "Is that what I really want?".
I think my true "passion" is in the games themselves. I prefer coming up with concepts for them and planning everything out. But how would I prepare for something like that? What do I really need to learn? Would a school like Digipen really help?
And my goals just make matters worse. My true goal is to become what was stated above, but, for my real profession, as something more along the lines of a second-party designer for Nintendo (I make my own games, but only for Nintendo and have them licensed by Nintendo, if that's even how it works).
I know what I'm doing in theory, but doing it is the problem. I know game-designing is what I want (but of course if God calls me to something else I will follow). I've known this since I played my first game when I was four. I knew without a doubt it's what I wanted. I've spent my entire life planning for. I've seen so many say "Oh, make video games? Yeah, I wanna do that too!" then they wind up never following that or not understanding what it truly means to design games.
I do. I know how difficult it is. I know the risks. I've gotten to where I can't play a game without thinking about how it was made, down to the technical details. This is what I want, but in this big wide world do I that?!
I'm sorry, I'm just not that... self-confident, about anything. To tell the truth, I'm not just worried... I'm scared. I have one and half years left to figure it out. The more I try to plan, the more problems seem to appear and the more responsibilities I find that I must take care before focusing on those goals. It's like climbing a steep mountain, seeing myself so close to the goal, only to find the last small stretch is nothing but sharp rocks, slippery edges, and only a small thread to support myself.
There are more... problems, I could discuss, but this seems to be enough for now. I need help, in spiritual, mental, and physical. Please...