sigh... okay. i feel kinda stupid posting this, but lately i'm starting to get worried. here's the deal:
this past year i planned on going to school to take a multimedia course. i applied for a student loan, and got one. except that it didnt' cover everything i needed. i was 6,000 dollars short, and that money had to be paid up front in september. my family has never had alot of money, so my mom couldn't afford to help out at all. after trying to take out seperate loans to cover what a government one wouldn't (and failing), i decided that i would have to postpone my education until september 2005 . the plan is to work all this year, save, and apply for a loan next year. with the money i will have saved i can pay the difference, right?... except that there's one problem.... it's almost 2005 and i am still looking for a job. i haven't been extremely worried about it. i mean, i'm taking it serioulsly, and so far i've just been trusting God that i will find work in the right place at the right time...... but it's getting harder to trust Him. and i had a thought last night.... that if i dont' find a job soon, i may not even get a loan. the government seems to think finding a job is easy as pie. when the reality is that nobody wants to hire somone with no training and no experience. i've been looking, so it's not like i'm being lazy about it.
i've been battling thoughts the last day about what i'm going to do if i dont get my loan. i have some plans for the next few years, ones that depend on me going to this school, though i am certainly willing for God to change them on me, but even still, i feel like i've been on a rollercoaster of changing plans for the last year, and now i'm starting to loose my nerve. i've finally made up my mind about what i want to do, and then this happens. if i don't get a loan, or even a job, i will have to totally change all the plans i've made.
i believe that if i am supposed to go to school next year, that God will work things out, and i have no reason to worry. but for some reason i am really worried now, and i havent' been yet.....
so, i guess, please pray that i will keep trusting God. and that i will put Him first in my life, not me. that i won't loose faith just because of something so small and insignificant like a student loan, after all, God is so much bigger than any of the problems we have do deal with, so why do we worry? whew!!! i dont' really know what else to say, but thanks to anyone who reads this. (i hope i made enough sense). God bless.