Not at home in church anymore

[MillyFan]

I really don't know how to say this, or if it belongs in General, but I'm kind of struggling with a church issue.

You see, I go to a Baptist church that just recently joined the Southern Baptist Convention, mostly because my family has always been Baptist in denomination.

However, over the last year, I've felt more and more out of place, more and more like an outsider. There are several reasons, but among them are that almost everyone is pro-military, pro-war, and political conservative, and to seem otherwise automatically pegs you as a *spiritual* liberal not trusting in God's sovereignty.

Another is that my personal beliefs on many secondary issues, while they do not conflict with Baptists, they also aren't in complete agreement either.

Also, the worship style (lots of praise and worship music and some hymns) doesn't "click" with me, I guess. It doesn't seem that special or deep, except on occasion, and normally I don't get into it much.

In short, I just don't feel "at home" anymore. Online and elsewhere, I currently identify myself as "non-denominational" because I feel that labeling myself a Baptist would be untruthful since I'm not strongly convicted to agree with YEC or the idea that women are created to be helpmeets to men, for example.

I don't know if I'm being selfish and not doing what God wants, because I know you're supposed to go to church to show your love for God, not "to have your needs met."

I'd like to know about other denominations and what they believe, (and out of curiosity, I took a test on "What Christian Denomination Are You" at SelectSmart and got the following: #1 Mennonite Brethren #2 Methodist/Wesleyan Church #3 Southern Baptist).

My main problem is that I can't be that open with my family about this struggle about where *I* belong. If I said that I was tired of my current church and that I wanted to look for a place where I felt at home more, my family would be really upset, especially my mother, because it would be interpreted as a selfish rejection of a perfectly good church and an attempt by me to force the rest of my family into whatever I wanted to look into. (Although I personally don't care. I'm not one to force other people into my personal interests, preferences, or anything else, and I don't want to break up the family. I just want to be myself.)

I can't drive yet, so I could see how wanting to look for a different church would be selfish in that way, but the issue and the upsetness (if that's a word) would still be there, because my family would still see it as rejection even if, next year when I can learn to drive, I drove myself and paid for the gas money out of my personal finances.

I've kind of dropped out at my church for the reasons I listed, and my mother interprets that as spiritual backsliding, makes comments about how I used to love church so much, and says that I need to get more involved. . .^sigh^

I just want advice on this, and possibly prayers for guidance. I know it's probably best to just not think about it and stay where I am because that's just the way things are, and I've tried that, but it doesn't work.

[EireWolf]

Hi MillyFan. I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I've kinda' been there myself, though perhaps not to the same extent. I don't know what advice I can offer... I don't think it's a good idea to quit going to church altogether, but I don't think it's a bad idea to find a different church, either. It's very important to fellowship with other believers. Have you tried explaining to your mom what you've told us? ...That you don't want to give up on church, but that your current church doesn't fit who you are, and that you sometimes feel excluded. You do need to respect your parents, especially if you're living with them, but you are an adult and should be able to make some choices. Maybe you could ride a bike or take the bus to a different church?

I know of a church in your area that I will PM you about.

[MillyFan]

Thanks for your post. . .I might try that, I probably don't have the nerve to. Most likely, I'll just wait until I have a job and a place of my own, which hopefully will be by 2007/2008 (going to college next year), and hey, thanks for the PM.

[Shinji Ikari]

I was in a similar situation to you Millyfan, and I decided that I'd tell my Dad that I didn't want to go to this church anymore, and that I felt more comfortable at this other church, which happens to be a Baptist church, (not a southern baptist, I believe there are some distinct differences) in saying that, I also like to point out that I have no denominational bias, and that we are all God's children.

After dropping the bombshell, yes things were difficult for some time, but gradually, and with alot of prayer, this subided into acceptance, my Dad has seen that I am more comfortable with Goid there, and doesn't really care so much now.

My advice is that you should really try to explain it to your parents, as difficult as this is, it may be quite liberating.

[MillyFan]

Thanks to you too By the way, I haven't seen you in so long. . .how are you?

[shooraijin]

I think I know the church Eire is going to recommend to you, Milly, and it's a really nice one.

I had much the same problem when I started college and found that the church I was going to at that time really didn't hold much for me. Fortunately, I was mobile, and my parents were understanding of my need to branch out, and the church I found was a good fit. (It's the Nazarene one you pass near the I-8 and I-15 merge as you go by in Mission Valley, in case you're curious. Since I moved up north, though, I haven't been there in awhile and they've gone through at least two pastor swaps.)

[Jericho]

I was raised baptist and I must say that they don't seem the same anymore.

I understand where you are coming from also as I had problems with tradition holding back God's work in the church. Egos, and positions getting the better of people (well thats anywhere) So I tried non-denominational churches and some fit, and some don't.

For one can I offer this without starting a debate: You go to church to get food for your soul, the word, fellowship, etc. etc. Also to show love for the Lord, but you can do that just about anywhere. Churches are buildings...The bible believing Christian population is in fact the actual Church...not the building...just a little comfort speech.

Keep praying and God will see you through.

[Shinja]

i dont know, i think if its important to you you should at least tell you parents what you think about it, i mean it isnt going to hurt, well it might, but unless your at the point where you can just go out and find your own chruch then you should at least tell you folks how you feel. if you can go looking for your own church then id say do it, it never hurts to look around. all people are differnat and all people fit into a differant church home.

[Fsiphskilm]

You are not the only ones

[Fsiphskilm]

Also Don't worry about telling your parents

[Animom]

MillyFan,

I'm a Mom myself. And I've experienced this restlessness as well. I've seen it in my children at times. It could be sharing your feelings at the right moment will be met with more understanding that you might imagine.

Parents see their children and can often 'read' their discouragement but can often 'misread' what is really happening. You are not losing your faith from what you are saying -- but your Mom is afraid you are becoming disallusioned (or backsliding). Your honesty (at a carefully chosen moment) could help both of you deal with this growth. And you may find an offer of a ride (parents or someone they know) on a Wednesday or Sunday evening to 'try out' another church nearby.

Communication is the key. When you wait until you are angry and frustrated -- this could escalate into an ugly scene.

Choosing and thinking for yourself is part of growing up. This age is a 'trying out' time. Soon YOU will be making these choices, and your parents know this too.

What do you think?

[MillyFan]

Thanks That helped. A lot.

[Michael]

You oughta become a Calvinist.

[Fsiphskilm]