Trouble with the oppositte sex....advice needed.

[V8Tsunami]

Well.....here goes...

A couple of weeks ago, a member of the board pm'd me wanting to talk about things. Over the last couple of weeks she messaged me nearly every day, and I talked with her about my struggles. I asked if she wanted me to pray for her, or if she needed anything, and she said she didn't. I opened my heart to her, as I felt she really wanted to lead me in scripture. I felt God had sent someone special into my life. Not in a romantic sense, but as a mentor or someone to lead me. Then, it happened.....

She pm'd me today and said that my venting was drivng her crazy, taking away from her college classes, and that she couldn't be the only one to help me. I was blown away. I had no clue she felt that way, as it seemed that she was always willing to help. Now I can't figure out if she doesn't want anything to do with me, if she was just trying to help and got in over her head, or what exactly is going on.

Add to this the fact that I had a small crush on one of my fellow 20 somethings (not my prayer partner). Just when I felt it was nearing time to tell her about it, I find out that she's infatuated with somebody else (or they could just be really good friends and I read things wrong. Sometimes infatuation can do that to you.) For some reason I feel like such an idiot for being foolish enough to open up to or have feelings for someone of the oppositte sex again. Jic you're wondering, I've been burned before.

Add to that the fact that I'm wondering if I made the right decision to go to work instead of finishing school, and things are pretty much in a whirlwind right now. If you guys can give me some advice and keep me in your prayer's I'd appreciate it. I know I'm not good at following up on my prayer threads, but I have a full-time job, so it's hard to find time after work to post. Thanks guys.

[agasfas]

Hey man, I completely understand. Sometimes when we open ourselves to others too fast things have a tendency to go bad. And take it from me, I have the worst luck with women, you're not the only one. I can tell you some of the worst stories...

Just when I felt it was nearing time to tell her about it, I find out that she's infatuated with somebody else

One for example is I really liked this girl and she liked me. Then I introduced her to one of my friends then she got a crush on him. Then one day she told me to give my friend her number, "if I wannted to." Then said, " I mean, what are friends for." That was the condensed version. So yeah, I can relate.

I have many more that end badly, as I believe many others do as well. Every tiem I open up I get hurt.

As much as I've gotten hurt, which is a lot, I always found a way to get back up. Sometimes it take a few days but i happens. I realize, heck it wasn't meant to be and all I can do is continue to move forward. That's all we can do. If we concentrate heavily on the past and all the pain we've gone through, we don't allow ourselves to move forward to something better. It took me about 18+yrs to figure that one out and I still struggle with it- like many others.

The harsh truth about the game of love is that usually, someone almost always gets hurt. It's the sad truth. Although, there's a lot of hurt that goes on, I firmly believe that when we finally fall for that special someone, that one person makes it all worth it- nullifying all the previous pain. To be quite honest, there isn't much advice in the dating department. Sorry... I'm still learning myself

And trust me, you're not the only one who ever felt foolish for crushing over another. We all been there (or most of us).

I know that sometimes we are confused about our future, sometimes it just seem chaotic... Just have faith and let the Lord guide ya. Though, have you thought about the possibility of attending school again part-time? That's if you really felt it was something you wanted to do. Never too old to make a change.

Anyways, although I don't have much advice in the girl department (or in life), what I can say is to continue to move forward. Sometimes we trip and stumble (somtimes hard). At times we need to pick ourselves up and continue. I've fallen a ton of times myself. Although it may not be much help, if you ever need anyone to talk about your troubles or whatever, feel free to PM me if you wish. Anyways, I'll keep you in my prayers. Keep smiling and take care.
-Dan

[K. Ayato]

Guess it's time to explain. I was his prayer partner, and I'd still like to be, if he'll let me. It's just it wears me down pretty bad mentally and a bit emotionally when he can find others on the CAA to pray with him, and not just me. I'm not saying I no longer want to help, either. I still do. It's just with all his questions, it seems he can't take "I don't know" for an answer. Really frustrates me. I'm just a kid compared to him. I don't know a lot, even with the experiences I've gone through. Maybe God did lead me to help him out, I don't know. All I know is for certain He didn't lead me to do this task on my own.

[agasfas]

Hey, it happens. Sometimes we all get worn down mentally and emotionally. LIfe throws us curve balls somtimes. Anyways, just wanted to add that I'll praythat everythings gets sorted out. ANd always remember that there are always people here willing to help you V8Tsunami, we are a community.

[Kura Ookami]

I'm willing to try to help you out VBTsunami. I'm another guy so maybe my perspective on things will be simalar to your own. Feel free to pm me with any questions and I'll do my best to help you out with them. I might not be online when you are so instant messenging might be difficult because i live in the uk and not the us. Also you could try pming some other people to see if they'll help. Ideally people who are older than you because they'll have been through more of lifes difficulties.

As for your prayer buddy, you can't expect her or anyone else to know all the answers to your questions. I think she just wants you to find others you can talk to. For a good guy to go to for advice try Kaji or spiritsword. Both are good men who are strong christians. If you want a female to give you help and advice i reccomend True_Noir_Chloe. I go to them for advice whenever i need it.

As for your difficulties with girls i can relate. I felt like i would never find my true love It was only when i gave up on my search that i found her. My advice. Be patient. I've found out from my girlfriend that if i had been too open, too trusting of her in the beginning it would have put a barrier between us. It's a matter of knowing when to do things sometimes rather than just what to do if that makes any sense. Follow Gods lead, not your own feelings.

Be friends first. I've said it so many times in various posts, but i dont mind saying it again. It really is the best way. Pray about your feelings. Ask God what the meaning of them is and let Him guide you in what to do. Read the quote on my sig about being friends too. Take it slow. A relationship that is going to last deserves patience. The bottom line? Dont rush into an intimate relationship like being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Well that's my two cents. I'll pray for you too VBTsunami.

[K. Ayato]

As for your prayer buddy, you can't expect her or anyone else to know all the answers to your questions. I think she just wants you to find others you can talk to.

Right on, James!

[V8Tsunami]

Part one, this is for Mobilesuit pilot.

I had no clue she felt I was forcing her to find answers. She always seemed eager to help, and always had good scripture ready at the drop of a hat. I never got any indication that she thought I was taking up too much of her time, or that I was pushing her (until the pm). She always messaged me, never the other way around. (not that I didn't want to, she would always beat me to it).

Don't kid yourself Mobilesuit pilot, even though I'm older than you are, you know the scripture alot better than I do. One thing I know for sure is this: with scripture, unlike many things in life, age is almost irrelevant. The old and young can teach each other scripture if they know it well. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't some sort of emotion involved either. I guess I was just taken in by her knowlege of scripture and tenacity. Not really in a romantic sense, but more like a very close friend that you care for alot.

I'd like to be her prayer partner still, but then again, I don't know if it can work if the communication doesn't go both ways. She never talked about herself much, and never opened up to me the way I did to her. If we can move past this trouble and continue to be prayer partners, I'd like that.

Mobilesuit pilot, if you need anything, anytime I'm here for you, and I mean that with all my heart. What I need to know is, I know you want to be prayer partners, but do you want to be friends as well? You don't have to have all the answers, just having someone to talk to is enough. I ask for nothing but your friendship. If you want to continue things, you know where to find me.

[true_noir_chloe]

At this point, it might be best if V8 and Mobilesuit took a break from each other. It's just always wise to take a break from one another for awhile when things have just not gone very well.

Perspective changes for the better with time and distance. I know the scripture says do not let the sun go down on your anger, and I don't mean in this way for you two not to forgive any misunderstandings or to know that you are a brother and sister in Christ and obviously have no ill will.

What I'm suggesting is that V8 find another prayer partner - Kura obviously just offered - and for mobilesuit to maybe take care of her schooling and rest her brain a bit. ^__^

Anyway, I will pray for you V8. ^__^ I know you struggle with a lot of things right now - just saw one of your other prayer requests. I suggest you spend a lot of time in the Word, maybe even take a break from the internet for a week or two. Perhaps, something unforeseen will make it impossible for you to use the internet.

[K. Ayato]

I need a break.

[V8Tsunami]

At this point, it might be best if V8 and Mobilesuit took a break from each other. It's just always wise to take a break from one another for awhile when things have just not gone very well.

After reading some other threads, I think it's a good idea. I'll let her go, and if we are truly meant to be prayer partners, then she'll come back. If not, then it just wasn't in the cards. Whatever she wants to do is fine with me.

What I'm suggesting is that V8 find another prayer partner - Kura obviously just offered - and for mobilesuit to maybe take care of her schooling and rest her brain a bit. ^__^ Anyway, I will pray for you V8. ^__^ I know you struggle with a lot of things right now - just saw one of your other prayer requests. I suggest you spend a lot of time in the Word, maybe even take a break from the internet for a week or two. Perhaps, something unforeseen will make it impossible for you to use the internet.

I think getting into the word will help alot. "Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you". Maybe instead of worrying about how I can make decent money, how well off others my age are, or how not to screw things up, that I should just read the word and try to make myself a better person. I want to change while I am still young. When I'm 30 I don't want to be stuck living at home, with a low-paying job, no companionship, and no Mustang Keep me in your prayers guys.

[K. Ayato]

Give me at the very least 2 weeks from today. By that time I'll be done with college (Yay!) and have more time to think about other things.

[V8Tsunami]

Update: things aren't going well. More like a flaming downward spiral.

Saturday I got into a nasty argument with my mother because my brother weaseled out of working on the farm and she made me go help dad. (Not that I don't want to help, my Dad's a good man, and would do anything for me, but he will scream at me at the drop of a hat. He won't give me any slack, respect, or comforting words, especially since I blew engineering school. In fact, he won't stop yelling at me even when I'm depressed. My reward for helping on the farm? Getting yelled at some more. That's why I hate to help him. Well, that and I hate standing around messing around with old farm with equpiment.)

Worse yet, my brother and I got into an all-out slugfest Sunday. My brother is 20, and a little bigger than I am. We got into an argument and he threw me to the ground 5 times. I punched him 4 or 5 times and couldn't stop him. I wound up with a twisted ankle and he came out without a scratch What's worse is that he will do nearly anything to get what he wants: lie, cheat, and even steal (not very often though). Simply put, he thinks he's better than me and never misses an opportunity to express it. On top of all that, I found out that he makes hentai from my anime images!! Then I discovered that I missed a good sermon on Sunday.

Not to mention my fight against my desires is going miserably, and I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get a well-paying job or ever have anything. I feel bad for even posting this, cause I don't want to seem like I'm dumping on you guys all the time but never giving back. Anyway, I hope I can keep it togther and see this through. I'm planning on attending a bible study Wednesday, so hopefully I can meet some people my age there. Anyway, keep me in your prayers and don't forgert about me.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

v8tsunami i want to help you perhaps on aim/msn/yim please do so my screennames are in my profile

[K. Ayato]

Take him up on his offer, Neil.

[Kura Ookami]

V8 Mr. Smartypants is far more knowlegable in the word of God than I am so perhaps he can help you? I'd take him up on his offer. I'm sure Mr. Smartypants can help you out alot with your troubles.

[K. Ayato]

And PM kaji as well. He'd love to help you out.

[kaji]

Not that I don't want to help, my Dad's a good man, and would do anything for me, but he will scream at me at the drop of a hat. He won't give me any slack, respect, or comforting words, especially since I blew engineering school. In fact, he won't stop yelling at me even when I'm depressed. My reward for helping on the farm? Getting yelled at some more. That's why I hate to help him.

Doesn’t sound like such a good guy to me…

I wonder if I'll ever be able to get a well-paying job or ever have anything.

I wish I had more time right now V8T, but I will have to make this short. Please consider your priorities. How is getting a ‘better’ job or amassing possessions going to fix anything? Money is not the answer here, and it never will be.

Matthew 16:25 - For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

Forget about what the world tells you will solve your problems. Gaining those things now, will only cause you to loose your life in the end. But submit your life/heart/soul to Christ and you will find what life really is.

NOTE: This submission is not just a one-time commitment. It’s something the fills your whole life.

I feel bad for even posting this, cause I don't want to seem like I'm dumping on you guys all the time but never giving back

Never feel bad. We are here for you, and any one else we can help.

I wish I had more time to post, but know I am still praying for you.

-kaji

[agasfas]

About your dad... My mom is the same. Everytime I help out, I get yelled at for doing it wrong. But you know... I just learn to deal with it. The less we complain the faster it's over with. Plus, being it's her house, I gotta take it. Her way or the highway. Have you tried talking to your dad about it? Not in an accusing way, but just a civilized chat?

Worse yet, my brother and I got into an all-out slugfest Sunday. My brother is 20, and a little bigger than I am. We got into an argument and he threw me to the ground 5 times. I punched him 4 or 5 times and couldn't stop him. I wound up with a twisted ankle and he came out

Sounds like me and my twin brother when we were in freshmen year. We would always fight. Though it was always about even... Guess it's because we are twins. Eventually we just learned to learn how to deal with the other's actions. If he said or did something that got me angry, I would just let it go. Because I found by fighting it makes the grudge go on for longer then it should have. Sometimes I feel I get the short end of the stick too. For instance, I do twice teh work about the house and I try harder at school. I study for tests and he doesn't and still comes out w/ the same or better grade. He would say, "Dude, what's funny is that you try twice as hard and I get the same grade." The truth is, that kind of stuff does catch up w/ us... it really does. We can only coast through life for so long. Now now brother is actually working hard to pull his GPA up from academic probation because he slacked off the first year of college. For me, I have about a B GPA... sitting comfortably. As hard as it may seem, have faith and continue to work as hard as you can. Never take the easy way out just because someone else does it and get away from it. Be strong, our work ethic reflects the kind of person we are. And if you work hard, things will all fall into place, sooner or later. Trust me.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to get a well-paying job or ever have anything... I'm planning on attending a bible study Wednesday, so hopefully I can meet some people my age there. Anyway, keep me in your prayers and don't forgert about me.

I hope you can find a job you like too. Just remember, money doesn't always determine happiness. If it was, I wouldn't be studying to become a teacher. Money does help a bit, but it doesn't fill a void. Have you considered on doing continuing education? If not, there are other things to get a better job. I've never had much money ever, growing up or even now. But I don't allow that to determine our feelings. Just find something that you enjoy doing or makes you happy, whether if it has a ton of money in it or not... Why have money but still remain miserable? Though, sometimes we have to deal with jobs we hate. It's a part of life. If we have to support our families, loved ones etc and it's all I can get... I'll take it. Sometimes we all have to swallow our pride and do what we can to survive.

If you end up w/ a crummy job, try to make the best of it. I dont' care much for my job but it pays my bills... it's not like I'm going to be doing it for the rest of my life. Also, I always find a positive or try my best to get people to laugh, it really changes the work atmosphere. Positivity makes a huge difference, trust me. If I'm mad at work it makes the day seem so much longer...

Friend wise, I pray you meet some people when you attend Bible Study. Though let me advice that you shouldn't go there with the sole intention of "hooking-up" or meeting a girl. Go there w/ the intention of meeting some friends (guy or girl). Let the rest take care of itself (if it's meant to be).

About your depression dude... my only advice is to look forward. We can't get over things if we continue to dwell over the past... weither it's dropping out of college, girls or life in general. How can we ever be happy by doing so? It's okay to dwell on it for a bit, but it shouldn't control our lives. I've had soooo many things happen to me that I could find a million things to be depressed about. But I try not to do so, it does me no good. IF you feel there needs to be change, take the initiative to take those steps... to change. Talking accomplishes nothing, we can't always sit back and hope for the best. Whether it's looking for a better job (to be happier or whatever), or things in life. Change requires change on our part. It may seem scary or hard to do, but that's the only way we can better ourselves. We can't always be afraid to do so.

Anyways, I'll continue to keep you in my prayers. Take care

[V8Tsunami]

Thanks for all the advice and prayers guys, it means alot to me, knowing that there's others like me who have been in this situation before. Honestly, I was expecting some harsh replys or maybe even none at all, but thank God that hasn't been the case. It's made me feel alot better, like I"m not the only one out there fighting to try to make my life better.

If anyone wants to chat, just send a pm my way. That's all I have time for now, God bless and thank you so much for all your prayers.

Looking forward to the bible study this evening, and it's about time for me to run.

Once again, thanks for everything.

[K. Ayato]

I Corinthians 10:13 "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted about that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

James 1:12-14 "Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted of evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed."

[Maledicte]

hey man, you can PM me or IM (see profile) me anytime...I honestly will not mind.