Purity

[K. Ayato]

Good in and of itself. Just remember to set limits and abide by 'em. Awfully hard though, when emotions and desires skyrocket.

[aliveinHim]

Good in and of itself. Just remember to set limits and abide by 'em. Awfully hard though, when emotions and desires skyrocket.

It's even harder when you see other girls with boyfriends and they seem soooooo happy and you feel like you want someone to be with you for the rest of your life. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak *sigh.*

[K. Ayato]

You are 16 years old and a young woman. It is 100% normal to have desires to be with a guy, holding his hand, maybe even stealing a kiss. Stop torturing yourself by convincing yourself that it's wrong and a sin. It's okay to see a nice-looking guy, smile, even think to yourself "He's cute!".

If you want to keep those desires in check, fine. Still, I think you need to cut yourself some slack and enjoy being a young woman.

[Nate]

Howbout kissing?

Feelings are boring.
Kissing is awesome.

Actually I find kissing overrated, myself. I mean I like kissing, but it's not all THAT great. Hugging and cuddling is far superior to kissing.

[shooraijin]

Mod note: in accordance with our new Theology forum, this thread is moving there.

[aliveinHim]

You are 16 years old and a young woman. It is 100% normal to have desires to be with a guy, holding his hand, maybe even stealing a kiss. Stop torturing yourself by convincing yourself that it's wrong and a sin. It's okay to see a nice-looking guy, smile, even think to yourself "He's cute!".

If you want to keep those desires in check, fine. Still, I think you need to cut yourself some slack and enjoy being a young woman.

I feel like I restrain myself in one sense because the more I restrain myself, the more desires I have. My friends and I like to look around public places and try to spot out cute guys (mostly because it's fun). I'm the type who feels absolutely hopeless when it comes to guys. It's a joke with my family that I'm hopelessly single.

[K. Ayato]

Who says you have to have a boyfriend at 16?

I'm sorry if I've been harsh, but I've been there. I was a year younger than you are and despaired at seeing my friends hooking up while I was left alone. I was convinced there was something wrong with me and I was undesirable. Even after I finished high school and started college, I still felt that way. I couldn't accept anyone saying I was pretty or Heaven forbid, beautiful simply because I just couldn't believe it. All the credit goes to God for breaking that mindset, of course. A huge chunk of it involved just enjoying being a woman and rediscovering that I'm treasured in His eyes.

It's tough when society and personal experience has conditioned us to think one way for years. Even tougher when you realize it's time to break free of that. I feel for you. Being 16 and realizing you're having attractions toward guys that may be farther than just the liking stage can be scary. I just hope you understand the attractions in and of themselves are not sinful. How you deal with them can be. Establishing boundaries in and of itself is also a good thing. But if they're unhealthy and unreasonable, you'll only be fooling yourself in the end and everyone else will be affected by them.

Praying for you. You're still young .

[Okami]

I agree with K. It's difficult because we've been conditioned to what society says, that you aren't anyone unless you have someone at your side, basically. (And that's really, really paraphrasing) I've also struggled with people calling me pretty or beautiful or gorgeous, etc. because I'm not that "societal" stereotype "Barbie-esque" type person (That's gotta be the cruelest joke on young girls...) because I'm still coming to a point of believing it, myself. I'm at a point now where I'm extremely humbled when any of my friends take the time to remind me that I'm beautiful. It's a blessing, but one that's taken years to accept.

[aliveinHim]

@K. Ayato, thanks. You're really sweet. And now, you're happily married .

@Okami, It's ok if you're not Barbie-esque. God made you beautiful just the way you are. It's taken a lot for me to come to the realization that I'm beautiful (I never realized it but a lot of people tell me I'm pretty and I don't even realize it). I'm a hyper, slightly immature person (because I've grown up in a neighborhood being the oldest girl amongst the sea of small children). I have fun coloring, running around outside bare foot, climbing trees, jumping on the trampoline, and roasting marshmallows with all the kiddies.

[Yamamaya]

Actually Bratz dolls have probably done more damage to young girls than Barbie, because at least Barbie is independant and has had many different jobs. Still a joke with the looks, but Bratz is a LOT worse in that department.

[K. Ayato]

Hey aliveinHim, if it helps, I've been a tomboy almost all my life . I still like wearing jeans and all, but I don't hide the physical evidence that I'm a lady . And there's always that day where you just feel like donning something a little more feminine .

[Okami]

@K. Ayato, thanks. You're really sweet. And now, you're happily married .

@Okami, It's ok if you're not Barbie-esque. God made you beautiful just the way you are. It's taken a lot for me to come to the realization that I'm beautiful (I never realized it but a lot of people tell me I'm pretty and I don't even realize it). I'm a hyper, slightly immature person (because I've grown up in a neighborhood being the oldest girl amongst the sea of small children). I have fun coloring, running around outside bare foot, climbing trees, jumping on the trampoline, and roasting marshmallows with all the kiddies.

Thank you. I say "Barbie-Esque" in the typical completely proportional/could-never-meet-those-standards type of way. It would also force me to be ridiculously tall, which I am not. XD
It's taken those around me complimenting me to understand that I do have beauty, much in the same way that it's taken those around me telling me that they can see God's working in/through me for me to understand that, too. Thus why community is essential no matter where one is in life.

Get used to coloring! We do it all the time in college.

Actually Bratz dolls have probably done more damage to young girls than Barbie, because at least Barbie is independant and has had many different jobs. Still a joke with the looks, but Bratz is a LOT worse in that department.

I was referring more to the proportions of Barbie than anything else. It's just something that very, very few girls can ever possibly achieve, and then also have the boyfriend with a slim muscular build....
But I do get what you mean. Bratz came into popularity right after I ended playing with dolls, it seems, so I don't really know in comparison to how I remember Barbie being.

[Yuki-Anne]

I'm probably not the paragon of good advice in attracting males, but I think if you have to put on an act or in any way suppress a part or your God-given personality to attract a guy, the guy is probably not worth attracting. As for physicality... Well, to be frank, I have seen women of all kinds in relationships and getting married. Just because Hollywood has a type doesn't mean all men do. There are some general qualities that seem to be attractive to a majority of men, but "anomalous" females aren't doomed to the nunnery.

As for being happily single, it is possible. I never dated anyone until was 19, and I made myself positively miserable over it.

Incidentally, I haven't been on a date since I was 19, but I refuse to make myself miserable over that. Consider: I am a missionary in Japan. I will be the first person to tell you, this is very cool, and if I had married a while ago, chances are I wouldn't be here. So I'm pretty happy with the way my life has been and with the fact that my prayers for a husband have yet to be answered satisfactorily.

I still have days where I feel bummed, but for the most part, I'm okay. However, I do LOATHE when people say, "It'll all work out in God's time!" It's trite and unhelpful.

[Davidizer13]

As for being happily single, it is possible. I never dated anyone until was 19, and I made myself positively miserable over it.

Seeing as I haven't dated anyone ever thus far, and don't care to until I'm out of college, I'll have to agree. Of course, my reasons for not getting tangled in romance and such are more practical: no offense, but girlfriends are energy vampires who take your time and money. (From what I've seen, the same goes for boyfriends, ladies!) Since I've got enough things to deal with without all that extra baggage, and I have enough trouble staying pure without having a possible temptation trying to spend more time with me, I am perfectly fine with not having a girlfriend. If I'm going to get married, I still have plenty of time to find someone, so I'm not worried, and if not, well, being single isn't too bad.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

However, I do LOATHE when people say, "It'll all work out in God's time!" It's trite and unhelpful.

Preach it sista!
I'm 27, always been single and you have to put up with so much crap from other people (and I'm a guy, it must be much worse for girls). I'm not the sort of person that likes being in large groups but I'm also not the sort of person that hides in the corner and doesn't talk to anyone. The problem is that girls I've really liked are either in relationships, engaged or married. Yeah, totally out-of-bounds. But for now, I'm fine with being single. I do want to be married one day and have kids but I'll see what happens.

[Beau Soir]

As for being happily single, it is possible. I never dated anyone until was 19, and I made myself positively miserable over it.

Incidentally, I haven't been on a date since I was 19, but I refuse to make myself miserable over that. Consider: I am a missionary in Japan. I will be the first person to tell you, this is very cool, and if I had married a while ago, chances are I wouldn't be here. So I'm pretty happy with the way my life has been and with the fact that my prayers for a husband have yet to be answered satisfactorily.

I still have days where I feel bummed, but for the most part, I'm okay. However, I do LOATHE when people say, "It'll all work out in God's time!" It's trite and unhelpful.

Amen to that, Yuki-A, and I actually think that being contented when you're single is really important. Sure, one still might have the desires to marry someday or to have a significant other... those desires aren't wrong. But giving those possibilities and plans to God to handle are crucial. I'm excited to hear your experience of being a missionary and how you view that... That you view it realistically, and that's you're striving to follow after Christ instead of chasing after a man. How you don't say for certain, "I'm just going to wait to get married because I KNOW God will have me get married because I want to." I wish people would stop believing that way... like their desires for marriage dictate what's in God's plans for them, when God isn't tied down by what people want!

Before God brought my boyfriend into my life, the events of your situation happen to be so close as to why I found peace and patience with God and how I could explain it to my friends (not that I don't still keep peace and patience in Christ...) That's really inspiring to hear from you. Accepting the fact that not every person will marry... even if they want to marry, is, what I think, necessary for that contentment... So more power to you, Yuki. ^__^ I like your style!

[Regina Ignom.]

At first I was like, "maybe I'll make a post in this thread!" and then I saw this post and was like "actually it looks like I already did!" XDD This describes my opinion to a T. XD

*Gasp!* A sane person! THANK YOU!

[Solid Ronin]

I stay out in the desert eating locust and honey. I'm most pure. [/thread]

[Atria35]

I have to say, this thread came to my mind recently. In my Shakespeare class, we're reading Measure for Measure, and one of the problems that was brought up is that one of the main characters is told that if she doesn't sleep with the guy in charge, her brother will be executed.

We were all asked whether we would give up our virginity to save our (hypothetical) brother's life. It was interesting to see the responses.

[Yuki-Anne]

I have to say, this thread came to my mind recently. In my Shakespeare class, we're reading Measure for Measure, and one of the problems that was brought up is that one of the main characters is told that if she doesn't sleep with the guy in charge, her brother will be executed.

We were all asked whether we would give up our virginity to save our (hypothetical) brother's life. It was interesting to see the responses.

Now that IS an interesting question. It reminds me of the lying to Nazis to save Jews conundrum.

Can we explore this?

[Maledicte]

Now that IS an interesting question. It reminds me of the lying to Nazis to save Jews conundrum.

Can we explore this?

Two midwives lied to the Pharaoh about how they couldn't kill the Hebrew firstborn, and God was perfectly fine with that.

That said, in regard to "virginity vs. brother's life":

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

A life's kind of a bigger deal than virginity, IMO. My bigger issue would be with being coerced into having sex with someone who uses such unsavory tactics. My skin crawls just imagining it.

[Atria35]

Honestly, I'm of the same opinion. Viriginity is less important than a person's life. But there were people in the class that said that they would not do it to save someone's life, because sexual relations before marriage is a sin.

They said they would die in place of the other person, but not sleep with someone to save them.

Whch is also how the girl acts (of course, she had been planning on being a nun, and in that day and age...).

[Maledicte]

They said they would die in place of the other person, but not sleep with someone to save them.

(note: I'm using "you" in a general sense)

What if that wasn't an option? Do you tell your brother, "Sorry, bro, gotta keep myself pure on my wedding day, it's been good, see ya"? I mean, wouldn't you want your brother to be alive to SEE your wedding day?!

I guess I'm just kind of sad that "sleeping with someone under duress in order to save the life of a loved one" gets lumped together with "premarital sexual sin." The jerk who's about to kill your brother is the one who's sinning, not you! DX

I will say though, having sex with that guy in order to save your brother would undoubtedly have lasting emotional/psychological damage, which is certainly not something I'd look forward to. Still, it comes down to which one you value more - your spiritual/emotional/psychological well-being, or your brother's life.

[ShiroiHikari]

...Well this thread has gone in an interesting direction.

My opinion? Life > virginity.

It's like Maledicte said, how many people would say, "Well, sorry bro, I gotta be a virgin, so have fun being dead."

[Solid Ronin]

...Well this thread has gone in an interesting direction.

My opinion? Life > virginity.

It's like Maledicte said, how many people would say, "Well, sorry bro, I gotta be a virgin, so have fun being dead."

I'd be totally cool with dying and sparing my sister's virginity to some [Ill person].

[Atria35]

I'd be totally cool with dying and sparing my sister's virginity to some [Ill person].

If my brother told me that, I'd be horrified. I would rather have my brother with me, alive, than have him dead and be a virgin. I love my brother more than I love my virginity.

[shooraijin]

Just to throw a wrench into an already hyper-hypothetical situation, could you trust him to let your brother go after that? IMO, such a wretch would probably kill him anyway.

[Yuki-Anne]

Yeah, I was thinking that. That's why the jury's still out for me.

[Maledicte]

Just to throw a wrench into an already hyper-hypothetical situation, could you trust him to let your brother go after that? IMO, such a wretch would probably kill him anyway.

This is very likely.

The best way, obviously, is to kill the wretch Tosca-style.

That way you get away with your virginity and brother intact!* Huzzah!

[SIZE="1"]
*Except it didn't happen that way in the opera Tosca. Almost worked though![/SIZE]

[Atria35]

^ See, in the play, that is what happens. Sorta- they switch the sister for someone else, so she gets to keep her virginity, but he decides to kill the brother regardless.

You're right, that could happen. But I'd still rather risk it for a chance at saving him.