aw, hon, hang in there. i myself suffer from depression, and am just coming away from having a small bout last week.
girlninja wrote: I have stopped goin to the church i was goin to cuz i wasn't getting fed there and i felt like a hypocrite goin to church when i didn't feel close to God...
i agree that you should try going again, and if the church you were going to wasn't working, find something new. as children of God, we have two parts to our relationship with Him that must both be there for our relationship to work like it was meant to be: 1 - personal relationship: your own alone time with God, prayers, meditations, devotions, reading the Bible, etc. 2 - fellowship relationship: worshiping with a group, Bible study group, etc. finding a church that you are comfortable with is very important.
me, i go to two different services a week, a more traditional service at a Methodist church (which is what i grew up going to) on sundays, and a more contemporary service, Campus Crusades, on wednesdays. i found this method works really well for me, and when i had to skip Crusades last week to get a final project done, i felt really crappy the rest of the week, until i went to church on sunday. i also go to a Bible study every week with some girls in my dorm, which i also really enjoy doing, and has helped me to open up a lot more in groups, something i've always had troubles with.
but you have to find a method that works well for you. although i wouldn't normally recommend it, and i don't recommend at all doing it for very long, you might try going to a few different churches over the next few weeks to find something you like.
girlninja wrote:but ..i dunno it's wierd cuz i feel this way yet i would still go to my death proclaiming God's Magesty and the Death his son did for us...i guess i've messed up alot...i don't know how to forgive myself let alone ask God for forgivenes... i feel like he's dissapointed in me...prolly is...i just don't know what to do...
hon, God ALWAYS loves you, and is just waiting for you to ask Him for forgiveness, in fact He's already given it to you. the hardest part of forgiving yourself is your conscience... it keeps agonizing over and over and over things that don't need to be agonized over. i know that when it comes to forgiving myself, i first go through a time of beating myself up over it, and then have a knock-down-drag-out fight with my conscience to let go of it.
hang in there. to become stronger in our faith with God, we first need to get broken. we need to have our little grimy fingers torn away from the sinful life they are holding so tightly to, so that we can be given something so much better we can't even begin to imagine it.
and if you ever need to talk, i always try to check my mail daily, am on CAA almost daily, and can get on MSN messenger or AIM. i do believe the info is in my profile, or you can PM me for it.
God Bless you. i'll be praying.