Problems in the locker room, with a side order of sexual harassment

[Kaligraphic]

You should have (not too quietly) "declined his advances". If he wants to suggest that you're gay, you can neatly turn that back on him by openly turning him down.

Also, definitely do two things:
1) Complain to your coach/gym teacher (whichever is appropriate). These people know how to take care of things. The guy will be sat down and given a little talk, and if he comes back (can vary depending on the school), chances are he'll be a little more careful.
2) Respond more actively. I think I know the type of person you're talking about, and you'll need to know how to bluff and bluster. You'll have a much easier time if you "act tough" than if you just ignore it. If you're the strongest one in the group, an arm-wrestling match can be helpful. Don't automatically escalate to a full-blown fight, but don't look like you're afraid to, either.

[Raiden no Kishi]

fight? nono! don't fight! fighting is giving into your anger!

Jesus said that if someone punched you in the cheek, offer the other cheek! Although this case is a bit.... gross. You gotta try to follow God's word!

don't hesitate to tell someone! even if become known throughout the whole school as "the gay kid" or "the tattletail" where eveyrone leaves you. God will always be with you. Never let him down. He is your friend in school! remember that!

This is also the same Jesus who made a whip and drove the cheating moneychangers out of the Temple.

I, personally, would sock the guy in the groin at least twice next time he does it. Put your shoulder into the punch. And of course, notify the powers-that-is.

Rai

[Kisa]

Wow, I will pray . . .
Do something about it quick though, it could only get worse . . .

[Vyse]

Blah this is why I hated public school, people harassed me all the time and even if I reported it nothing could be done because none of the teachers witnessed it. And if you do say something about it the people harassing you just make it worse.

[skynes]

In that situation I would honestly introduce his groin to my good friend Mr. Fist..

I, personally, would sock the guy in the groin at least twice next time he does it. Put your shoulder into the punch.

HEY! This guy thinks like me!

[Vyse]

Guys, stop telling him to use violence, that might get him into even deeper trouble.

[Solid Ronin]

Vyse you know I respect you as a person but..yeah you remember the saying "If you want peace prepare for war".

T_N_C-sama I was the one who said to use shuriken so you may be refering to me.

Althogh yes the other guy has his freinds but thats the reason ya got to get him alone. I'm also sure that Xeno has freinds that are willing to fight with him..heck if he lived around me I'd fight with him.

20 respect points to all those in favor of the groin shot..BUT don't use your shoulder..put your entire body weight behind it ( I'm talking Shoryuken style)..trust me I've done it I will bring him down and leave him defenseless.

(Ive found out that it was Raiden who said that..Raiden bro your getting cooler everytime I see your post)

[agasfas]

There are two ways you can go about it:
1) Tell someone higher up like a VP. IT does work, when i was in High school a guy would pick on one of my friends by throwing food at people. So he told. It got stuff solved. (or it may make him more angery). But this is probably the safest way about it.

2) I'm a jockish type person and i had to stand up for myself a lot. If you let yourself become a doormat then he'll keep doing it. I'm not going to say fighting is the answer, but if you allow yourself to become a victim nothing will get solved. Freshman and sophmore year i had people try to walk all over me and pick on me so i stood up for myself both verbally and sometimes physically (last resort). Though i never started any of the fights. But afterwards i never had anyone pick on me. Good thing i never lost . I didn't let myself be a doormat. So standup for yourself by saying "dude could you seriously stop" or something like that. You need to voice yourself to him. That may be your best bet. Try to avoid fighting if possible it may cause more trouble. But standup for yourself!

Either way it may make things worse. But it's your choice to make, remain a doormat or standup for yourself (tell a VP or do it yourself).
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[Lehn]

Being a girl, I, uh, never exactly had to deal this particular problem in gym.
If you're not comfortable with going to the big cheese, (gosh, I can see how you might not feel comfortable, I mean how would you even start that conversation?) being a wise-alec and making some sort of witty comeback would be my next choice. But then again, I'm a girl. We fight verbally, which is almost as bad as hitting, uh, physically below the belt as several people suggested, damage-wise.

[Icarus]

Vyse you know I respect you as a person but..yeah you remember the saying "If you want peace prepare for war".

T_N_C-sama I was the one who said to use shuriken so you may be refering to me.

Althogh yes the other guy has his freinds but thats the reason ya got to get him alone. I'm also sure that Xeno has freinds that are willing to fight with him..heck if he lived around me I'd fight with him.

20 respect points to all those in favor of the groin shot..BUT don't use your shoulder..put your entire body weight behind it ( I'm talking Shoryuken style)..trust me I've done it I will bring him down and leave him defenseless.

(Ive found out that it was Raiden who said that..Raiden bro your getting cooler everytime I see your post)

Ronin, you are misinterpreting it. The saying doesn't mean to attack pre-emptively or in retribution, but to be able to defend yourself. Don't naively think that the world will respect your pacific desires just you really dislike fighting. Realize that there are bad people out there, and they will target you. The best way to prevent that is to carry yourself with confidence, and make sure they know you have the ability to hurt them should decide try you.

DON'T PRECIPITATE THE ATTACK!!! Think, Ronin. This is high school. You can get in trouble for fighting, and possibly expelled, if it is serious enough. Do you honestly think a jock would let you take a shot at him unanswered just because you had been his victim? Whether it's immediately or after the fact, he will retaliate.

Pester the authorities until something happens. If nothing does, pick a higher one and note the failure of the original.

[Xeno]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I have done basically what T_N_C suggest without even seeing her post. My school has been notified, and I have a meeting with some of the school admins tomorrow morning about this issue.

Also, I'm not one to fight, I'm not buff and I struggled to do 70 pounds more than three times on the benchpressing machine the other day. This guy would totally waste me, so fighting is not one of my options. Though now that I'm taking this to the authorities, it should be solved. And if nothing is done about this, then there is always the MP station.

In response to Ronin, I don't have any friends here, I just moved into this school system earlier this month. So I don't have any friends who would back me up, there is probably one guy in the gym class that would help me, but this other guy has the rest of the class. 30 vs 2 ain't looking to good.

Thanks for your prayers, and I ask that you please continue to pray atleast until this situation is taken care of.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

yesyes! enough on what i said about "turning the other cheek" i get it now! There was just a little misconfusion! now stop poking me!!!!!!

[{Daj}]

Size doesn't matter if you can get a clean shot to the genitalia and run like a jackrabbit.

[Mithrandir]

That doesn't work Daj. You will get tracked down. (Trust me.) I'm glad to hear it's working out for you.


and SmartyPants: I TOTALLY misread that one.


(Sorry, but I did...)

[true_noir_chloe]

* hopes spirt_sword doesn't see TNC's post about school councilors being "Wishy Washy." *

Good advice, though, TNC.

I was actually thinking over my friend, Spiritsword when I wrote that. And I thought, hmm, should I write such a thing? Actually, I meant it in the best possible way, meaning they tend to have bigger hearts than your usual teacher. (*whispering*Do you think he bought that?)

EDIT: Just saw what you wrote Xeno - glad it looks like it's working out.^____^

[{Daj}]

Yeah yeah. All I'm saying is, fight back. Don't go quietly. I understand that it is harder to do than it is to say. Talking to an adin would work too. >_>

[Solid Ronin]

I had what I thought I good post about fighting back...its gone now it must not have posted it....crap I agree fight back...

[c-girl]

*hugs Xeno* Aw! That stupid jock! >.<

[desperado]

as was said earlier. even if you do hit him he will get up and be really angry so i dont suggest it unless he is making you acctually touch it then clobber it as hard as you can

[agasfas]

i wasn't saying you should fight, just as a last resort. Telling the administration is the best thing. But sometimes it is called for; though it's best to turn the other cheek if at all possible. Good thing i lifts weights and know how to fight . It never hurts to know how to do that, just in case. Because you tend to carry yourself differently. You learn to fight so you don't have to. It sounds wierd but it's true.
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[Mave]

I have no good advice to offer. However, I can pray for you.

[termyt]

I would be very cautious about escalating this to a physical confrontation unless you are fully prepared to deal with the consequences, which could unfortunately include criminal charges against you even though you are the victim. I'm not sure about Ronin and the others, but I'm a pretty big guy and I never had to deal with this sort of harassment, but an appropriate physical response would likely work for me. You don't appear to be headed in that direction, and that sounds right for you.

My advice, stand up for your rights, go through the process, and do not seek revenge. If the process is too slow or ineffective due to teacher apathy or whatever, refuse to go to PE. Spend the class period camped out in the school office or guidance councilor’s office and have your parents help you escalate to problem to the school board. This may be considered a wimp’s way out or whatever, but there is no shame in standing up for yourself with the tools that work for you. That’s why they are there – to protect the rights of everyone and not just the strong.

Keep us informed on how you're doing, please.

[Xeno]

Well, I had my meeting with the admins this morning, and things are kicking into action now. It's to early to see what will happen, but if things stay the same, then I can always take this to court.

[Kat Walker]

I don't know how well logic works against ignorant brutes, but you might want to mention that *HE* was the one who made the sexual pass at you...ask him what he was trying to prove. I'd say something to the effect of "Look, you're obviously confused if you feel the need to grab people's heads and stick them in your crotch...I don't know where you're getting off calling ME gay." Then snigger and point. Get some other guys to witness this, as well. I don't really know what the "Christian" reaction to something this ridiculous would be, but I'd reccommend cleverness before violence. >_>;

[Kisa]

HAHAHAHA! I like that idea Kat! LOL
but . . . he doesnt like confrontations . . . so maybe not . . .
but definitley dont stand there, I mean, he will get worse about it and it may get physical . . . will pray still though ^^

[Jasdero]

What a.... People never cease to disgust me.

Well, I had my meeting with the admins this morning, and things are kicking into action now. It's to early to see what will happen, but if things stay the same, then I can always take this to court.

Good for you. Yes, court.... good...

[agasfas]

people Disgust you? About what, the fighting aspects? IF it is, all I'm saying it's good to learn to fight so one carries himself better (b/c of more self esteem) and doesn't become/remain a victum all his life. And fact is, some people don't listen to reason. I've seen some physical fights start b/c some people goto the administration (b/c it got them into trouble) or tring to "talk it out." Some bullies refuse to work it out and all they want to do is "prove" themselves. I'm not saying go out and try to start fights. That's no good, just be prepared for anything that may happen.
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[EireWolf]

I think Sunako was probably referring to the jerk of a jock who started all the trouble, as the disgusting one.

[Jasdero]

people Disgust you? About what, the fighting aspects? IF it is, all I'm saying it's good to learn to fight so one carries himself better (b/c of more self esteem) and doesn't become/remain a victum all his life. And fact is, some people don't listen to reason. I've seen some physical fights start b/c some people goto the administration (b/c it got them into trouble) or tring to "talk it out." Some bullies refuse to work it out and all they want to do is "prove" themselves. I'm not saying go out and try to start fights. That's no good, just be prepared for anything that may happen.

Uh... although, I do agree with you, I believe your anger towards me is misdirected. Whether it is or not, no worries on my part.

I think Sunako was probably referring to the jerk of a jock who started all the trouble, as the disgusting one.

Indeed I was. : )

[Oblisk]

If this thread doesn't need to be then then go ahead and delete it, but I just feel I should share with everyone what happened today.

To get you all up to speed, I am a senior in high school and I just moved to a new city where I'll be finishing at. Since this school does not count Marching Band for PE credits, I am being forced to take three pe classes so that I can graduate. Ever since I started my pe class I have been experiancing some problems with a particular football player that it is in the class as well, he has been "picking" on me frequently. Well today after the class, I was redressing in the locker room when the aforementioned football player grabed my head and placed it approx. three inches from his groin area.

Now, because he's been messing with me so much, I decided that if I don't react to anything he does, he'll leave me alone, bad idea. Because I didn't react and push him off of me and make a scene about it, he proceeds to yell "Yo, this guy's a (deleted) sucker!" in the locker room. Now, because I don't like confontation, I, stupidly, did not go to any teachers or admins, but waited till I got home and informed my parents, who already knew of the ongoing problems with this certain someone.

Well now my parents are attempting to do everything they can to make this stuff stop, but I don't really know what I should do. It's not like this is going to actually fix anything, it'll just make him angry with me and increase the abuse, what should I do?

Remember to bring yourself a knife in your next P.E class