Postby Mr. SmartyPants » Tue Jul 12, 2005 6:26 pm
Well, this is kinda on a personal level... so... i might not let too much out
Around back in last november, i started talking to this girl who replied on my xanga once... from then on, we started talking to each other a lot... a fair amount... she was really nice, and a heart full of God. She would be very encouraging to me with school and stuff, and was my "shining star" for a lack of a better term
now, probably around... may.. i told her that, well... i had feelings for her... and that, if we were too meet one day in life... see how we could continue
Her, being the smart one with common sense, told me that... it wouldn't work out, various reasons. The 2 main ones being that... she was a couple states away (Me maryland and her new jersey) and that... I was too young
I didn't really agree with that I was too young(she was 2 years older than me) but whatever floats her boat eh
Later that may, i remember the date, Friday... okay i don't remember ^^;; she told me that she was shutting down her xanga, and was unable to use the internet much anymore...
I was... really sad, i remember during the entire school day I had a weird feeling in my gut... didn't know why... yadda yadda blah blah you get the picture
I sent her an email, my final goodbyes so to speak. She said that She wasn't leaving because of anything I did (what a relief) but was like a Promise to God, and so that she would make her parents happy and such..
I respected her wishes, and she we parted, she told me that "at first she was suspicious of me and stuff, and later she really started to trust me." And at times considered me more than a friend (i don't really know what that means, but im assuming she didn't have any feelings for me. If she did, what she did was right. Because i know that she's more wise than me, and knew that to do, while I didn't. I am glad that we parted in a positive way, without us at each other's throats though
Now for a long time i still had that feeling of false hope lingering inside of me... such thoughts like "Oh! Maybe one day i will meet her and we will be happy!" But i know thats all false and being blinded from being practical and rational...
After a while, with the help of some others, i got over that "last thread of hope" that I was clinging on too. And it was really hard, i had to do something I didn't want to do, but If I didn't it would of killed me even more
Now... occasionally, id start to miss her... such as when im browsing through my old emails, and see some of the convos I had with her. And Id start to miss her, and sometimes start to cry a little... and... it just hurts me alot. I also started to miss her today, and cried a little. Seeing her name on my buddy list reminded me of her. I really miss her
so... i just ask for prayer so I can feel more comforted with the Lord, thanks guys