Numb of love

[agasfas]

Sorry if this is a bit long but I just know where to go from here. I've been deciding for the past couple weeks whether I should post this or not. Heck, I don't even know why I am even posting this:

Recently I have been really contemplating different aspects about my life. I have figured out my major and school life is great. The problem isn't school but rather socially. By no means am I anti-social it's just being the commuter I don't spend much time on campus. And for some reason, as of lately I've been feeling frustrated. I can't think clearly and I have no idea where life will take me. Will I ever meet a girl I can share my feelings with, will I ever get married, will I be able to be happy in life for whatever I choose to persue? And it seems to me no matter how I approach different relationships It always ends up the same.

For example: Last summer (03') I used to really like this one girl I worked with. We hung out a lot and everything was going okay for awhile. Then, I introduced her to my bestfriend. Bad mistake. About a week after she tells me she has had crush on him about two years ago, she thought it went away but since she has never talked to him or really known him she didn't persue anything. So after I have introduced her to my friend she explains all of her feelings about him. I will never forget the exact words that came from her mouth, "I mean, I know this puts you in a odd situation but If you could, could you like mention me and perhaps give him my number? I mean, what are friends for right?"

She repeated that line periodically about five times. That really hurt. I was so mad at my friend. But after collecting myself I realized that it wasn't his fault. And indeed it wasn't. After getting all/most of the days sorrow out through serious contemplation I called my friend and explained my situation. And of course being the "good" friend I am (on behalf of my latest infatuation) , I told him that she wanted to see if there was a possibility anything would happen. My best friend replied, "Dude, I'm sorry to hear that, I know how much you liked her. First off I wouldn't do something like that to you and secondly.....I just wouldn't, it's not right." That made me feel better, it took so much relief off my shoulders. But this is the perfect example of how my whole life has gone. I really like a girl and something bad always happens. It seems to be a continual loop of pointless love. Why should I continue to put my feelings out when the end result will be heart break? I'm a strong person (both physically and emotionally), but when it comes to love, and no matter how hard I try, I just don't know anything and to be honest I feel that if I don't find someone soon I'll become numb of the whole concept of love. I just don't get it. I always put people before me. I try my best to help others even if the end result hurts me. I would give my life to save someone I don't know, or even my enemy. Am I too trusting and likable? Is it true the girls always fall for the "bad" guys? My mom admits that girls at an early age do go for the bad guys, but after they mature (somewhere in their 20's) the good guys always comes out on top. Though I see it is that I'm just a backup. If something doesn't go well in the other relationships (or tried everything else), they'll just goto the next one in line, "the last resort." How can a nice guy come out on top if he's just the last resort? And I hate to use this term, but the nice guys always ends up with other peoples relationships "left overs" of passed down love, emotions and heart ache. I'm not saying you shouldn't search for "Mr. Right," but it seems like I never get anywhere. Why must I come in last? Almost every girl I've know has a list of the certain qualities they like in a man, but when it comes down to it, they always go contrary to their statements; always chosing looks over personality or trustworthiness. When a better looking guy comes around, all to often do women toss their believes aside. I guess all that really matters is lust or how good someone looks. I just don't know anything anymore. Perhaps I'm too trustworthy and likable, so far it has gotten me nowhere but pain. I've haven't cried for about 10yrs (seriously) but If i could, I might. I just feel like pounding my head through the wall at times. I've never found someone who has every made me feel like they cared for me or loved me. I've never even been kissed, not even on the cheeck. I'm at a point where I give up. Because whenever I like a girl, nothing ever goes right.
Will I ever find someone I can relate to? Most importantly, will I ever find someone that like me for me, and not make me feel like a last resort or not her original choice. It seems like each and everytime I put my feelings out and give them my trust it always back fires in my face. I don't want to live life wondering if I can trust someone. But as I said earlier, I'm at a point where I am almost numb to the idea of love. I mean, love is the most important thing in our physical life. "For God so loved the world...." (John 3:16). I don't want to lose the most important thing/feeling we humans can experience. I feel that if I lose this battle for love I will slip back into my old life habbits; being mad at the world and depressed. Because after love, what else do I have? No wonder It's hard for me to open up to girls about my feelings. Because when I do, I'm always just a friend. That's where trust gets you; friendship nothing more. My greatest fear is dieing with the feeling of not being loved. The last of my life's questions is: Will I ever be truely happy?
I just don't know.

Sorry if this is too long. Please pray that I can find the anwsers I am looking for, and that God will be able to fill this big void in my heart.
This is were my Likin Park cd's come in handy, they make it easier to coap with pain.

[Zane]

Dude, paragraphs, PARAGRAPHS.... what is it with CAA and not leaving a line empty so you can orientate yourself in a world of letters...ah.. Cool, sorry... Well, being Mister Love-machine I'd say,... no not really, I can't back that up Sorry Dan.

Um.... mate first off I'll pray for you, no worries. And secondly, Ive heard about that kinda stuff happening all the time to us nice guys, us finishing last all the time. But its not about us being 'picked' last due to our ..whatever.. its the ladies who are at fault. I know how **** (hey? what happend to my word ****?)(hey! its gone again!) annyoing it is when they say one thing, (personality is better than good looks) and then do another (no, wait, that guy's so cute..) It really makes you wonder if they even have a memory...
Like us, Girls are Losers, everyone stuffs up and when it comes to love, thats when you notice the stuff-ups the most, and its also the most painful.

My advice; don't look for love. Gods got this beautiful, smart, godly woman he's working on right now for you, (if you happen to bump into her say hi for me) he knows whats in your heart and whats best for you, and his kingdom. The best marriages are the ones based on friendships, not on puppy love and good looks and stuff like that. Keep a look out for a great christian friend.. girl, (not girlfriend) and a love should blosom out of the friendship. In the end thats what a wife is, your best friend. Love comes when you're not looking for it. Hell yes you will find someone whom you will be able to relate to.

Agafas, contiune being the graceful, humble and 'good heart' ed person you are and someone, somewhere will love you for who you are. Trustworthyness, is one of the best qualities you can have, if used wisely that is. "All things work out for the best for those who love the Lord" Mate, it will be alright.


Disclaimer; Please ignore thif if it makes no-sense

[Nightshade X]

I know exactly how you feel. That line... "we're such good friends..." or how about this one: "You're like a brother to me" AAARRRGGGHH!!

I believe I can help you, though. There are two main things that I have to say:

Thing #1: Stop complaining. One thing I've learned is that if you spend your time complaining about everything, you won't have time to look around you and appreciate everything you already have. If you take a look around, you'll realize that you have a lot more than you think.

Thing #2: Be patient!! Patience is the key to everything. There's something I want to share with you. Do you know how long it took me to actually have a girlfriend? 19 years! That's right! I did everything you did! I was the lonely friend for most of my life. It didn't matter what I did, because when I finally gathered the courage to tell someone I liked them that way, she'd always say one of 2 things: "Awww... how cute!" or the ever-infamous "But you're my friend! It'll be too weird!"

In fact... I was your age when I got my first girlfriend. Man... I kinda regret it, only because through the entire time we were together, she never told me that she loved me. That was the only thing I really wanted. So, what did I do after she broke up with me? I waited. Then, after almost 2 more years, I found someone. She is so wonderful!! Plus, she gave me the one thing that I always wanted. I can definitely say that she was worth the wait.

The point I'm trying to make is that complaining doesn't do anything but make you look bad. All you need to do is pray for God's will, do His will, and wait! Have faith! He'll do everything in His time. You will find her when He wants you to. Just keep being who you are for nobody's sake but your own. You may think that love will never happen to you, but He's developing your character for the moment you meet her. Just keep in mind that the best and most lasting relationships start out as simple friendships. ^_^

And... of course, I'll pray for you.

[Shinja]

yeah, i know where your coming from, im 21 and never been on a date and its not like i havent asked, i cant help you, i have no idea how people fall in love, i dont evenknow what to look for in a girl anymore. so ill pray for you if you pray for me

[Kura Ookami]

I can totally relate to everything you've said and what you're feeling now is exactly how i was feeling especially after breaking up with Grace my first girlfriend and no matter what people said i couldn't think of just waiting, being patient for the perfect girl for me to come into my life. I didn't even have God to pray to to help me out because quite simply i didn't believe in Him. I know now that He was always there, but i felt so alone. Like nobody could ever Love me. You know agasfas that one being does Love you. That being is God. I didnt even have that knowledge.

After I broke up with my first girlfriend Grace, which was actually something that i thought i could never do and yes it was hard, but it gave me the strength i needed to be myself with the next girl i met. I thought I'd never find anyone who really loved me. Oh Grace told me she loved me all the time. She just never meant it. I could never trust Grace and in the end that ended the relationship completely. I'm glad I met Grace because she made me realise alot of things. The first was that desperation wasn't going to get me the girl of my freams. I lowered my requirements too much and got a girl i couldn't stand in the end. The second was that i needed to be patient and not lower my standards just trusting that my destiny included meeting my perfect girl. Destiny because i didnt believe in God. Trust in the Lord. Have faith that He'll give you your perfect girl in His time.

I met a second girl and although it didn't turn out to be anything more than friendship I learned more things from her. That Love started with friendship first of all. I never fell in love with her, but at least she meant everything she said. She even taught me to be honest even if it would hurt the other person. Alot of what she said hurt me, but at least i knew she wasn't lying to me. I apprieciated her honesty and vowed to be as honest as she was towards everyone i met from then on even if i knew what i said would hurt them. I'd rather hurt my girlfriend a little now than cause her massive pain in the future by lying to her. That was a tough lesson actually, but im so glad i learned it.

I can even now think of what i don't have. My girlfriend lives in a different country to me and we've never met in person or even seen each other. Sometimes I think about the things im missing. I can't kiss her or hug her or go out to the mall with her, but I've learned to count my blessings and when you do that you realise how lucky you really are. I'll be able to do all those things with my love someday and when we can they will be even more special because we've both been waiting for them. You won't know it when you meet the girl who will fall in love with you. I can pretty much garentee that. It will start as a friendship and build from there, but you need to be patient more than anything. Forget searching for love because you'll never find it. Love will find you when it's time.

[ShiroiHikari]

the "but you're my friend" line is utterly ridiculous. if anything, those are the kind of guys we girls should be going for!! some of the strongest romantic relationships start out with the two people being good friends first. why would you want anything less?

I DO NOT understand why girls want to just go find some random hot guy, go on a couple of dates, then never see the guy again, and then they wonder why they're alone.

anyway...that sucks, dude. the only advice I really have is STOP LOOKING. that always seems to work. if you have to, take up some new hobbies or something to get your mind off it. or pray about it, that works too ;] God will send you someone in His time, if it's His will.

[Razgriz]

Everyone has given some very good advices. I am sort of in the same boat as you are so I kinda know how that feels. Sometimes you're just confused and you don't know anymore.

But, patience, perseverance, and prayer helps out a bunch. And also, I agree; don't be looking for a girlfriend. God will provide the right person for you at His time and choosing. It could be tomorrow, or 10 years. But whatever should happen, it is in His will.

I'll be praying for ya buddy.

BTW: Seems to me we have the same habits of listening to sad songs to cope. That's actually kinda makes things worst at times, so I'd discourage it if at all possible.

[kaji]

Thing #1: Stop complaining. One thing I've learned is that if you spend your time complaining about everything, you won't have time to look around you and appreciate everything you already have. If you take a look around, you'll realize that you have a lot more than you think.

*kicks NightShade in the shin*

While I agree with the principle of your statement NightShade, I do not think agasfas was complaining… In fact, it seams like you have done quite a bit of reflection on this part of your life agafas. Its good to not be ignorant to these things, but really it does no good to dwell on them.

Its tough to just be the friend all the time, but maybe that is what God has gifted you with. Your compassion and genuine kindness are just what the people close to you need some times. That makes you an awesome friend to have!

Don’t count those things against your self. Why would you want to be with some one who is so easily blown around by each and every cute guy? Would you not much rather wait for the perfect woman, who will share your same level of commitment and compassion?

Like NightShade said:

All you need to do is pray for God's will, do His will, and wait! Have faith! He'll do everything in His time. You will find her when He wants you to. Just keep being who you are for nobody's sake but your own.

But don’t be kind for only your self. Be kind and caring to people because that is what God would want you to do. All the while having confidence that one day He is will bring that companion into your life.

I know exactly how you feel. I really do, and I could write about this all day, but I dont have the time (or space )

But I will definitely pray for you, and if you ever want to chat, just PM me!

-kaji

PS: Onizuka Rules!!!

[Mave]

Agasfas, why do you need to find that girlfriend/future wife so soon? I think the source of your misery is because you've decided that "I will only be happy when I find that special girl." Once you form that condition, nothing else in the world will make you happy. Not even God because you won't allow Him to work in your heart. That is very sad because there's very little we can do for you unless you choose to view this matter in a different light.

>I always put people before me. I try my best to help others even if the >end result hurts me. I would give my life to save someone I don't know, or >even my enemy. Am I too trusting and likable?

It is admirable to be kind and help others. But once you expect something good in return, it will take the joy out of serving others. (I'm not really sure whether that is what you might be thinking, but hey, just in case ^_^]Is it true the girls always fall for the "bad" guys? My mom admits that girls >at an early age do go for the bad guys, but after they mature (somewhere >in their 20's) the good guys always comes out on top. [/quote]
No. I never liked 'bad guys' and never trade personality for good looks. Never did when I was a teenager, still don't and never will. I've met many good-looking guys but the moment, they opened their mouths and revealed their personalities, I said 'bye bye' at the spot. My point is: Some girls aren't good at choosing their future mates, some are. You probably haven't met enough of the latter.

Though I see it is that I'm just a backup. If something doesn't go well in the other relationships (or tried everything else), they'll just goto the next one in line, "the last resort." How can a nice guy come out on top if he's just the last resort? And I hate to use this term, but the nice guys always ends up with other peoples relationships "left overs" of passed down love, emotions and heart ache. Why must I come in last?

Correction: Not true. God is preparing the best one for you. You need to put more faith in His plans for you. There is no such things as 'left overs' and 'last resorts' for God's children. He prepares the best for those who call unto Him.

Almost every girl I've know has a list of the certain qualities they like in a man, but when it comes down to it, they always go contrary to their statements]
Correction: Not true. I was almost offended by the second statement. You are generalizing women as a whole, only based on those whom you've met. I do not do that and there are many other women out there who don't either. I hope that you will be patient in meeting those who are wise in choosing their future mates. The wait will be worthed it. Trust me, been there, done that.

My greatest fear is dieing with the feeling of not being loved. The last of my life's questions is: Will I ever be truely happy?

This is very sad to hear. You are at this moment being madly loved by God but you do not realize it? To answer your last question, I believe it is, "Yes, you will be happy when you allow yourself to be so."

Sorry if this is too long. Please pray that I can find the anwsers I am looking for, and that God will be able to fill this big void in my heart.

That's fine. I only hope that you'll see that my responses are intended to be kind despite sounding harsh at some parts. I really think that finding this special girl will not solve your problems/feelings. No one can do that except God. And I do wish for your feelings to resolve because such thoughts can hold you back from accomplishing greater plans God has for you.

I apologize in advance just in case, I might have hurt your feelings. You seem like an individual who is quite mature and sincere, so I hope you can sense that most of us are sincerely trying to help you. You're my brother-in-Christ and I just want you to understand that your life is so much more than just finding that special someone.

Anyway, how on earth did this thread become a counseling thread? Alright, less yakking, more praying. I shall pray that God may open your eyes to see what He has planned for you and that His love will satisfy all your hunger and needs.

PS: Btw, try more uplifting music than LP when you're feeling down. Or better yet, taking aside some quiet time for praying and reading the Bible. It works for me...it might work for you. ^_^

[ssj2gohan61]

you people make me laugh not to be rude look how young you are... im 18 1 year younger and i dont have a girl friend... i could careless really i meen i want one but who...sure there is a couple girls who might but only if God wants me to be with them thats the way i see it... im playing the waiting game haha not the dating game..just wait for God to show you who is right for you.. and youre only 19 come on how sad... sorry for being sorta rough but hey sometimes thats what you need anyways ill pray for you

[Rogie]

The feelings are understandable, but you do indeed have plenty of time! Wait on God, be patient. I'm still learning this lesson. I'll pray for you!

[agasfas]

Let me clearify some points:

But once you expect something good in return, it will take the joy out of serving others.

First: by no means have I even wanted anything in return for helping others. Because once you expect something back your not acting out of morality. But if I always try to help others and then they always stab me in the back]Correction: Not true. I was almost offended by the second statement. You are generalizing women as a whole, only based on those whom you've met. I do not do that and there are many other women out there who don't either. I[/QUOTE]
Secondly: I apologies for the generalization of women. By no means do I actually mean "all women," it's just when your frustrated and you start writing, things come out differently then planed. I was just trying to make a point that all the girls I've known has done that. Stated what they believe and go contray to it.

ou people make me laugh not to be rude look how young you are...and youre only 19 come on how sad...

You have the right to your own views. But if you have gone through life never feeling cared for or loved by anyone but your parents then may see different.
[/QUOTE]

Stop complaining. One thing I've learned is that if you spend your time complaining about everything, you won't have time to look around you and appreciate everything you already have. If you take a look around, you'll realize that you have a lot more than you think.

I don't mean to come off as complaining, but of all my 19yrs I've been patient and endured a lot. I'm not saying I want to find my "marriage" partner now, its just that it's hard to see a positive side of things when you always feel lonely. I know God has and will always love me, but when you don't feel that anyone else cares, it's no fun.

I'm just a point in my life where I'm contemplating where I should go from here. I no it's not good to dread over spilt milk, but when your backed into a corner what do you do? Everyone has to face their demons in life. I know not everyone thinks that way, but when your upset you say things you don't mean. I'm just tired of being the nice person everyone takes advantage of; My nature is too trusting. My whole life has been the story of taking one step forward, two steps back. Things look up for about 2weeks then bam, another long period of misery I have to endure. But now I'm regretting posting this thread in the first place. I should have knew better than to post something like this. I'm taking a lot of heat for the things I've said out of anger and frustration. I apologize.

[ShiroiHikari]

guys, ease up. he came here to ask for support.

[Mave]

(-_-);;;;

I'm terribly sorry, agasfas. I didn't mean to make you feel bad or discouraged at all! I guess I've had so many experiences with friends who keep insisting that having a boyfriend/girlfriend would solve their problems, I get frustrated. I just don't want them to be miserable because God has plans for everyone regarding this matter.

I was a little exhausted when I read this thread (just got out of work with a very sore body). I guess I allowed my feelings to get the better of me *nervous laughter* ^_^;; I really feel bad coz I feel convicted about this one. Don't worry, agasfas, I'm fine with you. I just want to say sorry for making assumptions about matters and I'll be praying for you, OK? ^_^

[Mangafanatic]

May I begin by appologizing on behalf of all females? There are many girls who go for the "bad boy" or girls who are like a guy for his good looks. But I'd also like to encourage you that there are girls who don't care about that.

I think, when it comes right down to it, the heart difference between girl who like pretty boys and girls who like good boys is what they're looking for in a relationship. Me-- I'm not interested in romantically pursuing anyone who I wouldn't want to marry. I'm not interested in marrying a guy who's a good looking jerk. I want a best friend. Loyalty, Godliness, and Kindness beat all. (I've met so many nice Christian guys who aren't particularly handsome, but their spirit is something that I've found myself drawn to) Those good qualities are appreciated. There will be a girl someday who will properly appreciate them. Don't loose hope. For her sake, don't loose hope!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

EXACTALLY what many people said. This may be God saying that that relationship is not for you. Patience is a virtue, and is really important. You have to wait, becsaue One Day God will bless you with the greatest partner you could ever have. So pray, and be patient! Don't go trying to find Love. Let Love find you....

i tried to make it sound all philosophical. But just saying, Don't try to search for a girlfriend, but wait For God to GIVE you a girlfriend that will one day be your spouse =)

patience friend, is all it takes

[true_noir_chloe]

My mom admits that girls at an early age do go for the bad guys, but after they mature (somewhere in their 20's) the good guys always comes out on top.

Oh, the wisdom of mothers. ^_____^ You know, moms actually do know what they're talking about sometimes. They've dated, they've had multiple relationships, and seen multiple other people in relationships, so sometimes they actually make sense.

I would guess your mother saying the comment on girls liking "bad boys" was to appease your hurting heart to some degree. That's what we moms do sometimes to ease the bumps in life.

Obviously, not all girls like "bad" boys. I actually dated quite a mix of guys. And, I am so THANKFUL I did not marry one of those guys and God somehow placed a barricade for any I wanted to pursue. I really wasn't ready for my husband until I met him at 25, nearing 26. My husband was nearing 30. And you know, he kept busy in the church and helping others, and in fact when I read your posts you remind me a lot of my husband if you are as wonderful as I've come to believe.

At 19, my husband will attest that even though at that age he was desperate for a wife, God had intended for him to wait for the perfect wife that He had chosen for Him - me, and I'm one awesome wife for him *hehe*. God knew my husband was not ready for a wife quite yet.

So, get to work doing God's work, and pray and I'll pray for you. ^_____^ God is so good and His blessings are so abundant. These are all things you know - but, all things which are wonderful to hear and be reminded of every now and then.

Yes, patience is a virtue and in waiting is the most wonderful blessings. Take it from a mom who knows, and listen to your own mom. ~_^

[Nightshade X]

Ok, I apologize. Believe it or not, I didn't actually mean to say that you were complaining, agasfas. Honestly, I meant to say that you shouldn't focus on this one aspect of your life. That's what I really meant to say. Sorry if I was offensive in any way.

[Spiritsword]

I understand how you feel, agasfas. I will certainly pray for you.

[ssj2gohan61]

yes im sorry too but still... surely more then just your parents cared or even loved for you.. think about it..not even your friends...your cousins...your aunts/uncles

[agasfas]

I would like to thank you all for your support. I've been through some harsh times in life (in general). These past couple days I've done some intensive self evaluation. Am I where I need to be in a sense of spiritually? How can I grow closer to the Lord, and are there people who really care about me. I'll admit, initially this thred started with the whole notion that i'll never find a girl who truely cares about me. Now, I see that the root problem was not girls (though that would help ), but whether if there was anyone out there that really/truely cared about me and my existance.

For some reason earlier today this old phrase came to mind:
"Sticks and stone may break your bones but words can never hurt you." Sadly that isn't true. Words can really hurt. Words are more powerful than most people think, I mean God spoke this world in to existence. Words can be a really powerful thing. For those who gave me words of encouragement and a sense that they cared for me, I would like to say thank you. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes when people have gone through a lot it is hard to see that there are others who care. I guess sometimes people need that reassurance (including me). These past couple of days of analyzing my life and where I stand in this world; I've found that I need to change a few things. These changes I need to do will help me become stronger as a person (spiritually) and will help me become closer to the Lord. I mean, I know a lot about the bible and what it has to teach. But it's one thing to be able to quote and believe scriptures, but if you don't implement them into your life it doesn't mean a thing. Sometimes we need people to help show us the door. It's like what Socretes (or Plato; can't remember) explains; everyone is born with everything they need to answer life questions, it's just a matter of having someone showing you or hinting something to derive the answer for yourself. It's a state where everything begins to click and start making sense.

I've also purposely tried not to answer prayer requests or talk to others these past couple days. Not because I didn't want to, but because for some reason I saw that if I couldn't help myself, how would I be able to encourage and help others. That was my strong characteristic of mine and for some reason I couldn't take my own advice. It's always easier to dispense advice than to act on it yourself. Now I see my faults and will grow from this experience. But I still made sure I prayed for those who needed the words of encouragement and help. Again, I really appreciate all of your help and words of encouragement. I now have a re-newed strength in my faith. I really consider/see you all like family. Thank you.

Edit: Also, I've taken y'alls advice and changed my music choice. So I listened to a Micheal Smith cd a close friend gave me. That helped a lot more. Thanks.

[Zane]

Great to hear Agafas; all joy stems from God, its the source, its eternal and its... yeah you get the idea. All other "joys" are temporary and not 'really' joys compared to Gods love and care. What matters most is your relationship with the big guy upstairs, he'll sort you out for the journey in due course. God Bless ya mate.