I don't want to live anymore...

[Mr_Ross]

I am crying as I write this.

I've been hurt so many times in my life... the day before new year's eve, I found someone that I had longed for for so long... I thought I had finally found the person who would make me happy. As it turns out, I was wrong.

I found out that she had a baby about a year ago. She had to give the baby up to foster care because she couldn't take care of it.

I've been lied to, so many people have lied to me. They've used me. I've had so much pain, so much misery, and yet I still have love to give. Yet people will use me; lie to me; treat me like I mean nothing. I thought that I knew them, I thought that I was really loved.

After I found this girl, for once in my life I was truly happy to be alive. I finally thought that God really did love me and care about me.

As I have been about everything else, I was wrong.

I realize now that my life has no meaning, no purpose. I now know that whether I live or die makes no great difference, no one will cry, no one will feel pain, they'll just forget about me and move on. So, I am going to put an end to the pain. The God that, for once, I though loved me, has abandoned me. And you know, the fact that I'm bi... God killed the people of sodom and gomorrah, so when I slit my wrists, I will just be doing his job for him.

I wish you all the best and I sincerely hope that life goes well for all of you.
Goodbye.

[Mangafanatic]

Please don't do anything rash.

I know it may "seem" that no one will miss you, but having lost people at young ages-- I can tell you that you affect people in ways you don't even know. They will miss you so much more than you can imagine.

Trust me, my friend, God DOES love you. Sending your "baby" to die for people who pretty much hate you is love. I know that pain sometimes makes us thing that there's no way he could love us, but there are reasons for everything. I know that sounds perfectly crappy, but God does have a design that even the most painful of curcuimstances works into!

I once thought I had my "perfect someone." I'd say I was about your age. And then he hurt me quite badly. You have no idea how LIVID I was. I thought my heart was so shattered that it would never be in one piece again. But in time, that pain subsides. Now I see that it would have been foolish for me to rush into the arms of someone when I myself was only a baby.

Please, don't hurt yourself. I beg you not to.

I will be praying most desperately for you, friend.

[shooraijin]

Still out there, Ross?

[sonichiro]

PLEASE DON'T DO IT! I WILL CRY, I WILL HAVE PAIN, I WON'T FORGET YOU! i'm so increadibley hurt at how many broken people there are in the nations. I can't stand it any longer!!!! i just want to break down crying and scream to God! my whole life people have lied to me, scoffed at me, talked about me behind my back. people have gossiped about me, told lies about and stopped talking to me. one girl in particular didnt talk to me for two months and ignored everything i said to her and pretended i wasnt there. im kind, i'd never deliberately hurt anyone in my life, yet people treet me like scum. but you know what?? God is healing me, my wounds and scars that i've had since i was so little. i've had to deal with so much that i couldnt handle, things a child shouldnt have to be exposed too, but God is working in me! he can work in you too! please don't take yoour life. i posted this same story some where else and i'll tell it to you too. a man woke up one morning to his little son who he loved so much, it was his only son. "can i go to work with you today?" his son asked. the man scooped him up in his arms and gave him a kiss. "of course you can." the man said. so he took his little son to the train station where he was the train conductor. as a train round the bend the mans son's toy ball fell into its path. the son went to retrieve his ball but his shoe got caught on the tracks. there was no time for the man to run out and help his son, the train was almost there. he had two choices 1:derail the train killing hundreds of people and save the only son he loved so much or 2:let his son die to save hundreds of people. the conductor watched as the train came closer and killed his beautiful son. the conductor is God and the boy is Jesus. thats how much God loves you.! he would watch as his own son died just to save all our lives. please dont kill yourself, you still have time left for God to heal your heart. did you know that out of all the religions in the world, following christ is the only one that promises that God will CHANGE your heart. he can heal you if you ask him. the Bible says ask and you will recieve, seak and you will find,knock and the door will be opened unto you. start reading your Bible and find passages like this one and start praying them. these passages are promises from God to us. quote them back to him and cry out to him. believe me that if you feel that no one cares about what happens to you or who you are or if you will ever make a difference or find what your looking for Gid does! and i do too. i won't allow you to do this! you will have hurt me in ways unimagineable and you will grieve the heart of the Lord. you belong to God! he loves you so much! i'm going to pray for you and type what i pray: Father, i pray for my brother right now. i pray that he would feel your presence n his life. i pray you would give him peace and heal his wounds and his many scars. you love him so much God! let him know that you are PROUD of him. that these chains would fall from his soul. that his shattered heart would be healed.IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST I PRAY THAT THIS WOULD LEAVE HIM NOW! THIS IS A CHILD OF GOD AND HE WILL NOT DIE! HIS LIFE HAS A PURPOSE, DON'T LET HIM DIE WITHOUT FULFILLING THE PURPOSE YOU HAVE FOR HIM FATHER! i pleed the blood of Jesus over him and a hedge of protection would be around him. in the name of Jesus, amen.
please don't die, son't give up on yourself because God hasn't given up on you! why else would i be typing this if GOD HADN'T LEAD ME HERE! God loves you even if you don't realize it. please dont take your life. yous ay that you hope that life will go well for us...how can life go well for us if we know another person has killed themselves! don't let yourslef be lost in your pain. there is a reason God is allowing you to go threw this. think of it as training. he's training you up to be a soldier who will fight for the lives of those who are experiencing the pain youve suffered for so long. please don't go threw with this.

[agasfas]

You not the only one w/ the feelings of loneliness. If you don't believe me, read a thread I wrote a while back: http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=13804

Many times in my life I've really cared deeply for someone and thought, this is it, this is who God wants me to be with. After I get comfortable and give some of my heart the girl always run away from me. Leaving me in with feelings that no one cares for me, and I'll never find anyone. Truth is, I must be patient. I can see from your profile that you're 15yrs old. You're still very young, you still have all your life to find that one person. I'm 19yrs and still have never dated anyone and never been kissed. I pray everyday for God to send me someone. I've cared for this one girl long time ago.. I really liked her and I thought she liked me. Anyways, I introduce her to my best friend, then the next week she ask me if I can give her number to my friend. Then said, "I mean, what are friends for right?" Repeated it like a million times it seems.

That was the worst hurt I've ever endured (girl wise). But you know what, I found comfort talking about it. It lifted so much weight off my shoulders. Like I've said, your still young, things won't always happen the way we want them to, especially in the game of love. People get heart broken. That's life. It's not fair, but life is full of pain. Everyone has to battle their own demons. When we put all our faith in God for one thing or event in our lifes, it's not fair to him. Sometimes it's not the right time for something to happen. Has anyone ever asked you to do something you knew was wrong? Well, it's kind of the same thing with God. It's not fair to expect him to give you something that he knows isn't right. Just because he says, no or wait a bit more, doesn't mean that God is out to get you. It's just God want you to be truely happy when you meet that special someone. We are both young and in that process we all think we know what love really is. Everytime I had a new crush on a girl or got close to someone, I thought, "ah, this is what love is! God is finally smiling down on me." But I had no idea what love was, I couldn't comprehend it. Still can't. It's something we learn as we mature and grow older. We may think we love someone, but it may be something out of lust, not necessarily sexual. It can be even be for lust for emotional attachment. Or perhaps they make us feel good about ourselves. Just because we get close to someone doesn't mean it's love. You may really like her, but what about her feelings? Yours feelings are not the only thing being played with in the game of love. It's both of y'alls. . Just because we feel good doesn't always mean it's love.

Like you, I've been lied to, deceived and teased all my life. You're not the only one with all these feelings. There are millions out there that feel the same. Sometimes we focus on all the bad we can't see the good. Negative and dark thoughts lead to more negative and dark thoughts. I suggest you concentrate on something good in your life. Doesn't have to seem like much but just smile. It may seem like a crack in the windshield but cracks and spread and become bigger. All we need is a little bit of positive energy... Little goes a long way. My life has always seemed like a backward process. One step forward, two steps back. But it's all about the mindset we are in that makes something bearable or not.

Now I'm sorry you had to go through all this but let me just re-assure you that you not the only one who experiences these feelings. We all get rejected, we all get our hearts broken and walled over, some get stabbed in the back by their friends and the list goes on and on. Your not the only one with the feelings of loneliness. So why give up on life so early? Your still young and have no idea what the world has to offer. I'm 19yrs and still have no idea. I still struggle to understand the concept of love between a man and a girl. I really do.

But what I do understand is God's love. Sure you think he's turned his back on you but perhaps your not letting him work in your life. We just can't be praying for ourselves. That's a bit selfish. We also need to pray for the people around us. It's about everyone, not only yourself. When we start praying for others God works wonders in our lifes.

Matthew 6:9-15
9“This, then, is how you should pray: “ ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, 10your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
11Give us today our daily bread. 12Forgive us our debts, (we pray for ourselves)

as we also have forgiven our debtors. (forgiving others)

13And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one (about ourselves)

14For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (forgive your enemies and the people you tried to do you harm)

15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Now I'm not trying to justify anything about you, that isn't what I'm trying to do. God gives us an example of a prayer that is totally unselfish. We need to keep others in our minds when we pray. And believe it or not, praying for others really makes you feel good... I didn't find this out until recently. I used to only pray only for myself and that wasn't making me feel any better. WHen I started to pray for others I felt a feeling I never felt before. Because to accept love, we must be willing to give it.

God asked many people in the bible to wait for what they have asked. Some for over 50 or even 100yrs. If God see's it's right for it to be now then he'll deliver. But if he needs you to be patient, then you need to respect that. God doesn't have to give us everything we ask for. That would defeat the purpose of prayer being unselfish. God wants what is best for you but only He knows what it is right now. But you must be willing to trust in God. God will not work if we are angery with him for not helping us. God works in a number of ways. It's not always a miracle. It may be a reaction to an event then that event reacts off another. It may seem like your life is going into the dark cave, but there is always a cause and effect. If you have faith, it will work out. But if you constantly are down on yourself then God can't work with you. Not that he can't, it's just the person has to be willing to say and fight. God will only act if you allow him, he wont force you to. Friendship is the same way. It's a give and exchange kind of thing. We give love, trust and etc.. and He does the same. As time goes on, friendship matures and builds more trust.

Life is one big battle field. We can either give up or fight. Even though I've been through some really harsh things in my life, I'm still contempt with my life. Sure it's not perfect, but who's is? It's how we react to those bad events that tell us what kind of person we are. Like I've said, your still young. Why such a negative attitude towards life? Your a healthy (compaired to others) and can walk and talk. Some are born crippled, mental-retardation and etc. But you know what? Most of them are fighter. I've talked to many of them in the past and they are some of the happiest inspiration people I know. They know life dealt them a bad hand but they also know it's how you deal with it that really determines if it's as bad as we really think it is. Because, it may seem bad, but it's all in our minds. It's how we precieve it..

So before you think more about suidide, why don't you think more about what good you have in your life. Don't think, "everything in my life sucks because I never get what I want." No, that's not the way need to approach it. Go out, think to yourself. Look at the beauty the world has to provide.

I've learned nothing is as bad as it seems. Ever do a presentation for a class and you think you did really bad? Then when the teacher plays back the video she taked and you see you did the same as they did, or perhaps even better. Or think you were so horrible comparied to the others, then you get your grade back and it's higher then the guy you thought did better? When we look at it through anothers eyes, we see things you normally wouldn't-- a different take on it. The same is with you. You see it as bad and nothing good will come from it. But others here see it different. I'm not saying the things you went through wasn't bad, because to you they are. But what I'm saying is that when when others see it, it seems like a slice of life, something that isn't as bad as it seems. Why? because many of us (including me) have been there in the same position. People tend to jump the conclusion before we know the answer.

You keep saying no one cares for you but why would we all be writing if you weren't important? Every life is important. FOr God, you past isn't important. But like God said, He wont forgive unless we are willing to forgive (ourselves and others). It may seem like a lot or hard, but it really isn't. It's easier to move forward then continue to look to the past.
So try to smile, and try to look forward, over past events. Only then can we continue to grow. If you constantly look to the past then you will always be sad. We must continue to move forward. I'll be praying for you.

Edit: Also, if you believe you have no one close you can trust or talk to, feel free to Private message me (PM), AIM me at: agasfas2 or even email me. My email is in my profile. We all here (CAA members) care for each other. We are like a family. We try our best to build that trust with each other. So please don't feel like no one cares for you... There are many who do, your just focusing on all the wrong aspects. So if you ever feel the need to talk to someone to get the wieght off your shoulders, please feel free to contact me. I will try my best to listen and understand.

[Syreth]

Jesus, we come to You. I pray that You would heal the broken heart of my brother. There are no wounds to deep for You to heal, and when You heal, You heal completely. Help us not to unnecessarily bear the scars of the past, but to move on to the greater things that You have in store for our future. Lord, we acknowledge Your hatred of sin, but we also acknowledge the fact that we have victory over sin because You give us the power so freely -- all we need to do is ask You, and we do. Even though You hate sin, You love us despite our depravity and wickedness. Lord, You enable us freely to walk in newness of life. I thank You that because of You my brother here does not have to die in his despair. I thank You that he has hope and so does everyone who's going through a difficult time -- and what an excellent hope we have because of what You have done for us! Lord, work in our lives and help us to trust You more. Send Your Holy Spirit to my brother and change His life.

[Kura Ookami]

Let me start off with a quote from an anime.

"There is nothing more valuable than life in this Universe... Trowa taught me that." Quatre

It's also in my sig. Look around you for that message and you'll find it not only in the bible, but in movies, anime, stories pretty much everything. You only need to look for it to see it. And dont just give up if you can't see it at first. You'll see it if you want to. If you really want to.

"Have you ever believed in someone with your whole heart? Sometimes it takes more courage to believe in someone than to fight and dismiss them so easily." Allan Schzar

Another quote again from an anime that just came to me just now.Suicide is the easy way out. No matter how many times you're lied to or betrayed you've always got to be prepared to believe in someone with all your heart.

It's hard, but nobody said life was going to be easy. God said the exact opposite in fact. This road we have chosen is by far the more difficult. He did say that He's always be there for us when we need Him, however. Believe that with all your heart. Believe in God with your entire being and trust Him to bring you through this unharmed.

If God wanted you to die you'd already be dead before you even got the chance to write this thread. No, God is there for you. You've just got to believe in Him. Why would we waste our time writing out replies if we didn't care for you?

And on the finding the one that God made for you. I'm 21 and only last year did i find her. I too thought I'd never find her. That love was just something that was an ideal. Only found within stories. How could ir exuiist? Nobody seemed to care about me at all. Who could love me? I asked all those questions and more.

Each time i had a crush on someone or went out with my first girlfriend i thought i knew what love was at last. Fact is i had no idea at all. I've found true love now. I believe that with all my heart and yet I still don't completely understand what love is.

Let me tell you something. My true love has hurt me more than anyone else in the world. Yep! I'm saying that the girl i love with all my heart has caused me more pain than anyone. How can that be you ask? Love is meant to make you feel good isnt it? No, love is about making someone else feel good about themselves. If that means you have to go through hell and back then that's what you'll do.

Love isn't easy sometimes. It can be the hardest thing in the world. The most painful thing in the world. God is a great example of love. Think about it. The pain He goes through every time someone goes against His will, every time someone commits suicide He feels so much pain. When He sent His son to die a criminals death. Think about the pain He must have gone through.

Before you start thinking that love is all pain and no good let me say this Love is the best feeling in the world. Nothing is better than being in love and being loved. My true love has made me so happy and glad to be alive. It's worth all the pain.

However, it's certainly not easy and it looks like you're just looking for an easy way out. Just try to be patient and smile. Count your blessings each day. When you look for the good things you'll be surprised at just how many you'll find. So smile.

I hope I've been of some help. I'll be praying for you. Hang in there.

[bigsleepj]

Please, Ross, we implore and pray that you do not do it! We shall cry if you do, despite what you think!

As everyone who've been through heartbreak would admit what you're feeling is not the best feeling in the world, but it isn't it's end either. You've got a lot weighing down on you mentally and I know that all these things are not easy, but NEVER give up hope.

As for Sodom and Gamorrah, God destroyed it because the people who lived there had no shame for their sin, unlike you. Just remember that God loves you but that the people of Sodom and Gamorrah had passed into a "spiritual land" of sin and darkness while and yet while still writing this message you were still in the light. You can't compare yourself to Sodom and Gammorah's inhabitants.

Don't kill yourself because if you die the world will be poorer for not having you here anymore. Please, don't do it.

[sonichiro]

you are meant for something bigger in life! God has a larger plan for you, everyone has a purpose and a plan from God on their lives. have you ever stopped to consider that this girl you love is in pain as well. how do you know that she's not devistated over her baby? how do you know that she's not crying everyday, because she got pregnant, and her child hood was taken from her? God has a special girl out there waiting for you, not one that you've gone out and found but one that he's saving for you. when the time comes he will place her in your life. there might be woman in your life that you think is the one God is saving for you but actually isn't. and God has to let something come between you because you don't belong to eachother, you belong to the one God is saving for you. don't be discouraged, don't feel unwanted. many prophits in the Bible were social out casts and it seemed no one loved them, but God did. he had a special plan on their lives, ajust like he has one for yours. please don't go threw with this! i cam't just stamd here and wait knowing that someone else is going to harm themselves. there are so many broken people out there who are about to take their lives. God desperately wants to help them but their not seeking him! seek out the Father of life! God loves you so much that he has sent all of us hear to talk to you and show you that there are people who care! if you ever want to talk about any thing and just want someone to hear you, pm me anytime, i will get back to you. please don't kill yourself, for our sake and Gods, you will be hurting so many people here if you do, and you will be hurting God. we care about you, don't go threw with this.

[Rogie]

Please respond if you're still there, Ross. I'm praying for you and that you're still there.

[Hitokiri]

I will defiently be praying for you and suicide is a very serious matter.

I've been very close to killing myself several times but because of that, God has strengthen me. I wa sin the similar situation as you were however I talked to my friends and family about it, much like you have. That helped me but more so it was God who pulled me up. Give your sin to God and ask for forgiveness. God will open doors for you. Some guy randomely IM'ed me when I was going throught hat telling me God gave me my IM and felt the need to pray for me. we talked for a long time and prayed about it. That was the last time I seriously had suicidal thoughts. God works in strange ways but don't giv eup cause God never will.

I will be praying for you.

[Mr_Ross]

This is Ross. Things really haven't gotten much better for me, although I am not feeling suicidal at the moment. -.-

After nearly slitting my wrists the night before last, and a really horrible morning during which my mom yelled, screamed at me, and told me she wished I would just die, I tried to go to the pastor at my church to find comfort. However, that's exactly what I didn't find. He went into a long tirade on how my friends on anime-chat.com, which are some of the people which have given me a reason not to take my life, and have built me up, are supposedly evil, and are giving me advice which is of the devil. He also proceeded to tell me how some of my friends who are homosexual and bisexual are destined for hell. Understandably, I did not tell him that I have been struggling with my own sexuality, and I honestly think that I am bisexual, for fear that he would expel me from the church. One of the few things I found comfort in was my girlfriend Andrea. She explained to me the situation about the baby she had hada year ago, and she also told me that she loved me very much, and did not want me to die.

After finding peace with that situation, I now realize that maybe God does still care about me... But after hearing what my pastor said today, I'm not very optimistic. If there is anything you all could do to help, please let me know. I'm very grateful to all of you, in particular EvilSporkOfDoom and agasfas, for giving me hope. Please keep me in your prayers.

[Azier the Swordsman]

This is Ross. Things really haven't gotten much better for me, although I am not feeling suicidal at the moment. -.-

After nearly slitting my wrists the night before last, and a really horrible morning during which my mom yelled, screamed at me, and told me she wished I would just die, I tried to go to the pastor at my church to find comfort. However, that's exactly what I didn't find. He went into a long tirade on how my friends on anime-chat.com, which are some of the people which have given me a reason not to take my life, and have built me up, are supposedly evil, and are giving me advice which is of the devil. He also proceeded to tell me how some of my friends who are homosexual and bisexual are destined for hell. Understandably, I did not tell him that I have been struggling with my own sexuality, and I honestly think that I am bisexual, for fear that he would expel me from the church. One of the few things I found comfort in was my girlfriend Andrea. She explained to me the situation about the baby she had hada year ago, and she also told me that she loved me very much, and did not want me to die.

After finding peace with that situation, I now realize that maybe God does still care about me... But after hearing what my pastor said today, I'm not very optimistic. If there is anything you all could do to help, please let me know. I'm very grateful to all of you, in particular EvilSporkOfDoom and agasfas, for giving me hope. Please keep me in your prayers.

Wow, I just prayed for you, and you post this literally one second later.

I'm really glad to find out you are okay. Please don't ever do anything that rash. I believe God has a future and a purpose for you, just trust in him! And don't ever go to that pastor again. My dad being a pastor himself, I can say that this pastor is definately in the wrong. The Bible says that there is no condemnation in Jesus Christ.... and that's just what this pastor is doing: Condemning you and others. Trust me: don't listen to a word for it.

Just please keep pushing foward, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

[quote="Mr_Ross"]I've been lied to, so many people have lied to me. They've used me. I've had so much pain, so much misery, and yet I still have love to give. Yet people will use me]

want to know another man who went through that stuff? His name was Jesus. Stay strong, and don't kill yourself. I will be praying for you

[shooraijin]

I'm very glad your girlfriend is helping to support you. I'd like to make a comment on something:

and I honestly think that I am bisexual, for fear that he would expel me from the church.

One thing I've pointed out to others is that your sexuality is very plastic, especially during your teenage years, and you may feel attractions in ways that you resist, find repellent, or find difficult to reconcile with your Christian faith. It's very common for teenagers to feel attraction to the same sex as well as the opposite sex. While you deal with this, I'd like you to keep some things in mind:

1. How is this different from any other temptation? (Hint: it isn't.)
2. Am I a bad or immoral person for being tempted sexually? (No, you're not.)
3. Does God give us a behaviour standard about our sexual orientation? (Yes; look at Leviticus and Romans for examples in both the Old and New Testaments.)

Now a few questions only you can answer:

4. Is this change in my sexuality something temporary or is it something that I will struggle with for the rest of my life? Be careful when you answer this question, because I'm willing to wager you can't answer it right away.
5. Do I love God enough to trust Him with my sexual orientation, and that I'm willing to place it in His hands so that He can show me the perfect will He has for me?

Just some ideas to consider. It's very hard to identify your sexual orientation during your teen years, and I'm very distressed that the gay movement has seized upon this kind of confusion as evidence that more teens are gay than they think they are. That's the kind of question that you can't answer in the throes of it, and I'll pray God gives you more clarity on the matter.

[V8Tsunami]

I'll be praying for you.

[agasfas]

Hey, glad your feeling a bit better. I was hoping you didn't take my statements as too harsh or rash because sometimes my words have a tendency to come out wrong when even if that wasn't my intent. So I'm glad it was able to benefit you. I know it seems like a long shot, but there are many out there that can relate to you.

I didn't find. He went into a long tirade on how my friends on anime-chat.com, which are some of the people which have given me a reason not to take my life, and have built me up, are supposedly evil, and are giving me advice which is of the devil. He also proceeded to tell me how some of my friends who are homosexual and bisexual are destined for hell. Understandably, I did not tell him that I have been struggling with my own sexuality, and I honestly think that I am bisexual, for fear that he would expel me from the church.

I'm sorry your pastor did that. True they should be honest, because if they weren't they wouldn't be doing their jobs. But, and a BIG BUT, is that they should be able to show the people compassion and try their best to comfort them. Because, Jesus did the same. People are sinners but that didn't stop him to help others while he was on earth (and still now). Jesus didn't play the guilt game or play around with others emotions. Although I'm not Catholic another member posted a nice thread that presented a good lesson... this lesson was to show compassion and love towards one another just like Jesus would have done: http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=16008

Not all pastors are understanding. As sad as it is, thre are good pastors and bad pastors. Temptation is strong and not everyone is presented with a same struggles. I suggestion, if you can, is to try and talk to another pastor from another church if you can. Or someone else in general that may be more understanding.

I just want you to remember, no matter how much life gets you down, don't give up hope -- especially in the game of love. Try to be strong and always remember there are people who care for you. Including the many members here. Just take it a day at a time, and trust in Jesus. And regardless what your pastor says, Jesus does love you and holds the deepest compassion for you. He feels the same about everyone. He doesn't show favoritism. We are all sinners. The love is there if one is willing to accept it. Again, glad to see you didn't do anything rash. Also, my offer is still out there, anytime you need somone to talk to feel free to contact me. Take care man.

Edit: Also, I'll continue to pray for you.

[bigsleepj]

This is Ross. Things really haven't gotten much better for me, although I am not feeling suicidal at the moment. -.-

I'm glad to hear that you're still with us! We were so worried about you! Glad to hear that you didn't do the wrong thing.

He went into a long tirade on how my friends on anime-chat.com, which are some of the people which have given me a reason not to take my life, and have built me up, are supposedly evil, and are giving me advice which is of the devil. He also proceeded to tell me how some of my friends who are homosexual and bisexual are destined for hell. Understandably, I did not tell him that I have been struggling with my own sexuality, and I honestly think that I am bisexual, for fear that he would expel me from the church.

Your pastor sounds like a pessimist if he actually went into a tirade when you came for help. A Christian pessimist who actually just say such things when you go to visit him is not worth your time because he sounds like the kind of Christian other Christians must avoid. I know that this is not easy but if you ever get a chance to leave his congregation do so because he's not doing anything good for anyone. The opinion of a pesimist is not worth anything no matter how much experience or intellect this person has.

I second agasfas' suggestion that you go to speak to another, more understanding pastor. It's easier to open up to strangers than to people you know (not that you should ever have gotten to know your current pastor) and this person might help.

Just remember: God is Greater than His representatives who are, after all, only human. You must forgive them if they do their job poorly.

[sonichiro]

thank GOD! i was having nervous breakdowns when you didn't answer for a while. i was praying for you constently and still am. i'm sorry to hear about your pastor. its not right what he did, and it wasnt from God. God loves all people no matter what they do. i'm also praying for the situation with your mom.

[Lobo]

i will be praying for you

[Knives]

Ill pray for you. I would be VERY sad if you killed yourself. Lots of ppl love you. If no one loved you then there would be no replies to this thread. Hang in there man.

[Knives]

oops

[jazz]

please don't think that people dont' care about you. i was in tears reading your posts, and hearing that you were serious about ending your life. there isnt' much i can say that hasnt' already been said, but i just wanted you to know that i care, and that i am praying for you.

[Rogie]

Glad to hear you're still there. And please listen to what shooraijin said: it's a real piece of wisdom, Ross. I'm praying for you.