Non-christian boyfriend....

[teen4truth]

Ok sorry guys I was too lazy to read all the posts, so I might be repeating info that was already given. Well, lets start with the age and dating issue. As many of you probably already know, I believe that we should wait for love, not look for it. I am 13 like you but I do not plan to date until I have really found the one that I want to marry, I want to be friends awhile with him first, and I dont want to move on to the love relationship with him until I am atleast 17. That way I will be able to save all of my heart and its passion for him instead of giving it to childhood crushes, I will get to know who he truly is and not just who he is when he is trying to impress me to make me keep liking him, and our relationship wont be going so long that it will wear out before it is time to get married.

Ok, umm, now lets talk about the promise issue...DITCH HIM HE WILL DRAG YOU AWAY FROM GOD!!! I know it is wrong to break promises, but it is even more wrong to keep promises if keeping them makes you disobey God in another way. God would never make you choose wich ones of his commands to choose from, so I dont think he would be angry if you broke a promise just to keep his commands. He will just use this to teach you to be careful of what promises you make. and umm the command that I am talking about is dating a non-christian just so you all know.

[termyt]

Dating, ideally, should lead to marriage.

I understand that this has been the common impression for many years, but I think it is unfortunate. Why does dating have to be centered on looking for a life-long mate? Especially at high school and jr hi ages. You are all too young to be thinking about who you will marry.

Have fun with dating. Date as many people as you can. Learn from the people you date. It will better prepare you for more serious dating ventures later in life (like in your 20's and later).

Of course, dating has become way too physical. I guess in light of that, my above statement is pretty bad advise. Just wishful thinking, I guess.

[teen4truth]

Oh ya and you guys where mentioning contemperary christian music. Ummm, what ever style you like Im sure they have a Christian version of it. They have everything these days from Christian rap to Christian hard rock(you know with the screaming and all that awesomeness) As a matter of fact, Christian is all I listen to. Everything else just seems so...generic to me.

[mitsuki lover]

IMHO dating shouldn't begin until at least 15 and definitely 16.13 is still too young.
I didn't read all the posts so I didn't catch the age of the guy involved.That would
also be a crucial factor.
I don't think the fact that he isn't a Christian is the important thing here,there are
plenty of nice non-Christians who don't smoke pot or watch porn.Rather I think
the important factor is that he does those things.
Actually I would suggest that you would work on your relationship with your mom
first as it does sound from the first post you made that you and she aren't exactly
getting along.

[Noeru1992]

He turned 14 may 17th. I know theres nice non-christian guys. And if I fall in love with one so be it, But I really would perfer to be with another christian.

And whichever one that said that dating has become way to physical, I completly agree. And I have told all my boyfriends that I have ever had (There isint many, 3 tops, And they were all really long/serious) That I do not want to do anything until I am married.


When Im in a relationship I have lots of rules. Alex is the first guy I have ever dated that was REALLY different from me, That is probably what attracted me to him: The fact that I didnt know what to expect because I had never had somone like him before, But that wasnt such A good thing.


Thank yah all for stating your opinion, I guess I knew what the right thing to do was, I just wanted to see if I was thinking right, Sense I posted that early this morning when I was extreamly sleepy, And yes, Because I am 13 and I need help telling if I am doing the right or wrong thing. Even if I am doing the right thing.

I've been going through Alot and it really sucks!
Thanks for everything guys!
*Free Huggies and Umm...Pocky! (never had it...but you people seem to like it!!) For everyone!!!
And ramen noodles for the rest of the aliens like me thats are clueless about the "pocky" stuff!

[Mave]

Since everyone has already shared good words of advice, I won't comment too much except to share my personal experience.

Personally, I think that if this particular matter gives you so much distress and trouble, maybe you could take a break from boyfriends and enjoy other good things in life.

I had my first boyfriend at 14 and it broke my heart so much I decided to leave the boyfriend/husband-seeking job to God. I never dated again until I was 21. I know that I could handle relationships a whole better this time and I hope to marry my current boyfriend of 3 years, God willing. ^__^

[Slater]

probably been said like 80 times in the past 4 pages of this thread, but you can't keep the relationship going with this guy. As a woman, it is your duty to find a man who is not only a Christian, but one who is a stronger Christian than yourself; you are to find a man who is capable of being the spiritual head of your future family. The fact that he is not a Christian disqualifies him (or at least should disqualify him) from ever being your husband.

I've seen this kind of thing before with Roll and her ex-boyfriend. Kinda the same situation. She tried witnessing to him, but in the end that did nothing. And besides, even if he did listen and become saved, he wouldn't be able to be her spiritual leader. She wasn't willing to accept this at first, and the result was months of pain and strife until the thing pretty much went up in flames.

So my advice to you is break up with him and don't consider him as a mate in the future. Move on and find someone else.

[Ky Kiske]

some scripture
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people." "Therefore come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you." "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty" (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).

Sorry if that sounds harsh, God's word not mine.

[Roy Mustang]

Edit: Next time, I'm going to keep my mouth shut!

Wingzero22

[Heed]

..."be ye not unequally yoked with an unbeliever..."

I have never had a girlfriend but I could have been with a few non christian girls a few times that I REALLY liked. But I decided that God was more important...

I don't wanna sound harsh but I have also been through really bad situation with my friends too... the worst was a broken engagment...

I felt so bad for him, because his "fiancee" claimed to be a Christian but acted anything but...

Anyway, I hope this helps in some way...

Organize your priorities first...

[Noeru1992]

Okay about the Sean guy O.O..
I know I said I didnt wanan date for awhile...But is it completly wrong...
I liked him before I broke up with Alex, And trust me guys he is NOTHING like Alex! Actully..He joined CAA! He jsut joined like 10 mins ago though...His User name is Sheky (I dont know why -_-)
He needs your guys' approval! hehe!
*Huggies and ramen for everyone!*

[Ky Kiske]

I'll take a package of almond pocky....shaken but not stirred.

[Nightshade X]

Okay about the Sean guy O.O..
I know I said I didnt wanan date for awhile...But is it completly wrong...
I liked him before I broke up with Alex, And trust me guys he is NOTHING like Alex! Actully..He joined CAA! He jsut joined like 10 mins ago though...His User name is Sheky (I dont know why -_-)
He needs your guys' approval! hehe!
*Huggies and ramen for everyone!*

Hmm... before I even begin my investigation (if I even start), I will say this. Be wary. Examine his character. You can do that much better by just being a friend, because if you're too close, you'll never see if anything is wrong. I'd say give the situation to God. I wouldn't ask for permission to date him, because if your desire is strong enough you might just go for it anyway, even if God says no (I know. I've done it.). In my opinion, it may be better to ask what direction He would have you take, meaning: "What's the right thing to do here?" Keep your mind clear. Be open to what God wants you to do. And, most importantly, wait for Him to make His move before you make your own.

And that's all I have for now. Hope it helps!

P.S. -- Oh, and I'll have a pack of Strawberry Pocky. You should try this stuff. It's great!

[bbboy21]

13 years old?O_O He's alrady doing that, that early? Who's been raising him? I ..well...sorry but I never been in a situation like this since I never even had a girlfriend ..sorry but I'll just have to pray for you

[Slater]

-.-; Plz... I was doing stuff at that age and my parents are fine. I wouldn't blame anything on the parents; it's the kid's fault. Look at Cain. Can you blame what he did on his parents?

[Swordguy]

thru most of this thread *which is probably right* the topic of dateing has been going on...but i jsut wanted to touch ground a bit on your relationship wiht God *which should come first in any situation* you said you wanted to get closer to Him corect, well i would recomend putting God back in the proper spot in your life. also remember what you said about denying God. Peter did it three times and look how God turned Him in a mighty warior, jonah, david, all of them had their faults...but where we see faults God see pontetial. He loves you more than anything...you are His daugter...His beloved...He cares for you...so put Him first and give it back to God

[Nightshade X]

thru most of this thread *which is probably right* the topic of dateing has been going on...but i jsut wanted to touch ground a bit on your relationship wiht God *which should come first in any situation* you said you wanted to get closer to Him corect, well i would recomend putting God back in the proper spot in your life. also remember what you said about denying God. Peter did it three times and look how God turned Him in a mighty warior, jonah, david, all of them had their faults...but where we see faults God see pontetial. He loves you more than anything...you are His daugter...His beloved...He cares for you...so put Him first and give it back to God

Great point. I believe that should take precedent over everything else and should apply in all aspects of your life. He will draw out your potential and form you into someone He can use. Just put Him first in all things.

[Steeltemplar]

[quote="frwl"]-.-]
Either would be a hasty assumption. To say that we know without any further information that it is totally the child's fault suggests that there is no worth at all to parenting. On the other hand, even a good parent may sometimes have a troubled child.

[Heart of Sword]

You promised you wouldn't hurt him?

Some promises have to be broken, especially if they're messing up your relationship with God.

The purpose for a Christian having a partner is to have someone to hold you accountable, to always be there for you when you're having spiritual problems. What good will Alex be able to do for you when you're going through a spiritual desert? All he'll be able to do is drag you down even more.

[Noeru1992]

You promised you wouldn't hurt him?

Some promises have to be broken, especially if they're messing up your relationship with God.

The purpose for a Christian having a partner is to have someone to hold you accountable, to always be there for you when you're having spiritual problems. What good will Alex be able to do for you when you're going through a spiritual desert? All he'll be able to do is drag you down even more.

Exactly why i broke up with him...lol...
I did it! ^^!

[shooraijin]

Exactly why i broke up with him...lol...
I did it! ^^!

And? How did you tell him? And what was his response?

[Noeru1992]

And? How did you tell him? And what was his response?

He hasnt exactly found out yet........
hehe.heh...umm...

[Mr. SmartyPants]

well he has to know or else like... he'll even get more angry at you, so he has to know. Or else he'll still think you love him

[sarahcarter06]

There is one thing that I have learned about dating non-Christians, even though it's not exactly on topic, but still very revelant:

God intended us to be with a guy (or girl, for you guys) that will help you grow closer to God together, and that you can hold eachother accountable.

When dating a non-Christian, it is possible that they are not pulling you away from God, but they most likely aren't helping strengthen your relationship wth God either.

I hope that made sense..

[Syaoran]

I can't realy help you...but I can give you this......Trust in the lord and let him take all of your worrys about relashionships.

[Kat Walker]

My apologies for a somewhat late reply. These threads are so active you can't be away from the forums for 5 minutes, lest you be forced to gravedig.

My situation was almost the exact opposite of yours. I was once dating a guy who I had assumed was Christian, but turned out to be nothing of the sort.

To make a dreadfully long story short, he had many of the same problems as your boyfriend -- in particular the pornography addiction (although he was just perverted and selfish in general, but he had the whole "nice guy" act down pact...even his mom thinks I'm a big mean liar to this day). And let me tell you, Shoraijin knows what he is talking about. You don't want a man whose formative years were spent programming his brain to register anything female as a walking blow-up doll.

You know that there is a problem with the relationship when your significant other is forcing you to make one-sided promises. If he expects you to cater to all of HIS needs, and refuses to contribute emotionally, then dump the guy.

Just keep this in mind for future relationships. And FYI, don't rush anything. I believe you mentioned that this guy was just a "rebound" boyfriend and nothing really significant -- and let me tell you, that's where you get yourself in trouble. Don't go looking for a guy for shallow reasons like revenge or loneliness after a breakup. You'll just be settling for less than you deserve.

Not to mention jerks like your ex tend to pick up girls with emotional issues; they're easy to manipulate.

[Riku777]

Ummmmm........ you're what? 13? Ummmm..... A tad young to be thinking about boyfriends. My advice is to not get cought up in girlfriend-boyfriend relationships. You still have a few years ahead of you, and he does too. Who knows, instead of trying to be his girlfriend right away, you could invite him to church. He might even be christian later on in his life. Things change over a period of years, and things don't happen all at once, so give it some time.

But considering he's into a lot of wrong things, and is trying to lead you AWAY from God, I'd say he's not a good guy, and should probably stay away from him. Sean sounds nice.

[Syaoran]

Riku you said a mouth full....that is my younger brother for you.....He knows what he is talking about.

[agasfas]

When dating a non-Christian, it is possible that they are not pulling you away from God, but they most likely aren't helping strengthen your relationship wth God either.

I hope that made sense..

I couldn't agree more. That's the main reason I don't really want to date a non-christian, not because God discourages against it, but because they wouldn't help us build or strengthen our relationship with Christ.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Riku is definately right. For your heart will tell you "I need a boyfriend, I need someone to fill up that thing missing in my heart"

if you feel that way then that means that you are putting that boy first, and God second. When it should really be God first, and everything else is somewhere.

You are 13, no position to be dating. YOu got them raging hormones that keep changing. Heck I also feel that I am not cut out for dating. Dispite what you may think "Im a special 13 year old" No... never think like that.

MANY, MANY, MANY Times I cannot stress enough how much I want "a girlfriend" or "a girlfriend when I am 18" or "someone to fill up that emptyness inside of me"

yes how wrong was I? (and still am) I am not READY for dating. Instead of trying to find love, make yourself stronger and more wiser and more spiritually closer to God. So when you DO see that right man, you will be ready. Wait a few years, you got SOOOOO MUCH to go through, having a boyfriend isn't just worth it now. You may see other people your age going like "Oh I love peter and peter loves me" and stuff, but how many end up with broken hearts? Almost all of them

Your brain, and heart can give you advice, and motivate you and have you do things. But when it comes to dating, they are VERY VERY inaccurate and will just mess you up. What you CAN follow is God and what he says. If he does not want you dating, then do not. You may have your will you wish to follow. But God has HIS will. AND If you try to follow your will, but isn't God's will. You will end up digging your own grave