Suffering from Selfishness

[holysoldier5000]

Recently I have been suffering from some trials in my life; trials with my ministry, with my decisions, with my church, with my future, but mostly with me. I was focusing on me way too much. Why hasn’t God blessed me more? Why hasn’t God removed these obstacles in my life? Doesn’t he love me? What have I done to deserve his wrath? These thoughts were making me callous to the rest of the world and my heart was growing cold. But God convicted me this day in a simple phrase "We treat others as we perceive God is treating us." What a confounding phrase that is. But this had been the root of my problem. I honestly had forgotten that God loved me. Sure I knew he loved me, God loves everyone, but half-knowing a thought and truly knowing a truth are two different things. God opened my eyes to one truth he has been saying to me for years, "He loves each one of us like there was only one of us to love." It’s easy to talk about God's love, and to preach about God's love, and to sing about God's love. It’s another thing to truly know that God loves you and to feel the warm embrace of the master’s hand. Tears fill my eyes as I write this. God had become to me a judge but in reality he was a loving friend, a loving father, and a loving shepherd. I’ve never been surprised by God's judgment, but I’m still stunned by his grace. [I]“What a miserable man I am! Who will save me from this body that brings me death? I thank God for saving me through Jesus Christ our Lord.â€

[K. Ayato]

That's great that you've fully grasped the fact that God loves you. I think we all go through that one way or another.

I'll be praying.

[Rogie]

First MSP's wonderful thread about the valley, and now this wonderful thread about what you've learned, holysoldier. Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I'll be praying.

And I think God's really working in the lives of us CAA'ers, answering recent prayers made by the Prayer Guardians here at CAA for the spiritual lives and growth of our forum members. Praise God!

[freerock1]

Thank you for your honesty. The Lord convicted me a few weeks ago in some ministry work I'm involved in, that the focus needs to be on Him and glorifying Him, not on building my name or even the name of the group. It seems that He's trying to break you and me both of focusing on ourselves in ministry so that He'll get the glory. BUT, the way He breaks us isn't cruel, it's loving. Sometimes I think a primary way God wants to do that is simply by giving us a proper perspective of who He is and of who we are in Him.

Praying for you, bro; please keep me in your prayers as well.

[Ryupower]

LORD help her!

[faithfighter]

truly deep words. thwnk you for sharing them, you have helped me out with this as well.
I will keep you ever in my prayers as I have HolyS.
God Bless
~Zooky~ (sis)

[holysoldier5000]

Thanks everyone for the prayer.
Sometimes my inexperience makes me feel inadequate as a volunteer youth minister. And I know often a lot of us feel inadequate in God’s work even though we know we’re called. Paul often felt inadequate for the great task God had given him as a preacher of the Gospel. e.g. 2 Corinthians 2:16 “Who is sufficient for these things?â€

[Falcon]

[quote="holysoldier5000"]Thanks everyone for the prayer.
Sometimes my inexperience makes me feel inadequate as a volunteer youth minister. And I know often a lot of us feel inadequate in God’s work even though we know we’re called. Paul often felt inadequate for the great task God had given him as a preacher of the Gospel. e.g. 2 Corinthians 2:16 “Who is sufficient for these things?â€

[holysoldier5000]

Thanks Falcon,
That really ministered to my heart and helped me reaffirm that which is so vital to keep in mind. The words of this song now ring through me mind from reading your post:

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me,
His Word my hope secures;
He will my Shield and Portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, Who called me here below,
Shall be forever mine.
When we’ve been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’d first begun.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

Ben, thanks for the encouraging post mate! I'll be praying for you. I also suffer from this (due to depression and severe anxiety) but yes, God's grace is sufficent.
God Bless!
Hope to catch you soon.