Dating?

[Momus]

Now, I know sex before marriage is wrong, and that you shouldn't marry someone unless you spend some time with them and know you love them, but to what extent is dating right or wrong? What about flirting and just seeing someone once for the fun of it?

[Heart of Sword]

In my opinion, that's fine, as long as it's group-dating, not alone dating...like get-togethers with friends and such...I don't believe in kissing before marriage though. With movies, I don't personally recommend them because you're stuck next to that person.

[Azier the Swordsman]

There's not neccesarily anything wrong with dating alone, it's just that the risk of struggling with sexual temptation is much greater.

[Locke]

well, leading someone on and causing them to pay more attention to you than God is a sin and i read somewere taht kids who date tend to be more into thge opposite sex and fall easier into temptation.

peace

-kenshin (Locke)

[Ducky]

It really depends at least in part on how old you are. I mean at 13 it's a bit early to be involved in any sort of serious relationship. I know people my age who are dating and don't get into any problems with it ... I also know people who do have issues. Still imo it's better to wait to start dating until there is a possiblility of a lasting relationship and marriage and all that good stuff, because otherwise what's the point you're just asking for trouble.

[Jaltus-bot]

Here is where I stand on dating in my own life if it is any help. I am for dating, but not dating just for fun. Friendship is fun. I won't date just to get to know someone a bit, or to find out what I want in a relationship. I think that we can do that part just by being friends with someone. I would not date someone I hardly knew, nor just anyone that I did know. If I date, I would date for keeps-meaning there had better be a long term potential with that person as my possible future spouse, thus who I would date is worth being picky about. I don't want to kind of hurt or emotional bagage that can come with getting involved with someone that I know that I am not meant to be with, not do I want to unmittingly come to be in a relationship with the wrong person and miss the right one. So, yeah, I'll be picky about who. Dating to me should be a way of getting to know a potential future spouse better. I would start out wanting to get to know the person as friends first.

Honestly, I've not given flirting the same kind of thought, but I would consider the possibility of leading someone on as obviously this would be dishonest and potentially as was previously stated may draw the other away from there focus on God.

[Syreth]

Well, everyone is so different. Everyone has different boundaries as far as the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship, so I guess before thinking about dating it's important to know who YOU are and to know what your boundaries are. For instance, I tend to get very attached to a person, so I have to take that into consideration when I think about relationships. On the other hand, someone else might not get attached so quickly, and be able to view their relationship in a more down-to-earth way at a younger age. It goes the same for physical. You have to know how far is too far for you and the other person. And obviously if any of these things distract you from God, it's better to stay away. Much better. You have to consider the other person too. If they're the kind of person that has trouble with these things, then don't do anything that would lead them from God, because that shows how much you DON'T care about them.

[Yojimbo]

Oh boy...well just about every dating relationship I've ever had turned out well bad and at best not so good... Besides the fact they were leading me away from God it was just too much drama to deal with. I'm being alot more cautious now after all that. I believe like Sher said it is better to date for a real relationship and not just for fun or because you feel you need someone.

As for flirting well I think leading someone on intentionally and taking the focus from God is wrong. But flirting to me is just like any other kind of joking around with a person. As long as one person doesn't lead the other on and someone gets hurt.

[relientkrox]

Man, dating is a very broad topic, but all of us have the same main idea, make sure your focus and thiers(if they are Christian, which hopefully they are) stays where it should be, on God. Dating to me isnt so bad as long as it isnt taken too far, and if you really think their is potential to marry this person. My best friend has the philosophy that you should not date unless you are almost positive you would marry this person. Thats kind of hard for me to deal with, so im staying single...but you really should REALY know the person you are gonna date beforehand, i suggest being REALLLLY good friends first, and know the ins and outs of the person before you take it one more step, and sometimes, you realize that the one more step wouldnt be good for your relationship, or that the other person just isnt right. But dating is kinda in the eye of the beholder, you have to have your focus on your Father....ask Him, He could tell you what you need to do.....always works for me......

[Azier the Swordsman]

I've never dated.... and the only reason I ever would date is if I was REALLY considering the person for marriage. That means I would have had to know the person for a considerable amount of time. And most of all... I would have to have deep feelings for them after knowing them for a while. If a girl doesn't meet all the above requirements, then I'm not going to waste my time.

[Lunis]

I'm sorry I don't have time to read all the replies, but here are my thoughts on dating.

I personally don't plan on dating. I prefer courting. If you don't know much about courting, there is a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye (I forget who wrote it. I'll go look and see, if it's necessary.). It will tell you much about courting and the unneeded temptations in dating. Dating itself isn't bad. But sometimes it puts you in tempting situations you need not be in. I am not much good at explaining things, so that's why I gave you a good book title, if you really want to look it up.

Also, there is a point I wanted to make that somehow didn't get into the previous paragraph. I believe that one needs only to be dating/courting (whichever you chose to do) when they are seriously looking for a lifelong marriage partner.

[ShiroiHikari]

I believe that one needs only to be dating/courting (whichever you chose to do) when they are seriously looking for a lifelong marriage partner.

agreed. I don't like the idea of casual dating no matter how old a person is. you should be looking for someone to love, not to fool around with.

[Heart of Sword]

Yeah, if you can imagine yourself married to the person and they're a Christian, I'd say it's fine.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I'm sorry I don't have time to read all the replies, but here are my thoughts on dating.

I personally don't plan on dating. I prefer courting. If you don't know much about courting, there is a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye (I forget who wrote it. I'll go look and see, if it's necessary.). It will tell you much about courting and the unneeded temptations in dating. Dating itself isn't bad. But sometimes it puts you in tempting situations you need not be in. I am not much good at explaining things, so that's why I gave you a good book title, if you really want to look it up.

Also, there is a point I wanted to make that somehow didn't get into the previous paragraph. I believe that one needs only to be dating/courting (whichever you chose to do) when they are seriously looking for a lifelong marriage partner.

It was written by Joshua Harris. It is a good book actually, although I think I would definately prefer 'dating' over 'courting'. Not that I won't use any princibles from his book, there is a lot I have taken from it. As I've stated before, WHEN I get a girlfriend, it will be with someone I'm truly considering spending the rest of my life with. The period of 'dating' will be a chance to know them much better; it will be a time of bonding and connecting with one another; not some quick mushy little romance fling. I've watched friends of mine swap partners like they change clothes (literally) and break each others hearts, and even stop speaking to one another. I've known girls that had a different partner every single week. I'm sorry, but that's not the life for me. Romance is good, but without true love, it's worthless.

[Momus]

[Momus]

Thanks guys. to all the seasoned veterans out there, sorry if this is a re-re-re-re-hashed subject. my questions are answered, now on to break more hearts

[Azier the Swordsman]

[quote="Momus"]now on to break more hearts ]


..........

[Momus]

Sorry! It Was A Joke! Sheesh.

[Locke]

right....






(good luck)

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="Azier the Swo

[Momus]

Most likely Volt, the kinds of people will not have the kinds of relationships that would actually hurt a person to be inolved/exit. Most people dont have relationships that they devote themselves completely to at that age. It's a Humm, i just want to be seen with you because your pretty, or I don't understand exactly what the dating scene is, so I'm going to experiment.

[soul alive]

Most people dont have relationships that they devote themselves completely to at that age. It's a Humm, i just want to be seen with you because your pretty, or I don't understand exactly what the dating scene is, so I'm going to experiment.

i agree. it seems anymore today that kids - and i am referring to junior high/middle school and even high school age people - are encouraged to "date." when i was in middle school, it was a huge deal - susie wrote a note to johnny asking him if he liked her and wanted to "go out," susie and johnny either said they were going out and were too embarassed to be around each other, or they sat at lunch together and went to a few movies and "broke up" a week later. and yes, these relationships are not the type that will lead to marriage.

i am very much in favor of dating/courting to marry. i never dated anyone through middle school, and most of high school, but now am very good friends with someone who i will marry in a few years. i am glad that i did not have short, petty relationships during my middle school and high school years - i am not basing my relationship that i have now on a relationship that was meaningless when i was young. and contrary to the popular opinion in middle school - i was and am perfectly content and happy not "dating" during those years.

i would encourage those in middle school/junior high and high school to wait to date. while you are biding your time, look in the Bible to see what it says about husbands and wives to see what you need to be looking for in a future spouse. make a list of things you find in the Bible, and extra personal preferences that you have. i made just such a list and found it helped me greatly. also pray for your future spouse. when you do meet someone, get to know them by talking about anything and everything in any way you can (eg - email, in person, snail mail, over the phone).

best of luck in figuring out and being in your relationships.

[Renoa]

I believe that God will bring me the right person at the right time. I'm not going to date until I know He's brought the right man to me. I have a special soemone over the internet and we share a special bond, but I don't know about a dating relationship. I know I love him from the bottom of my heart and I know God brought me to meet him for a reason. However, I still keep to my promise.

[Heart of Sword]

Even if you're young, that doesn't necessarily mean that your relationships are meaningless and petty. I knew someone who's known a girl since he was...I think 14. They're getting married next summer, it's a sweet story.

[Momus]

I'm not saying that of all younger couples either, its just that most people of that age aren't used to the changes of the body or may just be too tempted to seek only the flesh. I myself had a problem with that and was scared to death to get to know even any girls i thought were attractive because i was afraid it would become a stumbling block.

[soul alive]

*sigh* my brain is fried and tired and unthinking. i correct myself and beg pardon - i know that not all adolescent relationships are petty. i let myself get carried away into "unthinking-rant-mode-world," and what a bad place it is. i also know people who have gotten married, or are getting married, who met at a young age, but was so busy giving an example on one side that i forgot about the other. (i should know better than to not think both sides through - after all, i did speech in debate in high school, and am warped from it )

sorry.

i still encourage people to wait to date a person whom they would want to marry, and this can definately happen at a young age.

[Raiden no Kishi]

Dating-type relationships are distracting, dangerous, and generally a bad idea until adulthood.

And then you STILL have to be careful.

Rai

[ZiP]

The bible ansewers all things.

Think about that sentence,
ZiP

[Ssjjvash]

Dating isn't even in the Bible. Everyone just got married.

There's a verse that says not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers, so for me that would completely eliminate "dating" a non-believer.

My youth leaders simply said to honor your father and mother on the whole issue.

[Gypsy]

ZiP's right. While there is no specific layout for "dating" the Bible, there are clear guidelines as to how we are to conduct ourselves before marriage.