Been Thinking / College in a Few Days

[Golden_Griff]

Hey all, Griff here.

This isn't really a prayer request...i guess....

But I've been doing a lot of thinking about my older family members. I think every now and then about when they will breathe their last breath on Earth. It's something that worries me, because I don't want to experience that grieving that will be brought on my family.

I know it's a natural part of life, and for believers its not "the end." But...*sigh*...I just dread the day when they'll call and say "your grandfather/grandmother just died." It's not so much as the thought of them being deceased that bothers me, it's the thought of seeing my family bawling all over the place. I don't know why it bothers me so but it does.

The first death that has hit home for me was my grandmother's on my mom's side. When mom told me the news she was calm about it, and I was calm about it (she woke me up but I remember saying "oh man" in that "bummer" sort of way). I like to think that I was close to my grandma even if I didnt cry as much as others. I hated to see my mom and cousin cry for my grandma at that funeral. It hurted so bad, to see how sad they were.

I really don't like funerals. I mean, I guess no one does, but the atmosphere is so unbearable with people crying and hollering everywhere.

Well, I've been thinking about this type of thing again because I have a grandfather that has been in the nursing home for I think 2 or 3 years now. And today I found out that he had to go to the hospital again. This is the second time within a week; I think his blood sugar may have caused him to go weak or something I don't know for sure. I don't think he's over 90 but he's getting there.

*sigh* I just think...."there's two grandparents left...and then there'll be the wait for the parents...." I know that I'm thinking so far ahead on that one (going by natural death) but even now I'm already worrying about it.

I'm just....frightened of being told at any day, any given moment now of a deceased member. I don't know what's wrong with me, like I'm acting like a sissy or something.

Anyway, that is something I was just thinking about. Not a real prayer request.

However, I am heading back to college this Saturday so I guess if you cared to pray you could pray about that. Thanks for listening, if you're at this point.

Worrying about tomorrow,
~Golden_Griff

[freerock1]

I sometimes struggle with fears myself, and it's a struggle to keep our focus on God and not our feelings in those times. But we have to remember, 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." And God's Word is higher than our feelings of fear and worry.

Lifted one for you; please keep me lifted as well

[Doubleshadow]

I've had that a few times. I have to keep reminding myself that it is not in my hands, and worrying does no good, none at all. It's almost cliche', but enjoy that fact that they're here while they are here and don't greive for them until it is time to do so. I'll pray for you.

[dragonshimmer]

My parents are older...around 60 years old, both of them, so these thoughts have crossed my mind too. Every time it crosses my mind, I get very emotional. It's not because you're a sissy, Griff. It's because you love, honor and respect your parents. It's normal to feel that way. Such events are in God's hands, and it will come one day, but rest peaceful in the time that you have with them now and know that God holds everything in His hands. I'm praying for you *hug*

[inkhana]

I totally understand, Griff...I've felt the same way about my own family members. Never knowing when someone's going to call and say my grandma/grandpa just died. (It doesn't help that I've had dreams relating to death) But yes...it's all in God's hands. Are they saved? I didn't notice if you said that above...

[Yojimbo]

I too have felt this way. I have yet to lose anyone in my immediate extended family, but I know my dad's father could pretty much go any time in the next couple years. I don't really know how I'll act when the first person in my family passes on, but I don't think I'll bawl. And yes I can hardly stand it see people around me bawl. More so for the sadness I feel for them.

[agasfas]

I can understand. I too fear the death of my grandparents. My grandfather is probably one of the most influential person in my life. He helped me understand my faith (grow closer to Christ) and always welcomed my questions. He even baptisted me. I forgot to mention he was a pastor for years. They are the most generous people I know. All I know is he taught me a lot and I'm so very greatful for that.

I'll be sure to keep you in my prayers; school and about your worries. Take care Griff.

[Mave]

One way to deal with death is to appreciate the life your loved ones had.

When my friend died a few months ago, I chose to focus on the great life he had instead of what he could have had/been. God gave each one of us the gift of life and has every right to take it back when He sees it right. But we're all lucky because God always looks out for the best in all of us and even in death, we are all OK under His care.

Take comfort that God has everything in control and has conquered death itself. Sometimes I worry about my loved ones but I see death as merely a temporary separation from an individual. I will see my deceased loved ones again one day but until then, we all need to celebrate life itself as God intended us to, instead of fearing death.

A saying which helps me whenever I feel tempted to worry about my future:

"Do not be afraid of tomorrow; God is already there." - Mary Crowley

I'll pray about college, Griffy. *hugs*

[starwarsboy90]

I understand perfectly what you are going through, it's natural because you love them and everything. Me, for example, have lost 3 Mothers, a couple Uncles, Aunts, Cousins and Granparents who were very close. Sure, getting emotional is natural too, however you know that God is in Control and you cannot do anything to change it. So, the best thing you can do for them is either show how much you love them and spend time with them, and "whatever happens, happens" - Spike, Cowboy Bebop.

If you are a Paladin like me, then you submit yourself to God and let him control 80% of your life. You still have to make choices though, so base them on the word and what God is telling you and everything will be fine for the most part. Sure, you will always get tempted and have spiritual battles, but that is our straight and narrow walk. God is with us, always, so therefore I walk day by day with no worries about Death, especially for familyand loved ones, because I know God is there to handle it and if it's there time it's their time. If you don't have any family emembers who do not know the Lord, witness to them.

[Golden_Griff]

Thank you all for your help/prayers/concern. I will try to remember to celebrate life and not to worry so much about the future, particularly with my family. However, I constantly worry about my own life's ending.

About a week before I made this thread I was having a series of odd/disturbing dreams. One dream I remembered in particular scared me because I was confused by it. Earlier in the dream there was this guy that was trying to attack me and enter my house through the garage. Somehow I got away and ran outside where some people from my new church was gathered.

They were singing and dancing, but I was wandering around confused and was crawling on my knees for some reason. I remember them praying at one point, saying something like "And God, show Griff that she will be successful with her illustrations" or something. Next thing I know I had grabbed a hold of my dead cousin's ankle; I think I spoke his name. I don't really remember seeing his face but somehow I knew it was him and somehow I knew that he was at peace. He held out his hand to grab mine, and then I started to wake up.

But, I had trouble opening my eyes. I don't know whether I was still in the process of waking up or it was that dark in the room. But at one time I seriously thought I was dead. Finally I woke up to the point where I knew where I was (and knew I was very much alive). The dream worried me so much I was crying a little because of it. I'm actually shedding tears now just typing about it. The dream left me feeling worried, because I didn't understand it.

It's dreams like this that makes me worry even more about my salvation, and which direction my soul will go when I pass. I try to push out doubts by thinking about how I try to please God by following His will. But everytime that question comes up, "Do you know where your home is?," I can't seem to give a confident, sure answer. My pastor asked us that question yesterday during service. I tried to say in my mind "Yes, Heaven is my home" but at the same time I was thinking "am I sure of that?"

*cries*

I just want to be 200% sure ...

[V8Tsunami]

It's dreams like this that makes me worry even more about my salvation, and which direction my soul will go when I pass. I try to push out doubts by thinking about how I try to please God by following His will. But everytime that question comes up, "Do you know where your home is?," I can't seem to give a confident, sure answer. My pastor asked us that question yesterday during service. I tried to say in my mind "Yes, Heaven is my home" but at the same time I was thinking "am I sure of that?"

*cries*

I just want to be 200% sure ...

I know how it feels to be in your situation. Wondering if you're really saved or not, scared about things you might not comprehend or can't control. It's no fun, that's for sure. One thing is for sure, and that is that the Bible says that God will not turn away anyone who is seeking him. My advice would be to pray and search the scriptures. I'll bet that if you look through the wallpaper gallery you might find some scriptures that'll help you. One of the greatest feelings in the world is when God reaches out to you and picks you up out of your sadness or fear. I'll say a prayer for ya Griff. Hang in there.

[Ryupower]

Here's a thing my friend did when her dad died:

She doesn't conscider him 'dead' or 'Checked out' but it's more like he 'graduated' from Earth, tell that to your mother or father, I think it'd confort them ( band Jesus is their conforter, if it's hard to bare, - He's always right there WAITING for them to lean on him! ).
It's just missing them, what my friend had to deal wirth 2 weeks...
You're grandpa must be a tough guy to still be alive at 90, wow, Go! Grandpa!
That's old for a guy.

Anyways, ready, set, Go! * Ryu's praying*.

[quote="Golden_Griff"]Hey all, Griff here.

This isn't really a prayer request...i guess....

But I've been doing a lot of thinking about my older family members. I think every now and then about when they will breathe their last breath on Earth. It's something that worries me, because I don't want to experience that grieving that will be brought on my family.

I know it's a natural part of life, and for believers its not "the end." But...*sigh*...I just dread the day when they'll call and say "your grandfather/grandmother just died." It's not so much as the thought of them being deceased that bothers me, it's the thought of seeing my family bawling all over the place. I don't know why it bothers me so but it does.

The first death that has hit home for me was my grandmother's on my mom's side. When mom told me the news she was calm about it, and I was calm about it (she woke me up but I remember saying "oh man" in that "bummer" sort of way). I like to think that I was close to my grandma even if I didnt cry as much as others. I hated to see my mom and cousin cry for my grandma at that funeral. It hurted so bad, to see how sad they were.

I really don't like funerals. I mean, I guess no one does, but the atmosphere is so unbearable with people crying and hollering everywhere.

Well, I've been thinking about this type of thing again because I have a grandfather that has been in the nursing home for I think 2 or 3 years now. And today I found out that he had to go to the hospital again. This is the second time within a week]