True love

[Pigeon4x]

Well, this is my first post in a long while. Anyway, I expect to get insulted for this and told that I'm too young, but I still want to know. How would one know if he truely loved a person in a boyfriend/girlfriend romantic sort of way.

It used to have been i would have said i loved this girl in a heartbeat, but i go to a christian school, in Literature class, we're reading Romeo and Juliet (XP) Anyway, our teacher explained to us that Romeo isn't really in love, he's in love with the concept of being in love. I have to wonder now.......is that me?

Here's the whole story, since it may have weight here:

Well....I met her at the end of 7th grade. I had never talked to her before at all and this one day I just walked up to her and started talking to her. There was no real reasoning behind it. I had no oppinion of her at this point.

In 8th grade we started hanging out together. She was fun to be around for some reason. We don't share any interest at all, but I could always make her laugh and cheer her up. She has a wonderful laugh and a beautiful smile. It was halfway through this year that i started to like her and I had thoughs feeling growing for the rest of the year. She says she started to like me around this time as well, but, for the same reason i did, never said anything for fear she'd be wrong. It was around this time I had some difficulties in my life and considered suicide. Everyday I'd come home and shand in the kitchen, with a knife poised in front of my stomach, but I'd always think about how I'd miss her and she'd be upset, because we were friends. Obviously i never did. i beleive to this day that she saved my life. Anyway, that year passed.

We're in 9th grade now. Not much has really changed, I still tried hard as i could to make her laugh. Anyway, i started to have her in my thoughts every second at the end on 8th....that was still going on and I had started to dream about her. Not strange dreams like i normally have, things like battles, wars, murders, but thing like sitting next to her at lunch, or hugging her goodbye at the busstop. On October 25 I finally worked up the courage to tell her. We have no time together so i was forced to send her an email (I sent it at 4:11 in the afternoon and received her reply and around 5:24). Thats about it. Nothings really changed. I still have her in my thoughts all the time and i still try to keep her laughing and smiling. I do whatever I can for her: carrying books, getting things that are up high (she's a little short XD), anything.

I won't allow anyone to call her my girlfriend though, just because that implies dating and we haven't been able to do that yet. Anyway, I'm sure something is left out, but thats All i got right now.

[Mangafanatic]

"What is true love?" Isn't that a million dollar question.

Sadly, there is no four question evaluation quiz concerning love. But I'd say that romantic love-- true, Christian romantic love-- could be defined roughly as wanting the best for another person despite how that may effect you. I'd disagree with your teaching concerning Romeo's feelings. If you're willing to die for a girl, I'd say you're pretty darn in love with her.

If you have a concern for this girl that treads beyond physical attraction (meaning you actually like her personality and not her physical build) and you are practicing a selfless laying down of your life (even in small things, like carrying her books XD) it's quite likely that you're in love with her.

I'm not saying whether your being in love with her is good thing or a bad thing. That would just be my general definition of healthy, God pleasing romantic love.

I would gently caution not to advance hastily into the uncharted waters of romance at such a young age. You're just such a young person that I think romantic love often hinders the time that God gave for becoming your own, self-dependant indivual. The teenage years are stressful enough without the added weight of a relationship, IMHO. More importantly, in the situation that you have laid out, you have to weigh the importance of your friendship with this girl against the benefit you would get from being her boyfriend. It has been proven time and time again that friendship can rarely survive a breakup. Consider for instance the world's most notorious break up line: "Let's just be friends." That phrase, after a romantic relationship means "I really would rather we weren't together anymore". I know two people who were great friend, they dated, they broke up, and they haven't said more than eight words together at any one time.

Simply put, if you really value this girls friendship and would be heartbroken to lose it-- don't risk it. Fifteen is a tender age and emtional wounds run alot deeper when you're so young. If this relationship doesn't work out, you might be facing the reality of seperation from her friend ship. Sad, but true.

I hope that doesn't further muddle you. I gave it my best shot. If you have any thoughts or your disagree, go ahead and post again or PM me. I'd be glad to talk about it, even it I have little more knowledge than you.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

yes, love is NOT having them with you 24/7, and not letting them see other friends and such. Love IS making sure the best happens to her

reminds of me that reba episode

yeah, if you love somebody, then you realize that you can't keep them all to yourself

im ur age as well, so yeah i know what you mean and stuff

[Waterlillee]

awwwwwwwww~~~
well I understand how you must have these feelings towards her and I think it is pretty normal~ and I think you are a nice person to cheer another up~
and I'm so glad you rethought about your suicidal decision >_< please don't do it~ yes, there will be so many people who loved you that will worry~
and it's okay if nothing is happening between you two~ and I guess you are still young^^ as I am as well~ but if you really like her~ then take things slow as you are^^ and if she is truly the one for you then things will work out~
just please do not attempt suiciding T.T

[CDLviking]

I think a good Christian model for love has 4 key elements

1. Free: Love must be given freely without expectation of any return, or conditions upon it. There is no coersion in love.

2. Total: You must give all your love to the beloved. There can be no I love you about halfway.

3. Faithful: Love means that you will never turn your back on that person, and you keep your word to them.

4. Fruitful: Love always produces something to the benefit of those in the relationship. In marriage children are an example of a fruitful love, though there are many other examples.

In the Catholic marriage rite, all four of these can be found in the vows made by the bride and groom. We also see these in God's love for us.

[The Doctor]

CDL...I would only add that you must love God more than your wife, or anything else. When you love God more than anything else and let Him change your heart, He teaches you how to love. So then, as you change your wife gets the love and attention she deserves, as best as she can from a fallen human being.

Just be sure not to expect your future spouse to help "fix" you or totally fulfill you. Only Christ can do that. Sure God Himself said that it isn't good for the man to be alone, when speaking of Adam, but a spouse cannot fulfill all our needs, be they spiritual, mental, physical, etc. Only God can.

BTW, kudos to Mangafanatic. You are just a bit too young to engage in a romantic relationship. Give it up to God and let Him guide you. He'll show you the one. And don't get ancy thinking "I NEED A DATE NOW, I'M GOING TO BE 18!!!" Dude, I'm 20, about two months away from 21 and I've never been on a date. God's decided not to put that card in my deck....yet. In fact, my friend who was recently married in August didn't have a real relationship until he was...well, until last year. He knew the girl since he went to college, but she was slow to the idea of getting involved so they just remained friends....FOR A LONG TIME. It wasn't until he turned 25 and decided to let go of the idea of having her that...well, God brought them together finally. He's now happily married.

So don't get discouraged man. Just be friends with this girl. Get to know her. Go out as a group. Just chill and enjoy being a kid. There's more important things than girls at this stage of your life. I know it sounds like I'm an old blowhard (O.o I'm only 20) but we say this so neither of you gets hurt. And if you really love someone, you are careful not to hurt them.

Sorry if I sound too preachy. What I've shared with you is stuff I've seen in my friends' life, my life, and from what my Christian mentors have been teaching me.

BTW, if you need to talk about suicide, PM me. I've struggled, and still do, with deep depression and the only thing I can tell is you to draw closer to God and confess your situation to others. God will send you help man, ask Him and He will provide. You just have to go to it when He opens the door. Trust me man, it does help. Just be careful who you tell to, there are appropriate and inappropriate people to tell. But do talk to others man and know I will pray for you. Don't give up...GOD values you far too much and has a plan He wants you to fulfill. He has a mission for you.

And remember what the Apostle Paul wrote. If you are saved, he has this to say. "Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ." Galations You are God's son bro, and He wants to help you. The evil one wants you to give up, but Christ wants to give you freedom. "For in that He Himself {Jesus} has sufferred, being tempted, He is able to aid those who are tempted." Hebrews 2:18

[Nate]

*Starts to give his opinion on love, but realizes he is a broken, bitter shell of a man and would only lash out in anger at love*

*Becomes depressed and leaves*

[agasfas]

Wow.... true love.....
Well to be honest I'm not the best on this topic but I have a couple ideas.

First, can love be one sided? I had this friend that really liked this one girl. They dated for a really long time but something was missing. He would do everything in his power to help her and be there for her. But whenever he was in need of the affection back, she never gave it. She was willing to recieve it but not give it. No matter how much he loved her, he had to let her go for his own good. Because Love can not be one sided. It's not fair to put yourself through that. It needs to be equal. One has to be willing to be there for her no matter the circumstances, and her the same. Kind of like a friendship. Because the ones we love become our best friends. ANd friends look out for each other.

Next,
Love, in my opinion is unexplainable. You want only the best for them. When something isn't right you would do anything in your power to help; wish you could switch places with them if they are going through tough times. All-in-all wish only the best for them. But love can be for a friend or a mate. Both in my eyes should follow the same guide line.
Although I may not know exactly what love is or feels like (not including religious aspect), I'm sure it's close. I dont really think there is a clear definition of love. Love is unexplainable. You just know beyond a shadow of doubt that you would do anything for them, even give your life. THere is always a feeling inside that you just know everything will be okay. A weird Squeeze feeling you can't explain; even if you have known each other for a while.
I'm not sure if i was on topic but there really wasn't a question purposed . So I thought I would give my random comments about the topic.\\.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

love is really unexplainable really, if ya think about it. currently, i really want a girlfriend or a partner in life. I know i must wait for the right person, but now.... sheesh, im dying here! ahhh, must! BE! PATIENT!

[Retten]

hmmmm I cant add much to this thread that hasn't already been said... however I would recommended you read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris as well as his Boy Meets Girl. They are both great books and will definitely help you out!

[Pigeon4x]

Ok I figured I'd throw some stuff in. Not gonna quote anyone though, it'd get to long.

I remember the post by Mr. SmartyPants right now. The one about letting her see her friends. I think you may have misunderstood a bit. I't not that I don't want her to see her friends, becuase they're my friends too, but we literally never have a moment where they're not there. It just gets kind of anoyiny (sp?). Email was the very last way I wanted to tell her I liked her, but Ireally didn't want a whole crowd of people around either, know what i mean.

I do understand that no matter how much i love her or think i love her that I can't allow her to be more important to me than God. I remeber reading the biography or Stonewall Jackson last year and one part that really stuck with me is when his wife had their first (and only I think) child she wrote to him and told him and in the letter was going on about how much she loved the baby and how beautiful she was. When he responded, he said We must be careful not to love her more than you love God, or God will take her from us. I think it's safe to apply that to almost anything.

I know many of you have told me to be patient and thats geat advice. Advice that i will definately heed. I really would have waited longer to tell her I liked her, but I had been praying about it for the end of 8th grade, most of summer vacation, and the beginning of 9th grade, in the beginning of 9th grade I kind of felt like i had God's approval, but I didn't really trust that feeling. Anyway, i kept praying, still having this feeling, but about a week before i told her I liked her is when my dreams started changing from epic battles, to just walking down the hall with her. I had deams like this every day up until i told her and now they are few and far between. I guess i kind of went on about nothing there. In short I do my best not to go to fast and I pray a LOT about anything having to do with her.

Right now, we are unable to date. First off, I'm not sure her father allows her too, she's told me in an email, but there was so much other stuff jumbled in i couldn't really make sense of it. Second, she lives about eigthy sumthin' miles away from me. Her parents drive her drives 60 miles to school everyday. Like i said before though, I have no porblems with taking things slow.

[The Doctor]

I hope everything works out for you man. May God guide you. And remember what I said if you ever want to talk.

[Pigeon4x]

I hope everything works out for you man. May God guide you. And remember what I said if you ever want to talk.

Thank you, that means a lot.

[Doubleshadow]

When I think of good examples of true love, I think of Michael W. Smith and Jeremy Camp. Go to their websites and read the stories about them and their wives. Jeremy married his wife knowing she was dying of cancer (see bio 1 on his site) and MWS knew his wife would be his wife the second he laid eyes on her (I forget exactly where it is). They are both inspiring stories, although my friends all feel like crying after I tell them Jeremy's story.

[termyt]

But I'd say that romantic love-- true, Christian romantic love-- could be defined roughly as wanting the best for another person despite how that may effect you.

I'd say that's "plain old ordinary" Christian love.

Knowing this when you are feeling it is difficult. It can be easy to believe what you are feeling fills all of these definitions of love but this kind of love can only truly be developed over many years. It most certainly does not happen at first sight.

It's hard to sort out these feelings at your age. I don't mean to condescend, but I've been through it myself. I was a teenager once. I also don’t mean to belittle your feelings – they are real and true. Just know that you can feel this way a thousand times in your life (about 990 of which take place between the ages of 12 and 20) and just because a relationship doesn’t work or you are shot down completely doesn’t mean you’ve lost your one chance at true love.

My recommendation: Date a lot and with a lot of different people. Unfortunately, dating today is way too serious - as if each person you date could (or should) be the person you are with forever. "Spouse" should not be a consideration for you until you can legally drink.

[Kaligraphic]

Pigeon4x, the reason than Romeo is said to be "in love with being in love" is that he is either ecstatic or despondent based solely on minor reactions from random girls. He makes a big deal about being in love, playing it up like he's the only guy who's ever been in love. "He jests at scars who never felt a wound." Juliet is hardly the first girl to act as Romeo's generic object of affection. His conversation with his friends makes it clear that he has made a regular habit of highly melodramatic loves.

From what you describe, I would say that it sounds like you like the girl. I wouldn't draw parallels to Romeo's attention-seeking at all. Just keep praying about the matter. Acknowledge God's lordship over your relationship with her, and He will direct your path.