Paladin's Saga: The Moment

[Razgriz]

Chapter 1: The Moment

genre: superhero anime (action/adventure/drama)
disclaimer: violence

Based on the original character created by Firestorm
An original story-arc by Sangoku
With additional help by my best friend
(Please pardon the grammatical errors as you read )


A moment, so delicate in time
A moment, never again in time
Never before, such an opportunity
Never again, will there be a place in history

The rain beats softly on the chrome colored armor. Each delicate drop making a distinct beat as they hit, flowing down across the cross etched on his metal breastplate. Paladin shifts his weight a little; the steel articulated portion of his armor grinding together in response. His head is lowered, eyes closed. His short platinum hair saturated with rainwater, and hugged tightly against his head. On his back is a dull brown colored cloak with a hood, and black dirt encrusted deep into the seams.

“What are you doing?â€

[Mimichan]

Yay! Another talented writer on the forum. *hugs*
I was wondering when you were gonna start posting. Good job ^_^

[true_noir_chloe]

Very good. Iesu is influencing you. I like it so far.

[Angelchick]

i like it a lot. i hope you post more of it soon. it's really good.

[Razgriz]

Thank you all for your replies, and yes, Iesu no Senshi is influencing me in my writing techniques.

Chapter 2: A Place in History part 1, coming soon

[Shao Feng-Li]

Really good sangoku! i only hope mine can measure up!

[Razgriz]

~1306 A.D. Yorkshire, England~

The warm mid spring sun bathed the city of York early in the morning. The city bustled with activity as shops began to open, and citizens took to the streets. Crowds gathered around the farmers who have brought fresh produce from the country side, while others took to the taverns where stories and gossip are the meals of the day. Carrying a large basket of bread, Paladin strolled down the busy street, pulling his cloak around him to shield the wind, while dodging and weaving past people as he headed towards the orphanage. Paladin came upon this orphanage quite sometime ago, when he was a part of a coup to seize the city. It was back during the time when things were much simpler. Paladin walked into the two story brick house and sat the basket of bread on a long wooden table. Children that were playing in the various parts of the room quickly gathered around Paladin, their eyes wide with excitement.

“Bread! Bread! Yay!â€

[Shao Feng-Li]

Wow that's cool! now you need to draw the main character! im diring to see that armor Paladin's clad in!

[Razgriz]

Wow that's cool! now you need to draw the main character! im diring to see that armor Paladin's clad in!

Thanks, but I can't draw. Firestorm will be taking care of the illustrations, this story arc is based off of his original character idea.

[Mimichan]

Just giving you my thumbs up...

Well, it's not actually MY thumb...it's actually a thumb I borrowed.

Okay, so then... giving you a borrowed thumbs up...

Yay! keep writing...

[Razgriz]

Thanks for the borrowed thumb up.

Chapter 3: Melody of Rain is up next.

[true_noir_chloe]

Good story, Sangoku. Did you change your avatar from red to black?

[Razgriz]

Thank you , and I did change my avatar from Zero to Dark Zero.

[Razgriz]

Chapter 3: Melody of Rain

The cold night wind sweeps Paladin’s hair to the side as he walks down a narrow dirt path. His cloak flows in the wind like a smooth wave, and his feet making shallow impressions in the rain soaked ground. Up ahead, an old, worn out two story manor can be seen. The rusted iron gates toppled to the side, and the brick wall surrounding the premise wore the test of time. Paladin approaches the mansion, and the only sounds are the sounds of his march towards the front door.

As Paladin opens the door, a sad piano score floods his ears. “I’ve heard this before…â€

[true_noir_chloe]

A really fun read, Sangoku. I only see a few grammatical errors and places where your dialogue was a little cumbersome; but other than that, it's really good.

I like where the story is going and I can't wait to read the next section and find out what happens. Does Paladin really disappear from Rain-Song's life? I hope not. She's my favorite character. I love those take charge chicks that can kick some ---- !

[Shao Feng-Li]

awesome

[Razgriz]

[quote="true_noir_chloe"]A really fun read, Sangoku. I only see a few grammatical errors and places where your dialogue was a little cumbersome]

Thank you for your critique. Yeah, grammer isn't one of my strong points, and I hope to get better at it soon. When I wrote this chapter, I remember having a knot in my head, so the dialogue didn't flow too well, heh. Your question in regards to Rain-Song and Paladin will be answered soon.

[true_noir_chloe]

Oo, a teaser.

[Razgriz]

Chapter 4: Der Sturm Geist; The Storm Ghost

General Lansing lay on the floor of the U.N. Security Council chamber, lifeless. Hovered above his body was his daughter, Arisa, who wept uncontrollably. Paladin looked back at Arisa and her father as he stood over the remnants of the two assassin droids, the blood left his face and his entire body numb. Along with General Lansing, half of the security council have been wiped out, and a hole was made in the ceiling of the room, the cold rain swept in on Paladin’s face.

[I]“Forgive me….â€

[Razgriz]

They began their journey towards the top of the bunker, where the command center is located. The hallways are nearly devoid of life, with an errie silence looming in the musty corridors. As they proceed, Paladin falters a little, holding his head as he struggles to walk. Rain-Song walks up beside Paladin and turns to him.

“Paladin, stop,â€

[true_noir_chloe]

Nice. I'm really getting into your story. It's very interesting.

[Razgriz]

Thank you.

[Razgriz]

Chapter 5: A Place in History part 2

~1306 A.D. Yorkshire Castle~

[I]“You’re not even human…â€

[true_noir_chloe]

I'm starting to get lost. I'll go back and re-read.

[Razgriz]

Maybe I should've put "flashback scene"

*slowly creeps away*

Part 1 of the "A Place in History" was chapter 2.