Okami’s Mental Health Report

[Sheenar]

So glad to hear the good report, my friend!!

[Okami]

Thank you, friend! *hugs*

I hit a bit of a rough patch. Really hypersensitive and mostly due to PMS and that time of the month. Argh.

Been dissociative the last couple of days. Not really sure what's up, but I think it's my mind trying to regain itself after all the physical illness (I'd been bedridden) -- so maybe in some sense it could be a positive? Dunno. :S

[Sheenar]

Hugs, dear friend. You have my prayers and support. Text me anytime!

[K. Ayato]

Miss you, Okami. Hang in there!

[Zeldafan2]

'Praying you continue to recover.

[Okami]

Good to see some old friends here on my thread! ^_^/)))

Whatever my mind was doing sorted itself out, so I'm back to stability, I think.

Hurting a bit physically, though. Our crummy bed screwed up my shoulder the other night. Eh. Waiting for that to sort itself out, too.

Thanks for the continued support and prayers, guys!

[Okami]

Hey all,

Just a quick update of sorts...I'm currently still in the process of recovering from a mild concussion I suffered last Friday so I'll be brief...

I meant to originally post this weeks ago, during National Suicide Prevention Week and World Suicide Prevention Day (Sept. 10th and week thereof). I was able to write a blog for the day. It's rare for me to write now, so it felt good doing so.

Overall I'm doing okay. Mild ups and downs, but what else is new? Today is one of the hardest days of the year for me...eight years ago I began cutting...the flashbacks and memories are still as raw as ever.

I see the psychiatrist next week...I'm kind of hoping for a simple refill on prescription and another "see you in two months!" type deal.

As to prayer requests this time around, for grace towards the healing process. This has been huge on my mind right now. That I can accept these things going through my head and work with them, rather than simply shutting them down and out.

[Sheenar]

Praying for you, my dear friend. *hugs*

You are not alone. And you are loved!

[Okami]

Thank you, Sheena.

Wow, I've neglected to update for over a month and a half? Geez...

My appointment went well...I don't see my psych until January...3 months...it's the longest I've ever gone between appointments...I'm glad he's trusting my recovery process...

Thoughts are a bit everywhere right now. This season change is difficult, and I am often sick. We've had to miss church, group meetings, and friend dates many times over the last month because I seem to get sick every 3 days.

I'm participating in NaNoWriMo this year and I started out great and then most all motivation...ugh. I believe it's mostly seasonal, but depression seems to be hovering a bit...of course, there's always bouts of manic symptoms too, so I dunno. Things are changing but it's slow.

I'm mostly getting frustrated at what seems to be a lack of progress. But in good news: we celebrated 11 months of marriage last week! (do note that a lot of the time when I use plural I'm speaking of myself and Ryosuke. Just felt I should clarify! )

Excited for our first anniversary as it quickly approaches!

Biggest prayer i have right now is for our relationship...that it continues to be strong and we grow together in our faith! Thanks, friends!

[ClaecElric4God]

Congrats, Okami! You can do it. God is good.

[Okami]

Thank you, Cece.

I gave up on NaNo at about 33,000 words. I'm not too hung up on a loss this year because things got extremely busy extremely fast. Between being sick and my mental health all over the place, there's been a lot of changes. I just celebrated my golden birthday last week (25 on the 25th), though that's just a minor detail.

The big one right now is that Ryosuke and I just adopted a kitten about a week and a half ago! <3 She is the sweetest little thing with a healthy dose of the zoomies at 4.5 months old. She just learned how to play with her toys and use the scratching post, so all is well.

I realized earlier that I did not give a huge praise and update, which I suppose as a precursor would make the above more feasible for what our situation had been for 6 months: just as unemployment was running out, Ryosuke got two jobs! He's in the midst of training for them both right now.

As to little kitten, I have begun clicker training her; she is getting the hang of coming to me/us on command and I am in the process of teaching her to stay quietly on her cat tree as I prepare her meals. We are slowly introducing the idea of being in water, as well as being in a harness and walking on lead. Everyone is telling us to use a water bottle for discipline, but I think that could reinforce that water = bad. That and as I was doing research someone mentioned that it is in a way offensive to a cat, and the last thing we want is to have a connection like that when we are attempting to work with positive affirmations.

I'd much rather my current method (clap loudly to stop the bad behavior with a sharp "No!" and where it applies adding, "Get down!") She listens, and I place her where she's allowed to be (typically her cat tree)...as an overall she behaves.

I am really, really grateful for a companion while hubby is gone. She gives me focus in my day, where I can work and play with her and she is happy to do so. Or simply be a nap buddy. There's that, too!

[Mullet Death]

Good to hear he's got work, but working two jobs sounds really rough on you both.

[Okami]

You are absolutely right, Mullet. It is VERY difficult with him working two jobs. For the both of us.  It is mentally draining having him away from home and it is hard on him physically. One of the jobs has left me especially frustrated - it's temporary/seasonal work, and he'll be putting in his two weeks asap. This one has held him over with last-minute notice anywhere from 15 minutes to 1 hour every shift he's worked and I've had resulting panic attacks because I don't know when he'll be home! On top of that, some days he has not gotten a break, and a more recent example had him not getting a break until 5 hours into a 6 hour shift.

As to the other job, the manager is much more understanding and it will soon become a steady job as the store itself opens up next week (thus Ryosuke's ability to leave the other job sooner than expected)...we will both be glad when he's down to just one job!

As to my mental health...right now I am unstable. There have been a LOT of life changes in a very short amount of time and my hormones are out of whack which has only complicated things. If I'm honest, I've been borderline....and as such, self-destructive. It's something hubby and I are working through together, but it's going to be a tough month pushing through to my next psych appointment at the beginning of January - with how busy this month is, there is no time for making a sooner appointment, if we could even get in! 

I'm really scared about potential med changes (which I am sure he is going to heavily push)...but I am running out of viable options as the many medications I have been on in the last two years have either left me with horrible side effects, long-lasting symptomatic effects, or allergic reactions...

In good news: TOMORROW IS OUR FIRST ANNIVERSARY!  Ryosuke and I are incredibly excited for the day ahead!! (and of course years to come, but that's a given! )

[K. Ayato]

Happy Anniversary, Okami!

[Sheenar]

Happy anniversary, you guys!!!!

[ClaecElric4God]

Happy anniversary, Okami! I'm sorry I missed it, but I hope it was wonderful!

[Okami]

Thank you for the well wishes, friends!

It's been a dreadfully sick month.

Many things have happened. To start: We had an amazing anniversary - probably the best couple of days in December because we were able to turn off our phones and simply be together...

Then our car broke down twice, our bed broke, and we had to scramble to make ends meet for these things all on the same day we were planning on buying Christmas presents....and yet, though we were unsure of how it would all work out, God provided.  Over the course of the month we've managed to take care of everything one-by-one while keeping up on our rent and bills...

However, I got sick with the New Year and it hasn't fully let up. Those first two weeks were miserable.

Now, in the weeks between my anniversary and last psychiatrist appointment, I felt God leading me away from medication. To trust Him in my recovery... With this came some realizations of some heavy long-lasting side effects I have been experiencing but didn't put two and two together, the worst of which being a cognitive impairment...I asked for prayer on the marriage forum I frequent these days, and the biggest encouragement they had was for my husband and I to be unified in this decision. We were.

And to my amazement, my psych didn't even fight me on the issue. Rather, he prayed for me, blessed me, and anointed me with oil in the name of Jesus Christ!

Being off meds has been....interesting, to say the least....my best guess is that this constant flare of illness is due part to the holiday stress catching up to me and part to withdrawal from the meds. Ryosuke and I are monitoring everything daily...I'm still seeing symptoms of my mental illness and don't think I can call myself "healed", but I think there have been improvements. My cognition is clearer and my muscle aches are going away (ever so slowly)...

So, yeah. God is good! I see my psychiatrist for an assessment of sorts in April and we'll take it from there!

Please pray for continued recovery from illness because every time it seems I'm past it, I'm not. We've got a few more hurdles to leap in terms of finances, so prayer over that would be appreciated too...

Thanks everyone!

[Okami]

Quick update from me.

Readjusting to life without medication has been interesting. I feel about the same as I did when on it, only now there's not the anxiety as to whether or not I took my meds in a day and freaking out if I happen to miss a dose. I had some depressive and dissociative issues for a bit while in the transition, but things have mostly smoothed out now. A few weeks ago I was dealing with a major flashback and with some guidance, advice, prayer, and mentoring over at a Christian marriage forum I have been working through and recovering from that.

As for Ryosuke and I, in ten days we celebrate two years together! I especially celebrate this because it shows how much work God has done in my life -- that I am alive, striving for healing, and embracing an incredible journey.

Please pray as we continue to walk through the aftermath of the flashback, as it's caused a lot of grief. Thank you, friends!

[Sheenar]

Praying as always, dear friend.

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying for you, Okami.