single parent homes

[Lehn]

Does anyone else come from a single parent home around here?
Feel free to post if it’s a divorced family, but if you only have a mum or just a dad because one of them has died, get over here. I feel like having a good old-fashion pity party to reacquaint one with one self’s emotional baggage, perhaps to kindle thoughts of tossing the items not needed off of the airplane of life. We can all sit around drinking hot coco and post calming pictures ponies and small birds and then break some things.

I was 12, so it’s been 5 almost 6 years since my mum went into a coma and died from a sudden brain aneurysm. And after that it still hurts.
If you’ve made it this far reading and you still have both of your parents, go hug them. Really, because you have no idea how lucky you are.
It’s like someone swung a 2x4 at you, and it hit you right in your stomach, knocking the wind out of you. It doesn’t ever change either… the only thing that does is that eventually you just go numb from the pain.


So how 'bout it? Post all you other single-parent-home kiddies out there.

[Staci]

*hugs Lehn* I understand how you feel, yet I envy you in a way.

I was eleven months old (not even one year) when my biological father passed away. (He died of leukemia at the age of 45.) I did not get to know his face, hear his voice, create lasting memories with him... Nothing. I don't know where half of me came from. All I know is that I have his dimple chin, his height, and his musical/singing ability. Other than that it's all a mystery. (Besides the fact I'm geneticly predisposed to the possibility of coming down with a form of cancer... Yaaay. Not.)

Be thankful you got some time with your Mum and created some wonderful memories -- it really is a blessing. Not everyone is that lucky.

However, I am very grateful because I have a wonderful stepfather whom I've named "Dadoo". He's been my Dad since the age of two. So, other than not knowing who I partially came from, I really don't have any room to complain or mope.

*gets loads of peanutbutter, sugar, rainbow, and chocolate chip cookies with milk for anyone else who ventures into this thread*

[termyt]

I smell food, ah cookies!

OK, that's not why I came, I was raised by a single parent, but both of my parents are still alive. I used to like that a lot at Christmas time. I often wonder what life would have been like had my parents not divorced, but not too much. That's all a part of who I am today. I wouldn't be the same person. Maybe I'd be skinnier. Maybe I'd have been more popular in high school. Maybe my father would have never become a minister and maybe I'd never have grown so close to Jesus. Maybe I'd have a better walk. All I really know is I've spent a lot of time thinking about those kind of things.

I'm sorry both of you, for your losses. I do feel wonderfully blessed to have both parents still with me and, in the end, I wouldn't change a thing.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Does anyone else come from a single parent home around here?
Feel free to post if it’s a divorced family, but if you only have a mum or just a dad because one of them has died, get over here. I feel like having a good old-fashion pity party. We can all sit around drinking hot coco and post calming pictures ponies and small birds and then break some things.

I was 12, so it’s been 5 almost 6 years since my mum went into a coma and died from a sudden brain aneurysm. And after that it still hurts.
If you’ve made it this far reading and you still have both of your parents, go hug them. Really, because you have no idea how lucky you are.
It’s like someone swung a 2x4 at you, and it hit you right in your stomach, knocking the wind out of you. It doesn’t ever change either… the only thing that does is that eventually you just go numb from the pain.


Alright, time to pass the pity cup. Post all you other single-parent-home kiddies out there.

reading this and listening to Naruto's Sorrow and Sadness almost made me cry... I'm really sorry for your loss, But May God give you strength, and may your Mom rest in peace

[Ashley]

Just a quick thought here...I think it's good to find others in similiar straits as yourself, but having a never-ending "pity party" is not very biblical OR healthy. Now granted, I live with both my parents and have actually never lost anyone close to me, so I cannot really speak from experience here, but I *do* know that the Lord says to "let all bitternes, wrath, anger, clamor and evil-speaking be put away from you" (Ephesians 4:31).

Also think about this...we have a God who understands. Christ was seperated in a way we can never imagine from His Father while here on earth (well, sort of...but that's way more theology than I want to get into). Also, most scholars think that Jesus lost his earthly father, Joseph, early as well. So I know our Christ understands our pain and our wounds, and yet He asks us to bring it to Him and let His abounding comfort heal us. Like Hebrews says, "we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympatheize with our weaknesses". (4:15)

One last scripture to chew on...God wants us to be joyful in our sufferings and our losses because it draws us closer to those who have suffered like us. "If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." (2 Cor 1:6-7)

Please don't take this as condemnatory or accusatory; I'm not trying to say you're in the wrong for suffering or wanting to express your pain over your loss, nor am I trying to diminish that loss. I guess I just wanted to encourage you guys and throw out some food for thought as well.

[Ingemar]

I was actually born a b******.

Although it's Dad who I always though was really cool (despite our perennial disagreement on politics) and who I always respected, it is Mom to whom I feel the closest. Not surprising really, spending three years in the Philippines with her as my only caretaker besides other uncles and aunts, and even sharing a bed (it's not because of poverty; Pinoys are vary gregarious. We even did this when we moved to the States).

My life is the exception to most single-parent households, not the rule. If I daresay, it is even a one-of-a-kind story. Dad was not the stereotype father who runs out on his partner. No--at the very least, he sent us monetary aid. Things changed when we moved out of the Philippines. I started to see him, albeit periodically given our differing locations. He was in Hawaii with the Navy, we were in California. When he moved to California, eventually we started to live with him.

The three of us talked from time to time about Mom and Dad getting married, but I never considered it really ever happening. I would have been content if things were the way they were, but my family said it was wrong for them to live in a sinful relationship. Eventually, I was ashamed that Mom and Dad had to lie all the time about their relationship (and I had to keep the whole thing hush-hush at my Christian school).

To make the long story short, they did eventually marry after many hardships and much turmoil. They are still together, although sometimes they get very angry and sometimes I fear for them both. I guess I'm probably the only guy I know who has seen BOTH of his biological parents get married--to each other. I thank God that things ended up they way they did, and know from the bottom of my heart that He must have planned things this way.

[Lehn]

I thank God that things ended up they way they did, and know from the bottom of my heart that He must have planned things this way.

I'm just getting to that point, trying to figure out why things happened like they did.
My grandpa always says that things either make you bitter or better, and after the funeral, I can honestly say that I hated her for more then a while. More or less, by her dying, she took a axe and put it through the rest of my childhood. And having to grow up instantly at age 12 isn't something that I'd wish upon anyone.
Everything changed so quickly, you know? There wasn't any warning, she just fell over one day, instantly went into a coma, and then went vegetable. That was it. No goodbyes, nothing.
I guess that some of this is backlash, after the funeral there was work to do, Da wasn't in the emotional shape to take care of a house and 4 kids, and my brother just locked himself inside of his room, so it was just me.
My aunts tried to help, but they have their own kids and their own things to do, so that didn't last very long.
Everyone went at their own pace with dealing with the entire thing after she died. People kept asking me how I was feeling because I didn't cry. There simply wasn't time to, and I just didn't want to.
So, I shoved everything I felt into a bottle, and moved on. Now, five years later I've learned how to juggle being a soccer 'mom'/sister, school, cleaning, cooking, friends, youth group and all of that stuff. I've come so far and yet not very far at all.
I'm starting to deal with everything that I've put off for so long. I don't hate her anymore, but I can't say that I'm falling over myself with love for her either. I'm in the middle right now; acceptance.
And by writing everything down and placing my thoughts were other people can see them, helps.

ANd a very public confession is the best emotional cauterization.

Alright, that’s it for me. Any other takers?

[Ingemar]

If by public confession you mean a DB rant, I disagree. You must confront the people you love.

We cannot control our circumstances; we can control our reactions. Seek a positive attitude. But first you must clear from your heart the resentment binding you. Find time alone, if possible and contemplate on those close to you and be honest with yourself regarding your thoughts toward them. And of course, spend this time to talk to God. Meditate on him, and seek him first--then everything will fall into place.

I guess.