I hate to bug about this again...

[Haibane Shadsie]

It just seems like God isn't listening to me.

I need work. I need it badly. I've been praying for a good job for I don't know how long. It seems like... when an opportunity comes along, it's immedately taken away (or I screw it up somehow).

I just opened a piece of mail... I've been denied my food stamps for this month because I've been on for more than 3 months and I'm an able bodied adult. It's not like I haven't been TRYING to get a job! Stupid goverment.

I need this to... eat. Seriously. My checking account is dwindling, I have at least my auto insurance bill to pay so I can keep driving (a necessity for me since I live 35 miles from anywhere in my parents' home and they live about 200 miles away, thus they cannot drive me anywhere, and my brother needs his truck, and when he doesn't, he's selfish).

If I appeal it... well, knowing how the system works, it will be a while before I get back on them. I don't qualify for Disablity because I'm an able-bodied adult and am not depressed enough to get it - I do bathe, I do go out looking for work. I don't qualify for Welfare in my state because, bada-bing! I don't have a kid! If I went out and got myself pregnant, maybe I'd qualify! I want to remain a virgin, so I don't qualify! How is that for justice?

I don't think my parents can afford for me to borrow money to eat on... my sister's got three kids to feed... my brother is in the same boat as I am, except he gets Disablity (plus, as I said, he's selfish - and he has the appatite of a bear readying himself for hibernation).

I... also.. want "meaningful" work. I want to... do something... to earn money. It's why I've been going out every week putting in job applications and handing out resumes. It's why I check the want ads. It's why I've had my resume on three diffrent online job search sites.

It's why I hate the Bush economy right now, but I won't get into politics.

I want someone to hire me. I mean, for me, now.... McDONALD'S would be "productive, meaningful work"... something I'd be happy with, because it's SOMETHING.


It's things like this that make me want to roll over and die. It's like God's telling me "You'll always be worthless, give up already." I've been WAITING, it seems, forever.

I don't want to die. I really don't. I love people. I like... doing art and writing. I love my cats... I'm scared to face God... scared of the "unknownness" that comes with dying...

Wondering, if I'm going to be worthless all my life, like I've been for the last quarter century (I'm turning 25 next week), why doesn't God just take me in my sleep or something? Just TAKE me already if you aren't going to do anything with me or if I'm just too stubborn to listen to you or something! God, are you listening?

[Ashley]

I wish I had more to say that would console you, but I do know one thing. God isn't telling you you're meaningless. First off, God doesn't create meaningless things. From the tiniest seashell to the biggest whale, everything God created has a purpose. I honestly believe that; even if it was a planet thousands of lightyears away created simply for us to enjoy looking at in the night sky. And, to quote matthew here, God thinks you're much more important than any flowers or birds or anything else created. You are His masterpiece, modeled after Him, and chosen by His hand for His name. That alone makes you very precious, I think.

Secondly, God wouldn't have voluntarily suffered and died for you if you were worthless. He knew from before the moment He spoke and created the earth exactly what the life you would live would be like. I hardly think he'd bother creating you, much less die for you, if you were truly worthless. God's not sadistic, and anyone who tells you otherwise is just trying to pull you down--be it Satan himself, your flesh, or someone trying to pry you away from your faith.

I can't explain why you're having a horrible time at life right now, but I wish I could. I can tell you without a doubt though, that you do have a purpose for being here. If you weren't the world would be losing one very, very good artist, for one thing. I hope this is of some encouragement to you.

[CDLviking]

I agree with everything Ashley said above. Also, if you need more substantial help, PM me. My church has an employment center that might be able to help you find work. I'm always here if you need me.

[Saint Kevin]

Haibane, please don't think you are bugging us with this. Soliciting prayer IS the right thing to do. (James 5:16)

I don't know what it is that God is doing in your life, but I do know this by faith - that God knows what He is doing with your life. God's ways are not our ways (Job 37:5), and He works in ways we would never consider. His ways are something I could little understand; Far be it from me to attempt to explain them.

It does seem like God is far off sometimes, that He isn't listening to us, but I know that isn't true. He hears every word of thanks and praise we utter, and every need that we have He knows before we ask it. Persevere in your prayers and in the seeking after God that you are doing right now. Everything will work out, perhaps not any time soon, but "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Just know this - we love you, and are praying for you. Never doubt the faithfulness and goodness of God.

[Golden_Griff]

I have nothing different to say from what others have said but from my own experiences I believe that God is trying to strenghten you through this storm in your life. If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. Just keep your hand in His. I'll pray for you as well.

[Rogie]

I hope this doesn't sound rude, but maybe you shouldn't ask God so much if He's listening and simply listen to Him. If we as Christians are the only ones talking in our relationships to God, then He can't get a word in edgewise. Never quit talking to God, but do pause every now and then to see what He has to say. I'm sure He'll reveal something to you if you just spend a few quiet moments with Him. Kneel and close your eyes as if praying but don't say a word, don't think a word. Just let Him move and He'll speak -- He'll encourage you and tell you what His plans for you are. And in those plans may come a job to not only earn you money, but also that will allow Him to work through you.

I hope this helps, Shadsie, and I'll pray for you.