alone in a crowd

[Jaltus-bot]

In my church, after service, there are all of these people walking out of the sanctuary, doing things like signing up for stuff and talking to other people and then I stand around trying not to look like an idiot and trying to figure out who to talk to. I don't have any close friends at church. With all the people around, that is not quite the setting where I am going to stop and really tell someone what is going on in my life unless it's something such as "I just got a job" or "My dog just died." That is short and simple. It also doesn't say much about what is going on inside of me. I think that it is when we share what is going on inside of us that others can build us up and likewise we others. Sure there are a few shallow hello's, but I want more that that. It's easier to find that at school than at church. I have been going to my current church since the beginning of summer.

Got any suggestions/advice/etc.?

[Esoteric]

Hmmm. Yeah, it's tough for me to make small talk as well, even with family. I can never get to know people just by standing around in the same place with them. There has to be some sort of activity, some common interest.

I'm just starting to make friends at church in a singles group of my age level. It's the first time in my life I've been successful at this... and it's for two reasons. First, I tried hard to be involved, even though... meh, I didn't really feel like it at first. I went to some events, I attended a summer long bible study. I eventually got to know some of the people enough to be comfortable with them. Second, I decided to host a monthly game night for the group as something fun and interactive we could all do.

I recomend you get into a group and find some activities of common interest. If the group doesn't have any activities, then you'll need to suggest some. (Everyone go to lunch after church. A museum field trip. A movie night.) Any sort of activity that requires interaction. That's the only advice I can offer.

[c-girl]

I know that feeling. >_ _< It's tough. I tend to not have very good friends at church. I think that all of them are better than me or less sinful. If they figured out things about me, they would think poorly of me.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

i know what you mean man! at my home church, i'm usually, alone. Or with some people. But they are not close friends...

but at my youth group, i have great friends there

you'll find a friend! Trust God!

[true_noir_chloe]

Get involved with something. You know start doing some of the social events and eventually you'll start clicking with someone.

When my husband and I first started going to this one church I went to the women's retreat after just joining. I loved it. I ended up meeting some of my best friends at that retreat. Of couse, we do not attend that church anymore. T_T That was awhile ago.

However, I've been involved in the ladies Bible groups, and that's always a great place to meet some nice Christians. Also, if you play sports, I know I used to play on our church softball team. That was a lot of fun. Then there is the choir and attending the smaller Sunday school classes too.

Really, if you just get involved someone will find you eventually - that is, if you tend to be a shy person. I'll be praying for you. ^___^

[Jaltus-bot]

I have been going to the church's college group almost every week since I got home for the summer. I don't know what else to get involved in.

[true_noir_chloe]

Sher, doesn't the college group have social activities? When my husband and I first dated I know ours was doing something every weekend.

[Jaltus-bot]

They meet on Thursday nights, pray and sing, have Bible study, then they used to usually go someplace afterwards. We now have free coffee at church so people are just hanging out there. That leaves me again in a similar position of floating around from shallow conversation to shallow conversation most of the time.

A lot of the other people in the college group are involved in some other thing at church.

One time we were talking about going and I guess because I was the one who brought it up and I wasn't sure I'd be able to go and because no one said anything over the next week, it didn't happen. (I bowl 64 with the gutters not covered-I had less homework than I thought I would have.)

[Kawaiikneko]

I have a really tight group of friends at church but for the first two years after we moved here I dreaded going to church. I'm really shy and one of my friends now was pretty mean to me and I really didn't like her.

She wasn't really trying to be mean. She just had a bunch of friends and I was the odd one out (I was in like 3rd grade at this point soooo....I took it kinda hard) Anyways my parents got into a small group and thankfully a bunch of the families in it had kids my age. The girl I didn't like was a part of it and over a few years more people have joined and now we're like the inseperable four at church.

Moral of the story is, it might take some time but really make an effort to be involved and build some releationships. Its good that your in a college group. Maybe you could organize something or sign up for a ministry on Sunday mornings (like worship team, choir, coffee and dounuts, ect ect. I'm not sure what your church has -_- ) As much as we wish sometimes people aren't always going to welcome us if we're new. Pray about it. ^_^

[Kawaiikneko]

I have a really tight group of friends at church but for the first two years after we moved here I dreaded going to church. I'm really shy and one of my friends now was pretty mean to me and I really didn't like her.

She wasn't really trying to be mean. She just had a bunch of friends and I was the odd one out (I was in like 3rd grade at this point soooo....I took it kinda hard) Anyways my parents got into a small group and thankfully a bunch of the families in it had kids my age. The girl I didn't like was a part of it and over a few years more people have joined and now we're like the inseperable four at church.

Moral of the story is, it might take some time but really make an effort to be involved and build some releationships. Its good that your in a college group. Maybe you could organize something or sign up for a ministry on Sunday mornings (like worship team, choir, coffee and dounuts, ect ect. I'm not sure what your church has -_- ) As much as we wish sometimes people aren't always going to welcome us if we're new. Pray about it~ ^_^

[Kisa]

Ah I know this feeling, movinf around so much I never really meet people at church. They have their little clicks and tend to be nice but nothing ever comes further. I have been in one college group for a year now (when I am home from college) and they are nice, I went to some things, and I always felt left out. all I can say is I know how you feel and will be praying. Its a very common thing in churches apparently, especially bigger churches nowdays . . .

[Madeline]

That's hard. I understand what you're going through...more often than not, I am the one on the outside looking in. I'll pray that God will find you a friend at this church, or otherwise lead you to where you need to be in order to fellowship.
We as Christians are made to fellowship with others...but sometimes people just don't open up any opportunities. I try to make my own, but at the same time I make a fool out of myself...I call it the "friendship test". If people can still like me even when I act this dumb, that's God working in my life to bring us together. >"<
Not very good advice. I'll just pray for you. ^_^ *shuts mouth*

[Swordguy]

i was never realy alone in my church so to the fact that alot of the barriours where aready broken because i knew most of them already but after that i was pulling in everyone else. I will be praying for you. as madeline said we were made for fellowship.

[CDLviking]

Try a non-church function with the people from your group. It seems to me that as long as it's a church function things are likely to remain at the small-talk/shallow level, but when you move it into other areas of your life people begin to open up a little more, or at least that has been my experience. Try having a barbecue or something similar.

[Ssjjvash]

yeah, I completely understand how you feel! It used to be like that for me even though I've been going to my church for over 9 years! The friends I had either moved or backslid and I was basically alone. One thing that really helped me was to be involved in the church. Currently I work with the children and help my mom with the booktable and help with overheads for my worship leader.

Well, you can find your own thing to do or whatever. Keep standing and believing for some friends though. "Wherefore, take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore..." --Ephesians 6:13,14a--
I'll keep you in my prayers! ^_^ God bless you.

[panegryst]

I know how you feel - I don't have any friends at church (I don't really want any, though...) mostly because there are only 2 or 3 people my age at my church.

I like to think of church as a place where I can be alone with God, though - I'd much rather keep friends/fellowship to activities outside the Divine Service.

[EireWolf]

I second what CDLviking said. If there are no outings happening in the college group, organize one yourself! And don't give up, even if it doesn't go so well the first few times. And most importantly, pray that God will bring a friend your way. I was in your situation not so long ago, and God brought a good friend to me. It wasn't the person I thought it would be, but God gave me a better one. Pray, don't give up, and take the initiative!