My take on dating - God will bring you the right person at the right time. Take into consideration that "the right time" isn't the same for everyone. There are people who don't date or get married until they're 50+, and then there are people (like my friend's parents) who get married right out of high school, keep their relationship in a healthy balance between one another and God, and are happy for the remainder of their lives with one another.
I have a policy that I don't just date anyone. I have to know them as a close friend first, and if God wishes for us to date to get to know each other on a level that's above "friendship" (not in a sexual manner, mind you) and possibly allow us to spend the rest of our lives together, then he'll bring us together in that manner. Mind you, I've only formulated this rule after I started dating my first and hopefully my last boyfriend (I am seriously considering the future, I've been going to God, and I'm 90% sure he's the one), but I'm hoping it'll work for someone else somewhere along the line.
Dating?
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i don't have anything against dateing. i just don't want to put myself in that situation where i might be tempted right now.
I used to "Follow" Him because i had to....now i would give everything to follow Him.
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Swordguy - Posts: 834
- Joined: Mon Jul 05, 2004 3:00 pm
- Location: The Largest chunk of concrete these united states know.
Hi Momus (and every one else),
I decided to give in and add my two cents. However, I did have a questions first.
My opionion is that Dating is a process, a ladder of sorts. I guarantee that any one date, that you were good friends with first, will be ten times better then just 'that person you think is cute'.
Think about it. Why do we date? Because we dont want to be alone? Because we need some one to take care of us? Because we need to take care of some one else? Some of those could be true, but really we date people to find the 'right one' to marry. (Which is really a fudal process, if God has already determined those things before hand... But anyway...)
Dont let the world and media give you a false perception of what finding the right person is like. It is a process, and should be taken objectively. That may sound contradicting toward the general emotion of 'love' (which is what we tend to rely on when aproaching relationships) but love really can blind you. Just think of the number of devorces in our country today. People who 'fell in love', got married and when the clouds cleared, realized how absolutly misserable they were with theyre spouse.
I am not saying that love is not important. Just so long as it is the right kind.
Simple steps toward dating:
#1: Dont. Thats right, dont bother with dating right away. If you go looking for 'the right person' you are just going to get your self burned. (or hurt some one else).
#2: Live. Now that we are not thinking about finding the right person, we can relax and just be our selves. Nothings worse then getting involved with some one when you have never really been your self.
#3: Friends. Ok, so we dont care what people think about us, we're being our selves, and not looking for 'that right person', but a potential cantidate shows up... Dont jump head-long in to the fire. Make friends, see if you two can enjoy 'just hanging out together', show them all the little stuffed animals you put on your bed, and your collection of Beach Boys albums. Really, the majority of your time will be spent just 'living' with one another. If you cant stand the 'regular' things about one another you know its not to be.
#4: Even Better. Great, so they like anime too, your parents think they are nice, and they are the only person you know who plays a better air-guitar then you. Thinking long term, wouldnt the person you want to marry be your best friend!? So, be best friends! NOTICE: I have not mentioned any kind physical relationship (kissing and junk), becuse that stuff doesnt really matter. Hopefully you will be talking more then kissing anyway.
#5: Ok, now you can. If they have made it this far, and every thing is cool. If they love God just like you, and you both want to, then go ahead a Date.
Am important part of dating is communication. If you are not cool with kissing and stuff. Just tell them. It keeps them from having to guess, and also helps draw some of those shadier lines.
My phylosiphy over all, is dating toward marriage. If you are not doing that, then whats the point?
Sorry this was kind of long.
-kaji
I decided to give in and add my two cents. However, I did have a questions first.
What is meant by seeing someone once for the fun of it?momus wrote:What about flirting and just seeing someone once for the fun of it?
My opionion is that Dating is a process, a ladder of sorts. I guarantee that any one date, that you were good friends with first, will be ten times better then just 'that person you think is cute'.
Think about it. Why do we date? Because we dont want to be alone? Because we need some one to take care of us? Because we need to take care of some one else? Some of those could be true, but really we date people to find the 'right one' to marry. (Which is really a fudal process, if God has already determined those things before hand... But anyway...)
Dont let the world and media give you a false perception of what finding the right person is like. It is a process, and should be taken objectively. That may sound contradicting toward the general emotion of 'love' (which is what we tend to rely on when aproaching relationships) but love really can blind you. Just think of the number of devorces in our country today. People who 'fell in love', got married and when the clouds cleared, realized how absolutly misserable they were with theyre spouse.
I am not saying that love is not important. Just so long as it is the right kind.
Simple steps toward dating:
#1: Dont. Thats right, dont bother with dating right away. If you go looking for 'the right person' you are just going to get your self burned. (or hurt some one else).
#2: Live. Now that we are not thinking about finding the right person, we can relax and just be our selves. Nothings worse then getting involved with some one when you have never really been your self.
#3: Friends. Ok, so we dont care what people think about us, we're being our selves, and not looking for 'that right person', but a potential cantidate shows up... Dont jump head-long in to the fire. Make friends, see if you two can enjoy 'just hanging out together', show them all the little stuffed animals you put on your bed, and your collection of Beach Boys albums. Really, the majority of your time will be spent just 'living' with one another. If you cant stand the 'regular' things about one another you know its not to be.
#4: Even Better. Great, so they like anime too, your parents think they are nice, and they are the only person you know who plays a better air-guitar then you. Thinking long term, wouldnt the person you want to marry be your best friend!? So, be best friends! NOTICE: I have not mentioned any kind physical relationship (kissing and junk), becuse that stuff doesnt really matter. Hopefully you will be talking more then kissing anyway.
#5: Ok, now you can. If they have made it this far, and every thing is cool. If they love God just like you, and you both want to, then go ahead a Date.
Am important part of dating is communication. If you are not cool with kissing and stuff. Just tell them. It keeps them from having to guess, and also helps draw some of those shadier lines.
My phylosiphy over all, is dating toward marriage. If you are not doing that, then whats the point?
Sorry this was kind of long.
-kaji
Depend on it. God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply. He is too wise a God to frustrate His purposes for lack of funds, and He can just as easily supply them ahead of time as afterwards, and He much prefers doing so.
- J. Hudson Taylor
- J. Hudson Taylor
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
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kaji - Posts: 1281
- Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2004 7:09 am
- Location: Chicago
Yeah, I don't think there is a misleading type of love, i think they like the person, but don't love them, and only find that out after marriage. What I meant by "dating once just for the fun of it" was, maybe you see someone/know someone you'd like to get to know better, so you ask them to eat. a movie, maybe just go for a walk, then you never see them again, or just be friends. I want to see what people think about that. But what I see is, alot of people say God determines who the "right one" is, but I think we can and should love everyone, and how are you going to know which person you want to spend the rest of your life with(God-willing), if you never take a leap? Very confusing.
"...our hearts are restless unless they rest in you."-Saint Augustine
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
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Momus - Posts: 79
- Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:48 am
- Location: Hicksville, NC
Momus wrote:What I meant by "dating once just for the fun of it" was, maybe you see someone/know someone you'd like to get to know better, so you ask them to eat. a movie, maybe just go for a walk, then you never see them again, or just be friends. I want to see what people think about that.
Well, if you are just going for a walk, a movie, or to dinner, then I dont think you are dating at all. You are just making a friend. However (when done just the two of you) this type of behavior can give out messages to the other person that you are interested in dating (reguardless of your real motives).
But what I see is, alot of people say God determines who the "right one" is, but I think we can and should love everyone, and how are you going to know which person you want to spend the rest of your life with(God-willing), if you never take a leap? Very confusing.
Well, its hard for me to believe that God doesnt have a plan for every thing, especialy things as important as who you might marry. Right, loving every one is pivitol, but there are differant kind of love. The love you have for your mother or your friend, are both differant then the intamate love you would have for your spouse or significant other. All are love, but all are not the same.
Also, a leap is not nessisary (though a leap can be differant baised on perspective). As I was trying to get at before, finding the 'right one' is a process. Even if the first person that shows up is the 'right one' you should still take the time to get to know them before dating. In the end, you will just know. It may sound confusing, but its really not that bad.
Depend on it. God's work done in God's way will never lack God's supply. He is too wise a God to frustrate His purposes for lack of funds, and He can just as easily supply them ahead of time as afterwards, and He much prefers doing so.
- J. Hudson Taylor
- J. Hudson Taylor
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
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kaji - Posts: 1281
- Joined: Fri Mar 05, 2004 7:09 am
- Location: Chicago
Tough question, and as it has already been said, it is a personal choice.
I'm not dating right now because I'm not eligible for marriage in many ways. Dating/courting is my view of the path leading to marriage. I couldn't justify for myself seeing someone just for the sake of being with someone or for fun. If I wanted to spend time with that person, I'd just be friends or go with a group.
Everyone decides when the right time for themselves to date is.
I'm not dating right now because I'm not eligible for marriage in many ways. Dating/courting is my view of the path leading to marriage. I couldn't justify for myself seeing someone just for the sake of being with someone or for fun. If I wanted to spend time with that person, I'd just be friends or go with a group.
Everyone decides when the right time for themselves to date is.
"I am Kagura!"
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Iona - Posts: 113
- Joined: Tue Jun 01, 2004 4:26 pm
- Location: state of denial
What a topic and what a range of answers. I myself wasn't sure what to do, but God gave me the answer - for a few years, no one asked me out. Then, this guy showed up at one of our church's single adult Bible studies. This was about four years ago. Well, long story short, after four years of getting to know each other and hanging out in church and on mission trips, we are now dating and it's the best relationship I've had. Although it's hard to put an exact date on when our first offical date was, it's been about a year.
There was a post (I don't remember who posted) that said the physical should come later, let me tell you, the most we do is hug or things to that affect, yet we do love each other. I honestly never thought it could be like this.
Now, our pastor did a series of sermons on life changing events, and dating was one of them. Here are some high points
1. Become the right person (not FIND the right person)
Eph. 5: 1-2
2. Walk in love (not FALL in love)
Eph 5: 1- 2
3. Fix your hope on God & seek to please Him through this relationship (not with another person)
Prov. 3: 5 - 6
**I personally like this statement he made - spiritual intimacy is more important than physical or emotional intimacy
2 Corin. 6: 14
There was a post (I don't remember who posted) that said the physical should come later, let me tell you, the most we do is hug or things to that affect, yet we do love each other. I honestly never thought it could be like this.
Now, our pastor did a series of sermons on life changing events, and dating was one of them. Here are some high points
1. Become the right person (not FIND the right person)
Eph. 5: 1-2
2. Walk in love (not FALL in love)
Eph 5: 1- 2
3. Fix your hope on God & seek to please Him through this relationship (not with another person)
Prov. 3: 5 - 6
**I personally like this statement he made - spiritual intimacy is more important than physical or emotional intimacy
2 Corin. 6: 14
God bless 'til next time!
Sherry "RyAnn"
"For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time." 1 Timothy 2: 5-6
If everyone says, "I'm going to be the best [at what I do in the world] the world would be changed" - Jim Tippins (speaker at a Church Youth Camp I was a chaperone at)
Sherry "RyAnn"
"For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time." 1 Timothy 2: 5-6
If everyone says, "I'm going to be the best [at what I do in the world] the world would be changed" - Jim Tippins (speaker at a Church Youth Camp I was a chaperone at)
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sam042001 - Posts: 15
- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 1:59 pm
- Location: South Carolina
Iona, u truly are "The Voice of Reason." Sam, u have also provide some good points and Bible verses. From what u describe sam, it gives me the hope of a median, altho I dont see that in anyone i know now, i think. So many people give sort of the same general idea, im get an idea of what is going on a whole lot better. I suppose sam, from what i inferred, that u could possibly marry this man. did u date before?
"...our hearts are restless unless they rest in you."-Saint Augustine
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
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Momus - Posts: 79
- Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:48 am
- Location: Hicksville, NC
Momus, Thank you for your comments. Yes, I do see him as the one I will marry. We even talk about it. We are though letting this relationship progress naturally and in God's timing. We had a whole conversation on this. Both of us are in our 30's and when the rest of the world is rushing to get married, we see rushing as a possible disastor. We've both had disastorous past relationships.
So, to answer your other question, yes I have dated others. Some were healthy and some weren't. Some good came out of all of it. I learned to be watchful and careful.
That is a positive of dating. Learning from mistakes. I'm not saying go out and date like crazy, but if you do date someone and it doesn't work out, learn from it. To me, that's what life is - learning from mistakes to grow as a person. Of course, letting God help you learn from those mistakes makes it easier not to reapeat them again (for me anyway)
So, to answer your other question, yes I have dated others. Some were healthy and some weren't. Some good came out of all of it. I learned to be watchful and careful.
That is a positive of dating. Learning from mistakes. I'm not saying go out and date like crazy, but if you do date someone and it doesn't work out, learn from it. To me, that's what life is - learning from mistakes to grow as a person. Of course, letting God help you learn from those mistakes makes it easier not to reapeat them again (for me anyway)
God bless 'til next time!
Sherry "RyAnn"
"For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time." 1 Timothy 2: 5-6
If everyone says, "I'm going to be the best [at what I do in the world] the world would be changed" - Jim Tippins (speaker at a Church Youth Camp I was a chaperone at)
Sherry "RyAnn"
"For there is one God and one Mediator between God and men, the Man Christ Jesus, who gave Himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time." 1 Timothy 2: 5-6
If everyone says, "I'm going to be the best [at what I do in the world] the world would be changed" - Jim Tippins (speaker at a Church Youth Camp I was a chaperone at)
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sam042001 - Posts: 15
- Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 1:59 pm
- Location: South Carolina
Well, may blessings be upon your relationship, I just love to see happy begginings, altho weddings make me cry. This is all very uplifting. I hope other people will take something from this thread, i know i sure have.
"...our hearts are restless unless they rest in you."-Saint Augustine
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
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Momus - Posts: 79
- Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:48 am
- Location: Hicksville, NC
I haven't read the other posts in this thread just the starter. Here's my take.
I think dating is ok if your motivation is still in the right place. You two both still are living to serve and obey the Lord you're just doing together, then it's ok in my book. If you get too caught up in each other and maybe even betray some of the standards you had already set up in your mind. then I feel it's not ok.
Basically : make sure you're motivation is in the right place. Also always look to the scriptures to make sure you're still on track with God.
That's my rant on dating. Over and out.
I think dating is ok if your motivation is still in the right place. You two both still are living to serve and obey the Lord you're just doing together, then it's ok in my book. If you get too caught up in each other and maybe even betray some of the standards you had already set up in your mind. then I feel it's not ok.
Basically : make sure you're motivation is in the right place. Also always look to the scriptures to make sure you're still on track with God.
That's my rant on dating. Over and out.
Run the race so as not to be disqualified from the prize.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
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olorc - Posts: 753
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 3:48 pm
- Location: Tokyo ni ikitai
Hmm... Ok
1. Dating is NOT a sin
2. Dating ALONE is NOT a sin
3. Courting is NOT more Biblical than dating
4. Courting, in fact, is not Biblical at all... There is no courting in the Bible, only arranged marriage.
This is one of my "button" topics (as in, saying the wrong thing on this one is how you can really push my buttons... Others include Israel,abortion, content in entertainment, and usefullness of every medium (referring to things like Live action film, Animated TV shows, Video Games, and NOT medium as in a channeler for a spirit) in evangelism.) It is because I had to deal with overzealous fans of Josh Harris... Fans who all seem to unanimously MISQUOTE and get the wrong idea from his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I haven't read very much, but he never says that dating is sinfull or less holy than Courting, but that's exactly what his fans all say... His book inadvertently started this movement in the Christian Church where they believe that dating is sinfull and courting is the only true biblical way... Courting isn't Biblical at all... It was, I believe, a European invention and was a part of early american tradition, and if you've seen Mel Gibson's "The Patriot" you may realize that even courting isn't failsafe... Oh MY! Shock! What's that? Outside doesn't matter? It really is about the heart? How unbiblical? What's that Traditions can be imperfect and wrong? GASP!
Ok... Now, this bit of reasoning is a problem. It's what i like to call "semantics" No, actually that's wrong. It is semantics, I didn't call it that or make up that word... That's what it is. Uh, anyhow... Yeah.
The semantics like this has been cause for much of the argument. What does date mean? It means a specific day in a month. Setting a date means planning an activity on that specific day. Going on a date means Doing something at that preestablished time, implying going out rather than staying in. In most terms, going on a date means doing so when it may involve romantic development. So, if a guy and a girl are interested in each other as potential lifemates and they plan ahead of time to go out for a walk or a movie or dinner, they are "on a date."
I will be going out on dates when I finally get a GF again... I've never had a single date, and I can't wait to be able to. The idea is that dates create fantasy and dont' let you see the real person, but I think if you're interested in someone, you'll get to know them both in fun things where you have time to be ALONE (yeah, I think this is necissary) and in thigns where you just live out life together (visiting their house, doing family stuff, whatever)
Ok... I've spoken my peace.
1. Dating is NOT a sin
2. Dating ALONE is NOT a sin
3. Courting is NOT more Biblical than dating
4. Courting, in fact, is not Biblical at all... There is no courting in the Bible, only arranged marriage.
This is one of my "button" topics (as in, saying the wrong thing on this one is how you can really push my buttons... Others include Israel,abortion, content in entertainment, and usefullness of every medium (referring to things like Live action film, Animated TV shows, Video Games, and NOT medium as in a channeler for a spirit) in evangelism.) It is because I had to deal with overzealous fans of Josh Harris... Fans who all seem to unanimously MISQUOTE and get the wrong idea from his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I haven't read very much, but he never says that dating is sinfull or less holy than Courting, but that's exactly what his fans all say... His book inadvertently started this movement in the Christian Church where they believe that dating is sinfull and courting is the only true biblical way... Courting isn't Biblical at all... It was, I believe, a European invention and was a part of early american tradition, and if you've seen Mel Gibson's "The Patriot" you may realize that even courting isn't failsafe... Oh MY! Shock! What's that? Outside doesn't matter? It really is about the heart? How unbiblical? What's that Traditions can be imperfect and wrong? GASP!
Well, if you are just going for a walk, a movie, or to dinner, then I dont think you are dating at all.
Ok... Now, this bit of reasoning is a problem. It's what i like to call "semantics" No, actually that's wrong. It is semantics, I didn't call it that or make up that word... That's what it is. Uh, anyhow... Yeah.
The semantics like this has been cause for much of the argument. What does date mean? It means a specific day in a month. Setting a date means planning an activity on that specific day. Going on a date means Doing something at that preestablished time, implying going out rather than staying in. In most terms, going on a date means doing so when it may involve romantic development. So, if a guy and a girl are interested in each other as potential lifemates and they plan ahead of time to go out for a walk or a movie or dinner, they are "on a date."
I will be going out on dates when I finally get a GF again... I've never had a single date, and I can't wait to be able to. The idea is that dates create fantasy and dont' let you see the real person, but I think if you're interested in someone, you'll get to know them both in fun things where you have time to be ALONE (yeah, I think this is necissary) and in thigns where you just live out life together (visiting their house, doing family stuff, whatever)
Ok... I've spoken my peace.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evcNPfZlrZs Watch this movie なう。 It's legal, free... And it's more than its premise. It's not saying Fast Food is good food. Just watch it.
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
Legend of Crying Bronies: Twilight's a Princess
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Bobtheduck - Posts: 5867
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- Location: Japan, currently. Gonna be Idaho, soon.
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Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Idaho
I totally agree with you Bob. Anyway yes today it seems that many young kids today are getting married for the wrong reasons. I've just been really struggling with the thought of a conversation I've had with an older married man and some young 24 year old who is dating. Well it just comes up that the young 24 year old was taking about some young couple in the church that are both 18 and getting marry in a couple months and how that was really wrong and how these kids are really going to struggle because they both don't work and have no way to support them selfs really and haven't been dating that long. I do agree that it is a stupid idea for anyone to get married like that so young, not working, and unable to support themselfs.
But I don't want to get off topic here. That's not what I've been struggling with. So out of this conversation comes somehow I talk about when I get a girlfreind. So I just said you know I just would want to do everything with my girlfreind I would want her to be with me all the time. Of course I'm not stupid I know I couldn't do everything with my girlfriend and be with her all the time.
Nor do I want to be possessive of her. I just went on about how I want to have things in commen with her and want her to be into what I like....well at least some of the things I like so we can do fun stuff together as well. Well these older guys just kept laughing at me. They told me good luck because that sure isn't gonna happen. They said your never gonna find a girl that likes what you like and will do stuff you like with you and will have stuff in commen with you. That girls and girls and boys are boys that your girlfreind is going to change you like you never though possible.
They kept going on about how your not even gonna like what you liked before because of her. That she will make you like what she likes and you won't even like any of your interests or hobbies any more. Then the 24 year old told me yea I drive three hours too see my girlfreind and I put up with all her boring talk about her job just because she so beautiful and pretty. Well did I leave the conversation shocked, sad, mad, and confused. I kept thinking to myself is that why people get married nowadays just because of looks and sexual appeal?
I just kept thinking did I have it all wrong all this time and that's why I don't have any freinds that are girls? Just kept thinking do I really have this whole true love thing wrong? I just can't see myself with my future girlfreind/hope to be wife that makes me do and make me like only what she likes and just being in love with me because she thinks I'm good looking and me the same. Just following her blindly like a little puppet. I really think that kinda thinking about dating and being in love is stupid!!!
I can't belive what I heard from two christians in my denomination!!! It just worries me though because of the experiances I've had with girls in my denomination and alot of them have just been plain mean and rude to me. They think I'm some perverted freak because I'm into anime and manga and draw. Then they think I'm inmature because I love video games. I mean it just worries me because how can I even have a future serious relationship with a girl if I can't even build a freindship with any of them.
Also my parents and pastor would surley die if I ever dated outside my denomination. I told God that I'm leaving this problem in his hands. But this has just really been bugging me alot ever since I've moved churches. I just see this problem even more clearly at my new church. I just wonder am I really just asking too much?
But I don't want to get off topic here. That's not what I've been struggling with. So out of this conversation comes somehow I talk about when I get a girlfreind. So I just said you know I just would want to do everything with my girlfreind I would want her to be with me all the time. Of course I'm not stupid I know I couldn't do everything with my girlfriend and be with her all the time.
Nor do I want to be possessive of her. I just went on about how I want to have things in commen with her and want her to be into what I like....well at least some of the things I like so we can do fun stuff together as well. Well these older guys just kept laughing at me. They told me good luck because that sure isn't gonna happen. They said your never gonna find a girl that likes what you like and will do stuff you like with you and will have stuff in commen with you. That girls and girls and boys are boys that your girlfreind is going to change you like you never though possible.
They kept going on about how your not even gonna like what you liked before because of her. That she will make you like what she likes and you won't even like any of your interests or hobbies any more. Then the 24 year old told me yea I drive three hours too see my girlfreind and I put up with all her boring talk about her job just because she so beautiful and pretty. Well did I leave the conversation shocked, sad, mad, and confused. I kept thinking to myself is that why people get married nowadays just because of looks and sexual appeal?
I just kept thinking did I have it all wrong all this time and that's why I don't have any freinds that are girls? Just kept thinking do I really have this whole true love thing wrong? I just can't see myself with my future girlfreind/hope to be wife that makes me do and make me like only what she likes and just being in love with me because she thinks I'm good looking and me the same. Just following her blindly like a little puppet. I really think that kinda thinking about dating and being in love is stupid!!!
I can't belive what I heard from two christians in my denomination!!! It just worries me though because of the experiances I've had with girls in my denomination and alot of them have just been plain mean and rude to me. They think I'm some perverted freak because I'm into anime and manga and draw. Then they think I'm inmature because I love video games. I mean it just worries me because how can I even have a future serious relationship with a girl if I can't even build a freindship with any of them.
Also my parents and pastor would surley die if I ever dated outside my denomination. I told God that I'm leaving this problem in his hands. But this has just really been bugging me alot ever since I've moved churches. I just see this problem even more clearly at my new church. I just wonder am I really just asking too much?
"We join the "Christian" club and separate ourselves from the world, and the world still sits on the outside, dying for someone to demonstrate what it means to believe." - Matthew Paul Turner
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Benu - Posts: 279
- Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:04 pm
- Location: Pomona, California
I think a lot of guys have that worry, that marriage means a loss of themselves and that their life is, basically, over.
I'm not married, of course, but I've always maintained that if I were to get married, it would be to someone where our core was the same (our commitment to Christ, our commitment to each other, our same moral, emotional and intimate expectations) and I'd want us to have some things in common too -- it's just easier to build a life with someone else if you have overlap. But, at the same time, I want someone who respects the differences I have, and at the same time, to learn to respect hers.
Marriage is supposed to be a give-and-take where each partner can learn to lift up the other -- two complete people uniting to form a relationship larger than the sum of themselves. For that to happen, I think, I don't think the "merging" that people classically talk about can happen completely -- we're married, but that doesn't make us *one* person! I have to respect her interests and her life goals as much as she needs to respect mine, and come together to make sure that we can accomplish them together. If that's not possible, why are you married or even dating, if you know that you have a life plan that's not compatible with your prospective partner's?
I don't think it's worth marrying unless you know that you have the characteristics to selflessly support your mate. At the same time, I don't think it's worth marrying someone without that characteristic either. Two people with a focus clearly on God's will for them, and clearly on God's will for their mate's, will never descend into a relationship where one feels oppressed (and repressed) by the other. That was never God's intention for marriage, and it certainly is not my own.
I'm not married, of course, but I've always maintained that if I were to get married, it would be to someone where our core was the same (our commitment to Christ, our commitment to each other, our same moral, emotional and intimate expectations) and I'd want us to have some things in common too -- it's just easier to build a life with someone else if you have overlap. But, at the same time, I want someone who respects the differences I have, and at the same time, to learn to respect hers.
Marriage is supposed to be a give-and-take where each partner can learn to lift up the other -- two complete people uniting to form a relationship larger than the sum of themselves. For that to happen, I think, I don't think the "merging" that people classically talk about can happen completely -- we're married, but that doesn't make us *one* person! I have to respect her interests and her life goals as much as she needs to respect mine, and come together to make sure that we can accomplish them together. If that's not possible, why are you married or even dating, if you know that you have a life plan that's not compatible with your prospective partner's?
I don't think it's worth marrying unless you know that you have the characteristics to selflessly support your mate. At the same time, I don't think it's worth marrying someone without that characteristic either. Two people with a focus clearly on God's will for them, and clearly on God's will for their mate's, will never descend into a relationship where one feels oppressed (and repressed) by the other. That was never God's intention for marriage, and it certainly is not my own.
"you're a doctor.... and 27 years.... so...doctor + 27 years = HATORI SOHMA" - RoyalWing, when I was 27
"Al hail the forum editting Shooby! His vibes are law!" - Osaka-chan
I could still be champ, but I'd feel bad taking it away from one of the younger guys. - George Foreman
"Al hail the forum editting Shooby! His vibes are law!" - Osaka-chan
I could still be champ, but I'd feel bad taking it away from one of the younger guys. - George Foreman
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shooraijin - Posts: 9927
- Joined: Thu Jun 26, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Southern California
That's exactly what I was trying to say Shooraijin. I mean alot of the young dating couples in my church don't respect each others differences and life goals. Either the guy controls the girl or the girl controls the guy and that's not right in my eyes. I know many young couples in my denomination who got married like this and some of them are still married but there always fighting and most of them are divorced now. If you can't see eye to eye on things or respect each other and work together to respect each other and reach each others life goals and have the same core.
The relationship is not gonna last. This is just what worries me. Alot of youth in my church and denomination are not understanding this.
The relationship is not gonna last. This is just what worries me. Alot of youth in my church and denomination are not understanding this.
"We join the "Christian" club and separate ourselves from the world, and the world still sits on the outside, dying for someone to demonstrate what it means to believe." - Matthew Paul Turner
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Benu - Posts: 279
- Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2003 8:04 pm
- Location: Pomona, California
Benu, I am sorry for the way both married men treated you, I don't think they mant to scare you off, but those are some of the worst of the worst case scenarios. Not all ladies are like that, to each his(/her) own. Maybe this should demonstrate to you the kind of person you ARE looking for. I think, that to the mate of someone, they are the most beautiful. Not so much that that is all they are looking for, but that once someone sees the spiritual beauty, their physical appearance is all the more attractive. I mean, I'm attracted to my refrigerator, not so much for its appearance, but the association it has. That was bogus, just making an example. Anyway, look for the spiritual beauty, then you'll rejoice in the other aspects of a person. I do not think it would matter if you married outside of your denomination, no offense to your parents, but I am very irritated with the complete fragmentation of the Christian Church, and I personally don't think there is that much of a distinction anymore. As long as a person worships the same God, then it doesnt matter how often you take communion. Now if you are Catholic, or Messianic Jew, thn there could be understandable problems, but if you love someone, I don't think that will stop you.
"...our hearts are restless unless they rest in you."-Saint Augustine
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
"I made some cookies, but the cookies got burnt, but they're still good, but you can't have none."-Paul
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Momus - Posts: 79
- Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2004 10:48 am
- Location: Hicksville, NC
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