I'm scared I'm gunna kill myself one day.

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Postby Kura Ookami » Fri Jan 07, 2005 2:33 am

That's great to hear! :)

I've been praying for you too, but whenever i tried to post here i got that dreaded database error. I can only guess that God wished for me to just pray for you and not post anything.

:hug: I'm glad you're doing better. :)
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Postby Mr. SmartyPants » Fri Jan 07, 2005 4:33 am

yay! good luck! *hug*
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Postby AnimeKing13 » Fri Jan 07, 2005 7:37 am

c.t.,girl wrote:well my my pastor had plans today but he said he can talk to me tomorrow(1/7) during 2nd period. i'm still doing good. ^^ i've been reading my bible a lot and i've been praying a lot. thanks for the prayers guys! ^^ they've really been helping. :hug: *hugs all*
At the rate your going, you might not even have to see your pastor.
:hug:
Keep it up.
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Postby Anna Mae » Fri Jan 07, 2005 6:40 pm

I was reading your thread, just before the light broke through (but I didn't know it then), and suddenly I got one of those database errors. I was like, "Oh no! What am I going to do? I won't know how things turned out for over two minutes!" I was kind of anxious. So I went and prayed for you and was very relieved when I was able to read on. All that said, HALLELUIAH!
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sat Jan 08, 2005 4:20 pm

lol thanks guys for the prayers. i still need them. i'm e-mailing my pastor. i'm letting him read this. (hey! lol) sometimes i'll still have these thoughts(suicide)...but then i remind myself that there is hope...even if it seems like there is none. i just need a lot of prayer still...and always.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Anna Mae » Sat Jan 08, 2005 6:22 pm

c.t.,girl wrote:i just need a lot of prayer still...and always.
We got your back.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sat Jan 08, 2005 6:30 pm

hehe thanks
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Jan 09, 2005 1:15 am

Anna Mae wrote:We got your back.

Yep. :hug:
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Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

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Postby c.t.,girl » Sun Jan 09, 2005 2:36 am

yah for a few hours i was struggling with this again. it was almost as if this time i ment it...but...someone helped me to realize it's not the answer....i just pray i remember that. before i started to talk to that person i was getting pretty desparate...and i started to bite my wrist. now it hurts. -_-
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Hephzibah » Sun Jan 09, 2005 3:26 am

ouchy! :( Dont worry ct, we'll continue to pray for you! Has your pastor replied to your email yet?
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Postby harina » Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:14 am

I'll be praying for you. It's great that the things are better now.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. [Hebr. 11:1]
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Postby Yojimbo » Sun Jan 09, 2005 1:12 pm

Yeah I hope you get in touch with your pastor soon.:)

This thead shows just how many people here on CAA through God care for ya and are looking out for you. Will keep praying.:)
"You can't sit on the fence when it comes to Jesus, Satan owns the fence." Mark Cahill

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Postby TrigunX89 » Sun Jan 09, 2005 1:45 pm

Yes, don't give up, ctgirl! We'll be praying for you.

If you ever need to pray with someone, you can call toll-free 1-800-759-0700

I've called before and they were very nice and prayed with me.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sun Jan 09, 2005 2:09 pm

about 15mins ago i had another knife at my wrist...i slashed this time...but it won't bleed...so i...tried the other one...but it won't bleed. God, why won't you let me die?!!

my pastor hasn't e-mailed me back...he'll probably tell my parents...i don't know what i'll do then...i don't know what to do NOW.

God, why are you far from me when i need you most?! do You not care, Lord?!

i really do feel like giving up...
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby ShiroiHikari » Sun Jan 09, 2005 2:19 pm

if you're cutting, it's probably better for you in the end that your parents know, as much as you hate it. if email doesn't work with the pastor, go to him in person. do something, anything besides cutting yourself.

did you ever think that maybe God wants you on this planet for a reason?
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Postby Hephzibah » Sun Jan 09, 2005 2:19 pm

O Ct!! Don't feel that way! Don't let the Devil steal your hope or life away :( Jesus DOES care for you, that's why He isnt letting you die. He wants you to trust in Him. He loves you so much ct! And ct, I think it was for the best that you told your pastor. Even if he tells your parents, atleast then you will have two people who will constantly look out and care for you. They are you parents ct, and they love you so much as well.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sun Jan 09, 2005 2:38 pm

yes i have thought of that shiroi, but at the moment i don't care.

to me telling him or anyone just means more ppl looking at me weird...that's what i hate...and disappointing ppl...i figure...if i die...who's there to disappoint?
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby AngelSakura » Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:38 pm

<<about 15mins ago i had another knife at my wrist...i slashed this time...but it won't bleed...so i...tried the other one...but it won't bleed. God, why won't you let me die?!!

my pastor hasn't e-mailed me back...he'll probably tell my parents...i don't know what i'll do then...i don't know what to do NOW.

God, why are you far from me when i need you most?! do You not care, Lord?!

i really do feel like giving up...>>
<<yes i have thought of that shiroi, but at the moment i don't care.

to me telling him or anyone just means more ppl looking at me weird...that's what i hate...and disappointing ppl...i figure...if i die...who's there to disappoint?>>
Please, please, please, don't do it, c.t.,girl! You are a valuable human being, to me, to CAA, to your family and friends, and to God! You're my best friend! I don't know what I'll do if you commit suicide! Please, please, c.t.,girl! Lor God, help us, help us please...
Think happy thoughts.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:40 pm

i'm not going to do it...i guess i have a bit of hope left in me...i just need to find it...plant it....water it...and watch it grow.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby AngelSakura » Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:45 pm

Oh, c.t.,girl...please don't scare me that way. I love you like a sister, and I would be devestated if you left us. *hug*
Think happy thoughts.
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Postby Mave » Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:51 pm

Hey, c.t.girl, what are you trying to do?

I've never seen such a long thread in this forum before and haven't gotten the chance to read through everything! You know, you've got to be of great worth in order for ppl to respond this much. If you don't agree with me, I'm going to pray until you do.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sun Jan 09, 2005 4:52 pm

i love you all too. *hugs back*
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Yojimbo » Sun Jan 09, 2005 5:52 pm

c.t.,girl wrote:yes i have thought of that shiroi, but at the moment i don't care.

to me telling him or anyone just means more ppl looking at me weird...that's what i hate...and disappointing ppl...i figure...if i die...who's there to disappoint?


God's who you'll dissapoint. Not to mention your parents, friends, and everyone else on CAA. God doesn't want you to die Chris and I know you don't want to either. You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get some help. So talk to your pastor as soon as possible. Continue to call him, email him, whatever it takes but you need to get some assistance soon. And honestly you should tell your parents before he does. It will probably be easier for both you and your parents discuss it first rather than if someone else broke it to them. I'll continue to pray for ya but ya gotta help yourself too get out of this too Chris.
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Postby Anna Mae » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:19 am

c.t.,girl wrote:about 15mins ago i had another knife at my wrist...i slashed this time...but it won't bleed...so i...tried the other one...but it won't bleed. God, why won't you let me die?!!

my pastor hasn't e-mailed me back...he'll probably tell my parents...i don't know what i'll do then...i don't know what to do NOW.

God, why are you far from me when i need you most?! do You not care, Lord?!

i really do feel like giving up...
I have felt exactly like that! PM me any time if you'd like to talk.

God loves you so much, c.t.,girl! He created you! You are so precious to Him that we can't even comprehend how much he loves you. We love you too, c.t.,girl. He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world. Hang in there!
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
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Postby c.t.,girl » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:06 am

i don't think i'm going to do it anymore...at least i pray i don't.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Kisa » Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:13 am

Oh! Please don't! We would be so sad if you left us and it would be awful!
*hugs*
We love you and want you here! Youre a great asset to our community here on CAA and a great friend!
Please PM me anytime if you like, I know we haven't talked in awhile, but I would love to get to know you better!
*more hugs*
I will pray!
Romans 12:2
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Postby pandywandy » Mon Jan 10, 2005 5:01 pm

I was just skimming through the forum, and this thread caught my eye...
I'm very new to CAA (joined like 3 days ago XD), so I don't really know anyone on this site. But I felt led to make an encouraging comment. :)
Don't let the enemy get the better of you. Keep in mind that Heaven is your destination, along with anyone else that commited themself to Jesus Christ. Falling into the enemy's hands will only lead to eternal condemnation.
Keep Heaven in mind. God and Jesus always. Your family, love ones, and friends. What you have grateful to be for (because MANY PEOPLE in the world are suffering and are still trying their best to make it through), and a very bright future in eternal paradise with Jesus. :)
God bless you! ^_^
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Postby Rogie » Mon Jan 10, 2005 6:18 pm

Chris, I'm still praying for you on a regular basis. Remember to PM me if you need to talk. We do love you, y'know.
Zar wrote:Praise God for all things awesome. Life ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But sanctify the Lord your God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
-- 1 Peter 3:15
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Postby V8Tsunami » Wed Jan 12, 2005 3:36 pm

Are you feeling any better c.t.,girl?

Hang in there, I'm still praying for you.
This message has been brought to you by the Members of the My Job Drives Me Nutz Association. :dizzy::hits_self:lol:

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Postby c.t.,girl » Wed Jan 12, 2005 3:51 pm

^^ actually i've been feeling great! i've been reading His word a lot lately. i've even been doing better in school! i feel so blessed to have you all as such great friends! :hug: thanks for the prayers and everything! ^^ :hug:

luv ya'll!

chris ^^
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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