Help during fast

Postby **Mave** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:16 pm

Some of you may know that I'm running a 2 week fast from drawing/mangakaing and attempting to slightly reduce online activities. My original intent was to refocus my mangakaing efforts and getting my prayer/quiet time in order.

It's been one week now and I'm not too sure what to say. I've shared this with my prayer buddy, Talame and feel that maybe I should be honest to the whole group. All is NOT well and I hate whatever I'm going through.

1) Anger : Over conflicts between christians and being stuck in the middle. I haven't been that angry for a long time
2) Doubt : With my faith after reading anti-Christian literature and stressing over controversial topics
3) Anxiety : Over my uncertainty with my future (job, relationship, ministry)
4) Depression: ....I heard "I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself. Why was I born at all?" playing over my head over and over the whole day
4) Rebellion : Against some of God's rules "God, it's not fair, why should You decide this?" I committed habitual sin and tried not to feel any guilt and remorse
5) Fear : After a creepy nightmare (somewhat supernatural-related)

And now...
6) Sabotage.....having my website tampered with does leave me wondering what will happen next

This week, I've been struck with a intense sense of loneliness and unhappiness. I try to be cheerful and smile but deep inside, I just don't get it. How could I suddenly be so weak? How it is that everything feels so pointless? How is it that I feel so discontented with everything I've ever lived for? I feel tempted to give up being a Christian and quit what I'm doing now.

I don't want to give up so pls pray for me to get through one more week. Meanwhile, I request that everyone who posts in this thread to share something good that happened to you this week. I need to hear positive things to remind myself that God is indeed still alive and doing Great things. Thanks in advance.

Postby **Rogie** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:45 pm

*glomps Mave* (Thanks for the glomp in the other thread

) First off, I'm praying for you, Mave. I've been feeling similar things lately, due mostly to (you guessed it) this vile thing called grad school. I really do hate it here sometimes.

But (and here's the positive part that you were asking for, and I'm happy to share), God has really opened a door for me. My door. The one I've been waiting for. Ever since I was five, I kept saying that I was going to teach, and once I went to college as an undergrad, I said that I was going to teach college. Ph.D. here I come. And then I got here and I don't even want to finish the master's! God showed me that I was structuring too many things on my own and that I was living for school, not for Him. So he sent me a B, actually a B-. Now in my grad school (not sure about other school), a C or below is basically failing, since you can't get credit for anything unless you make a B or higher. So now that a third of my grade in one course is a B-, I began freaking out.

But then I got to thinking (and listening to God), and now I realize that as long as I get at least a B, I'm doing okay. Grades aren't everything. I have two degrees already, for Pete's sake! What am I worrying for? And now I don't feel like I'm imprisoned to my grades like I used to be. I'm just working as hard as I can, but trying to give more time to God. He must come first, then school. Period. And I don't feel like I have to go for the Ph.D. I can get a job with a master's a lot easier, actually. So I'm just shooting for that master's and then I'm going to worry about getting a job. And worrying about a job is something that I'm actually looking forward to. That's how blessed I feel now.

And I have to tell you, I'm smiling a lot more this week. I went shopping and out to eat yesterday. I'm making friends now and trying to create relationships instead of pushing people away because "I've got too much homework to even think about you."

Sorry for the essay here, Mave, but I figured that since you also "suffered" through grad school that my little testimonial could be positive and something you could relate to. Maybe you just need to rethink everything around you right now, organize it, lay it out in front of you, and just ask God what needs work, what needs to go, where He can help you today. Day-by-day, that's my new motto.

And sometimes, you just need to drop it all and go do something that you haven't done in a while. I went to Old Navy and bought some clothes. I never do that. But doing it perked me up and got me smiling and contented. Weird, but God does weird, wonderful things all the time.

I love Him so much, and I know that He's right there with you, Mave. I admire you as a person and as a sister in Christ, and I know that He's patiently teaching you, showing you something right now. You will get through this. We always do, y'know? Again, I'm praying for you, sis.

- Roger

Postby **justaservent** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:03 pm

First off GOD Brought me through a very difficult argument
with a teacher at kingdom hall though satan is uising this and keeps attacking me GOD hasnt and wont let go
second i got a buddy to go evangelizing with rcently people were against me evangelising alone and i myself want someone to go with me and GOD provided
he actualy asked me how he should lead someone to GOD it was realy cool and
now he wants to go whit us when me and my churchs evagelizing team goes
so
I Thank GOD for both, and Praise him as well

second i dont think this is happening just out of the blue i think GOD is allowing you to be tested

as for depresion i have been sufforing from that for years and ive said that same stuff many times before

but now i can say instead of "i hate myself" Jesus Loves me
and instead of "i wish i was never born"i can Thank and Praise GOD that iv been born again

ive had tons of bad nightmares in my life full of evil and demons and death

i bellieve i might still be having them
but it doesnt change how GOD feels about me I Thank and Praise him for that and that those nightmares arent real
once I had such a evil dream i was a demon trying to escape hell
i belive it was before i found Christ but guese what i did come to Jesus
rember psalm 23 and that satan cant ever touch you as long as you belong to Jesus

satan might rattle ya but he cant rattle the One who lives inside of you!
as for rebellion do you now feel remorse ?

no matter what come to GOD. He didnt die for us that we be lost and give up
.if your truly sorry and ask for forgivness he will forgive you because He
Loves you and all of us and doesent want anyone to perish
dont give up the
faith
because of this
no He has somthing to great in store for you that you should do that!
dont let what other Christians fight over get to you
or the hollow delusions and phillosphys of this world and its antichrist
spirit throw you off remeber this spirit was to come in this world
so nothing that isnt suposed to happen will
GOD Bless you SISTER

Postby **Nate** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:23 pm

You sound a lot like me, in a lot of ways, Mave. You can count on my prayers.

And since you requested it from me, I shall post something good that happened to me this week. This isn't like...super miraculous or anything...and it may sound kinda silly to you...but it's something I've been looking forward to for a while, okay?

I bought Season One Volume One of He-Man on DVD. ^^;; I've been wanting that show on DVD for ages, and finally got it. So that's my good thing, which probably sounds stupid to you. XD;;

Postby **Hephzibah** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:42 am

I'm still praying Mave! :hug:

This week, I've been struck with a intense sense of loneliness and unhappiness. I try to be cheerful and smile but deep inside, I just don't get it. How could I suddenly be so weak? How it is that everything feels so pointless? How is it that I feel so discontented with everything I've ever lived for? I feel tempted to give up being a Christian and quit what I'm doing now.

I don't think I've told you this, but I was feeling kinda the same a few days ago; on Monday night it was really getting to me, and thankfully my mum noticed and we had a little chat and prayer time. After that, I've felt much much better and free-er, and have praise songs going through my head now instead of self-degrading thoughts.

Anyway, aside from that another good thing that has happened recently is I have finished uni today (save for exams) ^^ I AM FREEEEEEE

:hug:

Don't give up Mave-chan, Jesus will get you through this. He knows exactly how long and how hot the fire has to be to get rid of any dross in you so you can shine like true silver

Postby **meboeck** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 5:33 am

I will be praying for you, Mave. Maybe you have gotten too comfortable using mangakaing as your identity. I think God may be using this time of testing to get you back to relying 100% on Him. Not that mangakaing is a bad thing

I know this time is just meant to strengthen you.

And now here's my good thing from the week. I'm getting a car! I was visiting my grandmother and she was talking about how her friend can't drive anymore and was thinking about giving up her car. Then 30 minutes later, we saw the friend, and she said, "I've dediced I'm going to give up my car." So my mom and I told her I was interested, and now I'm going back down to pick it up and make everything official tomorrow! God is awesome!

Postby **wilson1112000** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 7:16 am

Well.....I have something that is a definate eye opener.

This last tuesday, before me and my sister went to college, my sister began to doubt God and his abilities. She didn't tell me this the moment she thought this. Well, any ways, our college is a good thirty minuet plus drive from our house. On the way back from college, my sister got into the inner lane on a three lane highway. All of a sudden, the car began to slant to one side and vibrate. This was durring the begining of rush hour, mind you! My sister pulled the car over, accross three lanes of traffic, while going a good fifty miles per hour! She looks at that as an awakening that God has the power to do anything he wants. It was a mirical that we were able to go over three lanes of highway without being hit! He helped us through that situation. He is always in charge, and will always have his will done in anyones life. I hope this helps you out, Mave. If not, just consider this the ravings of a nutjob.

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 9:06 am

Thank you for keeping us informed in this time. You know you have our prayers. Now, as for things that have encouraged me recently:

It was not too long ago that a pastor from Ethiopia came to our campus to discuss the global church, and he told the story of the church in Ethiopia. The church was very small and probably had only 5000 members when it began to be persecuted violently by the new regime. But the church went underground in the form of numerous small groups that met in homes. Now, since Christianity is no longer being politically persecuted, the church is coming into the open. It now has over 50,000 members.

In regard to #2, I have a tendency to move toward dark obsession when seriously involved with theological arguments. Two things that I have found help a great deal are taking a break from it (because anyone can make a position sound completely convincing, it is often necessary to stop and think carefully) and talking to other Christians. It was yesterday that I became moderately distressed over a formulation of an anti-religion argument based on Heisenburg's uncertainty revelation (just in case any of you are familiar with it). It didn't touch my faith, but it was frustrating because I thought: "if someone presented that argument to me, how could I respond to them in a godly manner?" The manner in which it was set up was so dogmatic that an intellectual response on those terms was impossible; it seemed like nothing I could say would have any effect. Yet as time passed, I slowly became at peace. I realized that arguing back at the position only led to a nastier and nastier situation, yet responding without debating would cause the argument to unravel on its own.

Your e-mail. It came at just the right time.

There have been several times that I have been angry as you expressed in #1, though not in quite the same sense. Recently I saw two friends of mine put aside their differences and actually end what had been a vicious conflict. It is always refreshing to see the grace of God evident in others' lives.

HitomiYuriko · Postby **SP1** » Sat Oct 29, 2005 3:19 am

So during your fast a lot of disturbing thoughts are coming up. Look at this as a blessing! Isn't this what fasting is for? You get the mundane out of the way of your mind so the important stuff gets some air play. OK, yes it's hard, but this was obviously just the right thing for you to do right now. Remember Christ in the wilderness, and how trust in the will of God brings you through these trials.

Wait...Talame is your prayer partner? You are so lucky.

What happened to me this week. Let's see...I know a person who has completed chemo for a form of cancer that several doctors said would kill him in a few months (he is cancer free now). I got another episode of the Haibane Renmei lesson guide done (somewhat less miraculous that the previous example, to be sure).

Postby **Mangafanatic** » Sat Oct 29, 2005 9:33 am

Wow. I will most certainly be praying for you, Mave! I'm so sorry to hear about everything you're struggling with!

A good thing that happened to me? Well, I know it's not a big deal, but I got my chemistry report back and I have a strong A, and two people in my class came to me for help because they said "Hey! It's you! You're smart! Can you help me with this?" I like people thinking I'm smart. : P

I also got an opportunity to drive a much of kids to a concert which I thought really offered them a lot of things they needed to hear. I really love all these kids and want to see them grow and thrive in Christ, and I enjoy getting to see them in a place where they can hear things that will encourage their tender little spirits. That was encouraging.

Postby **Hephzibah** » Sat Oct 29, 2005 8:08 pm

Wait...Talame is your prayer partner? You are so lucky.

>_< I dont want to sound nitpicky or condemning, but please don't put me on a pedestal like that... I am human, and have a great number of downfalls. I am not a great pray-er, saint or super-spiritual; I have been dealing with issues of pride lately, and sentences like the one above kinda feed that ugly thing V_V [btw, sorry bout it, but I feel that I have to nip anything like this in the bud before it becomes a problem...]

What happened to me this week. Let's see...I know a person who has completed chemo for a form of cancer that several doctors said would kill him in a few months (he is cancer free now). I got another episode of the Haibane Renmei lesson guide done (somewhat less miraculous that the previous example, to be sure).

Praise God! (for both things :lol:

I love those HR lessons)

Btw Mave, have things improved any?

Postby **Mave** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:25 am

It depends on what you mean by improvement.

I hate to share this but it will help everyone to understand why I'm doing what I'll be do this week. Yesterday, my boyfriend and I decided to officially break up after our 3 year relationship and remain friends. Pls don't ask for details; what I share should suffice. My boyfriend has been having a major spiritual breakdown and we've decided that we need to let each other go so that God can address each one of us on an individual basis.

I understand that God will remove anything that gets in the way between me and Him/my boyfriend and Him. God trims even if it hurts terribly and I'm not surprised that He removed the biggest support I have left (vice versa, same applies for my boyfriend, I'm pretty much all he has left). I'm not angry at God but my anxieties remain. You would be doing a way bigger favor by praying for my boyfriend who's struggling with job stress, family pressures, sexual temptations, health problems, faithlessness, and depression than wondering what's going to happen to us.

My personal request would be for God's guidance in dealing with this breakup in the wise way and keeping my focus on Christ all the way. I agree....this fast is going great as it has brought up all the issues I've been avoiding for a long time. I wish to retreat further and will continue the fast/postponing mangakaing. Pls don't try to contact me for at least one week. God is in Control.

I look forward to getting back when things are better resolved.

Until then, take care and God bless,
Mave

Postby **Hephzibah** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 1:50 pm

You would be doing a way bigger favor by praying for my boyfriend who's struggling with job stress, family pressures, sexual temptations, health problems, faithlessness, and depression than wondering what's going to happen to us.

My personal request would be for God's guidance in dealing with this breakup in the wise way and keeping my focus on Christ all the way. I agree....this fast is going great as it has brought up all the issues I've been avoiding for a long time. I wish to retreat further and will continue the fast/postponing mangakaing. Pls don't try to contact me for at least one week. God is in Control.

Sure thing Mave; Let us know when you get back k? We'll miss you darl, but you gotta do what God tells ya, so in the end it will be for the best ^^

Postby **wilson1112000** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 2:46 pm

Mave...good luck, and I know that God will help you in your endevour. Never lose heart, and don't stop your fast for any reason. Thats just what Saten wants you to do.(You probably already knew that, but still.) See you on the flipside.

Postby **Rogie** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 3:11 pm

Gotcha, Mave. I'll be praying for both of you.

Postby **Ryupower** » Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:22 pm

It's just the stupid devil, those ' I'm worhtless' is certainly some demon plaguing you. Get rid of it.

It's just him, pray to the father and bind him often, and you'll see the change.

I'll be praying for you still.

Postby **Mave** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:44 pm

# I've been using online activities and mangakaing to cover up underlying spiritual issues. I'm slowly and cautiously returning to the online world. I will strictly allocate limited time to these activities and watch out that I don't become dependant/obsessive with them. I'm happy to say that I'm fine without CAA/anything online or drawing manga. With that said, I will not be as active online as I used to be in the past.

# I've been wasting emotions and attention on pointless conflicts that happen online. It's Ok to be concerned; it's foolish to cry or lose your temper over certain things online.

# I've been too concerned about ppl's expectations and was subsconsciously 'competing' with my friends without realizing it (i.e. obtaining a well-paid respectable job, getting married, [insert things that ppl visualize as 'ideal'). Still need to work on my pride but at least, I'm seeing this problem more clearly.

# I'm not as mature as I thought and when circumstances become too uncomfortable, my true character shows and it's well....pretty ugly. Obviously, God is showing me that I need Him more than I thought I did.

# I must trust God and allow Him to expand my views on many things. My future could very well be nothing close to what I imagine. Guess I need to be more open-minded and spiritually creative.

# JUST TAKE IT EASY AND LEAVE THE REST TO GOD, already!!

Today, I realize that God is working on liberating me from things that have been torturing me ever since I was a kid and holding me back. On the other side, my human flesh nature foolishly resists His Plan. This fast made the tension become more clear to my eyes.

I can't say that the liberation process is complete but at least, my heart is at peace with some issues. My ex-boyfriend and I are still great friends and while we still need to put aside certain worries, we're definitely supporting each other.

Thank you everyone for praying for me and sharing great input. I must admit it was a very eventful 2 weeks spiritually (phew) and while I'm -still- going through major mood swings, I know something good will come out from this.

Postby **Hephzibah** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 2:57 pm

XD That's awesome Mave! Praise Jesus for showing you these; now when you see yourself changing you will know that Jesus is completing the good work He started in you ^^
:hug:

Btw, that is a very good idea to limit yourself time-wise on the net and drawing; it will help you to keep them in the right perspective and not get caught up in them again

Glad to have you back Mave

Postby **Vash is a plant** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 3:35 pm

Yea! Thank God for that! ^.^

Postby **Falcon** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 6:46 pm

Mave I have only just found this thread. You are so brave to share this and that counts as integrity and wanting to be accountable. Awwesome.

This past 2 weeks for me has been outstanding. God has been doing so much stuff. My mother in law was healed of back cancer. one day the doctors look at the xray and said it was there a week later it had vanished. A very good friend of mine(christian) has given up smoking which was a great burden of guilt in their life. They decide on day that they had had enough and asked God to do a miricle in them so that the desires and cravings would not return and that it would not have only hold on them. PTL God is a worker in the miricle department.

Mave as a christian you are the biggest walking miricle our Lord has done. You, are a new dreation. I know we don't feel like it all the time. The fact is that we are a brand new creation a new spiritual being, Holy and acceptable to the King of Kings. You are an awesome daughter of our HEAVENLY Father. You do not have to be tied or bound to things of this world. Everything that Jesus did and was on this earth He desires to do through you. Mave, God is not worried about your abilities just your availabilty. He loves you so much, even before you were born.

I think you have done a very brave thing in fasting and allowing the Lord to confront things in your life. Some christians I fear have become desenctised (sp) by this world we live in.

When I was about 21 I was a deacon in a church working fulltime and studying a 3/4 load in Law. I was very busy. to busy. The only reason I am here now is because of Jesus and nowing that He started this work in me and He said He would finish it. The fact that I knew that I am not the one in control saved my life. I really had to surrender over my ideals about my life and wait for his timeing. It was a very tough few years of my life. Through it all, the pain the anixity, depression, fear , hoplessness I know that the Lord has caught me in His hands and held me close to Himself. Evidently I resigned as a deacon, decided to take a rain check on the Law study and concentrate on my relationship with God.

The piece of relationship advice I can give from experience is that even though these 2 people like/love each other a lot, It will help tremendasly that they have a strong individual relationship with their Lord and Saviour. Make the Lord the center of the relationship not the relationship the center of its self.

Sorry if I am getting a bit preachy, it is just I have seen (and felt) so much hurt in regard to these things. Relationship is so important to the Lord. He is an expert on it. The church should be experts on it. Yet why do we muck it up so much? God does not fight with himself. and christians really should be better at this stuff. We are all going to have to live together one day. Better we sort stuff out now and let God grow us through that rather than wait for that day before the great throne and have Him talk us through it.

I have probably rattled on to much. BTW I know it is hard being a christian and waiting to get married but God's way truely is the best and most satisfying. ( if I am off base here, sorry)

Ill pray

Lord for Anger over conflicts between christians and Mave being stuck in the middle I pray that you would give Mave knowledge and wisdom in dealing with these issues. You have told us to be angry but don't sin.

Jesus for the doubt, anxiety, depression, rebellion, fear I pray that you would show Mave your ways are wise and wonderfully full of life. And that your ways are full of peace and true joy and happiness. Lord I pray that you would touch Mave's life and give her a sence of comfort and security in you. When it all boils down to it, at the end of the day, We need you to live even the breath we breve(sp) comes from you. Father I pray you revel yourself to Mave in a deeper we and that she would know in her place of knowing that you are the center of her life and that you have the greatest plans for her and that she would and can trust in you totally and it will all be ok. Like at present you really cant see how in the world this is all going to work for good. God has a nack of donig it. I pary that as Mave reads your word that the holy Spirit would guidse her and minister deep inside her soul and start to heal that beutiful child of God You have made her to be.

Mave, I hope I have not overstepped the mark here.

It is just that when we go through stuff as christians it seems like it is like cow manuer Well God takes it and makles it into fertilizer for our lives.

Postby **Hephzibah** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 6:59 pm

Wow, that was one mighty prayer ^^ Hope you don't mind if I prayed along, as well as prayed it over myself at the same time ^^

Postby **meboeck** » Fri Nov 04, 2005 10:13 pm

Whoa. Mave, the issues you talked about are totally what I felt like I should be praying about. I'm glad you have been able to see the underlying issues, and I will pray that you continue to overcome thos issues woth God's strength.

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 6:16 am

It is wonderful to see you back, Mave.

Postby **Rogie** » Sat Nov 05, 2005 3:28 pm

Praise God. I'll keep praying for you, Mave.

Postby **Mave** » Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:25 am

Thanks everyone. I'm happy to be back. ^^

However, I'm still anxious about my ex. He's going through a terrible time with depression, loneliness and just started some self-destructive habits, especially after our break-up. It doesn't help that he's losing his faith and gradually disconnecting himself from church. So pls pls PLS keep him in your prayers.

I really appreciate it...there's only so much I can do for him except to ask for prayers on his behalf.

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