when to cross the line?

[Tenshi no Ai]

Anyhow I am NOT asking for advice but more... just for personal opinion. Ok, well usually I am the one who gives people advice for relationships but I'm just curious to what others would say...

Well one thign that never hit me until lately was... how do you know if you should cross the line from beign good friends to getting into a relationship?

My present best bud has been a good friend for a while you see and somewhere along the line, yeah we did go out and everything. Then it ended and for a while there was a short bit of an ignoring period and finally I prayed that if I couldn't be with the guy then I wanted to still be really good friends with him. Well, eventually we ended up being even better friends than before! Sometimes it still feels like we're in a relationship, just without the holding hands and whatnot. Once every know and then I'd start to like him again and sometimes I'd think "Well we already know like sooo much about each other... might as well end up together!" kinda thing. FOund out later he broke up cause he'd rather be best friends than a b/f. Told my (girl)friend about it and she said "Well do you really want to go from being best friends to a relationship?" And that's one thing I never really thought about... crossing the line from REALLY good friend to well, even CLOSER friends I guess... And let's just say he's the best guy friend I've ever had cause I've never been too close to a guy as a friend. And well, yeah he was my frist official b/f too. Decided that probably nothing'll ever happen and it's best we stay as such good of friends.

...ok that's just a short background story and so I wanna know people's opinion, NOT on my own situation, but in general of personal opinion of when it should be right to cross the line? Sure I give people advice on relationships btu yeah... something I've never thought about. Yeah, I know it's good to pray and all first, but to personally know if it's alright to do... kinda thing.

Hope someone here knows (or have had the experience) of what I'm talking about^^ Yay to opening up personal stories and emotions to an almost unfamiliar message board^^ Course being Christian based and all... it's a bit safer than others^^ ...or I can just think of it as opening up to my other bros and sises in Christ, really.

Hoep I can get some responds on here to get my brain in function and thinking on the issue!

[Ashley]

I think it's hard to make a blanket opinion statement that will apply to everyone.

It's something to be considered carefully, sure. You can never go back. 98% of people that I've met have never been able to be good friends again with their ex's. So, you have to ask yourself...are you willing to put it all on the line?

As to WHEN...I would say when you both feel a mutual attraction for one another that goes a little beyond just their company, when you're both mature enough to be IN a relationship, and when your walks with the Lord are right on track. I'd say to be honest with him about it--ask him how he feels about you two as a "couple". If he says he'd rather not be your bf right now, then keep being his friend and stay open...perhaps he will change, perhaps someone better will come along. All in all, I would say to wait on the Lord for the right timing. Always better that way!

I think the best relationships happen when you're not seeking to be together right away, but you're friends first. Somehow, that blossom is just a bit sweeter. ^^

[Tenshi no Ai]

I think it's hard to make a blanket opinion statement that will apply to everyone.

It's something to be considered carefully, sure. You can never go back. 98% of people that I've met have never been able to be good friends again with their ex's. So, you have to ask yourself...are you willing to put it all on the line?

Yeah, being my first relationship that was somethign I never really thought about (since off and on he DID like me forever!) but when that awkward stage right after the end of the relationship set in... it was too much more than I can bear and I tried SO hard to get to be good friends with him again both with prayer and trying on my own... never ever thought that would happen and since it did, scared if it would ever happen again, really.

Well, what you said DID get me thinking a lot and "timing" I do remember is a key word. He actually said himself that it "wasn't the right time" but not to mean that we WILL fore sure end up back together, but that timing wasn't the best...

All I know is that yeah, trust in the Lord lots, and then one day it'll all be figured out I guess^^

[Syaoran]

I have never been to the line so I am no help.......I don't even know If I will ever go over the line........all I know is to trust in God and every thing will be taken care of.

[Archan]

Hum,

Like I stated before on so many other threads relating to this topic in whole, I'm personally to last person to give advice of any sort. I've never been in a relationship, got my own reasons, one major one being work, GAH! But here's what I've learened from observation and a little bit of personal experience......

Is it possible to still be friends after the matter of breaking up?

Yes, I do think its possible. However alot of it deals with the terms on which the relationship ended, if it was a genuine decision on both parites or if the relationship ended badly, (Dear John or Jane note, breaking up over the phone Or even worse the answering machine , seeing another girl while still dating , things of this nature )

Another thing to consider is if you were close friends before the matter, some relationships start by just jumping in and dating, then when it's over theres no real friendship established outside what was developed during dating, so avoidance ensues. However if a strong friendship does exist pre-relationship, and you want to preserve it truthfully, talk about it with your friend before the decission comes to make more out of your friendship, and agree that regardless of the outcome, your underlining friendship will still be there, (Once again this is a matter of commitment, work, and the terms through which the relationship has ended)

How do I go about asking him/her?

Each person has their own way of doing this, one thing to do for sure though is feel out if A: Person is even looking to start a relationship and B: If there are any grounds through which he/she would consider you more then a friend. Once both things have been established, the rest depends on contact and communication. Really talk with him/her, I've had people pull the whole "If I act shy or un-interested perhaps it will quirk his/her interest even more", this is one of the worst strategies I can think of, personally. Especially if it comes after your've tested some ground because then the latter party thinks they said something completely wrong or they hurt your feelings or they just don't have a clue, to follow up with this kind of signal doesn't scream, "I'm playing hard to get", it screams, "I really don't want to be around you right now". This is partially from observation and personal experience, both occasions it did more harm then good. Keep in contact, and talk with them, talk alot, even if it's not about the subject cause that re-assures the friendship which will need re-assuring after testing ground. Also, good communication is a great way to get a sense of timing, (As Ash pointed out, timing is a very big factor as well)

Third:
Pray, pray pray pray pray pray! There's no better council then God,
seriously pray that if this is the person for you, things will work themselves out. If this is the person God meant for you, He'll take care of things, you'll still need to do some work, but He'll definately take care of things.

Wow, for someone who has no business commenting I sure write alot huh? Okay, I'll stop bantering, I'm sure there are other people here with way better advice, hope something I typed up there helps or was at the least entertaining to read. I'll be praying for you though, hope yu don't mind , but prayer is always good for Q&A
God bless,
Archan

[Ingemar]

I'm no expert, but if you two can make it through a three-day-long drive (sixteen hours per day) without any squabbles, I'd say that is a good sign that your relationship can be taken the next level.

[Slater]

God's got someone out there for you if you're looking. Just remember to stay pure till marriage. Sex is the thing that can turn a normal break up into a very painful situatio. The best way to get to know someone is to sit down and have biblestudy with them. God will be close in that situation, and it is good. Remember that even if things don't work out, relationships for humans are to always have the same objective... that is to say that God lets us have friends for the purpose of helping others be all that they can be for Him.

[Tenshi no Ai]

I'm no expert, but if you two can make it through a three-day-long drive (sixteen hours per day) without any squabbles, I'd say that is a good sign that your relationship can be taken the next level.

That is a good point. In most cases even with my girl buds, yeah you do start fighting about stupid things @_@

But yeah thanks guys! Got me thinking some and yeah. Right now I can just love him as a friend and who knows? Maybe we are supposed to be together sometime in the future, but just not now cause the timing isn't good! God'll work things out in the end and whatever it'll be will be for the best! ^^ Whether to know that a person is supposed to be a friend or even more, He can help show if it's the right thing to do or not.

[Ingemar]

Don't think I'm just pulling examples out of thin air. My parents went through THAT experience w/o a major squabble, and that's how they knew for sure that they should get married.

[Ashley]

But yeah thanks guys! Got me thinking some and yeah. Right now I can just love him as a friend and who knows? Maybe we are supposed to be together sometime in the future, but just not now cause the timing isn't good! God'll work things out in the end and whatever it'll be will be for the best! ^^ Whether to know that a person is supposed to be a friend or even more, He can help show if it's the right thing to do or not.

That is a fantastic attitude. Keep it up, stay strong in the faith, and you will not go astray. ^^

[The Doctor]

I will give the same advice my best buddy Nate gave to me:

"Find your best friend first...because the person you marry will be your best friend, or SHOULD be."

Of course, wait on God is foremost.

And yes, of course, your best friend that you marry WILL BE a member of the opposite sex.

[Tenshi no Ai]

"Find your best friend first...because the person you marry will be your best friend, or SHOULD be."

Yeah that's one thing I forgot to mention. So many people say "That Person" should basically be your best friend. In my situation, I'm thinking maybe he might've wanted a g/f AND a best friend, and would rather have me as a best friend for the time... or something (he did say he didn't wanna lose his best friend and become the b/f, or just plain not ready for it or whatever.) *scratches head* It would be kinda weird even if we did end up with other people and still best best buds (because of jealous factors and whatnot). Meh, things'll work out in the end either way.