/rant off
Why can't girl's just be HONEST?????
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Why can't girl's just be HONEST?????
This is really starting to.......... make me very angry. (and I'm told that's hard to do). several months ago, when my Ex-girlfriend broke up with me, she said "Let's just be friends", giving no further explanation other than that she "felt we needed to take a step back". This would have been fine, If she would have responded to my E-mails, picked up her cell phone or even had the decency to have a conversation with me. She has made it extremely apparent that she in fact, DOES NOT want to be my friend. I have talked with some friends of mine who, as it turns out, had the same thing happen to them. The three of us are very tired of girl's not giving the real reasons for things. First off, did anyone else have this happen? And can someone please tell me why there is this dishonesty. I know that not all girls are like this, but I'm really starting to think that this is a common thing umong women.
/rant off
/rant off
[font="Tahoma"][SIZE="2"]"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
-Terry Pratchett[/SIZE][/font]
-Terry Pratchett[/SIZE][/font]
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Cognitive Gear - Posts: 2381
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:00 am
i suppose they didn't want to make you mad... but their reasons for doing that was wrong, seeing you figured out and are currently mad/annoyed now
got her phone number? call her and say "look if you don't want to be my friend then why didn't you tell me?" or something
got her phone number? call her and say "look if you don't want to be my friend then why didn't you tell me?" or something
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
I am going to be speaking in regards to a common stereotype here, so dont get angry at me (girls and guys alike).
When girls get hurt (either intentionally or unintentionally), they tend to try to distance themselves from the person that hurt them. Any confrontation with said person they tend to run away from (or just blantantly ignore...
)
My advice is to give her space. However (here comes to tough part) dont make it look like you are ignoring her completely. Try easing off the cell phone, emails etc, but give her a nice smile whenever you see her.
Let me let you in on a little secret about the 'complex infrastructure that is known as the female mind'. Often when they are angry at someone, they dont know exactly WHY they are angry (though they may give you tonnes of small details, they aren't really angry at them, more often at a deeper cause that cannot be expressed in words).
Anyway... Before I let off anymore female secrets....
Did you find any of that helpful?
EDIT:
BIG NO NO!!! That would be very harmful in this situation i think (for most females anyway...)
When girls get hurt (either intentionally or unintentionally), they tend to try to distance themselves from the person that hurt them. Any confrontation with said person they tend to run away from (or just blantantly ignore...
)
My advice is to give her space. However (here comes to tough part) dont make it look like you are ignoring her completely. Try easing off the cell phone, emails etc, but give her a nice smile whenever you see her.
Let me let you in on a little secret about the 'complex infrastructure that is known as the female mind'. Often when they are angry at someone, they dont know exactly WHY they are angry (though they may give you tonnes of small details, they aren't really angry at them, more often at a deeper cause that cannot be expressed in words).
Anyway... Before I let off anymore female secrets....
Did you find any of that helpful?
EDIT:
got her phone number? call her and say "look if you don't want to be my friend then why didn't you tell me?" or something
BIG NO NO!!! That would be very harmful in this situation i think (for most females anyway...)
- Hephzibah
- Posts: 1494
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:00 am
- Location: Australia
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
Talame wrote:When girls get hurt (either intentionally or unintentionally), they tend to try to distance themselves from the person that hurt them. Any confrontation with said person they tend to run away from (or just blantantly ignore... )
My advice is to give her space. However (here comes to tough part) dont make it look like you are ignoring her completely. Try easing off the cell phone, emails etc, but give her a nice smile whenever you see her.
I suppose that makes sense ( at least as much sense as women can make XD) I may have already given her too much space, as I gave up on her about 2 months ago.
[font="Tahoma"][SIZE="2"]"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
-Terry Pratchett[/SIZE][/font]
-Terry Pratchett[/SIZE][/font]
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Cognitive Gear - Posts: 2381
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:00 am
Mr. SmartyPants wrote:*takes notes*
what are more female secrets?
Lol!
Ok... another female secret is that they dont like their secrets being told to guys
ikimasu wrote:I suppose that makes sense ( at least as much sense as women can make XD) I may have already given her too much space, as I gave up on her about 2 months ago.
Oi! I'm a woman too you know! We make ALOT more sense than guys do
<.<
>.>
Ok ok ok!
back on topic. 2 months ago and she still doesn't even look your way? Hmmm... and you have no idea why she doesnt talk to you? Double hmmmm...
Whelp, the only thing i can think of is to commit the situation to God... pray for her that she will forgive you if you have done anything wrong (even if you didn't... see previous post).
Sorry I couldnt be much more help.
- Hephzibah
- Posts: 1494
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:00 am
- Location: Australia
ya, I still have no idea. I've given it up to God already. I make a habit of comitting things to God when I give up on them. Anyways, I think that anyone who isn't going to be honest probably isn't worth investing time into being friends with. I just think it's sad that the relationship ended the way it did. I didn't even get to learn anything from it!
[font="Tahoma"][SIZE="2"]"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
-Terry Pratchett[/SIZE][/font]
-Terry Pratchett[/SIZE][/font]
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Cognitive Gear - Posts: 2381
- Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2005 9:00 am
Yes you did!! If that relationship had never had happened, you would have missed out on the 'big female secret' I just blurted out!
<.<
>.>
*runs away from pitchfork-weilding women*
It was an accident!! I didn't mean tooooooo!
<.<
>.>
*runs away from pitchfork-weilding women*
It was an accident!! I didn't mean tooooooo!
- Hephzibah
- Posts: 1494
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:00 am
- Location: Australia
Big Hint: She doesn't want to talk to you.
I think it is very obvious, she told you that she wanted to stay friends only to appease you. I recall that that is why I always told guys that I "still just want to be friends." I, being a kind person to some extent, just wanted to let them down easy - and, I also wanted to subvert all the usual questions the guys ask for days on end after you break up.
Thus, we females think by saying, "let's be friends," we are letting them down easy. Apparently you starting this thread shows that most guys are still not appeased by this attempt at a more gentle approach.
Now, I can tell you when a girl doesn't want to answer your calls, your emails, whatever, she basically wants nothing more to do with you. Take the hint and get on with your life. If you don't you are certainly entering "stalkerhood."
Especially, if this has gone on for two months now, I think she has plainly told you she did not want to be your friend, but actually, just wanted to simply "break up."
Guys always want reasons, "what did I do?" "why don't you want to date me anymore?" "Is there someone else?" Of course, girls do the same thing, "what did I do?" "Is there someone else?" "I can change."
But basically it's this, you were not meant to be together. That's just the way it is. In the end, long in the future when you are married and cuddling that baby, you will thank God for that break up.
Please, stop spilling over all this sour milk and just get on with your life. You don't have to bash the whole female race as a bunch of liars. They're just people like the male half of the human race - trying to get by.
Give her space and stop calling her. Which, it sounds like you've finally done.
Now, by His grace get on with your days.
I think it is very obvious, she told you that she wanted to stay friends only to appease you. I recall that that is why I always told guys that I "still just want to be friends." I, being a kind person to some extent, just wanted to let them down easy - and, I also wanted to subvert all the usual questions the guys ask for days on end after you break up.
Thus, we females think by saying, "let's be friends," we are letting them down easy. Apparently you starting this thread shows that most guys are still not appeased by this attempt at a more gentle approach.
Now, I can tell you when a girl doesn't want to answer your calls, your emails, whatever, she basically wants nothing more to do with you. Take the hint and get on with your life. If you don't you are certainly entering "stalkerhood."
Especially, if this has gone on for two months now, I think she has plainly told you she did not want to be your friend, but actually, just wanted to simply "break up."
Guys always want reasons, "what did I do?" "why don't you want to date me anymore?" "Is there someone else?" Of course, girls do the same thing, "what did I do?" "Is there someone else?" "I can change."
But basically it's this, you were not meant to be together. That's just the way it is. In the end, long in the future when you are married and cuddling that baby, you will thank God for that break up.
Please, stop spilling over all this sour milk and just get on with your life. You don't have to bash the whole female race as a bunch of liars. They're just people like the male half of the human race - trying to get by.
Give her space and stop calling her. Which, it sounds like you've finally done.
Now, by His grace get on with your days.
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
When girls get hurt (either intentionally or unintentionally), they tend to try to distance themselves from the person that hurt them. Any confrontation with said person they tend to run away from (or just blantantly ignore... )
My advice is to give her space. However (here comes to tough part) dont make it look like you are ignoring her completely. Try easing off the cell phone, emails etc, but give her a nice smile whenever you see her.
amen....I very much agree.
Cast in the name of God, ye not guilty.
~~~~~~
At the heart of mature [color=DarkOrchid]femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nuture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships.
At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships.[/color]
~~~~
Disclaimer: The comments of Lara, both on forum and chat, are random, unusual, and often sarcastic. Read with a pillar of salt. Thanks.
~~~~~~
At the heart of mature [color=DarkOrchid]femininity is a freeing disposition to affirm, receive and nuture strength and leadership from worthy men in ways appropriate to a woman's differing relationships.
At the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man's differing relationships.[/color]
~~~~
Disclaimer: The comments of Lara, both on forum and chat, are random, unusual, and often sarcastic. Read with a pillar of salt. Thanks.
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FadedOne - Posts: 881
- Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 1:13 pm
- Location: Ohio/Virginia
With all respect to t_n_c (and the other women in this thread), I've always asserted that "let's just be friends" is a very disingenuous statement. Instead of being a manner of letting the guy down easy, it simply comes off as hollow, no matter that it wasn't meant that way. After stating that the level of intimacy is too high, it can't follow that there still can be *some* intimacy.
Unless you can tell the guy exactly where the line should be drawn, I assert that the statement shouldn't be made.
The kindest cut was actually made to me shortly out of college by someone I thought very highly of, but she did not reciprocate. She didn't beat around the bush, and put the situation forward plainly, that there needed to be distance and she told me in no uncertain terms why. She didn't cap that with an ambiguous statement about continuing the friendship; she simply made things clear. It hurt quite a bit, but I respected her for it, and I learned.
On the flip side, there was one other who did use the "LJBF" speech, but it was clear that my idea of friendship was not the same as hers. In fact, she had to say it several times, and it never made things any clearer. Moreover, she refused to tell me why it wouldn't work out, and that hurt even more. She failed to draw a clear boundary, and that led to it being drawn out longer and more painfully than it should have been. Yes, at least half of that was my fault -- but some of it was hers for not making the boundary between friendship and more than friends rigid.
I think women should be very careful about that statement, and not say it flippantly or because "they want to be nice." It rarely comes off that way to male ears.
Unless you can tell the guy exactly where the line should be drawn, I assert that the statement shouldn't be made.
The kindest cut was actually made to me shortly out of college by someone I thought very highly of, but she did not reciprocate. She didn't beat around the bush, and put the situation forward plainly, that there needed to be distance and she told me in no uncertain terms why. She didn't cap that with an ambiguous statement about continuing the friendship; she simply made things clear. It hurt quite a bit, but I respected her for it, and I learned.
On the flip side, there was one other who did use the "LJBF" speech, but it was clear that my idea of friendship was not the same as hers. In fact, she had to say it several times, and it never made things any clearer. Moreover, she refused to tell me why it wouldn't work out, and that hurt even more. She failed to draw a clear boundary, and that led to it being drawn out longer and more painfully than it should have been. Yes, at least half of that was my fault -- but some of it was hers for not making the boundary between friendship and more than friends rigid.
I think women should be very careful about that statement, and not say it flippantly or because "they want to be nice." It rarely comes off that way to male ears.
"you're a doctor.... and 27 years.... so...doctor + 27 years = HATORI SOHMA" - RoyalWing, when I was 27
"Al hail the forum editting Shooby! His vibes are law!" - Osaka-chan
I could still be champ, but I'd feel bad taking it away from one of the younger guys. - George Foreman
"Al hail the forum editting Shooby! His vibes are law!" - Osaka-chan
I could still be champ, but I'd feel bad taking it away from one of the younger guys. - George Foreman
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shooraijin - Posts: 9927
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Southern California
Dude...take it from one who entered stalkerhood...not to the extent where I was dangerous...(and thanks be to God He brought my mentor and friends in to make me see how I was and correct me) but yah man.
Don't place your value on what a girl thinks of you, but remember your identity in Christ. You are a child of God, and God has a plan for you and in His perfect time and plan He will bring the one to you. Why haven't you or I met "the one" yet? Simple. It is not yet our time.
But yah, the way girls work is that when they DON'T respond to you, or etc., best thing to do is write them off and move on. I know that no doubt your heart is hurt by this. At times like these, i have the opinion that emotions suck. I even thought about creating special pills that killed all emotions and you take the antidote after you're married (if this happened though, men wouldn't give a rip about girls and we'd go off to the woods by ourselves, wear old clothes and jeans, drive trucks, and live in dirt. The presence of women gave man reason to civilize...but more on my wacko theories later).
Don't take it too harshly man. I pray for God to heal your heart, and for you to continue on God's path for you. He has a plan for you dude, a plan to prosper you, not to harm you. Trust Him (easier said than done...but we'll be here for ya dude).
Don't place your value on what a girl thinks of you, but remember your identity in Christ. You are a child of God, and God has a plan for you and in His perfect time and plan He will bring the one to you. Why haven't you or I met "the one" yet? Simple. It is not yet our time.
But yah, the way girls work is that when they DON'T respond to you, or etc., best thing to do is write them off and move on. I know that no doubt your heart is hurt by this. At times like these, i have the opinion that emotions suck. I even thought about creating special pills that killed all emotions and you take the antidote after you're married (if this happened though, men wouldn't give a rip about girls and we'd go off to the woods by ourselves, wear old clothes and jeans, drive trucks, and live in dirt. The presence of women gave man reason to civilize...but more on my wacko theories later).
Don't take it too harshly man. I pray for God to heal your heart, and for you to continue on God's path for you. He has a plan for you dude, a plan to prosper you, not to harm you. Trust Him (easier said than done...but we'll be here for ya dude).
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The Doctor - Posts: 512
- Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2004 10:10 am
- Location: Right here.
Shooraijin wrote: With all respect to t_n_c (and the other women in this thread), I've always asserted that "let's just be friends" is a very disingenuous statement.
With all due respect, Shoo, (pulling an Al Gore) in 1976 I invented the "let's just be friends" statement.
I'm joking, joking... Although, I must say back then it wasn't as popular as it is today. And, to rephrase what I earlier stated somewhat, right around my college years, I just flat-out started to tell guys, "I just don't want to date anymore. I believe God has other plans for us." I used the LJBF statement more in my high school years.Anyway, Doctor, such good advice. ^___^
[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE
You see into the deepest part of me ---
beyond the fog I hide behind.
You cast your light upon the shadows
that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.
You ease the pain when I am hurting,
and morbid visions from my past
pierce into the realm of Reason
as though I danced on blades of glass.
You grant me strength when I have fallen
and, once again, I've lost my way.
You take my hand in Yours and lead me
into the promise of a brand new day.
You bring order to all my chaos,
yet set my well-laid plans awry.
You place me on a firm foundation ---
then give me wings so I can fly.
You sand away my roughened edges
and polish all the dullest parts
until I stand before Your presence...
a newly-sculpted work of art.
You see into the heart within me,
right through my motives and selfish will.
And yet, in spite of all You see
You say You love me even still.
~by D.M.~
[/color][/size]
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true_noir_chloe - Posts: 3091
- Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^
t_n_c wrote:I just flat-out started to tell guys, "I just don't want to date anymore. I believe God has other plans for us."
I think that would be a reasonable thing to say. I don't think guys would read anything into that.
This topic actually should be elevated into General (imagine that, a Goof Off thread getting promoted), so I'm going to move it there.
"you're a doctor.... and 27 years.... so...doctor + 27 years = HATORI SOHMA" - RoyalWing, when I was 27
"Al hail the forum editting Shooby! His vibes are law!" - Osaka-chan
I could still be champ, but I'd feel bad taking it away from one of the younger guys. - George Foreman
"Al hail the forum editting Shooby! His vibes are law!" - Osaka-chan
I could still be champ, but I'd feel bad taking it away from one of the younger guys. - George Foreman
-
shooraijin - Posts: 9927
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Southern California
Talame wrote:Lol!
Ok... another female secret is that they dont like their secrets being told to guys
ill keep that in mind XD
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
TNC.
Thanks. I hope everyone learns from my experience.
We, sadly, live in an age where we get stuff NOW NOW NOW. We have forgotten the sacred art of patience and trust. As a result, I think alot of us, or a percantage of us, try and force a successful romance in a short period of time.
Guys, we can't force this. Let God guide it. If you don't heed this advice, you'll still be hitting you head against walls and ticking girls off.
Trust me.
Thanks. I hope everyone learns from my experience.
We, sadly, live in an age where we get stuff NOW NOW NOW. We have forgotten the sacred art of patience and trust. As a result, I think alot of us, or a percantage of us, try and force a successful romance in a short period of time.
Guys, we can't force this. Let God guide it. If you don't heed this advice, you'll still be hitting you head against walls and ticking girls off.
Trust me.
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The Doctor - Posts: 512
- Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2004 10:10 am
- Location: Right here.
hmm, I've never had a girlfreind (bad part of being a physics major) but I'll still talk anyways 
. However if I did have a girlfreind I wouldn't wish to told that we should just be freinds, after all that would give me the right to, hang out with, talk to, play games with and send e-mails to the person who wished to be my freind. Here's a hint inside the male mind for all the girls out there, WE TEND TO TAKE WHAT YOU SAY FOR ITS WORD BY WORD MEANING. That means we don't see the subtle things you try to hide what you saying nor can we read body language. This comes from my communications teacher where I did a whole project on trying to research girls, think embarrassment without even getting a phone number. If you want to BE FREINDS litterally say so and end the relationship slowly. Otherwise end it abruptly otherwise you will continue to recieve calls from your confused boyfreinds who really do believe you really want to be freinds. Now I shall be quiet, and wait to be bashed by all ladies. 
at least I can have some sorta conversation with girls.
. However if I did have a girlfreind I wouldn't wish to told that we should just be freinds, after all that would give me the right to, hang out with, talk to, play games with and send e-mails to the person who wished to be my freind. Here's a hint inside the male mind for all the girls out there, WE TEND TO TAKE WHAT YOU SAY FOR ITS WORD BY WORD MEANING. That means we don't see the subtle things you try to hide what you saying nor can we read body language. This comes from my communications teacher where I did a whole project on trying to research girls, think embarrassment without even getting a phone number. If you want to BE FREINDS litterally say so and end the relationship slowly. Otherwise end it abruptly otherwise you will continue to recieve calls from your confused boyfreinds who really do believe you really want to be freinds. Now I shall be quiet, and wait to be bashed by all ladies. at least I can have some sorta conversation with girls.-
Dante - Posts: 1323
- Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 8:24 pm
- Location: Where-ever it is, it sure is hot!
From a girl who DID get stalked - the first few weeks after a breakup are TOUGH. You feel very awkward around your ex, and in my case it was VERY difficult to even talk to the guy. Giving a girl some space you two break up is the BEST thing to do, even if she says "we need a break, but we can still be friends." The persistant phone calls can be very daunting, and if she doesn't start calling you back after a while then lay off. Don't keep calling, don't try to get in touch with her, because if you do then chances are the situation will start to get very scary for her. Get on with your life - if it didn't work out, it didn't work out, and that's the way God intended it to be.
It's not so much an honesty issue than it is an emotional issue in most cases. ^^;
It's not so much an honesty issue than it is an emotional issue in most cases. ^^;
[SIZE="5"](*ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊｱ八ｱｯ八ｯﾉヽ～☆[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]DEBS: Fan of that manga where the kid's head is on fire.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]DEBS: Fan of that manga where the kid's head is on fire.[/SIZE]
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Debitt - Posts: 3654
- Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: 並盛中学校
One more thing why is it that girls immidiatly jump to the conclusion that all men are stalkers? Are we really so scary that you become terrified if we so much as make a phone call. WHY AM I SO SCARY.... wait don't answer that .
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Dante - Posts: 1323
- Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 8:24 pm
- Location: Where-ever it is, it sure is hot!
Heh...WHO NEEDS GIRLS!!! I say we all swear off any relational contact with girls whatsoever and live like men. RIGHT MEN!?!?!
:: silence::
:: a lone male voice calls out::
"YOU SUCK!"
::hangs head in shame::
Ok, well if cutting off all communication with girls is impossible, and unwise, what's the alternative?
Well, as my friends and mentors would say (it's possible to have more than one), just seek out friendships with girls and see where God leads. Usually God brings this stuff about when we least expect it anyway.
My friend Nate is a great example (YOU DON'T KNOW THIS NATE...HE ISN'T A CAA MEMBER!!!) He REALLY liked Patty from the first day he met her. He talked with her, pursued her. The more he got to know her, the more he liked her. (She really is a great Godly gal. In fact, when we found out about her and Nate, my buddies and I looked at each like "Great for nate...but what does Patty see in him? She's so sweet and caring...Nate's such a jerk." LOL...it's a long story) Well, she said she just wanted to be friends, she wasn't really certain about what God wanted.
Well, Nate waited. And waited, and waited.
And waited.
One day he and I talked and he was like "woe is me. I'll never get married." He was still focused on Patty somewhat. Then one day he gave up. He figured "this isn't going anywhere. I need to move on." So he did. He sent Patty's sister an email informing her of everything (they were friends). She, since she was trying to push Patty in Nate's direction, IMMEDIATELY contacted Patty and told her everything and HOW SERIOUS THIS WAS. According to Patty, this was when the light went on in her head. She realized that she was so close to Nate (they were best friends) that she couldn't picture life without him. So she emailed him telling him her feelings. Nate however, had already written her off, and was still hurt, but after awhile he responded and said he was open to exploring the possibility of romance with her. The rest is history (man...that wedding was short. Beautiful scenery though.)
Lesson for us guys? Don't be obsessed. Release it to God. Notice how Nate didn't get the girl until he released her. I've noticed this ALOT with my dad and friends. NONE of them got the girl until they surrendured, gave up. My mentor didn't meet his wife until like, a week after deciding that it was going to be too difficult to find a wife and decided to focus on other things.
My dad decided it was hopeless and moved on...then his mom set up a date with my mom....got engaged in a month. Then a year or so later, I came along. :-)
So guys, and to a point girls too, learn a lesson I'M STILL WORKING ON!!! Release it all to God and go by His clock, not yours. In the meantime, do what He wants you to do now, and use this time to BECOME the best mate for your future mate.
:: silence::
:: a lone male voice calls out::
"YOU SUCK!"
::hangs head in shame::
Ok, well if cutting off all communication with girls is impossible, and unwise, what's the alternative?
Well, as my friends and mentors would say (it's possible to have more than one), just seek out friendships with girls and see where God leads. Usually God brings this stuff about when we least expect it anyway.
My friend Nate is a great example (YOU DON'T KNOW THIS NATE...HE ISN'T A CAA MEMBER!!!) He REALLY liked Patty from the first day he met her. He talked with her, pursued her. The more he got to know her, the more he liked her. (She really is a great Godly gal. In fact, when we found out about her and Nate, my buddies and I looked at each like "Great for nate...but what does Patty see in him? She's so sweet and caring...Nate's such a jerk." LOL...it's a long story) Well, she said she just wanted to be friends, she wasn't really certain about what God wanted.
Well, Nate waited. And waited, and waited.
And waited.
One day he and I talked and he was like "woe is me. I'll never get married." He was still focused on Patty somewhat. Then one day he gave up. He figured "this isn't going anywhere. I need to move on." So he did. He sent Patty's sister an email informing her of everything (they were friends). She, since she was trying to push Patty in Nate's direction, IMMEDIATELY contacted Patty and told her everything and HOW SERIOUS THIS WAS. According to Patty, this was when the light went on in her head. She realized that she was so close to Nate (they were best friends) that she couldn't picture life without him. So she emailed him telling him her feelings. Nate however, had already written her off, and was still hurt, but after awhile he responded and said he was open to exploring the possibility of romance with her. The rest is history (man...that wedding was short. Beautiful scenery though.)
Lesson for us guys? Don't be obsessed. Release it to God. Notice how Nate didn't get the girl until he released her. I've noticed this ALOT with my dad and friends. NONE of them got the girl until they surrendured, gave up. My mentor didn't meet his wife until like, a week after deciding that it was going to be too difficult to find a wife and decided to focus on other things.
My dad decided it was hopeless and moved on...then his mom set up a date with my mom....got engaged in a month. Then a year or so later, I came along. :-)
So guys, and to a point girls too, learn a lesson I'M STILL WORKING ON!!! Release it all to God and go by His clock, not yours. In the meantime, do what He wants you to do now, and use this time to BECOME the best mate for your future mate.
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The Doctor - Posts: 512
- Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2004 10:10 am
- Location: Right here.
Pascal wrote:One more thing why is it that girls immidiatly jump to the conclusion that all men are stalkers? Are we really so scary that you become terrified if we so much as make a phone call. WHY AM I SO SCARY.... wait don't answer that
It isn't ONE phone call that makes girls scared. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared of ONE phone call. It's just that at first a girl may not want to talk because she needs to sort things out in her head. Afterwards, it's the CONSTANT phone calls, coming to try and visit nearly every day, the online stalking (yes, my ex stalked me through Ragnarok Online), the constant e-mails "I really miss you come back!" that lead a girl to deem the guy a STALKER, especially if she's asked the guy to bug off. It isn't a light matter, it isn't just the girl being overly emotional, it is SCARY when it really is stalking.
If she doesn't return your calls, then STOP calling and give both of you the chance to cool down a bit. Keep going and that's what gets a girl nervous. Start following her, and that gets scary. Follow her on a regular basis and not go away, then congratulations, you're a stalker.
[SIZE="5"](*ﾟ∀ﾟ)ｱﾊｱ八ｱｯ八ｯﾉヽ～☆[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]DEBS: Fan of that manga where the kid's head is on fire.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="1"]DEBS: Fan of that manga where the kid's head is on fire.[/SIZE]
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Debitt - Posts: 3654
- Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: 並盛中学校
Pascal wrote:Here's a hint inside the male mind for all the girls out there, WE TEND TO TAKE WHAT YOU SAY FOR ITS WORD BY WORD MEANING. That means we don't see the subtle things you try to hide what you saying nor can we read body language.
Ummmm.. Im not gonna 'bash you or anything
'... but I would have to agree with you.. I hate it when people say things that have 'hidden meanings'. 
I think that when you are that close to a person you can be honest about how you feel.
I found that girls do this 99.9% of the time. I got to spend this last fall getting the 'hidden meaning' from all kinds of people. See my long story short..
~~My cheer coach didnt like me (mostly cause I was Christian).. She did the 'hidden meaning' thing. 'Cept she got fired from her position as Cheer coach for it, because of a little something called a 'law-suit'. But, OH JOY!! Look her daughter (who happens to be the capt.) is still here so she can finish the job!!( BOY!! AM I LUCKY OR WHAT??!!).. so she orders me to do stuff that was supposedly 'imberassing'.. And because Im not a brat I did...but ohhh did I have fun with it!!
. (quick example: We are eating pizza before game in cafeteria with two tables. One occupied by the cheer team, the other by a boy who was sitting by himself... So me and three other girls (my only true friends during this whole mess) grab pizza and go to sit down....Table number one was (according to the Capt.),'full', but we could always sit on the floor'... (BUT SHE DIDNT TELL ME I HAD TO SIT ON THE FLOOR!!! )...So I walked past them and sat next to the boy and started talking to him. Capt. then decides to get another table so we dont have to sit by the boy and that we 'HAVE TO' come sit with the team...So I got up from the table and began walking to the one she had set up for us....BUT I DIDNT HAVE TO LIKE IT!! So I sat ant the end of the table farthes away from the 'team' and slammed my plate as hard as I possibly could on the table!! Then the three girls with me did the same... THAT WAS JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF GREAT FUN!!! 
)~~
Then as if that werent enought I still get the 'hidden messages' from her and her group that say they hate me and that Im a spoiled little prat!
Oh yes great fun...
I personally am very honest with people. Only its kinda annoying when people try to find those 'hidden meanings' within what youre saying when you are being hones... That REALLY gets confusing!!!
Formerly Kewl Girl 16
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
"I say BOO to lust, and DOWN with "hot"!!" , a quote from Felix.
I suppose I should be puttin this in here to although I dont have much on it yet: http://kewlgirl.deviantart.com/
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
"I say BOO to lust, and DOWN with "hot"!!" , a quote from Felix.
I suppose I should be puttin this in here to although I dont have much on it yet: http://kewlgirl.deviantart.com/
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Kewl Girl - Posts: 170
- Joined: Mon Feb 14, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: In front of my computer with my headphones on, trying to drown out the world around me..
The Doctor wrote:TNC.
Thanks. I hope everyone learns from my experience.
We, sadly, live in an age where we get stuff NOW NOW NOW. We have forgotten the sacred art of patience and trust. As a result, I think alot of us, or a percantage of us, try and force a successful romance in a short period of time.
Guys, we can't force this. Let God guide it. If you don't heed this advice, you'll still be hitting you head against walls and ticking girls off.
Trust me.
well, speaking on behalf of someone (my stepdad) that had tried to force the relationship that God has planned for all of us (at least those of us that He has planned for us to be married), you may not only end up ticking girls off, but you may end up with two ex-wives and be in a perpetual state of fighting over custody of your child with the crazier of the two ex-wives, but hopefully things will never get that bad for anyone else 'cus even watchin' from the sidelines is unpleasant,
now speaking on my own behalf, i have yet to even go out on a date 'cus i'm waiting for God to bring "the one" to me just as He brought eve to adam in the garden, and if that means i have to jump through some hoops and change the way i live so that i'll be the man that God wants for my future wife's husband, then so be it, 'cus deep down i know that it will all be worth it in the end, i just need to trust and obey (yeah, i know, uber-cliche')
'nuff said
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Yeshua-Knight - Posts: 720
- Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 8:13 pm
- Location: Somewhere within the universe
Kewl Girl, that's what I like to see (originality in honesty).
Um.. I don't have any advice about this since I've never had a girlfriend but guys and girls are made differently. This is part of the attraction but also part of the problem. I guess it should all begin with God and end with God. Keep Jesus the centre of your relationship.
Um.. I don't have any advice about this since I've never had a girlfriend but guys and girls are made differently. This is part of the attraction but also part of the problem. I guess it should all begin with God and end with God. Keep Jesus the centre of your relationship.
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Warrior 4 Jesus - Posts: 4844
- Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 10:52 pm
- Location: The driest continent that isn't Antarctica.
Kokoro Daisuke wrote:It isn't ONE phone call that makes girls scared. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared of ONE phone call. It's just that at first a girl may not want to talk because she needs to sort things out in her head. Afterwards, it's the CONSTANT phone calls, coming to try and visit nearly every day, the online stalking (yes, my ex stalked me through Ragnarok Online), the constant e-mails "I really miss you come back!" that lead a girl to deem the guy a STALKER, especially if she's asked the guy to bug off. It isn't a light matter, it isn't just the girl being overly emotional, it is SCARY when it really is stalking.
If she doesn't return your calls, then STOP calling and give both of you the chance to cool down a bit. Keep going and that's what gets a girl nervous. Start following her, and that gets scary. Follow her on a regular basis and not go away, then congratulations, you're a stalker.
0.0 Sounds sort of like what I went through, only minus the online stalking and I hadn't even dated the guy.
I'd say go with the hold back but be polite thing people have advised. Sometimes when I want more distance, I'm afraid I've been too harsh by being blunt, and quiet politeness lets me know the friendship is intact, with no extreme feelings of longing or coldness--which is what I was after.
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Aka-chan - Posts: 1546
- Joined: Mon Feb 02, 2004 12:30 am
- Location: ...here...
-_-
And this is the reason I dont want a boyfriend... too many complications Lol!
But seriously. I am very blessed not to have been caught up in the bf stage that most teen girls go through. I guess God wants to protect me either 1) for someone special or 2) because I'll be an old maid That term is so funny 
Aaah well.
And this is the reason I dont want a boyfriend... too many complications
Lol!
But seriously. I am very blessed not to have been caught up in the bf stage that most teen girls go through. I guess God wants to protect me either 1) for someone special or 2) because I'll be an old maid
That term is so funny
Aaah well.
- Hephzibah
- Posts: 1494
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 9:00 am
- Location: Australia
Let me speak from personal experience.
When I broke up with my first boyfriend, it took me a year before I could speak to him again. There was great emotional pain and my strategy in dealing with it is just staying away from the person involved. All I wanted to do was forget what happened with hopes that the pain would go away and seeing the person involved only serves as a reminder of what happened. Perhaps most girls do the same thing.
As for the “let’s just be friendsâ€
When I broke up with my first boyfriend, it took me a year before I could speak to him again. There was great emotional pain and my strategy in dealing with it is just staying away from the person involved. All I wanted to do was forget what happened with hopes that the pain would go away and seeing the person involved only serves as a reminder of what happened. Perhaps most girls do the same thing.
As for the “let’s just be friendsâ€
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Mave - Posts: 3662
- Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2003 9:00 am
Alot has already been said in this thread. I agree with The Doctor. You've got to be able to release someone before anything more can happen. True love means that you must be willing to sacrifice your own happiness for the person you're in love with. I want my girlfriend to be happy. It's really not my own happiness I'm concerned about. You need to put your girlfriend or boyfriend before yourself. God commands us to do just that. Put others before ourselves. My problem isn't putting my girlfriend before myself, but putting God before her sometimes. I can;t remember exactly what verse that is in the bible, but God commands us to put Him first others second and ourselves third.
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.
Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.
When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.
Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.
When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.
Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
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Kura Ookami - Posts: 766
- Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: United Kingdom
Secret Code
Last edited by Fsiphskilm on Sun Jan 15, 2017 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm leaving CAA perminantly. i've wanted to do this for a long time but I've never gathered the courage to let go.
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Fsiphskilm - Posts: 3853
- Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: USA
Volt wrote:If she's crying and you ask "what's wrong", if she responds with "nothing", thats Code word for "Talk to me and confort my feelings, there is something VERY wrong".
*Hands volt gold medal* This boy knows what he is talking about. I would say he is more then ready for a girl.
*calls on loud speaker*
“Have at him girls!â€
formerly known as ILoveArt
My Deviant Art
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
My Deviant Art
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. Dave Barry
bigsleepj wrote: Unfinished stories never leave you, nor do they fester. They only grow better, like wine locked away in a deep dark cellar, waiting for you to bottle it and bring it to the light.
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White Raven - Posts: 664
- Joined: Fri Jan 07, 2005 10:00 am
- Location: In a place where Piccolo fangirls are welcomed
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