In Need of Prayer

[Madeline]

Hurricane Jeanne is headed straight for us, according to forecasts. Frankly, I've had it with this! Our power went out for a short time today, and mom is running around preparing...we are all tired of bending our lives around the stupid weather!
I know my problems are nothing compared to people that are suffering all over the world right now, but nevertheless, I am suffering also. I guess I've got to give myself the right to feel the way I do. Whenever I get upset about something, my impulse is to think about all the other people who have it alot worse than I do. I thought it was a good habit. But it isn't!
I'm supposed to be the one who is always vocal about her feelings, who always has to have the last word...but alot of the time I'm not really saying what I feel. I'm just blowing out hot air...and I hurt people I love without even getting what I wanted in the first place!
I was reading in James yesterday about how we covet and don't get what we want, so we are miserable all of the time...I am so guilty of that.
I constantly want what other people have, and hardly realize when I'm doing it! I waste so much time wanting that I never get what I want!
Then, like it says in the book of James, "You do not get what you want because you do not ask God. When you ask God you do not get what you want because you do not have the right heart..."
I guess that's what's happening to me. But if you were to ask me what I want, I wouldn't be able to tell you...I don't really know. I know but I don't.
Gah! I can be so confusing sometimes...

I can't apply myself to anything, either. When I read the Bible, it doesn't happen as much...but I spend too much time doing that too. I don't wake up on time, I don't go to bed early enough, I don't eat when I should so I'm wide open to temptation. When it's 12:00 AM I seem to completely lose my will...
I'm struggling with anime and manga too. I know I shouldn't watch alot of the stuff I do, and God confronts me about it, but I still disobey Him!
I fill my mind with so much garbage all of the time, and then I just think reading the Bible all morning will fix it. It's really sad. And then it all comes back to this hurricane...is God going to keep throwing hurricanes at me until I do what He wants me to? That's just not something I think He would do...but every time I do something wrong, it's there in the back of my head...will God destroy me and everything I own because I'm sinning knowingly? That's not the God I know, but I can't help thinking it...that I'm responsible for all of this destruction...and I know that's the devil condemning me...but...but...
Please pray that God will help me get my life together, and not completely destroy me like I deserve.
Pray that God will fix my family, too...there's been some serious problems going on lately. I want God to use me to reach others, but I'm so stubborn...

[Jaltus-bot]

I am keeping you in my prayers and this storm too shall pass.

[kaji]

Wow Madeline.

That was quite a heart full.
It sounds almost like you are looking at this hurricane as judgment day. That God knows your sins and is coming in a stormy cloud to clean you out once and for all. It’s a great analogy, and could very well be true.

Though God is infinitely Loving, he is also Infinitely Just. If you are knowingly living in unrepented sin, then he does want you to come clean at any cost. After all, it’s your soul he wishes to save, not your body.

I will pray for you and your families safety during this storm, and that God will give you the strength to resist the temptation of sin.

-kaji

PS: By the way, have you ever considered being a writer?

[Swordguy]

that is quite a heart full, i will be praying.

[Mr. Rogers]

will pray for ya

[Rogie]

You know, I tend to go through times like that, as well (I'm in one now, as a matter of fact). I'll pray for you and for your safety during the storm. Most importantly, I'll pray for your walk in Christ. PM me to talk anytime, okay?

[Madeline]

Thanks. I appreciate your prayers.
God is working on me...I have asked for forgiveness and repented. I guess part of my problem is, I don't accept the forgiveness...but instead am condemned.
It's a new day...I guess I just have to move on and try to keep myself out of sin. Condemnation is a huge struggle for me...it's only recently I've realized how much I hurt myself and other people because of it. The truth is hard to accept...I never associated spirituality with common sense! I'm starting to realize how warped I am because of the things I let into my head...I let the world tell me that I am smarter than God and that I know what's best for myself and believe it, but am skeptical when it comes to the truth and wisdom of the Bible. It's a truth I can't deny, but my heart is so faithless sometimes...I make everything too complex. I try so hard to plug my ears and tune out the world, that I'm deaf to everything that God is telling me. God is God, and I am not. Very simple. I guess I just need to stick to that and read my Bible with an open heart.
I need alot of work! o_O

P.S.- I do like to write...mostly creative writing, though. I need to learn more about structure...I think I'd be cut out for a job as an editor. ^^
Mistakes bother me...alot...I'm the same way in every aspect of my life, it seems.

[Staci]

I agree with kaji, Madeline. Furthermore, I will pray for you. *hugs* Hang in there and keep working on it -- you can't always change overnight, especially if it's a habit. Change takes desire, work, and dedication. ^_^

[Kisa]

The hurricanes are so bad this year, I will pray! ^^ *hugs*

[termyt]

Father, continue to work in Madeline. She knows You are there and You are tugging on her, whether You allow hurricanes to torment Floria just because of her or not. Don't give up on her and make us the friends she needs us to be. Guide her and give her wisdom to understand what You are saying to her. You lover her, Lord, and You will not give up on her, and she is truly blessed because if it.

Thank You.

[Madeline]

Thanks Termyt. *hug*
I just want to praise God because He brought me and my family through the storm with hardly any damage done. ^_^ God doesn't want to condemn me, and I know that He doesn't want His people to suffer. God is a loving God, and the mental torture I've been suffering for the last few days is nothing but lies from the pit of hell! God wants to lovingly teach and correct me, and though sometimes "discipline may seem unpleasant at first", He is working for my good and doesn't want me to waste my time feeling guilty about things I did years ago, yesterday, or even a minute ago. I'm going to get up and praise Him because I am forgiven!