Women pursuing men

[broly146]

MSP... the women of America thank you for this. Unfortunately, many of us girls have a hard time being "mean enough" to say flat out "no" to an unwanted date. I unfortunately, I am very passive aggressive and tend to be too nice IRL. So *oh look another creeper story* during my freshmen year of college, this guy that I really didn't much care for (he was kinda... trashy, if ya know what I mean. A lot of the "jokes" he told around the girls in class were pretty off color and a lot of us didn't appreciate that... for whatever reason he was into me because we both liked guns and hated Obama) kept asking me to hang out. We had a group project together so he ended up getting my E-mail. It was very awkward because he would not let me politely decline. At last he flat out asked me when I said I was pretty busy or something like that "don't lie - why don't you wanna hang out with me?" ... I cursed him out over E-mail because quite frankly I'd had enough. Smooth, I know. XD I was only 18 at the time (he was 24) and I strongly suspect he knew darn well that I wasn't interested and was just messing with me. Somewhere between "bugger off and quit E-mailing me already" I did explain that I did not really know him very well (I didn't).He was shocked and never spoke to me again.

Wow...that's quite the way to handle something like that...didn't know E-mail could do that.

[USSRGirl]

XD Like I said, I'm not exactly proud of how I handled that one. I should have been more direct and clear from the start. Passive aggressive~

[broly146]

XD Like I said, I'm not exactly proud of how I handled that one. I should have been more direct and clear from the start. Passive aggressive~

I think you did what you could at the time, and it worked ^-^

[Nate]

One time when I was in like 5th grade or something the extracurricular school thing I was involved in took us all on a trip to Washington DC for three days. While we were at the Smithsonian's American History museum these two teenage girls started hitting on me and my friend and we were feeling pretty good about it. Then their boyfriends showed up and was like "We're gonna kick your ***es!" and chased us through the museum and we cleverly avoided them...or maybe they were bored and weren't really trying to catch us but were just having fun with us.

Either way due to the chase, we were like 45 minutes late for when we were supposed to meet up with everyone else at the bus and they were totally angry with us and it's like what were we supposed to do?

Now that I think about it, it had to be a prank. No way would any girl hit on me of her own free will.

[broly146]

One time when I was in like 5th grade or something the extracurricular school thing I was involved in took us all on a trip to Washington DC for three days. While we were at the Smithsonian's American History museum these two teenage girls started hitting on me and my friend and we were feeling pretty good about it. Then their boyfriends showed up and was like "We're gonna kick your ***es!" and chased us through the museum and we cleverly avoided them...or maybe they were bored and weren't really trying to catch us but were just having fun with us.

Either way due to the chase, we were like 45 minutes late for when we were supposed to meet up with everyone else at the bus and they were totally angry with us and it's like what were we supposed to do?

Now that I think about it, it had to be a prank. No way would any girl hit on me of her own free will.

I think girls can hit on any guy of their own free will. At the time that was probably a prank...hate when people do that to you.

[shooraijin]

I will say that the easy brush off, while it's the most graceful of many not-so-graceful options for someone you barely know, really does stink for someone you do know or have gone out with a few times. I think that if you have thought enough of someone to go out on a few dates with them, then you owe them at least an explanation for why it won't work. If the guy is in any way reasonable, he'll take it in the spirit it was meant, and at least there was a reason for it (even if the reason is a simple one such as attractiveness, or a more complex reason such as lifepaths likely to diverge). I've been on the receiving end of such weak endings, and then you wonder what you did, or what kind of monstrous personal fault she discovered that she can't even begin to discuss it.

The better endings I've been involved with is where she had a reason, and while I wasn't happy about it, I accepted it. When I've had to cut off things, I made sure I explained why, even if it was as simple as "you live in X, I live in Y and neither of us is likely to move."

But for yon random creep on the street, it's as good an excuse as any, because we assume such people are not (entirely) rational actors. -_-

[USSRGirl]

Oh, I agree with you in the case of it being someone you know - especially someone you've dated in the past. In that case, I don't think girls should be allowed to get away with the evasive tactic either. I mean, I feel like at that point you owe an honest explanation to the guy.

But for random creepers... yeah. I learned the hard way trying to be civil/polite just leads certain people on, even when most other people would have taken it to be a polite refusal.

[Yuki-Anne]

I have a really bad habit of being horrible to my friends who like me when I don't like them back (usually unintentionally). And then it only hits me weeks later that I did something really awful to them.

[broly146]

I can be harsh with rejections too and I usually realize it a few days after the incident. So, I try to not do that.

[That Dude]

Yeah with turning people down that I know, it's more direct but hopefully not to harsh (I haven't really asked anything like "hey how did you take my turning you down?") But with the few random creeper incidents I usually just smile at them or politely turn them down...And if that doesn't work, well, that's why I always have a knife on me .

[Yuki-Anne]

But with the few random creeper incidents I usually just smile at them or politely turn them down...And if that doesn't work, well, that's why I always have a knife on me .

So... no in-between? I'ma be honest, that's just creepy and psychotic. Like, I know it's a joke and all, but you're talking about threatening a woman with a knife.

[Yamamaya]

I've found that the term creepy is often highly subjective. Some people are more sensitive and are creeped out far more easily than others.

Not to mention the fact that like Nate has mentioned, if the person is attractive we will generally be willing to overlook things that would creep us out than if the person was unattractive.

Also, totally unfunny ThatDude.

[broly146]

I've found that the term creepy is often highly subjective. Some people are more sensitive and are creeped out far more easily than others.

Not to mention the fact that like Nate has mentioned, if the person is attractive we will generally be willing to overlook things that would creep us out than if the person was unattractive.

Also, totally unfunny ThatDude.

That's true

[MrKrillz0r]

You got it all wrong guys, ThatDude wasn't going to threathen those ladies with his knife, he was just going to cut off his beautiful hair with it, then the women would no longer want him... Although I think a scissor would be better.

[goldenspines]

To break up the cold shoulder here, I'm quite sure ThatDude was joking in his comment and he didn't mean to offend anyone.
Though, I do suppose it's a lesson that jokes are not the best to put in a rather serious discussion like this.

In other words, shrug off the small things and move on. If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all.

[Yamamaya]

You got it all wrong guys, ThatDude wasn't going to threathen those ladies with his knife, he was just going to cut off his beautiful hair with it, then the women would no longer want him... Although I think a scissor would be better.

If your name is Luke Fabre, that just makes the ladies want you more.

Before


After. (Although the artwork for the first pic is better).


IMO there is behavior that is genuinely creepy then there are the rest that call into that gray subjective area. For example, following a girl around constantly and continuously trying to ask her out for drinks when she already said no the first time can be considered genuinely creepy. Other behaviors such as giving nice comments about your looks from a complete stranger or even getting whistled at are subjective.

[USSRGirl]

Rly? Cause what ThatDude said was so obviously a joke... geez, that's a little sexist. XD I mean, if a girl said that, I don't think anyone would've thought twice about it. *shrugs* I'm with MrKrillz' theory anyway.

[Nate]

It may have been a joke, but some people think there are things you shouldn't joke about. For example, imagine if I said:

As for me, I don't need to worry about women pursuing me. I seem to be completely unattractive to them. But that's why I carry a rag and chloroform with me.

I'm clearly joking, but is it okay for me to joke about that kind of thing? Some people wouldn't be comfortable with even a joking statement about knocking women unconscious like that.

[USSRGirl]

Yeah, I get ya. Still, I thought what ThatDude said was mild and stupid/cartoony enough to be well into the joking area.

[Nate]

I agree, I didn't take any offense at his post, but again, some people aren't comfortable with it. Even harmless humor can be difficult for people due to different reasons.

Example. I was in California for AX a few years back, and some friends and I were driving around looking for an ATM. There was a guy on a bicycle on the side of the road, and one of my friends jokingly said "Hey if you hit that guy he's worth a hundred points."

It was clearly a joke. They didn't actually want me to hit the guy, it was meant to be humorous. However, my dad had been killed by a car that hit him while he was riding his bike a couple of years earlier...so it wasn't humorous to me, being that it was exactly the same as how my dad was killed. Sure, it was a clear joke. Sure it was mild and stupid/cartoony (since it was all VIDEOGAMES!). But it was something that was too close to my current life situation for me to be comfortable laughing at, and actually made me extremely uncomfortable and stuff.

I mentioned this and they apologized, but I said it was fine, they didn't mean any harm by it and they obviously didn't know what had happened with my dad. But still, like I said, sometimes things really bother people for very good and valid reasons.

Now we're all off-topic and stuff. Um...so one time this girl did something that creeped me out? Wait, I lied, that never happened. I just wanted to fit in. ;.;

[Atria35]

I actually will come out and say I didn't find it that funny. Girl was killed behind my apartments just last semester, in a very brutal fashion. Dismemberment was part of it. So guys w/knives.... not funny.

I know ThatDude meant it as a joke, though, so I'm okay with it being said.

[ShiroiHikari]

I've noticed that a lot of girls get creeped out by getting compliments on their looks from random guys. I guess I don't get what's so creepy about that. I mean, it's one thing if the guy is following you around while breathing through his mouth or something like that, but...why get creeped out by compliments?

Of course, I guess I feel that way because I have never gotten compliments from random guys.

Also, shy people come off as "creepy" sometimes even though they don't mean to. I don't think it's very nice to label awkward people as "creepy". When you're nervous it makes you do dumb things sometimes. I dunno, I just don't like to automatically assume that people are creepy perverts. Maybe I'm naive.

[Yamamaya]

All right doodz, let's let it go. I wasn't really offended by the joke, but I just thought it wasn't that funny and others would definitely be offended by it.

Anyways TOPIC.

My sister broke up with her bfs many years ago and married another guy who she has been together with for many years now. This ex is more than a little obsessive and will ocassionally call her house and not say anything. He also used to hang around their house before, which is creepy.

@Shiroi. Good point. Of course the term "pervert" is also a rather overused term. Just becomes someone thinks you're sexually attractive doesn't make them a pervert. That's just natural. However, if someone makes unwelcome sexual comments, then you need to let them know, unless it's just from a random stranger. Then it's best to just get away .
Shy people and awkward people tend to get the automatic label of creepy. And it's not fair.

[ShiroiHikari]

Yeah, I agree. There's a difference between saying "I think you're pretty, just thought I'd let you know" and "I want to do naughty things to you even though I don't know you and now I will tell you about some of those naughty things".

[Yamamaya]

Yeah, I agree. There's a difference between saying "I think you're pretty, just thought I'd let you know" and "I want to do naughty things to you even though I don't know you and now I will tell you about some of those naughty things".

Most definitely. Yet some girls tend to go crazy even with the first comment. "EWWWW he's so creepy. He's undressing us with his eyes." If it was some hunk Twilightesque dood, they would most certainly respond much differently. Double standards, but there's nothing you can do about it.

I think girls have just been programmed to always be on the lookout for creeps and stalkers, that they tend to instantly label any guy that they perceive as creepy.

[USSRGirl]

I think it's all about the delivery (um, if you sound like a perv when you say it XD) and how well you know the guy... I guess the second part could be different for others, but random people off the streets giving me compliments that border on being too flirtatious isn't comfortable for me. I understand that some guys might think this is a good way to get to know a girl they're interested in, but I really prefer being approached as on a friendly level if I don't them... in my opinion, this makes things a lot more comfortable because if a girl doesn't know you and you say something like "hey, you're so cute!" it makes some us wonder what exactly you're thinking just because you're a stranger. It may totally harmless, but it's just a human response to the unknown. Saying "hey, I'm going bowling with some friends, wanna come?" is in my opinion a much better way to pursue a girl. Too forward comes off as intimidating and uncomfortable, especially for girls who are naturally more shy with guys.

Now, I have a good buddy that jokingly says stuff like that all the time, but it doesn't come off as weird. I've known him for a couple years and we hang out together a lot, so we're more comfortable with that kinda teasing/joking with each other. When a stranger says it I think "um... okay???" just because some people have a way of making a compliment very random, unwanted, and kinda creepy.

Again, that's just me.

[USSRGirl]

To Yama, well... yeah, but ya know it's not always a bad thing for young women to be aware of creeps. Some girls might overdo it, but better safe than sorry. It might sound a bit paranoid, but strangers complimenting people is just a little awkward at best, especially if they don't try to strike up a conversation and just blurt out "hey, you're pretty."

[Yamamaya]

To Yama, well... yeah, but ya know it's not always a bad thing for young women to be aware of creeps. Some girls might overdo it, but better safe than sorry. It might sound a bit paranoid, but strangers complimenting people is just a little awkward at best, especially if they don't try to strike up a conversation and just blurt out "hey, you're pretty."

There is a certain amount of truth to this. Most of the time, I'm not talking about the random dood on the street. I'm talking about someone you already know. I'm not the type of person to shout out random compliments to women, partly because I'm somewhat shy and also because I know those don't usually work.

There is a double standard present here, as most guys(myself included) would be very flattered if some girl made comments about our looks. For example if a girl said I was sexy, I'd be all like: awesomeface.jpg. However I wouldn't say that to a girl unless I knew her really well and we were either dating or we just had a close friendship.

Most of the time shy guys aren't going to try to shout out random things like that, unless they've been building up their courage and decide to be a little more forward.

[USSRGirl]

I don't think it's weird if you know the guy. I mean, even if you're just friends, it's kind of a nice thing for guys to compliment girls anyway. XD In that case, I usually think its sweet.

But yeah... I just don't think random doods should offer even mild compliments if they don't wanna be thought creepy. You don't start conversations with people you never met by saying "you're hawt" because it pretty much says you only have one thing on your mind. <- that might be a little stereotypical, but I'm just saying that's what it communicates to a lot of girls. A "hi, how are you" is much less creepy conversation starter.

[GeneD]

From conversations I've had with male family and friends I do think that I, and possibly women in general, sometimes perceive guys as creepy when they are (apparently) just being nice.

I also have a problem of having creeper bells go off when a guy (that I don't really know) is overly friendly. I don't know why but I automatically think that they want something or, if it's someone I don't know, that they want to sell me something. This probably says more about my social skills than anything else though.

Maybe girls just have a more sensitive creeper alarm that sometimes trips too easily and always subjectively.

Ironically, I was listening to this song while reading this thread and thought to myself how I would find it "creepy" if was, for example, an unattractive man singing it. Unfortunate double standard, I guess.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-5GzjsxGU0

A problem that might arise with compliments is that if the girl has a bad self-image, compliments can actually make her feel worse, although that won't necessarily make the guy seem creepy.