Hoilday Blues...

[agasfas]

For this past week something has been really getting to me. The holidays always seem to do that to me. Every major holiday I look around at what people have and can’t help but feel envy.

Problem 1: Gift choosing
Growing up I didn’t have much; my family was pretty poor. So when it came time for the holidays or birthdays I didn’t get much or expect much. Now, I’m not down about that but for another reason. Since I grew up not expecting much I always felt a bit guilty excepting gifts. I knew my parents couldn’t afford it but they got what they could. Though I was always greatful for what I did get. Also I never gave gifts because I simply couldn’t afford to. What also gets under my skin are people who brag about all they have gotten as gifts, then they ask me what I've got and I just say, "err...stuff." It really hurts me when I see so many people getting what they want or most of what was on their list; then for them to be upset for the fact they didn't get "everything" they wanted... So now, I have trouble with gifts. Here is where the dilemma starts. I really want to buy some of my close friends gifts but I don’t really have the money to do so. And what I can buy wouldn’t be much. I know they say, “Oh don’t worry, it’s the thought that counts.â€

[CreatureArt]

Hey Agasfas.

I've struggle with lonliness during the Christmas season, too - both in the bf/gf sense and in a family sense when my Mother was sick (getting better now, praise God ). It's hard.

I cannot offer much; but I can and do offer prayer and caring.

Take care and God bless, encourage and be with you.

[c.t.,girl]

i barely ever have anymoney and my friends are always expecting me to get them something on every occasion! i hate it! i mean don't they realize that not everyone has tons of money like them?! it just makes me so mad! but then that madness turns towards myself for some odd reason. it just seems like i can never be mad at anyone but myself. anywho! i get the lonely thing too. i hate that as well. i hate it most of all on my birthday cuz that's the day i want to be with someone special. and on christmas i'd just like to have someone hold me in their arms but nooooooooo! i have to be in a hard wooden chair debating with my family on whether or not God loves us and things like that! i mean can't we just have a normal family dinner?! can't it just be happy?! .......i'm sorry it appears to me like i'm not helping much. i'll just say i'll pray for you. i shall leave now and just lurk around and not post til i get out of this wretched mood. i'm sorry yet again.

[Kura Ookami]

I know how you feel. I almost never get much for christmas but my family gets me what they can and im always grateful for that. I hate it when my friends ask me what i got too.

Lonliness can be a big problem for me as well. I always wish i had a significant other to spend the time withm but most years i havent had anyone and this year my girlfriend lives in the US so again she cant be there with me. On christmas i have to go to my grandmas and spend all my time there too. That means i wont be with my girlfriend then. Still i guess it's better than all the other years where i didnt even have a girlfriend. I can at least say she'll be there in my thoughts and in my heart.

I know i probably havent been much help, but i will pray for you.

[Mangafanatic]

[quote="agasfas"]For this past week something has been really getting to me. The holidays always seem to do that to me. Every major holiday I look around at what people have and can’t help but feel envy.

Problem 1: Gift choosing
Growing up I didn’t have much]

I was blessed to be born into a middle income family so I won't say I can totally associate. The advice I have to offer actually involves being on the receiving end of any gift.

My closer friends came from lower income families, but, every Christmas, they would buy me something. It was always something small: A candy bar, a candle, a scarf one of them knitted. If you really love someone, anything they give you is awesome, because it's a part of who they are. When my friends would buy me a candle, I knew it was the same candles they burned in their house. Being given a candle that smells like someone you love is a pretty big gift, IMHO. Likewise, being given a chocolate bar by a friend who's a choco-holic is being given something the like more than most anything in the world. That had a special meaning. One birthday, a close friend of mine painted me a picture of myself as an anime character with this waist that was about as big around as a broom stick. That was a wonderful gift, because it was a window into the way she saw me. I keep it on my dresser to this day.

It's really not about what you get, it's about what it tells the person you're giving it too. Find something small that you think portrays something about this friend, maybe something pertaining to an inside joke or their personality. To me, that's what's important in a gift.


[quote]
Problem 2: holiday loneness
Another problem I have that usually only comes during the holiday session is depression.
For the past couple years I drive down the streets alone in my cold car checking out all the Christmas lights. I always look to my side and of course nobody is there. When I see so many couples happy around the holiday season it just makes me feel so bad inside. I know not “everyoneâ€

[inkhana]

In regards to the first part: I can actually relate a little bit to your position. Some people may feel that way, but unfortunately there's not much you can do to help that. Just the fact that you took time out to get something for someone (particularly if they're aware that you don't have much extra income) should be enough. It really isn't the gift itself that should matter, just the sheer idea that you're giving for giving's sake...because you wanted to. Eh....not the best consolation, I know...-_-;;

And the second part...I've recently gained a new appreciation for that kind of situation. I really do know how you feel about that and I'll pray.

[Jman]

I'll pray

[true_noir_chloe]

Agasfas, I'll definitely be praying for you, and for the others who seem so lonely at this time of year.

On problem 1, all I can say is I think Osaka's answer was best.

On problem 2: You know, when I was single in L.A. I found being a help to others was a great way to spend the holidays. And, I still love to entertain or open my heart and home to others. I think my husband would say the same thing. He helped out at soup kitchens, or giving gifts within the community, or visiting elderly who's children never came by.

Go outside yourself and it is a tremendous help when you're lonely. I would say this to all the singles out there. There are so many others who are hurting in this world and have it so much worse. If you spent just a moment in a third world country, which I have, I can never say I am without or alone. You are blessed simply by living in our wonderful country - and the fact you actually have a car to drive is one of the tremendous blessings.

Depression is very real and it's something that some people need medication for. However, if you are depressed because you're looking inside yourself, start looking outside yourself and up - to Him - and everything will begin to change.

"And prayer is a day-to-day experience, and moment-to-moment necessity."

Hope you the best, Daniel. ^____^

[Rogie]

I sometimes feel lonely, as well, but then God just reminds me that with Him around, I don't need to feel that way.

I have no advice, but I can pray, agasfas, as it helps me when I feel this way.

[ShiroiHikari]

I'm (still) unemployed and so I don't even think I can send out Christmas cards this year, much less get all my friends actual store-bought gifts. seeing as how all my friends are long distance, I have to pay shipping and blah blah. it's pretty depressing and I'm not looking forward to Christmas this year because of it.

as far as growing up in a low income family, I know how that is. my family was/is poor. they still managed to get me some nice things when I was a kid, and I'm thankful for that but we still never had much.

thankfully I don't share problem #2.

anyway. I'll remember to say a prayer for you.

[Spiritsword]

I will pray.

[Razgriz]

I will pray as well.

[agasfas]

Thank you all for your words. It really made me feel a lot better. I guess the only thing I really have left to stress about are the gifts....
Though, regardless of what I choose, I'm sure (hopefully) they know that it's from my heart. Again, thank you everyone.

[harina]

I'll pray for you.

[soul alive]

i can't really relate personally to you on either #1, as i grew up in a middle income family; but from having friends in low income situations for all of my public school years, i understand what you are going through. what advice i would give has already been said, but i will kind of restate some of it. i know all of my friends always loved getting homemade things, even if it was only a card with an origami creature on the front or cookies. we also had a dollar store in our town, and all had fun trying to find original gifts from there, and almost always had a good laugh when several of us ended up giving eachother the same things. another idea is what my family does, gift cards for doing chores, doing an activity together, my mom's favorite - shoulder massages, and etc.

on #2, hang in there.

i will definately pray for you.


sadly, my family has a pretty depressing reason to feel blue on Christmas. my cousin was killed in a car wreck several years ago on Christmas Eve, and his immediate family is still having problems considering Christmas to be a happy occasion.

[agasfas]

Thank you for you kind words soul alive, I appreicate it.

Also, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin, that must have been a hard thing to deal with.
I'll be sure to pray for all of your family members who feel sad this christmas season.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

don't dispair ^^ you're a good guy. When you don't have something, you realize that you don't need it

kinda weird example, but heres one
We used to have a 56K dial-up internet, and it was good and stuff, then switched to comcast. It was the bomb! Then a year later we switched back to 56K, and i was like "NNOOOOOOOOO" but i realized that it wasn't so bad

well, we have cable now

the point is. Since you don't have a great amount of money, you realize the more important things, unlike rich people who buy everyone expensive gifts.

And your good friends probably know that you don't have a great deal of money. And when ya buy them something, hehe, it shows that ya care ^^

[WhiteKnight23]

It would seem as though most people have your first problem lined up pretty darn well. The only thing I can add, is that though I myself have not been able to get stuff for people with my own money, when I did give stuff to people, it was usually something along the lines of a art piece or a clay figure or something along those lines.

For your second problem. Personally I have had this problem for... my whole life. I have never had a girl friend, till just before my senior year in Highschool. But even then, I still drive an empty car. She lives in Bozeman Montana... about 12 hours from where I am actually. So I know what you mean, but also sometimes... more like most of the time, Gods timeing is not ours. Trust me when you meet a gal that you can get along with... don't jump the boat. lol, this is a bad thing, most would rather get to know you first, but then again they will not ask you to go out with them or anything I have experience here. But know this, God will tell you, but you must remain quite, for the voice of the Spirit can only be heard if your flesh is silent. Also I have a friend that is in the same boat, his older brother is married, and his second oldest brother is engaged to get married in a short time, and he doesn't even have a girl friend. If you want I can hook you too up and you can talk to him. He is a christian and all so he can see were you are comming from and can HELP YOU SOOO MUCH on the gift issue, he has had the opposite problem with those.

I hope you can gain something from this, and God Bless you and I pray God will show you a good time this season. If not, stop by and God will show you a good time using me. It could be quite the trip however, I live in Wyoming.

[Maledicte]

My aunt says if you don't have a lot of money, you dont HAVE to buy everyone something and that's ok,but if you're anything like me and you go to college ona limited budget and yet like giving people stuff, either a) do holiday shopping early and in spurts. this makes the gift-giving thing a bit easier to handle b)give gifts only to the people you know and know VERY WELL as the one's you don't know won't exactly appreciate the lengths you are going to give them a happy holiday, or c)do both.
I know exactly what you mean about having no one to look at the lights with. especially when there are lots of pretty lights all around your neighborhood. I too am single (actually I'm really not sure...it's really weird trust me), and sometimes I'd like a boyfriend to hug and to chase away all the drooling slobs who have a crush on me. I'm also not very emotional around others. but it seems to me that you are only deepening your depression by going to see the lights even tho there's no one to see them with u. I suggest starting a new little christmas tradition for yourself.
Hope this little sloppy piece of advice helps...