Girls-HELP! how to get rid of a 'stalker'

[Yuki-Anne]

My Dad and Mom are in another country, and so is Pizza Hut. And actually, so is my cell phone service. I have LITERALLY NO ONE I can call to hang out with, and no means to call them anyway.

But by all means, continue.

[Sheenar]

Darn it, so do the quiet non-aggressive girls who don't understand flirting. I guess we all lose in the end. D8

Also, my roommate somewhat aggressively pursued her boyfriend and they've been together for 3 1/2 years now, so I guess sometimes it works out.

Yep, yep. I'm afraid to flirt because I don't want to come on too strong. It's been drilled into my head that women should not chase men. What I do is invite the guy I like to do things together --i.e. "Hey, we're going to see such-and-such movie. Wanna come?" or "I'm going down to food place to get something. Wanna come?"
So far, this techniques has not yielded any results. :/

I'm tempted to just come out and ask a guy. I've gone through far too many instances where I just did not know how the heck the guy felt but was too afraid to just ask him. If I had asked, it would have saved a bunch of grief --and heartache for me when the guy winds up with someone else.

[TWWK]

Sheenar, ever have a DTR (determine the relationship)? Uncomfortable: yes. Unromantic: yes. But, both sides coming away knowing just where the relationship stands, from "never gonna happen" to "we both definitely want to date/court" to anywhere in between.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Wow. I gotta say, I'm baffled. Not with the bit about what women like or don't like to see, that I can understand. What puzzles me is the meaning of the label "nice guy." I guess I was never clear on the definition, but it's apparently very misleading.

I would have thought "nice guy" would be a good thing. It sounds honorable enough. But here instead it carries some horrible stigma. It's almost unfair, really.
If I overheard some woman saying she didn't want a "nice guy," assuming I didn't know exactly what she meant by that, my first thought would be, "Oh, so she'd rather be with an arrogant, self-righteous jerk?" Of course I know (now) that that's not what the implication is. But . . . huh?

How does such an innocent, well-meaning phrase come to be defined as "weak, pathetic worm?"

I'm tempted to just come out and ask a guy.

If more women were willing to do that for the benefit of spineless twerps like myself, the whole courtship thing would be a cuss of a lot easier.

[Yuki-Anne]

You were asking about the "nice guys" who "finish last."

I'm not saying I don't want a nice guy. I'm saying that nice guys most of the time don't seem to want a girl enough to let her know they want her.

But you know, who knows. Relationships are baffling, and I decided a long time ago that there's some kind of weird magic to attraction, and no matter how much we try, some of us are just total muggles.

[Htom Sirveaux]

But you're still using the seemingly harmless label, "nice guy" like it's on equal ground with "leprosy." Sheesh. You women. You could at least come up with a more obviously derogatory term.

[Yuki-Anne]

Okay, how's this? Love muggles finish last.

[mechana2015]

But you're still using the seemingly harmless label, "nice guy" like it's on equal ground with "leprosy." Sheesh. You women. You could at least come up with a more obviously derogatory term.

The term you may be looking for is 'mama's boy', thought that has it's own set of implications that may not allow it to fit the idea properly.

One reason guys may not express interest in a girl and just be nice is that they're responding to some sort of indicator that they saw that would make them think the girl would shoot them down if they asked, such as her turning down a guy with similar looks, tastes or interests, or said something in the past that applied to said guy and made him think he shouldn't bother.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Okay, how's this? Love muggles finish last.

I suppose that would do if you're a Harry Potter fan. Although it sounds a bit like some cutesy pet-name.
Ehh, now I'm just being picky.

It's often tempting just to settle back into warm, comfortable loneliness. It hurts, but not as much as does rejection. At least it's familiar territory.

. . . Sorry, I don't know where that one came from.

[Sheenar]

I want a guy who is chivalrous (opens the door, actually listens when you speak, etc.) but also one who isn't afraid to speak his mind and be honest with me --I want to know his likes/dislikes as well as how he feels about things. Relationships go both ways --we both need to be upfront with each other.

I'm just wondering when the heck I'm going to find somebody? I'm 25 and have never been on a date or kissed (that awkward blind date doesn't count.) I know there's a reason, but it still sucks. And I'm tired of being hurt because a guy is being nice to me and I think he likes me --only to find that he gets together with someone else (I'm thinking of one guy in particular who would send me texts all the time inviting me to hang out with the group of friends. Don't do that without specifying what I am to you --just a friend or possibly more. It just gets my hopes up.)

[CrimsonRyu17]

Sheesh. You women. You could at least come up with a more obviously derogatory term.

Would "spineless little leech" be more like it?

Cause 'ey, that sounds rather fitting to me.

Do quit addressing Yuki-Anne as if she's the spokesman for all women, please. It's rather irritating. We're not all the same nor do we all like the same things. Asking someone what they want from a relationship is like asking what sauce do they want on their steak. Some people like A1, others Heinz 57.

... Now I'm hungry.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Do quit addressing Yuki-Anne as if she's the spokesman for all women, please. It's rather irritating. We're not all the same nor do we all like the same things. Asking someone what they want from a relationship is like asking what sauce do they want on their steak. Some people like A1, others Heinz 57.

... Now I'm hungry.

Oh gosh, I'm sorry, Crimbly (and Yuki, if I need to apologize to you, too). I didn't mean to come across like that. It started off with me just broadly asking anyone in particular. Yuki was just the person I ended up in conversation with. I wasn't trying to exclude anyone else's opinion.

See? I try to be decent and apparently I'm absolutely horrible with women no matter what.

Cuss it, I'm resigning myself to being alone. It's easier.

[CrimsonRyu17]

Cuss it, I'm resigning myself to being alone. It's easier.

It really is and tends to be a lot less stressful too. I honestly don't know why people act like gaining a romantic relationship is the greatest achievement in the entire world when there's much better things to do.

Like play videogames!

[LadyRushia]

This thread is the epitome of the internet. I like it in a sick, cynical sort of way.

We should all shoot for a world record of never being kissed or having relationships. I've considered doing this in the past. I figure if a love life just isn't going to happen to me, then I might as well get used to singleness and make it awesome.

Don't get me wrong, I've cried myself to sleep a million times 'cause of loneliness, but during those times when I don't get caught up in emotions, I can laugh about my situation and make really cheesy jokes. For example, the closest I've ever come to a date is the fruit I had in China.

I used to think that college would be different for me than high school, but nothing's changed. College was painted to me like this magical promise land where all the girls who didn't get attention from guys before would suddenly have a million guy friends and finally get a boyfriend. That's not how it happened.

Some people might get lucky, but the rest of us just stay where we are and we can't figure out why things can't be different. It's a sad story, but I'm trying to make myself get used to it.

[Htom Sirveaux]

This thread is the epitome of the internet. I like it in a sick, cynical sort of way.

Heh. Now you're speaking my language.

[goldenspines]

I used to think that college would be different for me than high school, but nothing's changed. College was painted to me like this magical promise land where all the girls who didn't get attention from guys before would suddenly have a million guy friends and finally get a boyfriend. That's not how it happened.

Concerning relationships, in junior high, they told me things would be better in high school; in high school, they said things would be awesome in college. In college, it's like high school only with better school curriculum. :I

I'm beginning to think that song by Bowling For Soup, "High School Never Ends", is true.

But, I fear I'm getting off topic. What's the topic again? XD;

[LadyRushia]

Concerning relationships, in junior high, they told me things would be better in high school; in high school, they said things would be awesome in college. In college, it's like high school only with better school curriculum. :I

This. People are always like "Oh, wait for your next stage in life!" Then when you get there, they're like "Oh, wait for the next one!" It's a never ending cycle.

[Yuki-Anne]

Do quit addressing Yuki-Anne as if she's the spokesman for all women, please. It's rather irritating. We're not all the same nor do we all like the same things.

Whelp, that's my cue to leave. I'm definitely really terrible at even understanding other women, much less relationships, so I'm definitely not qualified to be a spokesman.

*bows out of thread*

[Mithrandir]

This. People are always like "Oh, wait for your next stage in life!" Then when you get there, they're like "Oh, wait for the next one!" It's a never ending cycle.

Waiting is almost never the right answer, in my experience. If you're a girl and you like a guy who is a friend and don't want to "come on to strong" and ruin the friendship, you could always try something like:

"You're a really great friend, you know that? If you wanted to ask me out on a date some time, it would be cool with me. If not, I'm still happy to have a great friend like you!"

You could even do it via snail mail, if you want.

That kind of tactic worked on me once. We ended up finding out we weren't really compatible and went back to friendship. It was WAY better than the girl I hung out with as a friend for a while who full-on kissed me out of the blue one day. That ended the friendship *really* fast. XD

FTR: I had way more dates in college than I had in HS. And I had more in HS than I had in JH. So the advice above reflects who I am and what I've learned. But one thing I learned after all of it: You have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince(ss).

[LadyRushia]

Yeah man. Too bad the guy I like isn't even my friend. My hormones are still in middle school because they didn't decide to be silly until just a few years ago, so that means I have these crushes from a distance that won't go anywhere ever, XD.

[CrimsonRyu17]

Whelp, that's my cue to leave. I'm definitely really terrible at even understanding other women, much less relationships, so I'm definitely not qualified to be a spokesman.

*bows out of thread*

Sigh, I didn't mean it offensively. I'm probably the least qualified of any woman which is why I don't like it when women are, let's say, "generalized" with such rules like "they like to be pursued" when I don't and "I want the guy to pick where we go" when I don't, etc. etc. I don't relate to most women if any at all. I don't even have any other female friends.

[Beau Soir]

This thread makes me feel all confused and mangled inside. Hormones are weird. .__.

I'm truly sorry, nice guys. You probably are doing a fine job at being nice, but it's just that it's becoming increasingly more difficult these days to recognize genuinely nice men when there are so many dirty dudes overpowering them with their stinky cologne and "I'd do her" because they think they're the bomb. Like a precious gem in a desert, is what I'd liken it to.

However, this is my sole opinion, please do remember...

I also find it pretty funny that this thread isn't about getting rid of stalkers anymore, and hasn't been for over half the thread.

[Nate]

One reason guys may not express interest in a girl and just be nice is that they're responding to some sort of indicator that they saw that would make them think the girl would shoot them down if they asked, such as her turning down a guy with similar looks, tastes or interests, or said something in the past that applied to said guy and made him think he shouldn't bother.

Or they're like me and are like "Pssh as if a girl like her would be interested in ME." Which is pretty much always the case.

Asking someone what they want from a relationship is like asking what sauce do they want on their steak. Some people like A1, others Heinz 57.

If someone asked me what sauce I wanted on my steak my response would be "I don't know, how bad is the steak?" If their response was "It's a good steak" then my response would be "Then why do you want me to ruin it?"

We should all shoot for a world record of never being kissed or having relationships.

Too bad, my record ended at 24. It was a good run though! I'll definitely make it another 24 at least though (barring something happening like me dying).

[CrimsonRyu17]

If someone asked me what sauce I wanted on my steak my response would be "I don't know, how bad is the steak?" If their response was "It's a good steak" then my response would be "Then why do you want me to ruin it?"

This is why we can't have nice things.

[Ante Bellum]

We should all shoot for a world record of never being kissed or having relationships.

I'll have you all beat. Not to sound like I have no soul or anything, but yeah, I don't really care about being kissed or being in a long term relationship. Luckily, I've never actually had to turn a person down because nobody's ever shown interest. Which is fine by me.

[steenajack]

Okay, I've really gotta say, this thread has kinda lost it's purpose....really. It started with a girl who just wanted some help with a 'stalker', and now we are talking about relationships and all that? Why is it that whenever someone posts an innocent question, it always tends to become some sort of debate or whatever. :/....Tis' confusing, but what can you do except say, "Is this thread really neccesary anymore since it kinda lost it's purpose?"

[CrimsonRyu17]

Okay, I've really gotta say, this thread has kinda lost it's purpose....really. It started with a girl who just wanted some help with a 'stalker', and now we are talking about relationships and all that? Why is it that whenever someone posts an innocent question, it always tends to become some sort of debate or whatever. :/....Tis' confusing, but what can you do except say, "Is this thread really neccesary anymore since it kinda lost it's purpose?"

Backseat modding is pretty cool yah?

Thread is pretty much dying anyway. I don't see anyone debating or getting their feathers ruffled. What's the harm?

[LadyRushia]

There's nothing wrong with this thread from a modding standpoint. It's just a bunch of ronery otaku talking about relulzshonships. Typical internet stuff.

[ShiroiHikari]

The only problem I have with this thread is all the cynicism. Seriously guys, that's not the way to make lasting relationships of any kind...

[Radical Dreamer]

I feel like this is relevant somehow. XD