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Healing - Page 3 - CAA: Christian Anime Alliance

Healing

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Postby Aedin » Thu Sep 09, 2010 9:14 am

Yeah, I've been thinking about contacting them. What I really need right now are just friends to really talk to, feel close to, and do stuff with. Unfortunately though, most people I meet don't want to do that.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Thu Sep 09, 2010 12:58 pm

Try approaching them differently ^^

Yes, friends should be able to tell each other when they are down, but the other may not know what to do or say if that's all you want to talk about ^^ I'm not saying you can't do that with friends, but how is that getting to know someone if that's all what you talk about? They don't know you pass your problems. Again, I'm not saying you can't talk to friends about, but you're not really giving the other a chance to get to know you ^^

I saw the games you have, try talking about that with someone who likes those games as well ^^

I really hope none of this came out wrong. If you ask around, I have a feeling no one really knows you pass your problems :\ You should give everyone a chance to get to know more of you then just that ^ ^
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Postby Aedin » Thu Sep 09, 2010 1:59 pm

Copied and pasted from the other thread.

know you mean well man, but I'm getting so sick of everyone telling me what I do wrong. Noone here knows what was said in the messages I sent to people, who don't respond back to me. Most of those messages, I just asked them about anime and games, I asked them what games they liked, anime they liked, I told them about what games I liked, and what anime I liked. Most of those people, I didn't mention my problems to at all. Yet somehow, when they stop responding to me, it's automatically somehow because "all I talk about is is how sad I am and how I'm hurting" and all that. Noone pays attention when I actually try to talk about other stuff, and when I do try to talk about other stuff, most people just ignore me and don't talk to me. Yet it somehow comes back to being my fault for talking about stuff all the time. My problems are not all I talk about. Yes, I talk about them a lot. God forbid I have a chemical imbalance I'm trying to fix, or the fact that I've dealt with suicidal tendencies for ten years, or that I've gone through of years of abuse from almost every single person I've ever met. God forbid people actually pay attention to the fact that when I try to talk about things besides my problems, most people still shun me and ignore me. God forbid anyone ever thinks about any of that. All anyone ever sees is "he has to talk about things sometimes" and they completely ignore the times I talk about other things. Then they act like I can't ever talk about anything I Need to talk about, which puts a lot of pressure on me, so I totally shut down. But God forbid people actually pay attention to that.

I'm not mad at you, TG, but I've had people say this stuff to me so often, or treat me like it so often, and then they ignore the times they're wrong, and they act like everything's myt fault, and I'm already losing my girlfriend and my best friend, I'm not in the mood to hear more about what a screwup I am, especially when most people ignore the times I'm not a screwup.
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Postby TGJesusfreak » Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:27 pm

The truth is Aedin, the only reason I don't addres other people is because I'm not talking to them. I cant help you by telling you how bad other people are. It doesnt really help. I'm perfectly happy to agree with you when someone is mean.

But since I'm talking to you, you're the only person I should direct my words towards, ya know? So I can only tell you what YOU need to work on. I can't tell you what OTHERS need to work on. That's all. I'm not blaming you and only you. I'm just not talking your ear off about things that I can't help with. that's all :)
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Postby Aedin » Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:42 pm

I'll respond to this post later (gosh, I got so much to respond to. spending two weeks without your family, with noone to protect yo ufrom your aunt, is a fate I would not wish on anybody. my freakin word.) I just wanted to say, I'm really not doing well tonight. She and I used to be so close, I thought. And now I can't stop feeling meaningless to her. She has all these other friends, she has no use or need for me. I see all these posts from her friends, on her facebook, and all I see, is I have no place there, I'm useless and meaningless and irrelevant. And I'm so dang stressed. I want my aunt to go away and leave me alone, I want the problems to go away. I don't know how much longer I can take all this.
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Postby Mr. SmartyPants » Fri Sep 10, 2010 11:22 pm

Aedin. I say this with utmost concern for your own well-being. And I don't ask this in a pejorative or condescending way, because I understand it could be taken as such.

But it is apparent that your issues you have are beyond the realm of what regular posters at CAA can offer. Have you considered setting up an appointment with a therapist or a psychologist? You can have an opportunity to understand yourself better, why you think certain ways, how to effectively manage with situations in life, etc, and these would be especially helpful for you. Speaking as an individual that is relatively close to being specialized in this field, I think that this would be much more beneficial for you than people at CAA offering unsubstantial advice.

Now people who are trying to pour into Aedin. I don't say this to discredit any of you. And without a doubt, all prayer is definitely helpful. But there are many issues in life which surpass regular advice. And I think that a part of wanting to help Aedin is to know when an issue is outside your own realm of expertise.
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Postby Kaori » Sat Sep 11, 2010 2:47 am

MSP is right--we CAA members can't take the place of a professional counselor or psychologist. I don't really have anything to say, but please know that I am praying for you.
Let others believe in the God who brings men to trial and judges them. I shall cling to the God who resurrects the dead.
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Postby Aedin » Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:12 am

I'm giving up on relationships. I'm starting to realize God has noone for me, and all the girls I've ever dated, or will date, will just be liars and users who use me and throw me away as soon as another guy comes along.

I'm really struggling with suicide again now. She was so great, really made me believe there was hope. Then it turns out she's just a user and liar and manipulator like every other girl I've dated. I'm giving up on relationships, as soon as any girl starts to have romantic feelings towards me, all they care about is using me (how is that romantic, by the way?) and then they dump me as soon as another guy comes along. There is no "the one" and I'm just gonna freakin die alone. Great. All I've learned is my biggest fear is gonna come to pass, and I can't do anything about it, because I can't trust any women I like.
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Postby TGJesusfreak » Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:40 am

That's not necesarilly true Aedin. Once again you're looking at the bad part of things. It could be as simple as she just doesn't feel the same for you anymore. That's life Aedin =) Just take it with a smile and not a frown... that's really the only thing any person can do.
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Postby Tsukuyomi » Sat Sep 11, 2010 1:57 pm

I agree with TG (and said the same in IM I do believe) ^^

I don't think the whole relationship was a lie (unless she told you herself that it was). Maybe she just had a change of heart. It's harsh I know, but it does happen :\

I agree with TG about to just smile and move on. It'll be hard, but that is just about the only thing you can do ^^ It'll be hard, but it's possible to move on ^^ You can't really force the relationship to continue. Try to think about it this way, what if the situation were switched and you were the one to break up with her due to a change of heart. Would you want her to hold onto it even though you no longer feel the same for her?
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Postby Aedin » Sat Sep 11, 2010 4:30 pm

There would be some inherent differences, Tsuku.

I'm talking to her and crying, because everytime I talk to her, all I see is how little I mean to her, how little it all means to her. How she keeps refusing to trust me or listen to me or believe me about anything.

She's a liar, and a user, and it turns out she's a lot more immature than I thought. She's leaving me because I hurt her, and the other guy hasn't hurt her yet. Let alone the fact that she's hurt me, more times than I've hurt her, and I haven't left. Let alone the fact he'll hurt her eventually. I'm giving up on relationships.
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Postby Etoh*the*Greato » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:28 am

This sounds like something you ought to work out with her in private. If she's actually a member of this forum, I'm pretty certain she wouldn't appreciate you dragging your (and by 'your' I mean both of yours) dirty laundry out in public.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galileo Galilei
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Postby Aedin » Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:17 pm

I'm gonna stop updating. Sorry Ibothered everyone.
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Postby ABlipinTime » Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:27 pm

Etoh*the*Greato (post: 1423701) wrote:This sounds like something you ought to work out with her in private. If she's actually a member of this forum, I'm pretty certain she wouldn't appreciate you dragging your (and by 'your' I mean both of yours) dirty laundry out in public.


Aedin (post: 1423746) wrote:I'm gonna stop updating. Sorry Ibothered everyone.


It's alright, man. If you need some encouragement, just send one of us a message and I'm sure any of us would be glad to talk the subject over with you.

God bless you, Aedin!
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Postby Aedin » Sun Sep 12, 2010 1:39 pm

Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm not so sure anymore.
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Postby Etoh*the*Greato » Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:28 pm

It's not a guilt trip issue, man. It's an issue of trust. When you're in a relationship with someone, that person doesn't often appreciate you complaining about the relationship in full view of everyone even if you've left their name anonymous. If she's on the forum she knows what you're saying about her and if you're not taking the stuff to her I'm not sure she'll be appreciating it so much. Seeking advice in confidence is one thing... I have to do it a lot (I can screw up my relationship pretty bad. In fact, she's yelling for me to put my shoes on right now >.>) but seeking it on a public forum she attends is something else. You guys have stuff you need to work out, but I'm not sure this is gonna help it.
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Postby Nate » Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:25 pm

Etoh's right, dude, if she's a member here, this is kind of a rude thing to do to her. I'm not saying it's wrong for you to want people to feel supportive, but the problem is, everyone being supportive of you might make her feel unwelcome. She may feel like her friends on here are turning against her because she may feel they're taking your side. There's always two sides to every story, but she can't tell hers now because then you'll just complain that she's trying to make you feel worse by posting what she feels.

That's really the problem. You're posting so much about this, and she can't. She can't make a prayer thread because maybe she doesn't want to reveal who she is, and then you might complain that people posting on her thread and comforting her are abandoning you (because you'd probably go "Oh this person hurt me so badly they're so mean and I thought people here were my friends but now they're going to her thread and saying they care about her despite what she did to me"). It's honestly not cool.

The girl I dated on here, I'm pretty sure (I could be mistaken) that I did not post a thread on here when she broke up with me. I did post on my LJ, but I protected it so she couldn't see it. I'm sure she posted an entry that I couldn't see as well. We both had different sides of the story, and I'm not sure how people that we were mutual friends with felt about the situation. It was probably hard for them, because they liked us both equally.

My situation is a bit different because I will be the first to admit that absolutely, the reason the relationship went bad was entirely my fault, and she didn't do anything wrong. It was all me, I was the one who was an idiot. She hurt me, but yeah, honestly looking back, I deserved it.

I dunno who this girl is you dated. She probably doesn't want it public. That's fine. I can pray for you, but I want her to know I'll pray for her too. I realize this thread may be hurting her, so she's probably not reading it. But she needs prayer too, because taking it public like this is probably hurting her a lot too. And I'm not saying this to stick it to you, I'm saying this because dude, I realize you're hurting. I'm not saying it's wrong to feel hurt. However, you seem to be obsessively concerned with only you and not how she feels about this, and that's not a good thing. Again, not saying this to hurt you (though I'm sure it does hurt) but to put things in perspective and tell you that you need to change. I know it isn't easy (changing is never easy) but you need to accept it and take steps to do it.
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Postby Aedin » Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:50 pm

I know it's not a guilt trip issue. I was just really hurt, and suddenly lost my best friend, so I had noone to talk to, so I thought I could turn here. That was a mistake.
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Postby TGJesusfreak » Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:00 pm

I concur Nate. I'm praying for both of you. Also Aedin, calling her names like "user" and "liar" don't really help your relationship. If you wanted to work things out, telling her how bad she is for doing this and that wont help.

I've been doing a lot of prayng for you and for the right words to say to you. Aedin I say this out of a want to help you. You have an issue with forgivness, a serious one. When you cussed at me Aedin, you never apologized even when I told you that if you did then we could actually keep talking. I am BY NO MEANS saying that you never apologize and always are mean. Always and never are not words that should be used because there are exceptions.

This may be how you've lost many friendships as well Aedin, how can you have a great friendship with anyone if forgiveness comes hard? I am not accusing you of being a terrible person Aedin, we all have issues, yours just happens to be forgivness and letting the past go.

And to go a bit farther not forgiving can be very serious to your relationship with God Aedin. VERY serious.

"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11:25)

If you don't forgive the other people in your life then you cannot have you own sins helped and forgiven Aedin. You MUST forgive.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (Luke 6:37).

God is saying that it is in our own best interest to forgive! He is not talking about what is in the best interest of the person who needs to be forgiven. We are the ones who God is trying to protect. We are the ones who receive the most benefit from forgiveness, not the other person. A spirit of unforgiveness complicates and compromises our daily walk with God.

Forgiving others does not carry with it a single decision that we need to ponder. God has not qualified one sin as being more grievous to Him than another and He has not qualified one sin committed against us as warranting forgiveness and another not. For example, God is not saying, "If a person lies to you or steals from you, you should forgive him, but if they abuse you or harm your child, you can hold them in unforgiveness." He is saying to forgive everyone, always, and do it immediately.

I'm really trying to help you Aedin. I'm trying to help you get over your troubles with forgivness. If you can get over this one thing then you can
1. Have a better relationship with God
2. Make friends
3. Live a happier life

I'm willing to help you do it to! God is ready to help you as well.
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Postby Nate » Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:11 pm

Aedin wrote:so I thought I could turn here. That was a mistake.

Dude, come on. I told you I understood, and just said you were being a bit rude. Don't try and make me look like a bad guy. I can do that fine by myself.

Turning here wasn't a mistake. Like someone else said, if you feel like we're ganging up on you or being mean or trying to be jerks, that's not a problem with us, that's a problem with you. You've been a member long enough, you know what kinds of things I say and do when I'm actively trying to be a jerk to someone, and so you should know that that isn't what I was trying or am trying to do.

Jesus said you've gotta take the plank out of your own eye before you tell someone else to remove their speck. You've gotta own up when you make a mistake. Calling this girl a liar and a user, that's pretty messed up. Instead of saying "Looks like I made a mistake coming here for help" you need to own up to it, say "You're right, I shouldn't be saying things like that about her, it's wrong of me to do so." This doesn't make you a terrible person or useless. It means you made a mistake, and need to own up to it.

Also, what TG said.
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Postby Furen » Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:12 pm

I'm totally with TG all the way!
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Postby TGJesusfreak » Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:22 pm

Also Aedin, do NOT take people agreeing with me as them ganging up on you. That means that there's something to what I said that you should apply. It also means that by agreeing with me that they care for you enough to tell you the honest truth even if it's not in their best interests.

Trust me on this. We ALL care Aedin.
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Postby Etoh*the*Greato » Mon Sep 13, 2010 7:12 am

Heck, if I didn't care at all, I'd not have said anything. I say what I say as someone who has made some major mistakes in my relationships and hurt a LOT of people with my big mouth. If I wanted to attack you, trust me, I wouldn't couch it with advice.
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Postby ABlipinTime » Mon Sep 13, 2010 8:02 pm

Etoh*the*Greato (post: 1423905) wrote:If I wanted to attack you, trust me, I wouldn't couch it with advice.


lest we all be hypocrites
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