We need to Change

[Peanut]

Something has been bothering me for a very long time about somethings that have been going on around CAA. I have felt for a while that I should bring it up because, to be quite honest this is something that involves all of us. I hadn't posted anything because I'm a major contributor to these problems, there have been threads along these lines before which haven't resulted in any change, and I've been lazy and haven't gotten around to it.

Simply put, folks, we need to change. More specifically we need to change how we act as a community and this means changing how we act towards one another. Most of us seem to claim to be Christians and therefore are claiming to be a part of the body of Christ. We, as the body of Christ, have been given commands as to how we should treat each other. There is one specifically which I think needs to be mentioned since it is central to how we should act towards one another. It can be best summed up in these verses:

John 13:34-35
“'A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.'â€

[Makachop^^128]

I fully agree ^^ I have seen some really mean post lately and I might have even said some stupid mean stuff. I think we all need to change a bit.

[Radical Dreamer]

Thanks for posting this, Peanut. I agree whole-heartedly. This is an issue that is often brought to us by members, and has been posted to the boards numerous times by both members and mods. The thing is, every time someone posts it, everyone agrees to it, but the same problems keep coming back up. I want this to change for us, CAA. All of us are guilty of this kind of behavior, even me, and I'm serious when I say that a change of attitude is absolutely necessary. This part of the first verse Peanut posted jumps out especially to me:

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Having unforgiving attitudes, ridiculing others, and excluding others is not what we were called to do; we are not acting as though we love one another. As not only members of CAA, but as brothers and sisters in Christ, I really want to see all of us, myself included, striving for this kind of relationship amongst one another.

I think a good suggestion is this--we need to start holding one another accountable for the way we act. If you see someone treating a member in a way that is not Christlike, send them a PM and (lovingly) tell them how they came across. I think that if we really work at it, we can all make this change and bring CAA back to being a loving environment.

[ShiroiHikari]

I don't know about anyone else, but I want to try to do a better job of loving others.

[Whitefang]

Thanks for posting this, Peanut. I agree whole-heartedly. This is an issue that is often brought to us by members, and has been posted to the boards numerous times by both members and mods. The thing is, every time someone posts it, everyone agrees to it, but the same problems keep coming back up. I want this to change for us, CAA. All of us are guilty of this kind of behavior, even me, and I'm serious when I say that a change of attitude is absolutely necessary.

It saddens me that a post like this pops up every few months. I don't post very often, but I will acknowledge that I have exhibited poor judgment on too many occasions.

I believe that the issue has a core problem. The problem is that there are, generally, two types of destructive posts. There are posts that are absurdly ridiculous and use that as an excuse to ridicule, and there are serious posts that do not clearly express sarcasm or constructive criticism properly which leads to misunderstandings. Based on my extensive lurking and tracking of statistics (this is sarcasm!), most of our problems stem from the latter.

My solution is simple. Members of CAA, please, when you write out a post, read it over once. You will more than likely notice any potential issues that may arise from what you originally thought was a cohesive statement (more sarcasm)! But seriously, just double check that what you write is truly how you want yourself to appear to everyone here. Christ calls us to be representatives of Him, and our posts represent our nature to our friends (brothers and sisters, no less) here on CAA.

tl;dr version: Double check your posts and make sure they represent who you are.

My second version is to all of the readers of posts on CAA. If you take offense, understand that it is the internet, and that it is very easy to misinterpret communications in text form. So much of our communication comes from inflection, body language, and attitude that it is easy to understand how simple comments are taken out of context. A forum reader is very likely to infer these hidden signals, even though none are present to be observed directly. This is a mistake! Do not infer intent! If you are especially curious, send a PM to the potential offender, and ask him or her to clarify his or her intent for you!

tl;dr version: We all love Christ here, and I know that you guys love each other (or at least I very strongly suspect it), even when we're being hard on others.

Also, those other things that Peanut, Radical Dreamer, Makachop, and Shiroi mentioned about loving people.

P.S. Peanut, maybe a new Sprite comic would help?

[Ante Bellum]

Yeah, I've been having this problem lately too, with me not acting well towards others. Although, this tends to be more outside CAA, in real life, than within it.
(And if I have in some way hurt someone here I sincerely apologize for it.)
That is one thing I seriously need to work on, especially since it's been expressed so many times and I haven't paid attention.

[Tsukuyomi]

Treat others they way you want to be treated.. That's all I can say o_o

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I can't say I've really noticed cliques here but then again I don't visit anywhere near as often as I used too (though I've noticed some bitter/negative threads/posts). I agree with Peanut's sentiments - we should model more Christ-like behaviour. I'm sorry if I've had any role in making it this way. Let's look to a grace-filled future and think before we speak, er... type.

[Riggidig]

Peanut your post reminds me of a local church in my town that I was briefly envolved with 2 years ago. They're the church with the most people my age in it (I live in a town which is mostly known for its retirement villages and elderly people), so it seemed perfect. However, they act in such a "clique-y" way, that it feels like you're some kind of invader for trying to join them. Other people around me agree. It's almost like they have this "heir" about them dare I say.

I agree with what you said. I would like to think that I TRY to reach out to those around me, but I'm also guilty of doing so :-( I hope we can all try and better ourselves in this regard.

[Syreth]

Whether or not it's because of the reasons you stated, Peanut, or simply because I haven't been around a lot and I mostly lurk, I do feel that I've never had much luck in making it into the "inner circle" of CAA. For that reason, I haven't witnessed or taken very much of a part in the backbiting you've described.

Whatever the case may be, my admittedly limited understanding of forum dynamics leads me to believe that a measure of elitism is pretty common in any forum you go to. Just because its status quo, and a trait of humanity at large, however, doesn't mean we should live with it... so I definitely agree.

[Shao Feng-Li]

I've been lurking a lot more lately, but I've always felt like there's a group of more epic/funny/popular members. Kind of the same feeling I got back in elementary school.

Not saying that's what anyone's done or done on purpose. Maybe I feel that way because I've withdrawn a bit and don't know the current trends, what's new and what's old news.

I've been here a long time now and it seems it's gotten a little stale. I miss the site wide art and wallpapers contests and such- the one the mods would run. And that big old thing of voting for your favorite anime couple. At least, in my little mind then ,it seemed like a big event.

[Riggidig]

The only time I've experienced such a thing mentioned by Peanut was when I once went into the chat and greeted everyone, and not only didn't anyone not greet back, but I was generally ignored for about 15 min until I decided I had enough and left. That really hurt :-(

[Etoh*the*Greato]

In chat, the way I usually see it go is that the chat is so flooded with activity that people might not see you until well after you've started contributing to the chat, or the chat is so dead that people aren't even paying attention to it anymore.

[ShiroiHikari]

Also sometimes people go in the chat, then forget and wander away from the computer (myself included >_>).

Anyway:

Dear Lord, I pray that You would help us all to treat each other in the way that is pleasing to You: not just to love our friends, but the people that annoy us as well. I hope I'm not the only one that wants to see You work through CAA again, for this to become an atmosphere not of strife, but of peace, and for this place to be a blessing, not a burden. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

[Shao Feng-Li]

I've ignored the chat before- too many tabs open and I forget I'm in there XD

[Riggidig]

I just want to make it clear: The chat is basically a very friendly place where people meet up and talk to each other. That one time, from the moment I went in up until I left not ONE person greeted me or responded to anything I said. Haven't encountered anything like that again since then, so maybe it was a glitch on my side or something...

[Tsukuyomi]

Lol, I've so been guilty of going into chat and forgetting about it XDDD I try to let that be known, but I sometimes forget and so I just PM whomever I may have missed in the chat to say hello ^^

As for the "inner circle" I guess we all can try to open up to one another ^^ There seems to be a lot on each side ^^ Those who are active and tend to only talk to those who talk to them (because no one else does...creating an inner circle), and then those who lurk and don't really talk to anyone. I think that is what creates the who "Inner Circle" vibe that everyone seems to be talking about :-?

[Mr. Hat'n'Clogs]

Treat others they way you want to be treated.. That's all I can say o_o

May I give an "Amen!" to that?

Otherwise, I guess I've kind of missed all this. I've never noticed any actual fights between members since I've joined, but I also don't really talk to anyone outside of CAA, so maybe I'm just not in the right spot.

About the "inner circle" I can kind of see both sides of any thoughts about that. I love this place and all its people to death, but sometimes I feel like I don't know people as well as I should, or something. I try to rememdy this with PMs.

[Htom Sirveaux]

I think this sort of thing has been addressed once or twice before. It seems to me that we're all friends here, and yet though we generally try to act civil, we are human and sooner or later the occasional scuffle is bound to occur. But I don't think we can change for the "better," because I don't think we're so bad to begin with.

When I joined CAA in late 2003, it was just after leaving another forum site, having got sick to the teeth of the behavior of its general member population. CAA being a Christ-centered community makes its company far more civil and time spent here much more fun.

[Squeakmaster]

I haven't really noticed much of this...then again, I've been too busy to really spend much time here for the past four months. So I dunno much about it, but I really hope I don't get to experience it.

[RandomBurrito]

I agree. Though I haven't seen much (I haven't posted or even lurked in a lot of threads lately) with others on here I need to change the way I act on or offline. Specially with someone that I know personally and though I joke around with him alot I think there's been a couple of lines that I have crossed. And I need to be an example to him.

Thanks Peanut for posting this. God bless you!!! God bless everyone here!!!

[Barracuda777]

1st corinthians 13 !!!

[That Dude]

I love ya'll

[Mithrandir]

I'm certainly not going to discourage any posts of this type. Kudos and thumbs up to all you guys for wanting to grow and make yourselves more like Christ! Please don't read this next part as making excuses for anyone - I just want to clarify a few things for people who may read this...

As far as the 'clique' thing goes online, I've noticed something interesting. People who exhibit the following traits will nearly always be in the "inner circle" of any site they are on:

1) Contributing member. You'd be amazed how often I get a PM from someone who claims they don't feel like a part of the site, and they've never posted. Don't just say, "Yeah!" in every thread, though. If you post something useful/constructive and/or participate in discussions, you'll naturally learn about the people here, and you'll become better friends. Case in point, how many people do you consider to be an "insider" that have fewer than 400 posts?

2) Civility (Negative Thumper Corollary). There have been many times that someone who only posts negative thing about people has gotten upset that people don't respect their point of view. If you have a habit of only posting when you have something not-very-nice to say, don't be surprised if everyone's natural reaction is to not be very nice to you.

3) Respect. Speaking of respect, if you have a habit of simply brushing aside other people's beliefs and opinions, please don't expect anyone take you seriously.

4) Positive. This isn't the same as number two. It's OK to be discouraged now and then, but if everything you post is how bad your life is, people will tend to gravitate away from you. Alternately, if you encourage people frequently, you'll find yourself attracting others.

5) Sense of humor. I won't go into my own sense of humor here, but if you have a sense of humor people just naturally like being around you. If you have a history of making the conversation more fun to be around, people tend to remember you.

Anyway, that's a few things those of you "on the outside" may want to mull over.

Thanks again for posting, peanut!

[White Raven]

Although I myself have over 1000 post I never felt like I was part of a circle of friends and certainly not any cliques. I just always felt like an outsider. But then I will say that I tend to lurk more than post. Mostly because I’m very picky about what I say, and I tend to hold my feelings back a lot.

There was one thing I noticed back when I was posting more. And it was tendency for others to push newcomers of questionable faith off. Some of it that I seen was well meaning, but others got down right nasty. And in my mind it was counter productive because we are supposed to be good examples. I even remember one person saying something like “Well now I know that Jesus hates me, thank you.” and I never seen another post from him. I PMed him in hopes of assuring that Jesus loves him, but he never answered me.

That was one thing that made me stop being on CAA so much, I felt like I was not on the same page as the other members so, after I was gone for awhile and had come back, I never picked up like I had before. It wasn’t really anything anyone did to me that upset me, it was a bunch of things that I seen on here.

Sorry if this is long and rambling.

[goldenspines]

To those who have posted in this thread supporting the main opening post, kudos to you. And major kudos to Peanut for making this thread, because it is very true.

And, to those of you who posted (or not) about how you don't feel like you fit in, I can relate to how you feel.
Throughout my years on CAA, I've had numerous occasions where I felt like I didn't fit it, often wondered why I was even on CAA, felt dumb cause I didn't get all the inside jokes of the "cool crowd", etc. Because of that, I thought very seriously about leaving CAA. Nobody would miss me, right? Yet, something kept calling me back.
Here's what I realized that kept me at CAA in all those times I wanted to leave. It's not about me. It's not about how I get treated or how I fit in. It's about Jesus and His love and showing His love to others, whether they like me back or not.
You have to realize that, of course, God loves you more than anything in this world and He will never leave you nor forsake you, but He also loves everyone else.
So, why are you important then? Because God made you special (lol, have you heard this before? XD; ) and no one can love people the way you do. Each person has their own personality and own talents.
That's why it always saddens me when people leave CAA because they don't feel like they fit in. One, because it means the rest of us aren't being accepting and loving enough. And two, that the person leaving doesn't realize that God created him/her so individual and so great that no one else can accomplish what they can and love the way they do.

I'm definitely not perfect at loving people. In fact, I'm terrible at it most of the time. I still don't get most of the inside jokes and people can still annoy me and make me want to rip my hair out.
But as 1 John 4:19-20 says: We love because He first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

[Yamamaya]

I have also noticed this to a certain degree here on CAA. It seems like if one does not fit the specified mold that constitutes a CAA poster, you get attacked for it.

The biggest problem is that users do not flame openly but instead use underhanded attacks to get under other people's skin or to prove their "superiority."

I also considered leaving this site simply because I did not feel welcome. I felt as if I was intruding on a special group that I had to conform to if I wanted to fit in.

[That Dude]

I think the main thing to remember is what GoldenSpines said. In the end it doesn't come down to us or our feelings. It's about how we can best serve and bless others. If you don't feel like you are able to do that here than you probably should leave for a while and get right with God, I'm pretty sure that there are people on every level here that need to take a break and examine their motives here.

And for all those who are feeling left out one thing that you need to realize is that pretty much everybody here feels that way at some point. Heck I feel like that a whole lot here...But we can't go by our feelings. Just know this, that you are loved by us and Jesus.

I personally ask forgiveness for anything that I've done that might have angered, slighted, or made anyone feel left out.

Seriously, I think most of us here have an open ear and PM box if you want to get to know us better. I know I sure do.

[Mr. Rogers]

http://theorchardcommunity.com/series

My church just did a series on this called, "Not Like Me". Loving everyone no matter what.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

Just to get it out there, I'm always cool to talk. I'm on IM most nights. My Yahoo Messenger ID is Samurai_Foxguy.

Send me a message. Any time.