Rumors of my existance are greatly exaggerated

[Nate]

Greetings. I am Kaemmerite and I may be kinda infamous around these parts...I won't say why but if you were there you know. I didn't want to do this at a hundred posts and be cliche (dunno how to do accents) but that's how it turned out...d'oh.

Before I begin, I will say that this is pretty long. Insanely long. It's also fairly depressing near the beginning, but I will try to put in jokes to increase the overall enjoyability.

Yeah, and we all know how well my jokes go over on this site...

If you bail out now I don't mind. Makes no difference to me. But if you make it through the whole thing, more power to ya. Get comfortable.

First off the physical stuff. I'm 6'3", and I weigh 230 pounds. Yeah, I'm fat. So what? Everyone loves fat people! Drew Carey, Santa Claus, Chris Farley, Cedric the Entertainer...the list goes on! I won't reveal my real name...not on this thread. Of course, if you've been paying attention (to me? Yeah, right), I've already posted my real name on this site once. And at least one person out there knows it for sure (you know who you are ).

I have three tattooes, all of which I got in Croatia, which actually has extremely sanitary tattoo parlors. I have the symbol of Saturn (Hotaru-chan!) on my right arm with the Silence Glaive going through it. On my left shoulder blade I have a naked chick (it's tasteful though, there aren't even any nipples), and on my right shoulder blade I have a kewl looking European dragon (Chinese dragons suck!).

Next, my friend who has studied (and is continuing to study) psychiatry says that I am manic depressive. What does that mean? In layman's terms (which is the standard) it means my state of emotional being is like a roller coaster ride; really high ups and really low downs, for no reason at all. I can be really happy, then really depressed with nothing to trigger it. (A peek at my daily schedule reveals...)
8:00 AM: Manic
9:00 AM: Depressive
10:00 AM: Manic
11:00 AM: Depressive
And so on and so forth...okay, yeah, that joke probably fell flat. So what?!

Also, I have given up hope. Let me expand on that. I have no suicidal tendencies anymore. I did in middle school and it's only because of a good friend and lots of grace from God that I am alive today, and I realize now suicide is stupid. However I am an extreme pessimist. Like maybe a pessimist squared, if you will. My motto is, "If you always expect the worst out of life, you'll never be disappointed." I don't have hope because in my experience hope always gets shattered. For me, hope has been a big freakin' lie and always makes me feel worse 'cuz I had such high expectations. I have no hope, therefore I have no reason to be disappointed.

This may go without saying, but I also have low self esteem. Why? I dunno. Because I screw up everything I attempt to do? That's why I joined the Navy. I had a C average in high school and I only scored an 1100 on my SAT. To me that was a horrible score. I thought, "What college is going to accept me?" so I never applied to any, and had to resort to the military. It may have something to do with the fact that I got out of the naval nuclear school two weeks before graduation. A year and a half of my life down the drain. The low self-esteem may also have to do with...

Women! Yep. I'm 23 years old and in addition to never having a girlfriend I've never even kissed a girl. Heck, I've never even held a girl's hand. I've been rejected by every girl I've ever asked out. To quote Drew Carey, "All I need now is to move in with my parents, wear a hawaiian shirt, and get a tropical fish tank and I'll be the world's biggest loser." Wait...at the moment I do live with my parents...and I'm pretty sure I have a hawaiian shirt...but I don't have a tropical fish tank! YES! I'm only the second biggest loser!

This leads to a severe problem I have with hentai. I don't care for pictures of real naked women, only the cartoons. I guess it's 'cuz I've never been rejected by a cartoon. Then again, they've never been given the chance. This leads to my thoughts on marriage.

I believe marriage to be a sacred union between a man and a woman that should never be broken by anything but death. Which is exactly why I'll never get married. To quote Rodney Carrington, "A man can only eat so many green M&Ms before he just says, '#@!* it, I want a red one!' I like green M&Ms, but I don't want to eat them every day for the rest of my life!" Of course I say this like it's my choice...just as well, as I don't really care for kids anyway. I think they're irritating until they become teenagers, and even then girls have their problems. If I ever had a daughter, and she started dating, I think I'd shoot her first boyfriend. The rest would probably get the hint.

Now the only subject I can't joke about. I used to be a writer. Used to. I've written hundreds upon hundreds of pages of stuff. That's all in the past. I gave it up about two years ago. Why, you ask? Well, two reasons. One: I can't write anything original. Sure, I've written lots of fanfics. But not a single original story in the bunch. Two: I wrote a 100+ Legend of Legaia fanfic.

Short aside: If you're an RPG gamer, and you've never played Legend of Legaia, what are you waiting for?! Go! Buy it, RIGHT NOW! It's one of the best RPGs ever for Playstation! But make sure you have a PS1 handy, because the game experiences ungodly amounts of slowdown on a PS2 for some reason.

Okay, short aside over. Anyway, I was so happy when I finished it. It's the only thing I've ever written that I've truly been proud of. That I thought was good. Then, a hurricane hit Norfolk. My car was in a bad section of the parking lot. It flooded. My notebook was on the floor. Completely and totally destroyed.

Since then I haven't been able to write. I've tried, Lord knows I've tried, but the words don't come to me anymore. I've lost my gift. I've only completed one story since then, and it's only about 30 pages, and in my opinion it sucks hard.

But now, on to the good stuff! W00t! People that like me say they feel good when I'm around. In fact, in the Navy, I had a lot of people tell me, "You know, Kotter, you're one of the few people I'm gonna miss when you leave." Yes, that's my real last name. Please, no "Welcome Back, Kotter" jokes! If you don't remember it ask your parents. It's where John Travolta got his start. "Yo, Mr. Kotter, you got any liverwurst?"

I have this ability to make people laugh (though not on this site apparently ). When one guy's fiancee broke up with him, he told me I was the only person who had been able to make him laugh in 2 days.

I'm a nice guy. I think a little too nice sometimes. Once I loaned this guy $1400 for rims for his car. I can't remember if he paid me back (did I mention I'm really forgetful? I'm not sure if I did...).

Yeah, people take advantage of me, especially women. I'm a sucker for a pretty face. I remember in nuke school this one chick always talked me into doing her cleaning duties for her...

That about sums it up! If you read the whole thing, congratulations! Whaddya want, a cookie? Well go ahead and have one 'cuz I don't care for cookies much (unless they're sugar cookies). If you didn't read the whole thing, well...then obviously you wouldn't be reading this part, so I have nothing to say to you.

Yeah, I still get depressed constantly, in fact at the time of writing this I'm kinda depressed. I know I'm screwed up in the head. Really screwed up. But I can deal with it and besides, every downswing eventually has its upswing and I'll be cheerful again. This body's only temporary anyway. So, until next time, keep watching the skis...er, skies.

P.S. If you ever feel depressed, go to nuklearpower.com, look in the archives, and check out cartoon number 333. I GUARANTEE you will laugh. (Legal note: not a guarantee)

[Sam*ron]

Nice to get to know more about you.

[Jaltus-bot]

I'm only the second biggest loser!

*Strangles Kaemmerite* Don't you ever call yourself a loser! Ever! Got it?!? *releases strangle*
You are not a loser. You are a child of God.
That said, nice to meet you.

[ShiroiHikari]

hey, I can relate to the pessimism thing. I'd rather be surprised than disappointed yanno?

that said, nice to meet you, and I'm sorry about all the confusion surrounding your arrival. o.O I hope you can enjoy your time here regardless.

[Ssjjvash]

I'm very sorry to hear about your depression and stuff. You and me are very much alike it seems. I'm not gonna' take the time to tell how, though. I tend to write too much when I do that.

From the sounds of it, God must have a big plan for your life and Satan really wants you out of the way. Hmph, stupid him. How dare he try to mess with you!!!

If you ever wanna' talk or anything, I listen very well. ^_^ and I am very easy to make laugh!
Whatever you do, don't give up on God.

[cbwing0]

Thanks for letting us get to know you better!

I also like sugar cookies. Simple, but delicious .

I can relate to the pessimism. There are times when I get into black, despondent moods. They pass in time, but sometimes the madness of the world just gets the best of me.

And one last thing...

Lookin' good Mr.Kot-ter!:P

Come on...I had to say it .

[Jaltus-bot]

What other countries have you been to?

What is Croatia like? (I want to go to East Europe oneday)

[RoyalWing]

You're very weird and cool! (Don't worry, weird is very good thing to me!). I think you're pretty funny, the way you talk! It was nice to get to know you! ^-^

p.s. I think tattoo's are cool~ You have THREE?! WOW!! ^o^

[Nate]

I have been to the following countries:

Spain: Rota - Rota has an American naval base, and you usually only stop there to pick up ammo, so I didn't get to see much of Rota (err, except the bars ). For anyone who doesn't know, Navy policy is that the legal drinking age in a port is the legal drinking age of that country, however if there are too many alcohol related incidents in a country the captain of the ship has the right to raise it to 21 for his crew.

Spain: Cartegena (I dunno if it's spelled right) - I went to a medeival banquet in this city. It was pretty kewl. They had sangria (sp?) but I didn't drink any 'cuz I heard it tasted bad.

Spain: Palma

Italy: Brindisi - we were here during Christmas, so everyone was in a sour mood. The captain had told us, "Don't try to drink the city dry, you won't be able to do it." Guess what? We drank the whole city dry. There wasn't a drop of alcohol to be found anywhere. We showed 'em all! Also, this is where I took a tour to Rome.

Italy: Toronto - BORING. That's all I have to say.

Malta - I don't remember the city. Malta is great if you want to get drunk, meet loose women, and hang out all night in dance clubs. In other words, I hated every second of it. The only good thing about Malta was it had the best steak I've ever eaten.

Greece: Thessaloniki - though we didn't get to leave the pier for terrorist reasons.

Turkey - I don't remember the city (Marmaris, maybe?). All I know is this is the country where I took a tour of Ephesus. That rocked! When I went I believe the exchange rate was like 1.8 million turkish lira to a dollar. Boy, did I feel rich!

Bahrain - There's a navy base there, and it was like a hot zone for terrorists, so rules there were pretty strict. But I didn't care 'cuz there was a NEX and I was able to pick up Metroid Prime and Pokemon Ruby (they were brand new games at the time).

Croatia - Already mentioned this one. Most people there speak English and are really nice. Plus they had Kinder Eggs! Kinder Eggs are a hollow chocolate egg with a cheap plastic toy inside that's actually kinda kewl when you're stuck on a ship for weeks on end. I went to a really fancy restaurant when I was there, and I got to try wine. Red and white. And y'know what? I hate wine. Wine tastes horrible. How do people stand it?

St. Thomas - part of the beautiful Virgin Islands. The water there is unbelievably blue! The town was nice, though I didn't get to see much of it. Note to others: topless beaches are HIGHLY overrated. Anyone that's on 'em, you don't want to see topless anyway. Anyway, they had these mixed drinks they served in "whalebones", glasses that were a yard tall! I kinda wish I'd kept one...but I lost it and don't remember how.

Puerto Rico - I guess I should mention this one, even though we only went to the base there (Roosevelt Roads, which by the way has closed down since then), and it wasn't very memorable.

That concludes my list of other countries I have visited.

p.s. I think tattoo's are cool

Thanks. So do I (that's why I've got three of 'em). They're expensive though. I think the one on my arm was 200 bucks and the other two were about the same (though the chick might've only been like 150). Also, tattooes don't hurt as much as you might think, depending on where you get them. The one on my arm didn't hurt at all (of course I was also slightly drunk at the time...), and the ones on my shoulders weren't bad either, though the dragon, the tail is on the shoulder blade, so when he was doing that one I hadn't been drinking and BOY did I feel it. But it's all good.

A friend of mine got a tattoo down his middle finger that said SORRY. He said that was excrutiatingly painful. The closer to the bone, the more painful it is.

[LightUpTheDark]

Kaemmerite...

Don't say such bad things about yourself!!! You're not a loser!! Just talking to you makes me happy...then again I'm a little mental alot too... lol. Just kidding!

You know, hope can be a fleeting thing. It swings with our emotions. But I think...yeah casue you all care, lol...that real Hope is actually Faith in God. Because God can get us through whatever. We can't have hope unless it comes from God. And we have to put our hope in him, because honestly, hope in something other than God is pointless, and it's not worth worrying about.

I've never had a boyfriend either. Or rather, a significate other. Guys just...don't like me like that. And it does make me upset and depressed sometimes, but you know. I've had a realization lately. All of Jesus is more than enough for me.

Now, I gotta go help my mom pick grapes or something... oh happy day.

Talk to ya later!!!

Lightup, the one who knows your name, he he .

[RoyalWing]

Cool! You scared me when you said Toronto was boring I was just "WHAAAATT!!"
~(* □ *）~ But then I saw "Italy". I didn't know there was a Toronto in Italy!

I will probably never get tattoo, but I admire those who got it. I think is cool, because it does hurt alot, and often the pictures are so detail. But my parents really don't like them and they would die of heart attack if I had it. XD It's good to be drunk to get a tattoo?!

[Nate]

Well, being drunk does help dull the pain, but it also thins your blood, which means that while you are getting the tattoo you're going to be bleeding more than usual, which can lead to imperfections in the tattoo.

Uh, I mean...drinking is bad!

[RoyalWing]

I don't know why I find it funny! But don't worry, I don't like alcohol drinks at all !(they taste so bitter..) I will keep my cream soda pop. ^v^

[Ssjjvash]

Yes, stick with cream soda! ^_^

*loves cream soda*

[Swordguy]

Cream soda is cool, i likey the cream and soda.

[uc pseudonym]

This wasn't excessively long...

I'm generally pessemistic, so I can relate. Of course, you probably think I'm lying.

For the record, I have found you fairly funny. I'm not the type to laugh, but you've been continually amusing. Even if I didn't actually laugh, you were still a blessing.

[Lunis]

Anyway, I was so happy when I finished it. It's the only thing I've ever written that I've truly been proud of. That I thought was good. Then, a hurricane hit Norfolk. My car was in a bad section of the parking lot. It flooded. My notebook was on the floor. Completely and totally destroyed.

Oh my gosh! That's terrible! *cries and gives Kaemmerite a big hug* That's just so unbelievably aweful!

So, until next time, keep watching the skis...er, skies.

*lol* You're funny! I laugh at a lot of your jokes. Don't worry! I'll be watching my skis! *...doesn't own skis*

I will keep my cream soda pop. ^v^

You like cream soda?! I love you!

Yes, stick with cream soda! ^_^
*loves cream soda*

:o *loves Ssjjvash, too*

Cream soda is cool, i likey the cream and soda.

You, too? I love you all! *hugs*

...Ahem. *pretends to have not done that* I'm glad you're here Kaemmerite. It's a shame you haven't gotten along well with women. Some can be really awesome. But I know others (probably some you've met) can be really scary. Don't worry, I've never kissed a girl either. O_O *can NOT believe she just said that!* That was a joke, I hope you know. >_< But I don't plan on kissing a guy until I marry him.

I can't remember things well, either. I know there was I lot of things I wanted to say to you, but I forgot most of them! Oh, and... *takes a cookie because she read the whole thing* thanks for the cookie! I'll pray for you for when you're down and depressed that you may feel better. See you on the board!

[Ssjjvash]

*loves Ssjjvash, too*

^_^ aw, thanks, Lunis!
*:hug:'s everyone for the fun of it*

[Kat Walker]

*gives you a hug*

There, now you can't say a girl's never hugged you.

[emoanimechild]

wow... first off yes, european dragons kick chinese dragon... tail! I use to buy a bunch of statues and then my mom said they were evil... and well now there gone. I think your jokes are funny too. A little inside info about me...I won't go into detail, probably cause of my own self esteem, but I was also diagnosed with maniac depression. I've actually heard that roller coaster term before anyway it's nice too know more about you!

[Riku777]

My notebook was on the floor. Completely and totally destroyed

ouch that MUST hurt. i was a writer too but i lostmy creativce edge so I don't write anymore. but hey at least ther are ups in life. And trust me... hopes are not a lie. hopes may sometimes be the only thing we have that keeps us going.

[RoyalWing]

Oh, yay for cream soda!

And for those who don't like it, good for them too!

I think it's obvious that I don't know what to say...

But kaemmerite you are cool! And I agree, all the girls you met are probably all of the ones at my school that cake their face with make-ups and don't even have eyebrows anymore! They try to look bad!! And put their uniform kilt extra short so you see their bums! And lots of other innapropriate stuffs! (yuck yuck yuck!!!) They are very selfish, and only laugh at their own jokes (which are usually directed at others, ahemMEahem) You are meeting the wrong type of girl! But you know, just continue to be yourself and trust, and everything that is supposed to happen will happen. ^v^

Umm.. what was the point of my post..

[Lunis]

[Off topic] Inanimate objects can't be evil. -_- The symbolism people give to them can, though. [/Off topic]

[panegryst]

Oh, yay for cream soda!

And for those who don't like it, good for them too!

I think it's obvious that I don't know what to say...

But kaemmerite you are cool! And I agree, all the girls you met are probably all of the ones at my school that cake their face with make-ups and don't even have eyebrows anymore! They try to look bad!! And put their uniform kilt extra short so you see their bums! And lots of other innapropriate stuffs! (yuck yuck yuck!!!) They are very selfish, and only laugh at their own jokes (which are usually directed at others, ahemMEahem) You are meeting the wrong type of girl! But you know, just continue to be yourself and trust, and everything that is supposed to happen will happen. ^v^

Umm.. what was the point of my post..

oh, man, RoyalWing, reading your posts is like watching FLCL in fastforward at about 3 AM when you're hyped up on caffeine... It's a real trip.
I mean that in the best way possible.

Kammerite, it's too bad about your girl troubles, but your writing (at least what I've seen of it in your posts) is fun to read, you seem like a cool guy, and you have Christ. man, you are frikkin' set. You're in the armed forces, too. I envy you.

[RoyalWing]

Umm.. thank you!! ^v^

....


(<< does not know anything you said but just nods and smiles.)

Kaemmerite, what does your name mean?? It sounds very cool, I think for some reason it's a precious stone? What is it?

[Nate]

RoyalWing, you get a cookie. Yes, my user name is the name of a stone. A LONG time ago (geez, I think it was like my junior year of high school), I was writing a Sailor Moon fanfic. Now, all of the members of the Dark Kingdom are named after stones. Jadeite, Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite. I was creating an original character for my fanfic (four of 'em, actually), so when I went to the natural history museum in Greensboro, I carefully studied the mineral case and wrote down four stones I thought were good. I only remember three, Kaemmerite, Scolecite, and Dolomite. Anyway, when I became a self-inserted character for the SM universe, I needed a name that would reflect the fact that my character had once been a servant of the Dark Kingdom. I picked Kaemmerite just because it sounded the kewlest. I use it a lot (even my email account is Kaemmerite).

[RoyalWing]

I love cookies. Expecially the chocolate chips. I like to make cookies too, homemade ones are the best, and I love to spoil my friend with them. ^v^;;

I think it's cool how you got your name!! You know, I have never ever heard of a man who likes SailorMoon! I think that is cool too! (even if I don't really like it! I was too obssessed with it when I was really young, so I am a bit sick of it )!

[Ssjjvash]

Yes, homemade cookies are my favorite too!!! I was never big on Sailor Moon, although that was partly due to the fact that my mom wouldn't allow me to watch it. lol, she has always been strict with what we watched.

[LightUpTheDark]

I at one time liked Sailor Moon. But after watching it for hours on end with my friend...I got to the point where I just can't stand it anymore...plus I REALLY can't stand Sailor Moon's english voice actress... I can't stand Excel's either from Excel Saga...don't like that anime either...

By the way, Royal Wing, I love your ava!!!! Imadoki rocks!!!! Though Tanpopo is the STUPIDEST name, and everyone in that series is like on crack or something...

[Nate]

Though this thread has wound down and more or less died, I feel the need to post more on it. I believe my emotions are now in check, and I am ready to share this with the general public on the site (already told all my friends).

Last Sunday, while riding his bike, my dad was hit by a vehicle and killed instantly. It was really hard on us, at first, seeing as how about six years ago my mom was in a bike accident and it made her kinda messed up in the head. The services were Thursday, and life is now more or less back to normal. I appreciate all of you who were praying for me.

Which brings up a point, why didn't I post this in the Prayer Room? Well, to be honest, I'm very introverted, and I don't like being around lots of people (so the public visitation on Wednesday was a PAIN). I preferred to PM the people I knew rather than put it out to the public, simply because I could deal with a few well-wishers rather than a bunch of people who really didn't even know me saying they were "sorry" for my loss. And I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, I know you would honestly feel bad about my loss. I meant it in the way Randall said in Clerks. Everyone said, "Oh, I'm sorry for your loss." But it's not their fault he died. They don't need to apologize for anything. I guess it's just kinda...the thing to say. I tried correcting people when they said that, but since EVERYONE said it, I just got tired of correcting them and accepted it.

I'm not posting it in the Prayer Room now because, well, I guess it just doesn't feel right. The worst is over, more or less, and if you wish to pray for me and my family that's fine. I'm not gonna say don't do what your heart leads you to do. It's just that the most trying time when I really needed prayer is over for the most part, and I appreciate those of you who did pray for me (and still are).

In other news, I've got to open an account at Wachovia tomorrow 'cuz my Navy Federal ATM card isn't working, so I can't get to my money, and Navy Federal isn't the easiest bank to get to from here. Grrr...pain in the butt.

Quimby: "In other news, the chick in "The Crying Game" is really a man."
Crowd: "Boo."
Quimby: "I mean, man, is that a good movie."
Crowd: "Yay."