Postby Dante » Thu May 12, 2011 3:53 pm
I don't have a problem with cursing; to me, the concept is foreign as language is language. To declare that some language is special and it's very usage is of harm to others doesn't hold up under the logical scrutiny that was so deeply impressed upon me in college. It doesn't make sense that such a thing exists - and it realistically seems like some leftover of our ancient superstitions, which we ourselves no longer even understand.
That stated, I do use cursing relatively rarely - but it isn't absent from my language. My parents dislike it as a whole, so I've had my fair share of negative reinforcement - in fact, they are probably the primary reason I use cursing at all to begin with, even if only rarely. That is, if I feel like I'm being ignored or lacking attention when being hurt or feel emotions with great intensity, dropping a curse-word into the mix jolts their attention like a lightning bolt.
So I've come to curse when I'm hurt, need an emotional outlet as well and for whatever strange reason feel like something was directly responcible - like when a door or gravity comes round to do me harm (and I feel like the universe is just out to get me that day) or if someone is hurting me and I feel like they're making it out to be no big deal or doing so on purpose. The intensity of the cursing is likewise proportional to the level in which I'm trying to convey my emotions. Shocking as this might seem, this ultimately has lead to a great deal of cursing in my personal prayer life with God. I won't deny that there have been times, especially when I was pleading out for help with severe depression or other pain, that my faith felt let-down, or I even felt directly hurt from the experience (even if it ultimately was for my own good), and the private prayer discourse that followed probably contained enough strings of expletives to get me perma-banned from CAA.
This was bound to happen. I took my greatest influences in faith from a pastor that taught us that if we weren't being real, if we weren't being who we really were in front of God - don't bother at all. Being a different person for one day a week wasn't fooling anyone - God accepted us for who we were and lying to him about that wasn't doing either of us any good - we were just doing a bad job at trying to fool others that we were "holy". As a result, as I care deeply about God, the hedgehogs dilemma grows a 1000 fold. And when I get hurt, I react to him like I react to those I love, there isn't some kind of sacred, "God, how art thou that I hath fallen into such dispare, hath thy no love for your servant." I stopped doing repeat prayers when I went to bed years ago - they did far too much harm in feeding my OCD tendencies; but when I pray today, it will come from the heart, as my heart feels at that moment - which results in me being... well me.
On a similar note, besides getting angry with God on any number of occasions, I've also done my fair share of forgiving God. Yeah, yeah, I know that God can do no evil and all that, but some blessings are down-right painful, and for our ultimate good or not, the only mechanism we have to get up and trust him again is forgiveness. As a result, even if no forgiveness is really required, we're almost each forced to forgive God, as that's necessary for our hearts to heal so that we might be willing to trust him again - and that is one of the most difficult parts of our faith (when those close to your heart hurt you, those are going to be the most difficult experiences you will have to handle as a human being). And in a strange way, we meet with similar things. Sometimes we do things that we feel are for the best interest of others, but ultimately hurt them in the end - we never intended for it to hurt, we didn't want it to hurt, but we need forgiveness for the things that occurred mid-course, because that's the only way they'll be willing to trust us again.
In other words, while I'm on the topic, if anyone's been hurt by God, the best advice I can give is to simply be human and use the gift of forgiveness - its not only reserved for other people - he needs it simply because that allows him to continue his relationship with you without having the scars of your past interfering at each stage. It allows you (and only you can grant it) to lower your defenses to be willing to get closer to him again.
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anyways, back to cursing.
In most situations, where I realize the pain is unintentional or I feel responsible for inducing the pain myself from doing something stupid, I seem to take preference to a sharp yelp, or "itai!" These lighter outbursts release the emotional energy involved in the pain without denoting that I feel the other person is doing me harm on purpose - but if someone is involved, it's a kind of plee to ask that they please slow down all the same. I can't physically cry except on rare miracle circumstances, so a yelp is the best way for me to outwardly express my pain in these situations.
Outside of this, however, I do rarely mix in some lower level language into my discourse to add some flavor into my language - I'm not the world's most formal, elegant human being and I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression. This isn't really used with any incredible frequency though and often times the language involved (typically the variation of the word darn, or the variations themselves, darn, crud or other modified language) is of significantly lighter tone that doesn't inspire any shock in most people - it's more of a means for me to try and appear more 'normal' then it has to do with any ethical affairs. The reason for keeping this tone lower, is to make sure that others recognize the distress I'm experiencing when I really do start to change my language - it's a way of displaying that I'm not able to retain my typical demeanor in the presence of said experience - and I don't want anyone to get the wrong opinion when I do start dropping some heavier four-letter-words (if you're doing something, it's upsetting me and I want you to stop, and I want you to stop now).
And that's my current position with cursing - yeah, it's weird, but that's it.