hate on, hate off

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hate on, hate off

Postby c.t.,girl » Wed Nov 10, 2004 8:56 pm

sometimes i myself scare me. i mean for some reason i've been having really weird moods, mostly i've been in a mean mood like i scream and throw stuff and well i told my friends that if they'd touch me that i might hurt them. i don't know what to do! well i mean yah i know that i must pray and also i guess please pray for me that i stop getting like this. i get scared of myself sometimes cuz sometimes i start writing about killing myself. now i know i would never do that but i'm scared that something would really get to me and i would lose control of myself and actually do it. now i know i wouldn't cuz i don't wanna go to hell. when i get like this i start to hate. not the world but myself cuz i hate to hate and then i feel like i get in a self pitty mood and want everyone to feel sorry for me and pay attention to me. then i start to really hate myself cuz i hate being like this and then it's like i'm possessed, well not really but it's like something that ppl who have been like this can only understand. right now i feel like i'm the only one who feels like this. i need to be told i'm not the only one. please pray for me. i feel like i have no feelings right now. like i'm empty. help.


if anyone want to know what goes in my head pm me. i don't think it would be apropriate for everyone cuz i think it might scare some ppl. oh and be prepared for what i show you if you pm me.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Swordguy » Wed Nov 10, 2004 9:14 pm

i will be praying for yah...
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
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Postby bakura_fan » Wed Nov 10, 2004 9:17 pm

I'll pray. Please PM me....I'd like to talk with you...k?
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Postby agasfas » Wed Nov 10, 2004 9:18 pm

Hey, at times we all feel like we need to scream. To be honest, I don't know what your going through, but I have faith God will be able to aid you through these hard times. And there is no reason to hate youself, just remember your a child of God that's made in his image. You are never alone, God will alway be there to help you through the tough times:

Isaiah43:2 "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee."

Also there are alway people here at CAA that willing to help. I'm not the best advice giver, but if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me. I will surely pray for you. Keep smiling. :P
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Postby c.t.,girl » Wed Nov 10, 2004 9:29 pm

i'll try but i don't know if i can. i don't think i'll be using smilies for a while or replying to threads cuz i feel if i do i'll take out all my rage on that so i'll just stay in certain ones i'm not sure which ones right now but yah. i don't think i'll be welcoming anyone either cuz i won't be able to welcome them as i usually do(crazy and hyper, yet full of joy). everything that you guys think would be written is already written here. i'm confused on why i feel like this and i really hate it. i know i shouldn't hate myself but i just get like this. i know i can talk to anyone here but i don't really wanna scare ppl and make them leave me. so just pray. i think it would be wise not to ask me to send you of what goes on in my mind. i'd scare you very much. so just pray.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Fsiphskilm » Wed Nov 10, 2004 9:43 pm

same here, but
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Postby c.t.,girl » Wed Nov 10, 2004 10:03 pm

i can't. if i do i'll scare myself. i'll start to hurt myself, literally. i'll do things that i use to do in the past. i don't wanna be that person anymore. i guess that's why i get like this. cuz i can't loosen up. i have to control myself or else i'll become scary.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby c.t.,girl » Wed Nov 10, 2004 11:30 pm

i don't think i'm still well enough to post so i'm just looking around and pming that's all i'm doing at the moment. i'm still in a mood just not as bad i'm like 75% happier. sorta well enough for a smilie just not many.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby PrincessZelda » Wed Nov 10, 2004 11:59 pm

I will pray for you. I actually get half way like that most of the time... And I have no idea why... But, I'll pray for you.
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Postby ssj2gohan61 » Thu Nov 11, 2004 1:59 am

I will also pray
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Postby Mr. SmartyPants » Thu Nov 11, 2004 2:46 pm

i will pray as well
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Postby JediSonic » Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:14 pm

I'm praying for ya, and if you wanna pm me, I'd be glad to talk to you!

Hate can be a very unhealth and dangerous emotion, especially when directed at people (yourself included!) I'd probably be lying if I told you that I know what you're going through, but if you need someone else to talk to, dont hesitate to pm me like I said :)
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Postby c.t.,girl » Thu Nov 11, 2004 3:28 pm

thanks you guys!
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Yojimbo » Thu Nov 11, 2004 4:16 pm

Yeah I'll deffinetly pray for you as well. I usually bottle my emotions up for long periods of time and once in a blue moon really explode on someone so I know what you mean. When you think you are starting to become hateful just remember to say a little prayer to God to help it pass.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Thu Nov 11, 2004 4:27 pm

thanks jimbo! i'm actually feeling better!
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Destroyer2000 » Thu Nov 11, 2004 7:05 pm

I will pray.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Fri Nov 12, 2004 6:39 pm

also pray for things to go better between me and my dad. if anyone wants to know pm me. i'd feel more comfortable that way. seriously do if you are just a bit curious. i have no objection to it.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Swordguy » Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:40 pm

i will be praying
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
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Postby Swordguy » Fri Nov 12, 2004 11:41 pm

i will be praying
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
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Postby Rogie » Sat Nov 13, 2004 10:08 am

I'm praying.
Zar wrote:Praise God for all things awesome. Life ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But sanctify the Lord your God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:
-- 1 Peter 3:15
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sat Nov 20, 2004 8:14 pm

thanks everyone! i'm a whole lot more happier now! ^_^d i mean i'm back to being my happy self again! ^_^d
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Mangafanatic » Sat Nov 20, 2004 8:33 pm

That's so good to hear. *glomps C.T.* Now you stay that way, ya hear! ;)
Every year in Uganda, innumerable children simply. . . disappear. These children all stolen under the cover of darkness from their homes and impressed into the guerilla armies of the LRA [Lord's Resistance Army]. In the deserts of Uganda, they are forced to witness the mindless slaughter of other children until they themselves can do nothing but kill. Kill. These children, generally ranging from ages 5-12, are brainwashed into murdering in the name of the resistance and into stealing other children from their beds to suffer the same fate.

Because of this genocide of innocence, hundred and hundreds of children live every night sleeping in public places miles from their homes, because they know that if the do not-- they will disappear. They will become just another number in this genocide to which the international community has chosen to turn a blind eye. They will become, in affect, invisible-- Invisible Children.

But there are those who are trying to fight against this slaughter of Uganda's children. They fight to protect these "invisible children." Please, help them help a country full of children who know nothing by fear. Help save the innocence. For more information concerning how you can help and how you can get an incredible video about this horrific reality, visit the Invisible Children home page.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Sat Nov 20, 2004 8:52 pm

rotfl! hey all i can do is try! but yah i don't wanna be that way again! ^_^d
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby c.t.,girl » Mon Nov 22, 2004 10:14 am

okay so i'm not as bad as i was but i'm feeling empty again. please don't try to cheer me up, just pray for me and a person, and for that person to make their disicion and to make it wisely and in God. thanks.

and to you person! if you read this don't feel bad! it's just how things happen! don't feel obligated to do anything rash! if you feel the need to say no then say no! but don't toy with me! i'm bad at figuring things out!
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Zar » Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:29 am

CT I can totally relate with these kind of feelings its like some times I feel just real cool and stuff and be kicking with people, other times I 'm like Mann get my face I don't feel seeing nobody,
I don't know but I can really get down at times, I feel your pain
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Postby c.t.,girl » Mon Nov 22, 2004 11:30 am

thanks but i'm not feeling that way right now but thanks. it's nice to know i'm not the only one like this.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby battletech » Mon Nov 22, 2004 12:04 pm

May I ask? What circumstances bring on these feelings? I would have feelings of hate at all humanity when someone made fun of me. I would feel like punishing everyone for the action of the few. I would feel like a whole different person who only hates. I realized that it does not matter what other people think of me. It only mattered what God thought of me. I guess I just am trying to tell you you are not alone. God is always with you.
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Postby c.t.,girl » Mon Nov 22, 2004 12:07 pm

look i said i wasn't feeling like that now. iono why i got like that then. i know God is always with me but sometimes it feels like he's so far even though i'm the one who makes it seem like he is.
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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Postby Swordguy » Mon Nov 22, 2004 12:54 pm

i will be praying...Trust Him, He knows what He is doing
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.

Me check it out!

Quest for the True Grail

rei wrote:"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."
"Welcome to Corneria!"
"I like swords."


[quote="The forgoten"] .â€
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Postby c.t.,girl » Mon Nov 22, 2004 12:58 pm

i will. thanks swordguy! :hug: i'm actually feeling a bit better! ^_^
[color="DarkOrange"]"The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things... hey... the good things don't always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant." -11th Doctor

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who’ll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you’re sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that’s almost never the case." - Chuck Close[/color]
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c.t.,girl
 
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