past consequences

[yukinon]

...........so my boyfriend and I have been going out for a month and a half now, and he's amazing. And sweet and dorky and I'm going to have to shut myself up now.

But he also has quite a history, involving sex, the occult, abusive parents and such.

And I'll admit that there are days I'm terrified it will catch up to him and take him back.

I want things to be different for him, I want this to be a new chapter. I want him to have completely started over and cut all ties to this. I want him to have completely put all of this behind him.

But there are still days I'm terrified he hasn't. Days that I'm terrified that his past is lurking just around the next corner to take him back, that it still has a hold on him.

And perhaps the scariest thing is I know it wouldn't be this important if I didn't care about him so much. If he didn't matter so much. And he does.

I want him to be a new creation. I want him to be the man I know he can be and wants to be. The world needs goodness. Let him be that.

[Silent Hunter]

I will try to get back with more thoughts later, but for now, I will just say that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Sometimes we will never know fully what kind of an impact we have had on them, but pray that God will us you to be an example of a true follower of Jesus Christ. I will gladly pray for you. Stay strong. Never forget that God cares about even the smallest thing in your life, and you can always lift up a prayer for guidance.
-Stephen

[yukinon]

If there's been any misunderstanding, he IS a serious, committed Christian now. But he still has a heavy history, and that scares me at times.

[freerock1]

Lifting you guys up.

[justaservent]

i have Prayed, and GOD Willing Ill Keep Praying,
GOD Bless You Sister!

[Hephzibah]

If there's been any misunderstanding, he IS a serious, committed Christian now. But he still has a heavy history, and that scares me at times.

Some of God's best followers had bad histories:

Paul : Murderer
Moses :Murderer, possibly into Egyptian god stuff, but maybe not
Mary Magdelene: Adulteress
David: Adulterer, murderer


In short, Jesus can bring him out of whatever he was involved with in the past. He can and will make him a better man by transforming him into His own likeness. As for your bf's history; it may be dark and scary, but all the more praise and glory goes to God because of it! He brought him out of the darkness he was in, and Jesus has the power to prevent him from going back into it.

I'll be praying matie

[agasfas]

Is it just you worrying or sensing something odd (like old habbits)?

Even though he's a new person, perhaps you're not wanting to pay attention to his past, but it's harder to look past then you have wished. Like true acceptance in a sense. Something that in reality does bug you. Or wondering if the past is really in the past. Maybe?

I'm guilty of sometimes feeling that way myself...

If you have worries, I think that talking to him about your concerns is the best approach. That may make you feel better about the situation. I'll be sure to pray for y'all.

[Spiritsword]

I will pray.

[Taka]

But he also has quite a history, involving sex, the occult, abusive parents and such.

And I'll admit that there are days I'm terrified it will catch up to him and take him back.

I want things to be different for him, I want this to be a new chapter. I want him to have completely started over and cut all ties to this. I want him to have completely put all of this behind him.

First off, two things. There are some things people are responsible for, such as the occult involvment, and sexual history, that is most likely his responsibility and he has to fight that, and own up to his past. But the abustive parents is not his responsibility, altho he does have to deal with the after math. Does that make sence? He is responsible for what he initiated, but not for what others have done to him.

He can be diffrent. He can be a New Man. But his past won't go away. You can't erase that, as much as we may wish we could. Some of this he may struggle with on a daily basis for the rest of his life. But if that drives him to God, keeps him on his knees, humble and he takes action to not return to thoes past behaviors, it is ok. I just felt you were maybe over looking that he may not be able to just "put it all behind him". Just like we all have things we struggle with, and that in itself is not bad or sinful. We just have to keep in the Spirit and not let ourselves go back to the things we know are counter-productive to growing in Christ and loving others. Nothing can "take him back" if he doesn't want it to. Just like we can't be tempted to do something that wouldn't be appealing in the first place. He does have a choice in the mater.

I will be praying for both of you. Good luck navigating this. I would suggest that you both should have someone to go to, to be very frank with about what each of you struggle with. This is not "typical" relationship stuff, and wise counsel is always a good thing. There may be things about his past that unnerve you and you need someone besides him to talk about it with. Just be sure they don't po-po the situation and do challenge you to do what is right all the time, even when it is hard.

[Ryupower]

He's in my prayers

[Taka]

How are you two doing?

[c_hunter]

will do pal.. will do, just a comment 'bout this, most of those who has bad histories even has greater tasks or achievements for God, don't be scared, just pray and pray, because the devil is like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour so be on your guard.. i'll pray, i'll pray...

[yukinon]

I've been meaning to update this thread for a while now, actually.

We're doing well. I still have some questions and such about his past, but some of those are actually nothing more than curiousity and the feeling that if I'm going to be serious about this it would be well to be informed.

Oh, and he's still amazing. Even on 'off' days. We don't need sparks to keep things going. ........

ANYWAY. I actually talked to him recently about some of my fears, worries, doubts. We cleared up some issues and questions I had regarding his maturity, integrity, values, focus, and independence. He assured me that his past isn't going to take him back, that he's been to the darkest place he can go and has no wish to go back. He's emphasized redemption, even citing the example of Paul, and that he is focused on accomplishing and experiencing what God has for him.

I still have some fear/worries/doubts, but they've diminished, and my confidence and security has grown.

He's good, I'm good. We're good.

Though I still would appreciate prayer on this subject. I'm more secure in the fact that he won't go back, but still worry about some of the lasting effects of his history. I know it takes time for some scars to fade, though I also know that wounds can make you stronger.

[Taka]

Glad to hear this Yukie. Being honest about your fears is a very hard thing to do, putting yoruself on the line like that, but it is much more rewarding than hiding all this stuff. I have had to do this again and again in my relationship with my boy. He is amaizing, but also human, and also has a heavy past that scared me for the first few months of knowing him.

On the flip side of that, I too have a heavier past than alot of "typical christian girls" my age. And it is wonderful to have someone be honest about their fears and to just talk about it. I find it easier to have my boy ask me questions about what may consern him, than to just start talking about it, so never be afraid to ask. Especialy if you are dating, you have more of a right to than other people.

I will keep praying for you both.

Ot: what is with your sig? The 9&&|(=|()v& I've been trying to see a picture in it, and just can't....

[Falcon]

Good to hear that things are getting better.

I pray: Lord, any relationship needs a lot of attention and integrity. That these two Allow you to be the center of this relationship and pursue Jesus. I know that this might sound like its pretty basic, but from personal experience, if each of the individuals is going on for the Lord then things can only get better. No matter what the future holds. Because the Lord, he cares for all of us and wants the very best for us. So when we hook in to that, He works on us. Sometimes it doesn't sem so good but .... all things work together for good for those who love the Lord.

[yukinon]

Ot: what is with your sig? The 9&&|(=|()v& I've been trying to see a picture in it, and just can't....

Taka: There's no picture in it. ^^ It's l33t for "geek=love", which should be self-explanatory. I love my psycho Star Wars dork! (He's actually been called that by a girl at school.)

[Taka]

That is very cute. I'm not all that familiar with l33t, but I should have at least noticed thats what it is... Showing my ignorance much? :roll:

How are you two, btw?