How are shy people supposed to do our part in finding a girlfriend?

[seaglass27]

Don't worry about it, El. I know these guys and I'm sure that no one was angered. CAAers just have a tendency to express strong opinions.

[ClaecElric4God]

We're getting off topic. I don't usually play mod-pants, but this is not what the point of the thread was.

And I can't say I agree with you either, claec. God doesn't just hand stuff (like women), to us on silver platters. God doesn't do everything for us, like pick our spouses.

Again, I apologize. I just blurted out without thinking, and didn't get my thoughts across right at all. What I meant was, I believe (emphasis on the fact that this is just my honest opinion) that God guides two people to each other. God knows us inside and out, and He knows what is best for us. God can't hand a woman to a man on a silver platter, because she has to be just as open to God's will as the man. I'm sorry for being so offensive, and in the future I promise to be more considerate and rational in my posts. Thanks for the reality check. I'm truly sorry.

[Zeldafan2]

Again, I apologize. I just blurted out without thinking, and didn't get my thoughts across right at all. What I meant was, I believe (emphasis on the fact that this is just my honest opinion) that God guides two people to each other. God knows us inside and out, and He knows what is best for us. God can't hand a woman to a man on a silver platter, because she has to be just as open to God's will as the man. I'm sorry for being so offensive, and in the future I promise to be more considerate and rational in my posts. Thanks for the reality check. I'm truly sorry.

Its no trouble, Claec. Really, its not.

[ClaecElric4God]

Its no trouble, Claec. Really, its not.

Ah, now I look like an idiot cause I posted the same thing twice. It was an accident cause my internet was being stupid, and I can't figure out how to delete a post.
By the way, thanks. I still feel like an idiot though.

[Vilo159]

I totally just wrote an enourmous, all-encompassing rant that addressed all the main conflicting points and was really awesome. Then my page randomly refreshed and I lost it all. Gaah! Oh well.

My two-bits included was this. You said you already had friends, right? And that many of them were indeed female? Try dating them.

I don't mean dating as in boy/girlfriend like modern society has morphed the word to mean, I mean like old-fashioned Courtship. Back in the day, you never committed to one girl off the bat. You went on a bunch of little one night dates with all kinds of women of all personalities. That way, you really could do what OJ said, to "see if there's anything you like". It was just trial-and-error. You got to experience all kinds of different people without only being restricted to one personality that you are 'going out with'. If you liked one personality more than others, you went out on dates with them more often until after a long time, the two of you could agree that you only wanted to see each other. This system covered all the bases, gave a taste of everything, so that you knew from experience what you had in mind.

So while I encourage you to keep making more friends, don't be afraid to look at the one's youve already got. You talk as if friends are just a number, the more the better. They are there for a reason, so give them a try. Ask an old friend out to the movies and dinner. You dont have to give full commitment of hte bat, just have fun. I think thats what youre missing right now, youre looking too far away. Focus on one step at a time. I promise, if you build up one layer at a time, taking it SLOWLY, then you will see some results, and it will also help put off that obsessive feeling. Keep branching out to new people, but also look inwards. Who knows, maybe the one God has in mind for you is amongst them, but youll never know till you give them a shot (not my personal belief, but if thats what you think than go ahead). I'm sure that other CAAers will agree with me here. Go ask a girl out, have a good time!

[seaglass27]

Interestingly enough, the idea of going out with a large number of people is hated by many in the courtship movement... It's actually a form of dating referred to as "speed dating."

But yes, good points, Vil.

[goldenspines]

Ah, now I look like an idiot cause I posted the same thing twice. It was an accident cause my internet was being stupid, and I can't figure out how to delete a post.
By the way, thanks. I still feel like an idiot though.

Please don't let this stress you out too much. In the case of the double post, that's easily fixed and actually happens to members more than you think. It's nothing to worry about.

In the case of your actual post, you didn't do anything wrong, so no need to be concerned about that. But you did get caught in an already heated thread (which can be dangerous ground if one is not careful), hence why you got the reactions you did, I think. Nothing was meant to attack you personally (from what I gathered), so please don't worry about it.


Erk, I said I wasn't going to post in here again, but I felt that needed to be cleared up.

[dothackzero]

I totally just wrote an enourmous, all-encompassing rant that addressed all the main conflicting points and was really awesome. Then my page randomly refreshed and I lost it all. Gaah! Oh well.

My two-bits included was this. You said you already had friends, right? And that many of them were indeed female? Try dating them.

I don't mean dating as in boy/girlfriend like modern society has morphed the word to mean, I mean like old-fashioned Courtship. Back in the day, you never committed to one girl off the bat. You went on a bunch of little one night dates with all kinds of women of all personalities. That way, you really could do what OJ said, to "see if there's anything you like". It was just trial-and-error. You got to experience all kinds of different people without only being restricted to one personality that you are 'going out with'. If you liked one personality more than others, you went out on dates with them more often until after a long time, the two of you could agree that you only wanted to see each other. This system covered all the bases, gave a taste of everything, so that you knew from experience what you had in mind.

So while I encourage you to keep making more friends, don't be afraid to look at the one's youve already got. You talk as if friends are just a number, the more the better. They are there for a reason, so give them a try. Ask an old friend out to the movies and dinner. You dont have to give full commitment of hte bat, just have fun. I think thats what youre missing right now, youre looking too far away. Focus on one step at a time. I promise, if you build up one layer at a time, taking it SLOWLY, then you will see some results, and it will also help put off that obsessive feeling. Keep branching out to new people, but also look inwards. Who knows, maybe the one God has in mind for you is amongst them, but youll never know till you give them a shot (not my personal belief, but if thats what you think than go ahead). I'm sure that other CAAers will agree with me here. Go ask a girl out, have a good time!

Well, there is this one girl I'm interested in that I'm friends with. Though I doubt that were at the point where we can out together alone(which I kinda want to avoid anyways(I take staying a virgin till marriage very seriously)). And they make me work on the days that that my friends tend to hang out. Though she does know another person from the Christian club at school, so maybe I could ask to hang out with them when they get together... Couse there also a girl in the Christian club I want to get to know better too... But yeah, I guess I could try to be friends with both of them. Though at the same time it feels like I'm cheating if I want to get to know more than one girl better.

[Nate]

Though I doubt that were at the point where we can out together alone(which I kinda want to avoid anyways(I take staying a virgin till marriage very seriously)).

I guess I could try to be friends with both of them. Though at the same time it feels like I'm cheating if I want to get to know more than one girl better.

I think a blood vessel popped in my brain.

It's rendered me incapable of processing what you just typed.

I have a feeling that's a very, very good thing.

[Vilo159]

Did you not read, at all? OJ, it's not speed dating. Thats where you sit in a room and spend five minutes with every girl in the room. This is just dating. Its how they did it for years and years. You go out to dinner, arrive at their door with a rose, see a movie, drop them off about 10. One girl at a time. Not a commitment, just being friends. Is this some foreign concept? Is none of this familiar with anybody? Seriously? Go watch some old movies then. Or maybe its just some alien concept that developed on its own, totally not influenced at all by my parents or all my family who did it this way. Yep, definitely just me.

Dot, a couple things. First, don't only go on dates with the ones you like, go with all of them. You have plenty of time, you just seem so anxious. Slow down and read what I posted again. And where did I ever say sex was encouraged? in fact, I believe I said the opposite... No, that as in the first rant that got erased. I'll say it again then. These dates are to get to know them as a person, not to be intimate with them. No sex, no touching, no kissing, nothing. Just ask about them. Talk. Get to know them. I think you still got the whole concept of 'date' that I was presenting all wrong. If youre nervous being alone with them, have a group date. You ask one girl, another guy friend asks another girl. Go as a group, just paired off. As far as feeling like cheating, let me reiterate one more ime before my brain explodes like Nates: NO COMMITMENT. youre just being friends, its not a long term thing. Explain to them beforehand youre view (which means this one) on how the date will go, explain how its not intimate or long term, they should get it. Girls are better at these things than guys. Just go, have fun. Try a bowling alley, or a picnic with a group, or a movie, or something. Just have fun with it!

[seaglass27]

There are ways to be alone without being alone. Take her to the mall or something. You will be surrounded by people and therefore unable to do anything inappropriate, but it will still be one-on-one.

[shooraijin]

dothackzero, I think you've gotten lots of advice in this thread. It just seems to be making people upset at this point, and this is where you take their advice and put it into action. Good luck.